Wonder what will happen when they meet again in this chapter?

Chapter 19: Falling all over Again

Mirabella POV

I felt myself come back and when I opened my eyes I looked away from the massacre before me. A dead mutilated body, several stab wounds in the throat and stomach, blood was all over my hands, my face, staining the green pants that I wore, all over the black boots on my feet and that same cut that started it all on my left cheek. I was in complete shock, my third kill and my bloodiest, I couldn't handle how my heart was now beating against my rib cage nearly breaking past that barrier of bone.
"Bell?" A voice called from behind me, I was so frozen with shock that I couldn't look over my shoulder, I couldn't move, my fingers loosened on the grip of the knife and it fell from my hand endlessly until it hit the ground making a small thump from its weight. I shook my head in disbelief, I had just killed three people, three hours ago I said to myself that I never would kill... Now... This...
I felt a bandaged hand grab my shoulder and slowly turn me around, it was Vadim, he was injured with a bullet in his left shoulder. He stared at me for a moment, most likely determining if I was well. I was not well, I was a mess, I had just killed for the first time and if anything lost the innocence I hadn't given to Vaas. That little piece of myself that was all I had left, is gone forever. "Are you okay?" I glared back at the dead body that laid on the ground. "Bell!" He blurted out shaking my shoulder, I bit my bottom lip furiously and shook my head, tears starting to form at the corners of my eyes. I looked back at Vadim, who just stared at me with an expression of worry. "They were going to kill you... You were only protecting yourself." I looked back at the body again, a puddle of blood forming from where it dripped from the fresh wounds. They were only going to kill me because I was a pirate, only because I was a pirate and nothing more. If he- they knew that I was just as much a prisoner as them, they wouldn't have tried to kill me and I wouldn't have tried to kill them... I didn't try though, I just did it and if it was self defense it shouldn't have ended with him being mutilated and barely recognizable because of my rage, I don't even remember what I had done. "We need to go, Vaas and the others are on their way for backup." Vadim hissed at me, I glared back over to him and suddenly I felt better, I felt as though that weight on my chest had been lifted and the thought that I had just killed someone didn't come to my mind the same as it had before.
"O-Okay..." I stuttered, the words hoarse with sadness, he nodded his head and guided me with one hand I follow him to the shack. I had no time to notice that there were several other bodies sitting around, all Rakyat. I stopped when I saw the body of George resting against a brick, his blood draining from a bullet hole in his forehead.
"H-He... Got shot... W-Where's Michael?"
"He is on his way to Badtown for medical supplies. Are you injured?"
"No..." We entered the small shack, he held the door open and leaned against the door frame staring out at the road waiting for Vaas and his men to show up. I sat down against the wall and pulled my knees up to my chest, I was so close to crying, on the verge of it, but my mentality wouldn't allow it. I failed to realize that Vadim was staring at me, now putting pressure on the bullet wound with his free hand.
"You did good." He stated randomly, I looked up at him, my eyebrows furrowed with confusion.
"What do you mean?" I asked, he shook his head with a sigh looking back at the road.
"We thought they were all gone, turns out there was another group waiting in the foliage. When you came out they flanked the camp, with George dead Michael and I couldn't hold them off. I got shot in the shoulder, the next thing I know you are running around killing anything in your sight, you were quick enough for them not to shoot you... Luckily..." He looked over at me. "You don't remember?" I gulped, those men... They were dead because I killed them! I hadn't just killed three, it was way more than that.
"No... I don't." He knew what I needed, but I didn't want it, he left the door frame, the door staying open on its own, he walked over to me and sat down beside me. Almost instinctively my head fell onto his shoulder, he wrapped his good arm around me and patted my back in which I started to sob into his shoulder. I let everything go in his arms, all that pain and suffering, stifling back tears was no more and I sobbed... Like a baby, like a weakling.
