Author's Note: See! Not on hiatus! Please enjoy, and we'd love feedback!
Chapter 13
The first ten minutes of the ride back to Soubi's House was about as uncomfortable as a theme park after hours—the silence louder and more sinister somehow after so much laughter and cheer. Ritsuka slid his hands into the familiar space between his knees, compressing them until all ten fingers were tingling with the onset of restricted circulation.
There was no chauffer this time. Kio was behind the wheel of Genya's taxi, and Ritsuka couldn't help but wonder about his absence, and also fear for the location of his body, considering how livid Kio seemed. His hands on the wheel looked ridged as talons , knuckles whitened, his hair a positive nest of agitation, and his eyes narrowed to steely slits. Ritsuka's first impression of Kio had been of a colorful parrot, but never had he looked so much like a bird of prey.
But that didn't stop Ritsuka from smiling when a certain billboard appeared on the right side of the highway. It featured Seimei in all of his glory, looking even more polished than usual in a crisp black suit, advertising his law firm.
"Hey!" Kio suddenly shouted. Ritsuka ripped his eyes from the passing billboard and stared at him.
"What did I do?" he asked.
"You're smiling at the very thing that landed you in this trouble in the first place!" Kio exclaimed. "Goddamnit, don't you ever listen?"
Scandalized, Ritsuka turned back toward the window and wisely decided not to answer.
"Well, my little hellion," Kio said when they had come to a red stoplight somewhere mid-city. His voice sounded calmer than Ritsuka had imagined it might, if he ever decided to speak to him again, but there was a clear edge of razor-sharp disapproval that did not go unnoticed. "You'd better thank your sex-kitten smile that Kano has a thing for you, otherwise you'd be knee-deep in a shit load of trouble when we get back. As it is, Soubi doesn't know a thing about your little amourette."
"My little what?" Ritsuka asked immediately. He hesitated to ask his second question but he had to know. "...will you tell him?"
Kio sighed huffily. The light turned green and he took off a little too quickly for comfort. "It means 'trifling love affair.' And no, I won't. Soubi won't be happy to hear it, I won't be happy to say it, and you won't be happy for him to know. So it will do no good for me to say anything."
Ritsuka breathed a sigh of relief.
"But," Kio said warningly, "if you ever decide to do this again, Ritsuka, so help me God, Soubi will know. And that's for your own good, no matter how unhappy it will make all parties involved. Seimei Aoyagi is bad news."
Barely containing an eye roll, Ritsuka asked sarcastically, "So how did Kano become the knight who aided my narrow escape from the wrath of His Majesty?"
Kio took a sharp left that forced Ritsuka to grab hold of the grip-handle above the passenger side door. "I'm sure you've figured out by now that the child is no angel. A snooping little sneak, knows everybody's business all the time. Not that I usually care, mind you, but it can be quite disturbing how good at it he is. After Genya showed up hooker-less and freaking out that Soubi might slaughter him where he stood, Kano magically popped into existence and quickly mapped out a plan. I called Tokino and confirmed that you in fact were not still in his residence, and made a deal with him."
A barely controlled sense of dread rose up inside of Ritsuka. "Oh, God. What? What do I owe him?"
"Not you," Kio said, actually sneering. "You've had enough sexual relations lately. You look like hell and you reek of cum, just for your information. It's highly unflattering."
"Kio! Tell me what the deal is!"
Kio huffed and went on. "Kano—you're right to call him a knight, by the way—is Tokino's favorite boy. And Kano offered him a night of any and all services free of charge if he would call up Soubi first thing this morning and lie his behind off. Basically, he told Soubi that you had fallen asleep and he didn't feel it a kind gesture to send you on your way, chaperone or no."
Ritsuka sat stunned, positively floored by Kano's quick thinking and unyielding kindness. "And… Soubi bought it?"
"Nobody trusts Genya too much," he said. "It's not unbelievable that Tokino wouldn't want to send you off with him if you weren't fully alert."
