May 2000

Serena felt her body edge closer to its mounting release as Darien moved relentlessly within her. She clung to his back relishing the feel of his muscles stretching and contracting under her hands. Each rhythmic stroke seared with a primitive, urgent need, filling her completely.

It had been weeks since they had last made love, and with each thrust, she enveloped the desperation in their lovemaking as if it were to be their last.

Darien stammered mentally as Serena's folds engulfed him possessively, and he fought to maintain some control. Easing out, almost completely, he slowed his movements to press against her center, before plunging deep inside again. He sensed the desperation in their act as well and he inhaled the scent of Serena's hair, committing it to memory. When he felt her walls restrict and hold around him, he pulled her small frame in tight and reluctantly let go.

Several moments passed as they caught their breath. They laid facing away from one another listening to the wee-morning traffic and the wireless starting to play This Masquerade by George Benson softly in the living room of their tiny flat.

Darien wanted to reach out for the Serena to draw her in so he could feel the warmth of her body for some reassurance that things would get better between them, but he remained still.

Serena desired the comfort of Darien's arms around her, to feel the security his embrace always provided, but she remained still as well.

As the sound of George Benson's voice wafted into their bedroom and he sang the haunting lyrics:

Are we really happy here

With this lonely game we play

Looking for words, to say

Searching but not finding

Understanding, anyway

We're lost " in a masquerade

They felt the heavy despair that had been lying in their hearts for months return.

Serena heard him sigh heavily while he sat up on the edge of the bed. She knew that he was watching her and she turned her head to look over her shoulder. "Are you okay"

"Yeah, I'm fine." He reached for his sweats, grabbed a t-shirt and headed from the living room.

"Darien?"

"Get some sleep Bella. You have a big day ahead of you."

His tone was neither harsh nor comforting, but Serena recognized the resentful undertow in it. He walked out of their bedroom closing the door, negating any conversation they needed to have.

I always gave my best

Your memory serves you so badly

Some people kill for less

Yet I'd still die for you gladly

Oh, so gladly

Darien stood with his hand on the doorknob, head pressed against the door debating whether he should go back in. As badly as they needed to, talking, he knew would only lead to another argument. With a sigh, he decided against it and headed for the kitchen.

For months things had been strained between them. Conflicting work and school schedules as well as differing interests had virtually made them strangers in the same home.

Days would go by with little conversation and eventually the continual silence caused a huge rift that had gotten bigger by the day.

If a sufficient reason had been asked of either, as to the why, nothing other than they had simply grown apart could have been given.

He retrieved a beer out of the refrigerator and shook out a cigarette from his pack that lay on the table. For a moment, he paused to consider the fact that Serena hated when he smoked in their flat. Shrugging, he lit the match anyway and took a long drag.

Turning on the living room lamp, he noticed the various magazines and sketches from Serena's design classes.

In a few hours the Oxford, class of 2000 would be walking across a stage to receive their diplomas of completion of education.

Mr. and Mrs. Tsukino, Ray, Lita, Ami, Mina and Andrew were all driving up to watch the commencement.

For him it would be a bittersweet celebration. Unlike his friends and Serena, he wouldn't be receiving his diploma.

Serena drew her legs up to her chest and turned her head to look out their bedroom window, thinking solemnly: We can't keep on like this. They needed to talk. It had become too convenient to blame work and school schedules as the source of their silence. They didn't have the luxury of pretending there wasn't a problem anymore.

She knew that Darien was embarrassed and nervous about graduation and the possible questions that he may have to face. Her attempts to comfort him concerning this went mostly in vain and coupled with everything else they had been going through the past few months...his resistance had left her feeling quite simply, tired.

Tired from constantly arguing. Tired from not knowing if they had a future together. But mostly, she was tired from the guilt she had been carrying around lately. Despite how much she still loved him, a part of her had stopped caring about how he felt anymore.

Serena got out of bed and walked towards their loo, smelling the scent of cigarette smoke she shook head, sighing heavily. Grabbing her robe off the door she headed into the living room.

But I suppose it's my turn now

To play a scene that's familiar somehow

I turn the page and you walk away

Not even love could bring you to stay

This time

Walk away so easy

Darien was crushing out his cigarette when Serena walked out of their bedroom tying up her robe. Her hair stood wild about her head, the glow from satisfaction still on her face, he thought she looked beautiful.

Serena walked over to the couch to sit beside him. Taking his beer out of his hand, she took a long swig before silently handing it back.

"Everyone will be here in a few hours," He stated avoiding her gaze.

"Yeah I know. I couldn't sleep."

They lapsed into the uncomfortable silence that had invaded their lives for weeks like an unwelcome guest before Serena spoke up. "Darien, we need to talk."

"Damn, Serena! Can we have one night without having to get into some huge discussion"" He rose from the couch, walked over to the kitchen table, pulling out another cigarette.

"Oh, I'm sorry Darien. You're absolutely right. Why ruin the first night we've touched each other in weeks with a conversation about why we haven't touched each other in weeks?!" She threw her hands up. "I mean, what the hell was I thinking?"