I then realized that my parents would never hold me like this, they would never comfort me, and tell me everything was okay. They would never pat my back, or wipe my tears away. In actuality I had no reason to mourn for the death my parents faced, they didn't care about me, they didn't care at all and Vaas he only killed them because he knew that. I didn't need a hug from Vaas right now though, I needed a hug from a parent and Vadim had children, he understood. In these three weeks he has been the only one to actually care... He was more of father than my own father and the thought might have been sad, but... at least someone was there for me.
"It's okay... You did what you did and there is nothing you can do about it now." I pulled away wiping my tears and nodding my head, sniffling while doing so.
"Thank you." Our attention was brought to the door, my face was red, tears still falling from my eyes. The sound of rumbling cars and shouts came from outside. He patted my shoulder once before standing up slowly, wincing from the bullet wound, he walked out of the shack. I heard a familiar voice and eavesdropped on the conversation outside.
"Vadim! Damn man, what the fuck happened here!" It was Vaas, Vaas's voice, my body started to shake again.
"They tried to take the camp."
"I think I fucking know that, where is she? Is she safe? Is she okay?" I heard the worry in his voice, he was afraid of me being hurt or worse... Dead.
"Actually... The many bodies you see around are from her doing." Vadim answered, there was a strong silence.
"Then she isn't okay..."
"Mentally, she has had enough."
"Where?"
"In the shack." I then waited, my body tensed as the anticipation of him walking through that door caused my heart to beat fast. He then entered and I made a sigh of relief only for my breath to get stuck in my throat. He walked over to me and crouched beside me, he didn't look happy, he didn't look sad, he was just blank. A blank canvas and bottled emotions just waiting to be spattered onto white.
"You killed them all?" I hesitantly nodded my head. "How did it feel?" I was silent, I didn't know what to say, my tongue was tied, he nodded his head with approval of my silence. I didn't exactly know how it felt, I blacked out and then came back as a murderer. "I'm proud of you hermosa... If it wasn't for you... This camp would be gone." He reached a hand out and I scurried further away still back against the wall, he sighed bringing his hand back.
"I'm sorry about what I did. It's been three weeks, you haven't forgiven me?" Another silence, he sighed with irritation from my lack of reply. "You're covered in blood... You need a bath." He stated, moving himself to comfortably sit beside me, our shoulders nearly touching I scooted farther away. "All that blood on you Bella is making me horny." He said it so awkwardly and randomly that at this point my mind was in insane mode, to the point where I uncontrollably giggled, he stared at me a smirk forming on his expression. "You know I haven't had sex for three weeks because of you... Actually ever since I laid eyes on you again... I haven't had sex."
"And that's supposed to make me love you again." I finally replied, still playing hard to sway, still lying about how I truly felt.
"You don't have to love me again. I just want you to like me. That's how it started right?" I wasn't sure, I should be jabbing him in the face screaming at him and threatening to kill him, but I couldn't get myself to do it, I couldn't do it. I still loved him...
"No more drugs?" He was hesitant to agree, but I knew he wanted a truce, or perhaps that's just what he wanted me to think.
"I can't just not have drugs. I'm not what I was six years ago Bella." When he said that for some reason I grew depressed, if I hadn't left, would we still end up here? Or would we have a family and a nice shanty to live in? I still felt guilty that I killed those men, I shouldn't have and I knew it was wrong, but Vaas he didn't care. When you're a pirate and you kill someone you are immediately respected, it doesn't matter who you killed, or why you killed them. Those men could have had family and friends, that would do nothing but grieve for their absence. I ponder what would happen if Vaas died, I don't think I could live and the thoughts of suicide that I am having now can't compare to the thoughts that I would be having then.
I was confused, I wanted Vaas dead I wanted my revenge, but I hated my parents, and no matter how much I protested Jessica wouldn't have made it off the island without me and Vaas wouldn't have allowed that, he wouldn't let me leave the island. Did he really still love me? He hasn't said those words yet, he might never say them again.
"I want my privacy." I stated, he nodded his head hesitantly to that to.
"And?"
"I want good food... Like... Quesadillas." I licked my lips, my stomach growled at thought of a steaming quesadilla. "Yeah quesadillas, you gotta love that shit." He chuckled, I noticed him lean in closer to me.