Ritsuka was torn between relief and trepidation. Something told him that he was REALLY of the hook for his liaison with Seimei. There would be some price to pay, eventually.
However, with that came the overwhelming certainty that it would be worth it. His night with Seimei was everything Ritsuka had hoped it would be. Still, Ritsuka felt that it would only be decent to give Kano some sort of thank you - and NOT the sort of thank that Kano probably wanted. Ritsuka understood that he was currently employed as a prostitute but that didn't mean that he had to be one toward his friends. There was a corner mini-mart store and gas station with a gift shop attached just up the street. That could work.
"Kio?" Ritsuka asked, hoping he didn't sound too plaintive.
Kio cut his eyes toward Ritsuka with equal parts suspicion and exasperation. "What?"
"Can we stop at that gas station? I really owe Kano."
Kio snorted. "Damn straight you do." Then he sighed. "Alright. I need caffeine anyway."
They cut across two lanes to get to the turning lane, clipping of several cars, which honked at them. Kio stuck his hand out the window and gave them a rude gesture with his finger. Ritsuka was covering his face when they pulled up to the mini mart and parked.
Inside, Kio headed straight toward the cappuccino machine, muttering and cranky. Ritsuka was quite relieved to separate himself from him for a bit. He headed toward the attached room with the gifts and began to browse. He still didn't know Kano all that well, but he was certain he would recognize something Kano would like once he had found it.
There were scented candles and incense, beaded friendship bracelets, fairy statues which represented each zodiac and reminded Ritsuka that he had no idea when Kano's birthday was and that probably made him a horrible friend. Because Kano HAD become his friend somehow. It was unnerving really; he hadn't ever had many friends, even in grammar school.
Near the back he discovered a wall covered in shelves, each containing different knickknacks. The third shelf up had a small collection of lacquered Japanese boxes. Some were small as a pill box, others large enough to contain a hat. Ritsuka found one slightly larger than a butter dish, black with a gold dragon on the lid. He inspected the inside, which was clean and soft with a lining of bottle blue silk. He smiled. If there was one thing he knew for certain about Kano, it was that he loved to sneak around and keep private little trinkets. Certainly he could use a box like this for something or other.
Taking the box carefully, Ritsuka made his way back to the main part of the mini-mart, toward the smell of coffee and sweet bread and tobacco. He stopped dead as he neared the counter. The two women behind it were holding a small poster- one with his face on it. Breathless, he flattened himself against a shelf stocked with pretzel bags, out of sight.
The women were whispering to each other, loudly. The kind of whispers that were only whispers because the people speaking wanted to heighten their own feelings of illicit conversation.
"Didn't that lady seem just weird?"
"Totally. I can't put my finger on it but there was something."
"I mean, I know I'd be freaked out if my kid were missing, too, but..."
"Yeah, it's like, you don't have to go and rattle the whole chocolate bar shelf. Jeez."
"This kid is actually pretty cute, though. I wonder if he's legal."
A coquettish laugh. "Who cares? I'd do him in a heartbeat."
Ritsuka shuddered with horror. He almost gagged.
"Well, anyway, if somebody sees him, we have her number."
The conversation devolved in a critique of various nail polish brands.
"Ritsuka, you look like you've seen a ghost." came Kio's voice from his left, and Ritsuka jumped about ten feet in the air. "Or, alternatively, Soubi without his hair combed. That's a frightening sight."
"Those ladies," Ritsuka whispered. "They have the poster."
"Poster?" Kio moved to look around the shelf at them, but Ritsuka's hand shot out and grabbed his collar. He waited until Kio's gaze was focused on his serious, intent one.
"My mom's been here."
Kio's eyes widened, realization obviously settling in. Soubi knew all about Ritsuka's situation with his mother, and Ritsuka knew that Kio was his closest-perhaps only-confidant. What Soubi knew, Kio knew.
