Ch. 2: Octavia

No!

The nightmares came back. They had finally stopped, just recently, too. But now they were back, armed and ready to consume my dreams once again. It's been over thirteen years since I lost Bell to the cruel war, but the pain never seems to dull; it only gets worse.

Everyone has theories of what happened to my brother that fateful night. Every story told has something in come with one another. There was a malfunction that blew the mountain to the sky. The Mountain Men are so barbaric, they murdered dozens of their own people to escape. (It's true, though, about the escape. They live in the vast forest, our old beloved home, and we reside in theirs. We figure one day they'll return to reclaim the mountain that shielded them for ninety-eight years from the once-radiation soaked forest. The place that saved them for the nuclear Apocalypse.) But with these circling stories, nobody knows what the make-believe is and what the cold, hard truth is. But I know the truth. And I wish I didn't.

My brother blew up the mountain. He always talked about sacrifice and about what makes a hero. And I should've known. Raven should've known. I think she did. I think she talked my brother through the procedure. Bellamy set a self-destruct button, a failsafe in the control room. He wanted to prevent as many of the Mountain Men from escaping—after he helped the children and Maya, of course. Whether he intended to or not, he was trapped inside when the bombs went off. He was killed instantly, they say, to try to ease my mind. But I don't believe that. What if he was trying to escape back to me when he ended up in a deadly duel, a fight to the death? What is a beam fell on him and pinned him down as he watched to clock hands hit the time, and he closed his eyes and thought of the ones he loved as he became a human torch? What if he was already dead when the bombs blasted the mountain high into the sky? Every nightmare I see a different scenario. But every one ends the same: Bellamy dying, screaming in agony, watching to red glow rush towards him and the air sucked out of his lungs before the world in front of him explodes and he's blasted up, in a moment of excruciating pain, before the world turns red then black, and then he's gone. I wake up every time screaming, in a cold sweat. The arms of my husband wrap around me, pulling me to his strong body.

My brother is dead, and he killed himself.

I wake up with a gasp and sit up quickly. I shake my head, whimpering with a tear-streaked face. I look around groggily once I check myself. The spot beside me is empty. Where's Lincoln? I only fear the worse, after Bellamy…

"Why, Bell?" I looked upwards. "Why'd you have to do it? Why'd you have to leave me? I need you!" my voice cracked and I buried my head in my lap, sobbing. "Why?" I looked back up. What if he could hear me? I don't know if I believe in angels or really anything, but what if he's up there, watching over me like a guardian angel?

"Can you hear me, Bell?" I was crying less now, but my chest was so heavy. "You loved me, Bell. So much. We were each other's worlds. When I lost you, I lost everything. Including myself." I pulled my knees up to my chest shakily. "You know, I haven't been outside since you died. I haven't even went to training. I'm not a warrior anymore—well, I technically am, but I don't act like one anymore. Indra tried to encourage me to train—you know how stubborn the woman is. She's even joked and tried to have heart-to-heart. Weird." I almost laughed. Almost. "I'm still with Lincoln. He doesn't train, either. I feel kind of bad, guilty even. But I want him with me. My daughter, Hope, will be fourteen next month. You died the day she was born, remember?" that made me tear up.

"Clarke is doing well. I don't think she's gotten over you, Bell. She's still working with Lexa. Clarke was even voted Chancellor. She co-runs everything with Lexa. The Grounders and we Sky People live in peace in the Mountain and bases off of it. Lexa rules the Grounders and Clarke us, obviously, but they make decisions together and decide about the big issues in unity. Raven is pretty good, considering. She's married to Wick. She's very close to Murphy, though—surprise! You'd think Murphy shooting her, thus paralyzing her, would kind of be the end to that ship; I guess not. And Rae and Wick have a daughter, Aree. She's four. Jasper and Maya are married and have two kids: Bryce, a twelve year old girl, and Lukas, a five year old boy. Abby and Kane even married, and gave Clarke a half-brother, Kyle. And Monty plans on proposing to Harper soon—on Valentine's Day, he said (as it turns out, there is a day called Valentines for people who love each other, like couples and family).

You'd love Hope, honestly, Bell. She's just like you! Adventurous, stubborn, and rebellious, but also sweet and caring. She also looks like you. She has your curls (but they're brown like my hair), freckles, and your smile. Oh yeah, she inherited that cocky grin of yours! Oh, and the 'I'm-so-much-better-than-you' and the 'I'm-judging-you' attitude.

I miss you, Bell."

I laid back against the pillows, heavy with drowsiness. I closed my weary eyes, envisioning my brother.

"I love you, Big Brother. May we meet again."

May we meet again.