"What else do you desire hermosa?" He leaned in closer again, closer enough for his nose to barely touch my cut cheek, I held back a wince as his breath hazed over the freshness of the wound, he closed his eyes and took a whiff of the scent of blood that was all over me. "Your wish is my command... Anything you want..." He placed a hand on the knee of my pants I glared at him, our lips close enough for a smooth kiss, that I did want... But I couldn't have, this was wrong. Still loving a man like him after everything he had done to me, saying you will kill him, but never have enough guts to do it.
"Do you still love me? No matter how much I hate you. Do you know how confused you have me? I shouldn't care if you die, but I fucking love you still and I can't do anything about it." I whispered, he chuckled grabbing my chin and caressing my skin, his thumb grazing my dry lips, my breath went ragged.
"Then don't... Just give into it all Bella. No need to play nice anymore, you can do whatever you want here yet you still follow the morals of your heart." He whispered back, we didn't want anyone to hear us at all, just us and no one else.
"Because I care... I know you do to... Or at least you should. Those people I killed out there, they were against you because you are wrong. Everything you do is wrong."
"You said it once before, maybe I don't know what is right. I need someone to show me" Our noses nudged, we inhaled each others breathes, felt each others warmth. It was a craving really, the events that had just occurred had slipped from my mind and as before I had become desensitized to the fact I just killed people and I did it without knowing I did... Almost out of instinct. "Tell me. When I killed your friend... When you found I had killed your family, that I had fucked other woman, that I had forgot you and lost myself to drugs and power... When you came to a different place, a different man... Did you wish you never met me? Did you wish you never ever ran from home that day?" I didn't know what he expected from the question, I couldn't exactly explain what I felt in those moments other than grieve and pain. I still wonder the difference it would make if I had stayed, but now that I think about it. Citra never knew me that well, she only saw me as a friend of Vaas and my impact on the events that occurred when I had left was minor. She would have done it if I was there or not, maybe take me out of the way if I ever did get involved. So in the end it wasn't my fault altogether, I broke Vaas's heart and that was my fault, I broke my own heart and he broke mine even more when I returned. Then again Vaas wouldn't have fought his father for the love that we had created. It all comes down to the same truth though, I love him still, I am angry with him, but I still love him, all those things I thought before, all that anger I felt. I couldn't kill Vaas, I couldn't just shoot him or stab him, harm in anyway, no matter what he has done to me. I am the weaker being and I cannot return the burdens he has made for me.
I stared him in the eyes and he stared back, a smile cracking on the corner of his lips. He brought an arm up to wrap around my neck and as he sat up straight he pulled my head onto his chest, where I closed my eyes and listened to his heartbeat. His presence surprisingly calmed me now, I wasn't afraid of him, I was afraid of what he could do next, he had become unpredictable in so many ways. He caressed my shoulder and hummed softly, I sighed, fiddling with the cloth of his shirt which smelled of sweat and blood with a tint of cologne.
"I want you to forgive me."
"You told me not to..."
"Well, now I want you to forgive me... For real."
"Why?" I countered, removing my head from his chest and staring up at him. "Tell me... No one else is around, you can say it." He snorted and pushed me away almost enough to cause a small gasp to escape my lips at his audacity. He knew what I wanted him to say, how I wanted him to say it and why.
"Who said anything about me loving you, okay? You are just someone I care dearly about, that's it." He stated with a little annoyance, he took a deep breath and sighed, his face was strict, he stared down at his hands fiddling with his thumbs for a moment in deep thought. There was a deep silence between us, was he telling the truth? He then leaned forward to me, his lips near my ear. "Then I must dearly love you." He whispered, I gulped, my eyes went wide, those are the only words I wanted to hear. Those words made me forget everything that had just happened completely as if they never happened. I wrapped my arms around his neck, his hands pushed my lower back closing the distance between us. Our lips clashed and that feeling of the first few kisses was nothing compared to this, this was the kiss I craved, a kiss full of true love and true passion, Vaas truly meant every word. He moved a hand up to cup the back of my head, weaving his fingers through the greasy strands. My hand grabbed the cloth of his shirt and tightly gripped it pulling him in closer.