"Okay." Kio's voice had dropped to a whisper too. "You're going to stay on my left side, out of their view, We'll walk straight out of this isle and when I turn and walk toward them, you'll keep on walking straight out the door and get into the car. They won't have enough time to get a good glimpse of you. Here." He handed Ritsuka his car key. "Get inside and lock the door. And give me this." He took the lacquered box. "Ready?"
They marched out of the isle, Ritsuka's blood thundering in his ears as he plowed straight for the door and made a free break for it. He didn't dare to look back until he had gotten inside the car and locked the doors. He could see Kio at the counter and the back of the two women through the window. They all looked to be laughing and talking. Ritsuka let out a long, tight breath and sunk into the seat.
His mother. God. Ritsuka had too many memories and emotions surrounding the subject of her for him to make sense of them all. There was love, of course; the woman gave birth to him, and raised him, despite the hell she had put him through. There was anger. There was fear - fear that she would find him and a smaller, more secret fear that she wouldn't. Ritsuka couldn't figure out that smaller part. He didn't want to be found. Not at all. Maybe he simply feared the idea that he would have no family left in the world. That without her, he would be alone, at least in that aspect of life, forever. He also felt pity. Mother was sick-very sick, in a way that most people wouldn't understand or accept. Ritsuka understood it. Ritsuka accepted it. Which made it all the harder for him, since it wasn't in his power to cure her. And the whole terrible jumble of feelings, summed up and rolled into one, overwhelmed him. It was the chief reason Ritsuka rarely thought of her.
As the initial adrenalin of his almost exposure began to melt, he realized that more than anything it was anger burning it away. How dare those two gossipy hags laugh about his mother. How dare they pass judgment and speak ill of someone they knew absolutely nothing about. Sure, she had issues. She had horrible, embarrassing issues, but it wasn't her fault. And beneath that lurked someone who was kind and loving, warm and sentimental. Someone who bought storybooks and grape scented bubble bath for her child, sang hymns to him when he was sick and hung his stupid drawings all over the house. And she was smart too, he thought savagely, directing his hate toward the mini mart employees. She had managed to find her way to this part of the city. The exact, perfect part of the city that would make it difficult for Ritsuka to go out too often.
There was a knock on the window that badly startled him, but it was only Kio. He gestured for Ritsuka to unlock the door. After taking a moment to exhale his shock, he did.
"It's okay," Kio said. "They didn't even notice you. Too easily distracted by me chattering about their bad dye jobs, which I pretended to like. Don't say I've never gone out of my way and suffered for you."
Ritsuka muttered a "thank you" and of they went. It was only minutes to Soubi's House from here. Ritsuka spent most of the time worrying about what he would do if his mother WERE to catch him, and coming up with no firm plans. The remaining minutes were devoted to thoughts of Seimei. When they reached the House, Ritsuka got out of the taxi robotically. He barely registered Kio telling him something, until the plastic bag containing Kano's gift was thrust into his face. He took the bag by reflex.
"Ritsuka, honestly. Anybody home in there? You're going to need a lot more of your wits about you if you plan on keeping your story straight with Soubi." said Kio exasperatedly, shoving the keys into his jeans pocket and leading the way to the door.
"It's not like I don't have things on my mind," Ritsuka said under his breath. He was aware that he sounded petulant, and that Kio had honestly done him a huge favor to pick him up, but Ritsuka was so TIRED of everything in his life turning into something that worried him, angered him, or depressed him.
With his hand on the knob, Kio turned abruptly to Ritsuka. He studied him for a moment and then said in a low voice, "We all have things on our minds - and occasionally, those things are you and your safety. And I'm willing to bet every dollar I've ever earned that that is not what Seimei concerns himself with. So when we get in here, I want you to go straight to bed and think about the fact that you have a bed to get into, and think about who gave you that. Here's a hint: it's not Seimei."
Several unpleasant remarks danced across Ritsuka's tongue, but he bit them back. He doubted Kio had gotten any sleep and Kio was the one who still had to answer to Soubi. That detail was unpleasant enough without Ritsuka adding a completely unhelpful attitude to the mix. He was tired, too, and all the sparkling happiness that had been overflowing in his chest when he'd woken had vanished like all the bubbles disappearing in a glass of ginger ale. He wanted a shower and he wanted sleep. He didn't want to argue.
