Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Hinata left the hospital only a few days later, by then all the arrangements for the funeral had been made. Their families had been made aware of the tragic news and she didn't have to be in their presence to know what they were saying about her.
Not that she didn't wholeheartedly believe them. She was a complete failure as a daughter, as a wife and most definitely as a mother.
She couldn't even keep her child alive!
What mother would possible allow themselves to live when their child was taken in their place.
Logically she knew there was nothing she could have done, but it didn't make the pain any easier to bear. There was no one she could blame except herself though years later she would discover the seed of hate had been planted in her heart when she had first discovered her family's brutal treatment of her had denied her the chance to have her own child.
Living was so hard when you didn't want to, when every breath you took was like a knife twisting cruelly in your heart, a blatant reminder that she was alive instead of her precious little girl.
She couldn't bring herself to eat or bath or take her medication, she just wanted to left alone to wallow in her misery. Maybe if she stopped trying to live, stop caring then she would eventually perish or very least stop feeling, stop thinking.
All the while she could not cry, she tried, but the tears refused to come, all she could let loose were choked, anguished sobs.
The entire time Sasuke had been by her side, he had instructed the maids to look after her to make sure she went through all the motions of living even when she protested or refused to comply. She had slept enfolded in his arms every night since the day in hospital, soothing her tremours and her screams as she awoke from her nightmares ensnared in her grief, crying out for her dead child.
He had seen to all the arrangements and made sure that no one from their families came near her.
She didn't want to see their scorn or disappointment. Most of all she didn't want their pity, it meant nothing to her and it certainly didn't ease in festering wound in her heart.
Hinata had requested that no one be there for the funeral, she didn't want any one besides Sasuke and the priest who would perform their daughter's last rights.
Megumi had been cremated and her ashes had been released into a river that led directly to the ocean. A monument had of course been erected at the Uchiha burial ground for their daughter, she had scattered white flower petals, lit incense and made offerings to her ancestors for her daughter's safe passage back into God's arms.
Still she had not cried. Every day since she had only made an effort to get out of bed and visit her headstone, placing fresh flowers and the like.
At first everyone had accepted it, but weeks later she had not changed her routine, dutifully visiting the headstone each morning without fail regardless of rain or fog she made her way to the burial grounds.
She rarely spoke for the first few days, she tried to find comfort in the fact that her child's soul was at peace. Eventually she began to talk as though Megumi could somehow hear her. She spoke about how sorry she was that she died and how much she missed her and told her just how much she loved her and all the things they would have done together.
Soon enough she related anything that came to mind, her memories of her mother as a child, her passion for gardening and making salves. Her dream to be a doctor, what motivated her.
It was certainly unconventional by any one's standards. Usually people went to a therapist or took meds, attended a retreat or something of that nature. Hinata found solace by visiting her daughter's gravestone and speaking as if she were really there.
Of course there were rumours, many of the staff and family members thought she had lost her marbles, that her unhealthy practices were detrimental to her mental wellbeing. Sasuke however made no motion to stop her and for that she was truly gratefully.
He had accompanied Hinata upon one of her visits and had listened as his wife spoke. He soon realized what a comfort it was to the sorrowful woman, the only outlet she had for her pent up heartache, her only connection to their lost daughter.
Though it took months eventually there were good days, days when Hinata seemed to return to her former self, smiling, appearing calm and collected. She had even returned to med school using her heightened workload in her attempt to catch up as a distraction.
Then there were the bad days. Days when she couldn't find the strength to get out of bed, where she curled up with the knit blanket she had bought for her little girl and stared aimlessly out the window wishing with all her heart that her baby was still alive, that she didn't face to face everyday knowing that she would never hold her in her arms or rock her to sleep or even kiss her forehead.
She was at her worst on those days and it was times like that Sasuke became her strength, he would come home early and would merely hold her, they didn't really speak. They would eat together and he would take the time to brush out her hair enjoying the silky feel, both of them finding a measure of peace in each other's company.
There had not been a night since Sasuke had first climbed into Hinata's hospital bed and embraced her that they had slept apart. Every night he would come home even in the wee hours of the morning he would crawl into bed next to her and pull her into his arms, their bodies pressed against each other's, his face buried in the crook of her neck inhaling her feminine, soothing scent.
Thus it wasn't hard for Hinata to fall in love with her husband.
