Chapter 35: Leaving

It was night time, just minutes before we returned to camp. I had went directly to our shanty, I made no eye contact, and decided to avoid the murmurs and whispers, or loud chuckles as I passed. When I was back at the shanty, I went into the bathroom sat down and did nothing but stare at the toilet. My legs were pulled to my chest and my hair flung over my knees. I didn't care about my lip, or the many aches that still resided after last night. I didn't recognize that same queasiness I had felt from this morning when I had thrown up in the toilet. What was happening with me? I couldn't have been still sick from my hangover, anyhow, I did not care.
I closed my eyes and ignored the slamming of the shanty door, I ignored the shouts of my name, I ignored him when he found himself leaning against the door frame staring at me. He didn't say a word for the longest time and I didn't want him to, I don't want to talk to anyone. Tears filled my eyes, if I was alone then I would stay that way... The way I liked it. I tried hard not to nimble on my swollen and bleeding lip, it didn't need stitches, I knew that much.
"So how was your day?" He asked, his voice was gentle, but also clever and sneaky. He would not have my attention for the longest time, no matter what he did. "I asked a question, it's best you answer." I clamped my mouth shut tighter, although the struggle to retain words was extreme. I wanted to just tell him everything, he would use it against me though.
He was much softer as he approached crouching in front of me and grabbing my knees, where my hands rested, opposite for each one. He stared at me for the longest time, where I failed to make eye contact. I couldn't hold back anymore, the warmth between, the depression I felt, the heart I needed. I practically jumped forward, swinging my arms around Vaas's neck, I buried my face into his neck crying. His fingers entwined in my hair and he massaged my skull, pulling me onto his lap, he started rocking me back and forth.
"Shhh..." He whispered huskily into my ear. "Only weak girls cry and you are not weak." My eyes flashed open, my comfort zone diminishing in his grasp as I tensed. I pushed him away furiously, leaving his lap, my face was read, crystal tears still rolling down my cheeks. He glared at me, unable to create words for what I had just done.
"I... Can't be what you want me to be..." He didn't reply, I was only telling the truth. He didn't know what to say so he opened his arms expecting my warmth, I shook my head. "I can't kill... Or entertain you... And your men certainly will never respect me." His eyebrows raised.
"Don't say that." He growled, why was he irritated about this, I couldn't control how I am... He was lonely, he was afraid of dying a freak, afraid of dying alone, he needed me to be like him. Was that why he acted like that this morning? Last night? He was only trying to hurt me so I could get worse, get more angry and scared like him. He opened his arms up again, agitated that I wasn't striving for his comfort. I didn't need it anymore, he only hurt me because he thought it would turn me into a monster.
"Did you hear about what I did?"
"Yes... And I think it was amazing."
"No. It was wrong." I whined back, his eyes found my bottom lip, where he dropped his open arms and reached a hand forward grabbing my chin and grazing a thumb over the area when I winced, he pulled his hand away. "You don't know that... You can't tell anymore? I killed! I fucking killed. I am sick of killing Vaas... I miss myself."
"You are yourself."
"No, no I'm not." He knew what I meant, I could see his fists clench from it, he stood up.
"Then you fucking leave, you don't even say goodbye, just go." He stood up leaving the bathroom, leaving me on the floor still in tears. What else did he expect from me? I was not what he was, I was weak and undesirable to him. I sighed pulling my knees up to my chest and bringing a hand up to touch my lower lip as gently as possible.
I deserved it, I deserved those scars on my stomach, I deserved them because I wanted to come back. What was I thinking? It was far worse than I expected. I stood up and entered into the living room, where Vaas sat on the couch staring down at the ground as his elbows leaned on his knees. I would leave, he was letting me, this was my chance to get off this island. "I am going right now." He looked up at me before nodding.
"How bout one last drink? I know that bottle of wine is still in the fridge." I was hesitant to trust him, he didn't have any plans, but he didn't mean for any goodbyes, right? I slowly walked around the counter to the small fridge opening it and pulling out a cold bottle of Argentinian wine. He smiled frankly as I placed it down on the floor and sat down on the other side of the couch away from him.
He grabbed it, popping the top and handing it to me.
"Is this a celebration? A going away party?" I grabbed the bottle and slowly drink from it.
"Perhaps... I would never celebrate you leaving though Bella."
"Vaas, I still love you."
"That's not enough anymore." I handed the bottle to him, but he didn't take his sip from it.
"Then what is? It's not going to be easy since no man has ever gotten my attention, but you." He nodded his head, but it was not with agreement. He opened his arms for me to get closer, he finally took a sip from the wine, tears slowly forming in his eyes. Was he going to cry because I was leaving?! I couldn't believe it. It wasn't going to stop me from leaving. I quickly snuggled up closer to him wrapping my arms around him, he massaged my shoulder pulling me as close as he could.
"I don't want you to go with another man, Bella..."
"I won't forget you, but this isn't my life. My life is-"
"That's the life you would have had if you stayed."
"You can't have a normal life when you live here." He gripped tighter onto me before slowly passing the bottle to me, I took another sip.
"I promised myself I wouldn't let you go again..." He pushed his nose into my head.
"Then don't forget me." I whispered back.
"No, I need you Belleza... Mi hermosa... Mi corazón... I can't survive knowing that you would be with someone else and start a new life with them."
"I need a new life."
"No you don't Bella... Yours is so perfect."

(POV Change)
She failed to notice him slowly reaching down for his gun. She couldn't survive what this island had become, Vaas couldn't change her mind, Vaas couldn't make her kill without pain in her heart. He couldn't be with her, the other pirates will think her a loose end... One that he has to tie up, now or never.
He had to do something, it would be weakness if he let her go. It would be completely above him and he couldn't have his men looking at him like that. She snuggled further against him, unaware of the click that Vaas had made pulling back the lever. She couldn't... He couldn't... But he had to, he slowly put the gun to her head. Then she knew what was happening, she didn't panic, she didn't want to. The least she could say is that Vaas wouldn't let anybody else undertake this task.
She closed her eyes and gripped tighter onto Vaas's shirt, tensing under his grasp. He felt more tears fall from his eyes, he was crying, he had rarely ever cried, he might have never cried... But for Bella, it was what it was. He sniffed her hair intensely taking in her scent of sweetness and sweat. She wanted to die, she knew she couldn't just leave, this was her exit. He sighed loudly, he couldn't pull the trigger, his finger tracing over the metal as more teared threatened to wetten his face.
"I forgive you..." He shook his head, she felt hurt that he would kill her, but knew it would have at some point, maybe he was better in this case.
"Don't forgive me anymore... I have hurt you far worse than the other times Bella."
"But you love me... I know it."
"I love you... I love you so much." And after those words a loud bang echoed through the shack, Vaas just sat as her limp body fell further into him and blood coated his skin and shirt. He didn't know what to say, he didn't want to say anything and he knew that he would never feel her again. He just stopped to think about all the beautiful times they had had, the thing that upset him was that they couldn't have more. Vaas once would never hurt her, he once would never pull the trigger with her on the other side, but he had changed as did this island and everything on it. She was his, his angel, his demon, she was his Bella.

The END

∆illuminati certified∆

LOL