"Listen," he said. "How much was the box?"
"You can repay me later. Just go get some sleep." Kio sounded drained, and sad, and a hundred, ragged years old.
"Thank you for picking me up." Ritsuka managed a smile. He wasn't sure how, but he did it.
Kio's eyes softened, then blinked when Soubi appeared behind him and spoke.
"Yes, doll, thank you for picking him up." He was smirking, and Ritsuka felt a prickle of suspicion bite at the back of his neck. Soubi moved up behind Kio and placed a hand on his shoulder, but he frowned when he looked at Ritsuka. "You look distraught. What is it?"
Ritsuka would sleep with a girl sooner than he'd tell Soubi anything about Seimei or his personal feelings about anything. But he was concerned and thought Soubi ought to know he was in danger of being discovered. Soubi had so many creepy connections it was possible some secret service could be set up to prevent anyone from reporting his whereabouts.
"We stopped at the gas station a couple blocks from here. My mother had been there. There were missing posters."
Soubi's pleasant smile looked suddenly plastic. His hand tightened, crinkling Kio's shirt.
"And did they recognize you?"
Ritsuka shook his head, and Kio said, "Ritsuka hid behind a stack of pretzels and warned me right away. We snuck him out and they were none the wiser."
Soubi's hand relaxed. He moved to stand beside Kio and pulled from his pocket a lighter and pack of his signature mentholated cigarettes. "Clever boys."
"It's my mother who's truly the clever one." Ritsuka eyed the cigarette with a sneer. He contemplated snatching it away, hiding it somewhere. Smoking was a habit he disliked only second to lying. Soubi seemed to catch the meaning of the look and, in a surprising act of geniality, put them away. Ritsuka went on. "If she's in this area, it's going to make it difficult for me to go out anywhere. And I like to go out. I like getting art supplies and books and ice cream. Also—" He looked down at his thin hands. "also it upsets me. Knowing she's been so close and knowing I could put a stop to all her pain."
Kio spoke up quickly, glancing at Soubi anxiously as he did. "If you put a stop to her pain, she'll push the restart button on yours."
Ritsuka shrugged, feeling a wave a melancholy wash over him as he did. "Does it matter?"
Weirdly, Soubi glanced back at Kio with a hint of anxiety, himself. "Of course it matters, Ritsuka. You're overwrought from the night's events. It is understandable. Go upstairs and get yourself a good night's-or morning's-rest."
A sudden thought occurred to Ritsuka. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Kio. "Wait, how do you know my mom will push the restart button on my pain if I go back to her?"
Kio shifted, displaying an uncharacteristic amount of self-consciousness.
"Soubi told you." Ritsuka said, the gears clicking into place. It wasn't a question.
"Ritsuka." Soubi interjected. He spoke in what he clearly thought was a soothing tone. Really, it just came out clinical and veiled. "It was necessary for Kio to understand something of your past. He helps to care for you, as he does all of the boys, and - "
Ritsuka snorted. Yeah, right, he thought. Inside, Ritsuka knew that Kio knew of his past simply because Soubi told him - and Soubi told him because somewhere, deep down in his heart, Soubi cared for Kio. Trusted him.
Suddenly aware that he had his arms crossed and looked perpetually five years old, he dropped them. "Look—"
"My dear boy." Soubi now moved toward Ritsuka. He slipped one long finger beneath Ritsuka's chin and lifted his head. "I'll take care of everything. I promise."
He hesitated. "Soubi. I… I don't want to cause her any more grief."
"Of course. And that won't happen. I have a way to steer her off your path without her ever knowing it."
Slowly, Ritsuka nodded. When Soubi was hiding something, his eyes became different. Harder somehow, impossible to read, like an expert villain. When he was being honest, it left no room for suspicion.
