It is very noisy, sorry if I missed some typos in this and the next few chapters.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…or any of the concepts of the fairy tale, its just a jumbled mess.

Sorry for the confusion, the cow thing in the last chapter was NOT a faux fanfiction. Sasuke and Naruto went on a mission so they could replace their computer.

Unless a story takes up most of the chapter, it will be in italics. Hope that clears up the confusion.

Just a friendly warning, the story I have planned becomes more and more of a crack fic in later chapters. (Not like it isn't alreadya crack fic!) I just wanted to warn you all to expect some major weirdness. There will be crossovers with other shows too.

Today I bring you Neji's Story!

PS, pick your own ages for the characters in this fairy-tale!

Enjoy! (Don't forget to REVIEW!) Please!

Hope it doesn't come out too long.

Okay, sorry this chapter kind of sucks. The next one will be up soon.

And Orochimaru's story should be up within the next few days.

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'What are these people thinking?' Wondered Neji as he finished his story. 'She's my cousin!'

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Neji's Story- The Legend of Tenten

Many stories begin with 'once upon a time.' I myself hold nothing against this particular phrase, but I believe that a more suitable opening for our tale would be something else, similar yet not quite the same. Our story begins-

Once Upon a Wish

a young girl was born. The King and Queen of Konoha had been unable to conceive a child, so they made a wish upon the thousand paper cranes they folded. "Please bring us a daughter," they said. Soon they fate bestowed one upon them. A child fell from the heavens, landing safely in a bed of flowers. They took this girl in and raised her as their own, giving her the name Tenten.

Tenten grew up to be a beautiful young woman who was loved by all in the land. Isn't it funny how princesses are like that? Unfortunately, off course, this meant some giant asshole somewhere had to go and mess it up. Don't you hate those kinds of people? His name was Orochimaru, he was the King of Otolasia.

Otolasia was an infamous land of darkness where everyone was a total asshole. For fun, they liked to kick kitties onto the street in front of oncoming carriages. They were just those kinds of people. That's why they loved their evil pedophile King.

Now the King had no Queen. In fact, their were few women at all living in the castle, mostly a bunch of little boys, so you can't really blame people for questioning his sexuality even though he was, in fact, straight. The gay jokes began to piss him off so much that he began to go looking for a wife.

He searched through out the lands searching for a suitable bride, but could find none that suited his tastes. Then he came upon Konoha and glanced upon the beautiful form of Princess Tenten. "I must have her for my own," he whispered, licking his lips.

In the middle of the night, Orochimaru slipped into the castle and made off with the princess. The King and Queen were devastated when they discovered this tragedy, so in the morning they sent their bravest knights to rescue the princess. However, she was kept in the tallest tower of Orochimaru's castle, where many villains loved to keep their kidnapped princesses. Indeed Orochimaru had made a fortune renting out the castle to other evildoers who wished to kidnap princesses in their free time. The one thing he never did rent out was his personal dragon guardian. This mighty dragon guarded the castle night and day, never sleeping.

All the knights who sought to rescue the princess fell before the mighty dragon.

The King and Queen waited for weeks, praying one of the knights would slay the dragon and rescue the princess. However, they all fell. The King and Queen began to lose hope.

One day, a peasant appeared before them. "My name is Neji," he said with a polite bow. "I believe that I may be able to slay the dragon. With your permission, I would like to be given the chance to try."

"What makes you think you will succeed where the knights have failed?" Asked the King. "It's not that we don't appreciate the offer, but we can't allow an innocent citizen of our kingdom to risk his life for us."

"I assure you I would gladly give up my life for the princess," said Neji.

"Is there anything you would like in return for saving the princess?" Asked the Queen.

"Nothing at all," said Neji. "Simply knowing that the princess is safe shall be reward enough for me." At this point, it's probably obvious that this extremely handsome young peasant had the hots for the beautiful Princess Tenten. Why else would he risk his life just to save her and not expect anything in return?

"Very well then, Neji," the king himself bowed. "I beg of you, please rescue the princess."

……

Neji traveled far to the land of Otolasia preparing for the battle he knew would come. He had to walk over a thousand miles for he was poor and had no horse. Anybody with a map would be able to tell you that both countries are actually very close and only a few miles apart, but there was a very steep mountain running between them. This stopped Otolasia from invading Konoha, but Neji still hated it.

"Stupid mountain," he mumbled, plotting its demise. He finally came upon the Forest of Death. He knew that Orochimaru's castle was inside the Forest of Death, so he ventured in. First he came upon a hungry lion, who wanted to eat his flesh.

"Lion oh lion," he said, "Why do you want to eat me?"

"Because I am hungry and you look tasty," the Lion answered. "Is it strange to wish to eat when you are hungry?"

"What if I offered you something better than my flesh?" Neji asked.

"If you offer me something that is better than I shall let you go," the lion answered.

Neji set to work building a trap. He caught a buffalo and presented it to the lion. "I have brought you this buffalo so please let me pass."

The lion had feasted upon the flesh of the buffalo and was satisfied, so he allowed Neji safe passage.

Next Neji came upon a raging river that he could not cross, so he searched for a way to get across. 'Surely the knights must have had a way across,' he thought. With his great eyesight, he saw the answer, a large bird soared overhead.

"Bird," he called out, "would you please be kind enough to carry me across the river?"

The bird landed in front of Neji. "What makes you think I would stoop so low as to carry a human across the river?" He asked.

"Because I will offer to do something in return." Neji answered.

The bird spun around and offered his back to Neji. "That won't be necessary. All the other humans I have encountered simply demanded I take them. Thank you for respecting me."

"Thank you for your kindness," said Neji, climbing on the bird's back.

Neji continued, and finally came upon Orochimaru's castle. "Please let me through," he asked the dragon.

"Why should I?" The dragon asked.

"Because I want to rescue the beautiful princess locked away in the highest tower," Neji explained. "And I want to wake her with my kiss."

"What makes you think she's sleeping?" Asked the dragon.

"Because she is a princess locked in a tower, of course she is asleep." Neji answered. "It is the law of the world."

"It is the middle of the day, shouldn't she be awake?" Asked the dragon. "I'm sure she is awake."

"I think you're wrong," said Neji. "I'd wager my life on it."

"Very well," said the dragon. "I shall take you up on that bet." After eating all the knights who had come his way, he had taken a liking to human flesh and wanted to eat Neji. "When you lose I shall eat you because you look very yummy."

"But if I win you must become my servant instead of Orochimaru's," said Neji.

"Agreed," said the hungry dragon.

"So take me to the tower and we shall see is who is right."

Not realizing he had been tricked, the idiot dragon flew Neji to the tower where Princess Tenten was sleeping peacefully. "I win," Neji said with a smile."

"Damn it," swore the dragon. "And I was hungry too."

"Then my first order is for you to eat your former master Orochimaru."

Neji kissed the beautiful princess on the lips, and she woke up with a smile.

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Epilouge: the dragon ate Orochimaru thus leaving Otolasia without a king. They nominated Neji as their new leader. His first act was to destroy that stupid mountain between his country and Konoha. Eager to strengthen their bonds with Otolasia, Konoha and Otolasia became close friends. Now that he was a King, Neji proposed to the beautiful Princess Tenten and they got married and lived happily ever after.

The End

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Okay sorry that sucked, but I will upload the next chapter soon.

And I've written the cow story...it sucks too.

This is a lot harder than expected.

Orochi's story will be up soon, but it doesn't have its own chapter.

It sucks...intentionally.