Darien lit his cigarette and peered at her through a cloud of smoke.

"You want to talk? Okay let's talk." He took a short drag. "Let me guess. You got another job offer from some company in Paris this time, and even though you knew about it three days ago, you're just now getting around to telling me? Sort of like the job offer you got from Milan, right?"

Serena bit at her bottom lip and nodded before she replied. "Wow. You know what Darien? I'm surprised I even got the opportunity to tell you about my job offer, seeing that, you're...hardly...ever...here!" She bit back angrily.

He rolled his eyes.

"Oh, what? Am I wrong? I mean, you tell me its work, but how do I know you're not sleeping with someone else?" She crossed her arms defensively.

"Serena, shit! Because I've told you a thousand times! I'm not fuckin' sleeping with someone else! Either you believe me about this shit or you don't!" He replied testily.

"Fine, then what Darien?! Your whereabouts are a complete mystery most of the time and hell I know it's not because you've had your ass in class otherwise you…" She stopped suddenly realizing she had said too much.

"No, no Serena go on, please. It's how you really feel, don't be shy," He shrugged his shoulders. "Fuck it. I say we put the shit out there once and for all." He cleared his throat. "I'm not graduating. There, I said it. Now we can both stop pretending that we don't see that big ass elephant taking a dump over in the corner. I'm not fuckin graduating! And I know how embarrassing this must be for you, because it doesn't fit into your perfect little plans, but shit happens!"

Serena got up from the couch, her mix match eyes blazing. "Oh, boo fuckin hoo, Darien! I have never said one negative thing about you not graduating on time, ever! So, don't try and lay that bullshit on me!"

Darien's response to her words was taking another drag off his cigarette.

This is getting us nowhere. Serena thought as she cupped her hands over her mouth, looking away. This was all they had done the past few months and it had gotten progressively worse. She wrapped her arms around her waist trying to come to a resolve in her mind. Is any of this still worth it? Is he still worth it?

Lowering her head for a moment, Serena looked up and stared into the blue eyes of the man she had fallen in love with so many years before, and decided it was. She exhaled a long breath before she spoke.

"Darien, look. I know that you're upset about not graduating. I know that. But baby...it's only two classes. You can have those done by the end of the summer with no problem, we both know that," She placed her hands on his chest. "And I realize that things have been awkward between us for a while and I take my share of the blame in whatever's gone wrong." She reached up and stroked his temple, brushing back a lock of his hair.

Darien's expression didn't change and she continued hesitantly.

"See, I've been thinking that this job offer in Milan can be good for the both of us," Serena placed one hand on his cheek. "Think about it, baby. All the craziness of the past few months we can put behind us. Start new, get back to how we used to be."

Darien continued to gaze at her through the smoke, not responding.

"And, you already know that you can attend Med School there as well as you could here. Not to mention the fact that we would be living in Italy baby, this can be good for us, we shouldn't pass it up," Serena searched his face, her eyes pleading with him.

Once more I'm learning

In the depths of my despair

Your lies confirming

True love is so rare

Darien took a final drag on his cigarette before crushing it out. Staring at her intently, he twisted his mouth to the side and blew out a long trail of smoke. "You've got it all figured out, huh?"

Serena knitted her brow in confusion.

"Move to Milan. Forget about all our problems. Live happily ever after. Is that right?" His mood was growing darker with each word and he disregarded the growing concern on her face.

"You know, the more I think about it Serena. If you really wanted me to move to Italy with you, it wouldn't have taken you three days to tell me about your job offer. I think the only reason why you bothered to tell me was because you felt obligated to." He crossed his arms. "And, I'm not sure if I want to go."

As soon as the words came out of his mouth he regretted them. The pained expression that floated across her face pierced his heart, as did the realization that he had been harboring the idea of going on with his life without her. Although he was still in love with her and the larger part of him wanted things back the way they used to between them as badly as she did, the realist in him understood that maybe they'd given this impossible relationship all they could and now it was best if they let it go while things were still somewhat civil.

"You...I, I thought you said you were still considering it," She stammered over her words, grasping for understanding. "So, you don't...You're not going to Italy with me?"

"I don't know," He replied softly.

Serena recoiled as if struck. She pulled her robe tighter around her body like she was warding off a sudden chill.

"What do mean, you don't know?" Her voice choked with emotion. "Darien, I've accepted that job offer, and if...if you don't come, what happens to us?"

"I don't know," He repeated quietly.

"So you don't want to be with me anymore?"

"You," he shifted uncomfortably. "You have this great opportunity to go off and do what it is you love to do." The words came out in a stammer.

"You didn't answer my question." Her anger returning. "Do you want to be with me or not? Because if you can see your future without me and you being together, what the hell have we been doing all this time?"

"I haven't said no, okay!" He replied guiltily, softening his voice as he continued, "And yes, I still want to be with you. I just, I don't know if moving to Milan is the right thing for the both of us right now."

"You mean you don't know if it's the right thing for you," She slowly backed away from him.

Darien didn't reply, his silence telling all.