"Vaa-" Vaas and I pulled from each other quickly our breathes ragged, Vaas looked to the door to find Benny standing at it nervously fiddling with a handgun in his hand.
"What the fuck is it Benny?" Vaas asked surprisingly soft, he stood up off the floor holding a hand out for me while still staring at Benny.
"I'm sorry I inter-"
"Just fucking tell me." I grabbed Vaas's hand and he lifted me up into his chest, his arm wrapping around my waist, I rested my head on his chest again. It was comfortable, probably more comfortable than that stupid sleeping bag on the other side of the room that I hated oh so much.
"Um... They are taking attack on all of the outposts in the southern peninsula, only some of our men have been able to hold them off." Another silence spread throughout the shack, Benny was scared, I am sure not people survived after giving bad info to Vaas. Vaas pulled me closer to his chest and looked down at me.
"Benny?"
"Yeah Vaas."
"Take Bella back to my compound." He stated before releasing me from his grasp and walking his way to the door.
"Wait!" I didn't want Vaas to get hurt, I am sure this was a dangerous task. I wanted to help Vaas, but I still couldn't face the fact of killing so many people. People who only wanted to help save the island, I knew that's why they were fighting him, that's why they wanted him dead... It was like he was dictator, buit for some reason my heart told me that he was the one and no action could destroy true love. "I... I want to help." He looked over his shoulder at me and shook his head turning and approaching again. He grabbed the sides of my face and closed the distance between our lips, tongues meshed together with fire, I placed my hands over his. He pulled away keeping our foreheads connected.
"No... It isn't safe." My eyes flashed open and I stared into his.
"It isn't safe for you to go either."
"It's better I go then you come with. Citra doesn't know that you are here. She doesn't know that we have a relationship, if she finds out, I'm afraid I won't be able to protect you as I should."
"Vaas-"
"Please Bella... I can't lose you." He loved me to, he couldn't bare the thought of me not being safe.
"I can't lose you either."
"V-Vaas." Benny interrupted again, he gulped loudly. "She'll be safer at Pirate's Cove." Benny suggested, Vaas still kept his hands on me cheeks and his eyes locked with mine.
"Pirates Cove?"
"It's farthest on the other side of the island, the isle your compound-"
"I know Benny! Thank you for being a smart ass! Now wait outside!" Vaas ordered sternly, Benny left the shack. Vaas then immediately kissed me again, this time I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me, when we broke his hand held tightly onto my hips.
"Stay with Benny. He will keep you safe and out of sight. Plus, I don't think you want to kill anymore people than you already have. You have helped me enough today mi hermosa." Our noses nudged and our lips met for a simple tap on each other's lips.
"Promise me that you will come back."
"I promise..." He rested his head on my shoulder for a moment, holding me in an embrace that could match no other. "You can take a shower at the compound and rest in my bed."
"Okay."
"Benny will give you food and you can wear my clothes." He pulled from the hug and grabbed my hand guiding me out of the shack, there were only two pirates standing guard, I am going to guess the others went to the drug field, Vadim was gone, Benny leaned against the red Jeep that Vaas called his. He walked me over to Benny.
"Take her to my compound! And if you do anything to put her in danger again! I will fucking kill you! Do you understand Benny?" Benny nodded his head silently, maybe that's why Vaas wasn't listening to Benny's suggestion because Benny allowed me to be stationed at this camp.
"Yes sir." He answered hoarsely, Vaas released my hand taking the breath from me and clouding my mind with worry. He walked me over to the other side of the Jeep, I entered the Jeep and he closed the door. He leaned against the window, staring me in the eyes for a moment. He could still sense the worry in me, he stood up grabbed the gem necklace, yanking it from his neck, he grabbed my hand and placed the necklace in my hand.
"I will be there with you always. I promise to be back before sunrise tomorrow." I nodded my head gripping onto the necklace tightly, Benny entered the driver's seat, Vaas leaned in for one last kiss before the Jeep drove away and I felt I would never see him again. He stood there and watched as the vehicle disappeared and I with it.