The Way We Was
Chapter 7: Doubtful Girl
Standard disclaimers apply.
BPOV
Wait . . . Edward Masen just kissed me and I kissed him back. It was bad enough that I'd had dreams about this moment, but now that it was actually happening, any thought I might have had vanished right out my mental window.
It was so simple, yet so thrilling. I had to ask myself if he'd ever kissed anyone else before. He was so handsome; he must have. It was the only thing that made sense at the moment, but then it began to bother me.
Why should it matter to me whether or not he had kissed other girls? Why did I feel the jealously start to sweel up inside of me? Whatever the reason, it was very, very, very stupid.
I tried to push that thought to the back of my mind as Edward's kiss lingered a little. I didn't want it to stop, and it didn't seem like he did either, but there comes a time when one must breathe, especially me.
"Breathe, Bella," he reminded me. Was it so strange that I always needed reminding to do something that should come naturally? Probably, but Edward didn't care. In a few short days he had become my entire world. But was I his entire world? Was I even a significant part of his world? I couldn't just ask him that. I didn't want him to know my doubts. If I really was part of his world, his existence, then he would take offense to my insecurities. I was sure of it.
I took a deep breath and I started to relax a little. Now I understood Renee when she told me to take deep breaths. I never really listened to her on that one; it just seemed silly like most of the things she said. I took another one just for good measure.
When I finally was calm enough to speak, I told Edward, "That was amazing." I was absolutely breathless, but I didn't need to tell him that. He had probably already noticed.
"I'd have to say the same thing," he added with a smile. So Edward of him . . . so handsome. I got lost in my thoughts again and he could easily tell. "What are you thinking?" he asked me. This was a very common question of his. By now I had learned to expect it.
"Do you want honesty or the partial truth?" I asked him. I could either tell him that yes, it was rather amazing and I'd gladly do it again, or I could tell him about my insecurities and irrational jealousy. It was his choice, really.
"How about the honest answer," Edward suggested.
My eyes quickly jumped to the floor. I wouldn't be able to look at him while I explained myself, if I was able to explain myself.
"Bella? Is it that bad? I'm going to assume the worst if you don't tell me." Of course that's what Edward would do. He'd probably start to think that I had someone else in mind or that I was planning on leaving him.
"No, it's nothing like that. It's just . . . have you ever kissed anyone else before?" I blurted it out without meaning to. At least I was being honest.
"Not that I know of. I'm pretty sure that you're the only woman I've ever kissed and I don't regret it at all. Do you?" His eyes were skeptical. He was still assuming the worst and he would continue to do so until I fully explained myself.
I took another deep breath. At the rate I was going I would start to hyperventilate. "Of course I don't regret kissing you! That was the best thing that's ever happened to me. I just . . . I don't know. I started feeling jealous because you're so good looking and I was so sure that I wasn't the first person that you'd ever kissed. It's silly and irrational."
He stared into my eyes, trying to read my expression. What did my face look like? "Bella, I've thought the same things about you. You're too beautiful for your own good, really. Your mother wants you to marry so badly that I was sure that you could easily find someone more to your liking than myself."
"Edward, no one can compare to you. I've never met anyone else in my entire life that could even come close to what you mean to me. Those other men that Renee wanted me to like where just people. I didn't care about them. I would humour Renee and talk to them and accept their gifts, but they were never for me. You're the one for me, I'm sure of it. But am I the one for you?"
"It would seem like we are two very doubtful and insecure people. This conversation is just going to go back and forth until one of us finally snaps. Let's just agree to disagree right now. I do care about you, Isabella Swan, and I'll make sure that you know it and that everyone else knows it too." His green eyes were serious and frozen for a minute before they became warm again and he smiled his dazzling crooked smile.
"You're right." I smiled back at him. It was so hard not to. I just wanted to continue to stare at him, but like Renee said, "That's rude, Bella." I averted my gaze toward Paul's cabin. Maybe one day Edward and I could live far out, away from everybody. But that seemed like a very distant future.
One that just couldn't come fast enough.
A/N: Hello. I'm trying to get better about updating. This week I so dang focused on the school paper. It'll be beautiful!! Mostly because I'm the layout editor. Anyway, hope you enjoyed. It wasn't as long as the last one, but at least I updated, right? Review review! I've reached 29 countries so far!! Amazing!