Disclaimer: I own nothing.
My fortune cookie for today: To reach distant places, you have to take the first step.
Listened to: The Sound of Settling by Death Cab for Cutie
"Isn't there someone you can leave the kid with?" The officer asked in reference to Dean. His stare caused Dean to shuffle behind his father's legs, but even there he could feel that he was out of place in the ashes of his home.
As he vaguely processed what the officer was telling his father, he watched the firefighters mill about the wreckage. Their bright outfits provided a stark contrast to his mood, and a reminder as to who he wanted to be when he grew up. But at the same time something was off. Dean had always thought of these men and woman as his heroes, but where had they been when his family home had gone up in flames? When Sammy and mommy had been inside?
Tears came unwillingly to his eyes. And he couldn't quite tell if it was entirely because of the ashes blowing in the breeze or the pain he felt in his heart. But he had to be strong, no matter how much he wanted to scream and cry. Because that's what mommy would have wanted. Sammy would have cried, but he was just a baby. Dean was old enough to know better. Even when he didn't feel that way.
The word "accident" rolled over his head as his father talked with the cop. But it seemed to offer his father some happiness. As little as it was. And as it was later explained to him, it meant that the fire hadn't been started intentionally. Most likely it had started from the oven. Dean couldn't quite process how this was supposed to make him feel better but he just tried to accept that it was probably one of those things he wouldn't understand until he was older.
But the word was frustrating to hear over and over again the next few weeks, as people stopped by the hotel that they had taken residence in, to offer their condolences. "Oh we heard about the accident. We are so sorry for your loss." Was constantly repeated. Even school wasn't a safe haven from the pitying stares from people, when he was finally able to go back after a few days, even though he took another day off for the funerals.
Students, teachers, even the principal, all wanted to talk to him and offer their support. The only person he appreciated by his side was Benny, but he wasn't much help. A majority of their time spent together during the recesses and lunches was spent in silence. Neither of them quite knew what to say to one another. But Dean knew that Benny's presence was more then enough.
Time changed things though. Dean and John couldn't stay at the hotel forever. So as soon as they could, John found a place for them to rent in another town. While Dean didn't want to leave his friend behind, even he could see the reasoning behind leaving the town behind. His father and him had great memories there, but the bad simply just outweighed them. He did, however, wish that Sammy and his mother could follow them to their new house.
The new house left much to desire in his child mind. But he was able to adapt quickly. While there weren't that many kids his age around, the adults who lived nearby were interesting enough. Mr. Singer, for example, was as nice as could be and his wife made the most delicious pies in the town. Dean made it a point to stop by there on the way home just for a piece of pie that was always waiting for him.
Slowly things began to seem almost normal again. As awful as that sounded. Soon he stopped waking up in the middle of the night thinking that his mother was there watching over him. There wasn't the constant reminder from people that his mother and brother were gone, but the table for two was more then enough. And eventually the pictures of his family that he drew in class became just his father and him.
Life was going pretty good when they had to move again. He couldn't say that he was exactly sorry to go. He knew that he was going to miss the people, but that was pretty much the extent of it. And if he was old enough to know about the dating world, he probably would have likened the town to a rebound relationship.
They stayed in the next town for the remainder of his elementary school life. And in the next for middle school. Then likewise a new town for high school. Dean couldn't really find fault with his father for making them move constantly. He had at least let him stay at the same school for it to be completed, then he got a new beginning at the next school.
John never seemed to be quite happy with how life was in each town. It was as though the longer they stayed still in a town, the more John became afraid of the demons, those bleak memories in his mind chasing him down, accumulating, growing like a tumor, until he could bear it no longer. And Dean knew that while they both had been affected by Mary and Sam's deaths, John had taken the brunt of it since Dean had been young enough not to fully process it. So he learned how to deal with each move as it came.
He remembered sometime after elementary school, while they had been unpacking, John had gone on a rampage cleaning out almost everything that had once belonged to Mary and Sam. Even things just from that period of time had gone into the trash can. He hadn't tried to stop him, but after the ordeal had been done and John was passed out in the living room, he saw his firefighter hat peeking out from the overflowing trash can.
Dean had pulled it out and blew off the light dust that covered it. Before he could even really process his own emotions, his arms had moved to place it over his head. It rested on his head in a light way, if that even makes sense, but it didn't hold as much weight in his mind as it had before. But when he say his reflection in a mirror, the helmet seemed to become a more natural part of his appearance. It grew on him, so to speak, in the one minute that he wore it.
It reminded him of what it was that they were running from. Now what exactly that was, he couldn't place a specific word, but he knew that deep down he was running from his disappointment. In both himself and those he had once considered his heroes. Because more than just his mother and Sammy dying, his childish illusion that life would always be fair and the good guys would always win died along with them.
So when he found himself years later in front of his new workplace, a fire station, he pondered for the reason why he chose this job. For he had had no particular reason at the time, only some general inkling that this was where he was supposed to this was not the life he had once envisioned for himself as a young boy, saving lives to prove that it was possible. That his own family had just been the exception for some bizarre, horrible reason.
But no...he actually questioned himself as to why he thought this job would actually help him. Though a hint of him still wondered if there was a higher power that wanted him there. Be it God or a demon messing with him.
A/N: Ecra here. Sorry it took so long. Been waiting to edit it, and that isn't even completely done. Might update an edited version later. Just so sorry that it was put off so long. But life is kinda sucky for my side. I can't promise a speedy post of the next chapter. Hope you enjoy the chapter however. Reviews/favorites/follows are very much appreciated.