He was like a changed man, no longer aloof and indifferent towards her sometimes she would see his eyes soften while looking at her and his voice was always even, quiet, never impatient or angry. His touch was something she had began to relish, the tender possessive quality that made her heart rate hasten and her breath hitch slightly.
He treated her as though she was precious and fragile, a porcelain doll yet he never made her feel incompetent or insecure. Whenever they were together his attention was entirely focused on her. Gradually they were changing together surpassing their past differences and tragedy, though the memory of her lost child was never far from her mind being with Sasuke seemed to make life worth living. She had never once imagined that she could find such happiness in her marriage beyond having a child.
She briefly reflected upon the times they had had sex for duty's sake, it had been brief and mechanical though he was always very attentive, never once causing her pain and he ensured that he wasn't the only one who experience pleasure from their union. Initially Hinata had been very flustered and embarrassed, after all such things were intimate and carnal, though after the first few times she no longer saw it as such. She both knew they felt no passion or love for one another, it hardly meant anything beyond her becoming pregnant.
But now, it was different. So very very different.
It had been almost six months after Megumi's death before they'd made love for the first time. He had wooed her slowly with sweet, chaste kisses and gentle caresses that left her craving his touch. Achieving a slow build it got to the point where there was less tenderness and more fire, more want.
When he looked at her she could feel her face flush and her body heat up, his eyes were so dark and intense, he looked as though he wanted to devour her, a scared little rabbit. But she didn't retreat, no she showed him her own passion, she responded to his kisses just as fiercely and pressed her body against his till there was no space between them and let her hands roam leaving no place untouched.
He left her breathless, crying out his name as he took her barely controlling himself as she clung to him and tightened her embrace making him undulate and groan aloud. Once they started it was like a catalyst unleashing their restrained desires. They could hardly leave the bed before being consumed by their irrepressible hunger.
Hinata had never been one of those seductive sex-kittens or smoldering hot vixens, but Sasuke made her feel sexy and confident, his uncontrolled response to her made her believe him when he called her beautiful and didn't doubt how much he wanted her, and her alone.
And in that little space of time she felt so happy, just when she thought she could never have a chance at happiness he brought joy and vitality back into her life. He made her want to get up and face another day because she had him by her side.
He was the first man who had ever touched her and she knew no matter how long she lived no other would make her feel the way he did.
There were moments in night when she could feel the past creeping into her dreams ready to throw her back into that dark, hopeless abyss, about to drag her under when she would feel his lips pressed against her neck, the heat and strength of his body, his arm possessively draped over her waist drawing her closer to him. And she would know that there was something worth holding on to, someone who would be there to hold her to the light when the shadows encroached around her.
Every time they fell into each other's arms it was a new experience, it wasn't all fireworks and mind-blowing pleasure. Sometimes he just lay there joined with her, their hands entwined whispering in her ear all the things he adored about her, her sleepy gaze when she awoke on mornings, how her face brightened every time she saw him, the way her hair refused to stay in place always falling into her eyes, how irrational he felt when he saw the jewelry he gave her laying upon her bare skin touching her. The rush of pride and possessiveness he felt when he saw his mark left upon her fair skin telling the world she belonged to him.
She didn't know when she started to love him, when she realized the true extent of her feelings. It was difficult to say if there was an exact point when she fell in love. It was more a culmination of all the things they had been through and his unwavering support. The way he had let her into his heart while simultaneously capturing her own.
Hinata did not know if he felt the same though she knew he cared for her and she didn't want to complicate things or create any awkwardness so she kept her growing feelings to herself, sometimes having to bite her tongue and dig her nails into her palm to stop herself from saying those three little words.
While it would have been amazing if he returned her feelings she felt content with their relationship and she knew she had enough love in her for both of them.
But it seemed Hinata couldn't go on living in her perfect bubble where everything was right and made sense. No the world was bound to intrude.
Almost a year after her daughter's death her sister, Hanabi came to rain on her parade.
To say she was surprised to see the new Hyuuga heiress would have been an understatement, but she maintained her composure and acted the part of the perfect hostess not showing her confusion and growing trepidation.
She had led them into the drawing room and had asked one of the servants to bring tea.
Hinata was seated directly opposite her sister, an uncomfortable silence reigned for the first few minutes and when she realized her sister was not going to break the quiet she spoke first.
"It has been a long time sister since I have seen since you. Have you been well?" offering a polite smile.