Serena scoffed out a bitter laugh. "I can't believe this. For months I've been trying to get you to tell me what You're feeling. Long before my job offer, and you drop this on me now?" She shook her head. "I don't...I don't even know how to reply to that."

"Bella," He reached out for her hand but she pulled away.

"No," She put her hand up and he stopped. "No," Walking to the bedroom door she paused. "I'm going to bed now because our family and friends will be here in a few hours like you said," She looked up at him, hurt, disappointment and confusion in her glare. "We'll talk later, I guess."

Without another word she walked into their bedroom and closed the door.

Darien spent the first of many sleepless nights on the couch.

And I suppose it's my turn now

There's no more love only feelings of doubt

Gone with the hope your words have erased

Gone with the smile you wiped from my face...

Graduation

When he walked into their flat that night, it took his mind several minutes to realize what his eyes noticed immediately.

Flashes of the previous twenty-four hours came fluttering back.

He recognized the girl. Maybe from one of his classes or perhaps he had seen her eating at the Crown Arcade. It didn't matter. He was drunk and angry.

She was cute. She wasn't pretty or beautiful, like Serena, but cute.

"Hey you're Darien Sheilds," He couldn't think of her name. It didn't matter. "So where's your girlfriend?" A question he'd been asked before.

They were kissing in someone's room. The cute girl's lips didn't taste like Serena's. Fuck it, it didn't matter. He stopped for a moment and took a swig from his beer trying to force down the guilt that was threatening to bubble up.

He fell back on the bed, the cute girl attacked his neck. She didn't feel like Serena. But he was drunk, so it didn't matter.

Her shirt was off. She wore no bra. He should have been excited. He felt the cute girl unzip and remove his pants. He took another sip from his beer before she removed it from his hand.

"Relax baby, this is graduation day." He couldn't make out the cute girl's face anymore, and she didn't smell like Serena.

The colors in the room were swarming together. The weed and alcohol were kicking in and he was still angry.

The cute girl wasn't Serena, he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer, and he suddenly realized that it did matter, but darkness was threatening to take him under, and it really did matter, because the cute girl wasn't Serena, then darkness.

Flashes

It was eight o'clock the next morning.

Serena yanked the door open while he was fumbling with the lock. She was furious. "Where the hell have you been?!" He thought she looked beautiful.

His head was pounding. He couldn't recall how he got home or where he had been. But there was this girl.

"Darien, I've been looking for you everywhere! You had us all worried!" Beyond the anger he heard the concern, but he didn't care, he was still angry.

Flashes

"Oh, Darien let me get a picture of your diploma too." Mrs. Tsukina.

The tense look he and Serena exchanged. The quiet that fell over the room when he didn't move, the shameful look Serena gave him before she turned her head away.

Now he remembered why he had taken off the day before. He walked past her without a word. He didn't feel like talking.

She followed him into the kitchen as he grabbed a beer out of the refrigerator. "Darien, do you hear me talking to you, where have you been? I went your job, I went to all your hangouts,"

"I fucking heard you the first time! Fuck, just shut up!" It hurt his head to shout and he ignored the shocked look on her face by trying to walk past her.

"What did you say to me?" She grabbed his arm. "You take off and leave when all our friends and family are here, with no explanation and you stumble in here drunk off your ass with nothing to say?"

He took a swig from his beer. Her voice was boring into his head like a drill.

"Where the fuck have you been?"

His mind kept trying to conjure the girl's face. He remembered she was cute, not pretty like Serena, but cute.

He didn't reply, he was due at work an hour ago.

"You slept with someone last night." It was more of a statement than a question.

He was still drunk, and he remembered that it did matter, the cute girl wasn't Serena.

"Whatever." He hadn't slept with the cute girl, but he was still angry and embarrassed so he didn't care what she thought right then. "I'm late for work."

He walked past her into their bedroom. Leaving her speechless.

He felt her fists hit his back. There was screaming and crying. A barrage of "How could you's ?" "Why's?" "I hate you's!" and "Get out's!"

He left, letting her believe whatever she wanted. He should have told her the truth.

Now as he walked slowly around their tiny flat, he took in what was missing.

The books, the various sketches, gone. He felt the first pangs of panic and a sinking feeling in his stomach.

He walked into the bedroom they had shared for the past four years, and looked around. The lace scarves that lay over the lamp by their bed were gone.

In their loo, her robe was gone as well as all her beauty products. Darien felt his heart pounding against his chest.

He started yanking open drawers, her shirts, panties, socks, gone. The pictures of them that sat on the dresser, missing. Her jewelry and the few stuffed animals she still possessed, gone. Panic was overtaking him.

He practically ran over to their closet; hesitating for a moment because he already knew what awaited. He finally opened the door to find all her clothes, shoes, suitcases were all...gone.

Darien stood there shocked. He felt himself going numb. Serena was gone.

There was no note, letter or anything saying goodbye. She was just gone.

The only trace of her left was the faint smell of her perfume, and the picture in his head of her crying

Falling against the wall, Darien sunk to the floor like a heavy weight had been placed upon his shoulders and for the first time since his parents died, he began to cry.