I am trying to hurry this story up before I have to leave on vacation.

Chapter 34: Monsters

Fear engulfed me as I held tightly onto the handgun that Vadim had given to me. I stared down at the line of lifeless people, still alive, but almost dead. I couldn't, but feel that feeling of pity. Was Vadim serious about seeing it in Vaas's eyes, I never recognized it in Vaas's eyes. I was completely torn on whether or not it was okay to pull the trigger to end a life and know that they would never breath again.
It was senseless wasting someone's life away when it wasn't your choice. I was still alive though, Vaas should have killed me after all the trouble I have brought. He hasn't though, I am the only person on this island he gives mercy to and I don't take advantage of it. I am weak, I can't be his queen if I can't kill, or entertain him, if I am not respected. I could see the tears on their faces, the glistening eyes with no hope.
I had never been on a raid before and I am happy I haven't, I had their expressions, I... Pity them... Vadim walked down the line of broken people as pirates rummaged through their homes, homes full of hard work and survival. They tore them apart throwing crates here and there. It was ironic, Vadim was no good then the man the killed his family.
"For now, all of you are fucking worth shit and if any of you decide it best to run, then I guarantee you will get a bullet in the back of your heads." The whimpers started to quiet, the only sounds were that of the pillaging pirates and the items being thrown from their houses. I saw their stares, they knew I was native and chose not to ask why I was the only woman they had ever seen as a pirate.
Because I loved Vaas, that would be my answer, love and nothing but true.
I keep thinking back to when he hadn't kissed me, how he didn't even want to look at me before he left. The bruises remained but no man came up to question them, hickeys on my neck, bruises on my shoulders. Then there was the scars and bruises that were covered, the one over my stomach from only a couple weeks ago... The scar that stretched nearly touching the tattoo that I loved with a passion. That tattoo signified my heritage, my home, everything I was, I was happy that it was undamaged.
Suddenly a man was pulled from one of the houses roughly, the pirate dragging him over to kneel in front of Vadim. He had short bobby brown hair and dark eyes.
"We found this in his house." The pirate held up a partially burned piece of paper, it's edges crisp from the fire it once sat in. Vadim snatched the paper staring at it intently for a moment before looking down at the native man.
"Where are they?" He quickly asked, the native man looked down. "I asked a fucking quest-" A loud whoosh and a bullet crashed through Vadim's skull sending him to the ground. My eyes widened with shock I gasped as the other pirates quickly hurried behind cover, the group of natives scattering as they whimpered and whined. I leaned forward as my stomach emptied from view of the gruesome scene.
Everything went silent in my ears as gunfire shot out and passed me, I walked through the line of fire untouched. I fell on my knees beside Vadim's broken and dead body the gun in my hand dropping and making a thud at the ground.
He was no innocent, but he was nice to me, kind to me, he accepted me, and gave me advice. Over those few weeks in the camp I thought of him as my real father, the father that was meant to be. Now he's dead, with his brains splattered across the dirt. I felt angry... It was wrong to feel such anger. I wanted them all dead, I looked around, growling as I snatched the gun from the ground. I stood and shot down the nearest enemy, I watched both pirate and Rakyat alike fall to the ground.
I covered behind trees, stabbed into other's necks and in a pit of rage nearly stabbed people to bits. I don't know where my anger was coming from and it could not be controlled, I tied to calm myself, but then another man would waltz by and they would soon fall by my blade. I ran out of bullets, stealing an AK off the ground, I went berserk, ending in a hand to hand combat fight in the middle of a war zone.
He did not care I was a woman making the first punch, he busted my bottom lip. I lunged at him pushing him down to the ground. "You." I punched him in the far continuously. "Filthy. Piece. Of shit!" I shouted while non stop punching at him, he cried out when I felt his teeth lodge into my knuckle, where I winced, but my adrenaline eased the pain. I couldn't stop punching his face, it was only another moment when the gunfire was silenced and a pair of arms wrapped around me pulling me away from the bloody seen. My hands were bloody, my face was bloody, my pants were bloody... This was not my blood... It was his and he surely would see no end to it. I broke free from their grasp easily, it was the pirates that gathered around to watch. They all now stood in a circle, I did not stop hitting him... Until I felt guilt... His lifeless body before me... His face unrecognizable.
I had become something... A monster... Although I did not want to be. I had also lost control... And a friend, perhaps the only actual friend I had left on this god forsaken island... I hated the Rakyat, more so that I have determined it was Citra who made Vaas who he is. I can't do this anymore, I can't smile and pretend that I didn't just beat the shit out of a man till he was dead. That I shot several others before then. I couldn't be Vaas's queen if I couldn't kill, I couldn't entertain him, and by the looks on these pirate's faces I didn't have their respect. I was useless, I fell to my knees burying my face into my bloodied hands and sobbing, I just sobbed, I didn't stop, I couldn't stop... I just plainly sobbed... It felt good, to let it all out, but to have no comfort made it worse.
No men came to my side, no one came to my side to be exact, and most importantly I had learned about myself today, I had learned something. I had learned that we all have the killer in us, it is how we use it, and whether we accept it, or not that decides who we are as a person. I guess Vaas was right... We all are crazy.