"I've been just fine. From what I've been hearing you're pretty peachy yourself", her last words accompanied by a sneer.
Mentally the older woman sighed, some things would never change.
"Yes. Life has been calm and contented for us."
Once again they fell silent. Fortunately the maid entered setting down the tray with their tea. Having something to do she busied herself with pouring tea remember exactly how Hanabi took hers, two lumps of sugar, no milk and just the slightest dash of cream.
Taking a sip she inquired, "How are things at the Hyuuga clan? I heard Fumiyo-san is engaged to the son of-"
Abruptly Hanabi interrupted her, "Let's stop with the small talk Hinata. It's pointless and a waste of time. I will tell you exactly what you must be wondering since I showed up on your doorstep. It's been over a year since your last "tragic experience"."
The sarcasm and disdain saturating the younger girl's words made Hinata unconsciously flinch as she mentioned Megumi's passing so callously.
Showing no concern for her sister's distress she continued, "While the Hyuuga and Uchiha clan have been sympathetic and understanding toward your misfortune, they have allowed you time to mourn and from the look of things you're getting along just fine. However this cannot go on.
"You failed Hinata. Four years of marriage and what do you have to show for it", the Hyuuga heiress spat at her. "Nothing. No child. No heir. Just false hope. And now you're useless, there is no chance of you fulfilling your duty now."
Hinata felt each word shred away her carefully constructed walls holding at bay her insecurities, felt the familiar feelings of shame and inadequacy come rushing back along with the piercing anguish. It was all she could do not to let loose a desperate sob.
With every passing moment the heaviness in her chest increased weighing upon her oppressively, making every breath a struggle, a lump in her throat preventing her from speaking for fear that no words would come forth but instead uncontrollable cries.
"Sasuke-san had been unexpectedly kind, indulging you all this time, but it's not going to last. Because at the end of the day you can't give him what he wants most. You can't provide the future heir of the Uchiha clan. All you're doing right now is prolonging the inevitable, because he will have to find someone else to carry out this duty. Someone who isn't a complete fuck-up like you Hinata.
"So stop being selfish and do us all a favour and end this. Let all of us get on with our lives. Stop holding on to this dead-end marriage because nothing will come of it and soon enough Sasuke-san is going to realize that as well and it will be you left out in the cold. So do this for yourself and everyone else and let him go before it comes to that."
She wanted to shake he head, to deny the words Hanabi spoke call her a liar, but she couldn't because every word was heartbreakingly true. She was being selfish she had failed to have a child and now she was just clinging to Sasuke. She was holding him down and she knew sooner or later he would grow to resent her and she knew it would just about kill her to see the warmth that he held in his eyes for her turn cold and gaze at her with contempt.
She closed her eyes, her teeth biting down cruelly on her bottom lip to stop herself from breaking down, tasting the coppery tang of blood as she broke the flesh.
Hanabi satisfied that she had accomplished her mission, smirking at Hinata's shattered composure arose from her seat, her cup of tea untouched.
"I'll see myself out. This has been lovely Hinata. Goodbye."
The door clicking shut behind her, Hinata took one shuddering breath before she doubled over in pain, those terrible truths playing over and over again in her mind.
Her chest heaving as she tried to find air, the crushing burden of her sorrow making it seemingly impossible. Tears that refused to be shed when she had lost her daughter ran freely down her cheeks, hot and salty an expression of the utter despair and suffering that ravaged her.
"Oh God" she cried she knew what she would unavoidably do. What Hanabi already knew would be the outcome.
When the time came she would have to out on a brave face and hide her grief, but for now she would cry until her eyes ran dry because she was going to give up her husband. The only man she'd ever loved effectively destroying her last chance at happiness and ripping apart her battered and bruised heart.
A/N: Yeah and the angst just keeps on coming. It's what I do best. So yeah they were together and they helped each through it, but now it seems like everything is falling to pieces, but who knows I might have a trick up my sleeve and everything will turn out alright. Hopefully our star couple can make it.
I just want to thank you for those wonderful reviews I'm so glad you're interested in my fic and because of you I decided to make it a SasuHina pairing. I hadn't realized how passionate you guys are about this couple, they do fit together nicely.
Anyway please keep those awesome reviews coming I really enjoy the feedback. I love those long comments. XD
Sincerely,
CharmGirl24.