As if to further reassure him, Kio smiled warmly. "Soubi knows what to do."
With that, Ritsuka began his trudge up the stairs. He was too exhausted to devote more energy to his worries at the moment, anyway. It had been a long night. Ritsuka needed the sweet oblivion of sleep.
It was not yet within his grasp, though. Halfway up the stairs (where he could still feel Soubi and Kio's eyes on him), Ritsuka saw Kano descending. He grinned and clapped Ritsuka on the shoulder when he noticed him there.
"Up pretty late, Ritsuka, don't you think?" he asked. Then he winked, and Ritsuka prayed that Soubi hadn't noticed.
"Yeah. Just going to bed," Ritsuka told him quietly, willing Kano to get his drift and be more discreet. Remembering his gift at the last moment, Ritsuka reached into his bag. "I got you this."
At this, Kano's face lit up so brightly it would have put any Christmas tree to shame. His smile widened even further when Ritsuka held out the box, balancing it on the flat of his palm.
"Oh," Kano said, reaching eagerly for it. "It's so elegant. I haven't had anything this precious since—" he broke off here, seeming to remember himself and the two men still standing at the bottom of the stairwell. "It's perfect. And really useful. Thank you, Ritsuka."
His brown eyes glittered brilliantly as he said it, and Ritsuka swore Kio was holding back some kind of girly squee.
Ritsuka sighed and ran a hand over his face. "I'm really glad. It's just a thank you for everything you've done. For being a good friend." He forced a smile, then went to his room without looking back.
A few days later, Ritsuka got a day off. For him, "weekends" at the house consisted of doing anything and everything he could think of that didn't involve the House, sex, Soubi, raunchy clothes, or exotic dancing. Mostly, Ritsuka spent his weekend drawing.
He was falling out of practice lately, so consumed with work (if he could really call it that) and sleeping when he could manage it. His sketches had consequently become sloppier and Ritsuka was damned and determined to correct that. He had found a small alcove on the first floor of the House, one with a window above it that allowed for lots of natural light to filter down and onto his sketchbook. This was where he liked to draw. It had the added benefit of being private.
That is, until Kano arrived.
Ritsuka had been halfway through a sketch of a man with dark hair that hung in loose curls around his handsome face, a smile playing about his lips, and a lawyer's briefcase held in his right hand. He hastily flipped the page behind the rest of his sketches when Kano sat down next to him.
"Long time no see, Ritsuka," Kano said. He bit into an apple he had with him. It crunched loudly.
"I saw you today at breakfast," sighed Ritsuka.
"Oh," chuckled Kano. "Right."
Ritsuka got the distinct feeling that Kano had something specific in mind to tell him and was delaying revealing it on purpose, for his own amusement.
"Nice day, isn't it?" Kano asked conversationally.
"Glorious," answered Ritsuka dryly.
"Enjoying your day off?"
"Mmmhmm."
"...how about those Broncos?"
Ritsuka stared.
"You're no fun, Ritsuka." Kano said, after a beat. "Okay, well here's the deal. I'm here to invite you out tonight. To a club."
Ritsuka shuddered in horror inwardly. He was disinterested in clubs even before coming to Soubi's House. Now, the thought of spending free time there felt like nothing more than an addition to his work schedule. Dressing provocatively and writhing against strangers. "Thanks but I'm not really...into clubs, Kano."
Kano shrugged this off. "That's cool. Scratch the club. What are you into?"
He offered Ritsuka a slice of apple, and Ritsuka took it. He crunched into it as he considered. Getting out for a while did sound nice. The sun was sinking lower in the sky and pretty soon he'd have to put his sketchpad away. There wasn't anywhere else in the House he could draw in peace—not anywhere with adequate lighting anyway.
"Don't make fun of me for this, okay?"
For a brief moment, Kano looked hurt. "I would never make fun of you," he said, softly.
Ritsuka offered him an apologetic smile. "I know, it's just that I'm going to sound about seventy years old. But I don't like clubs because I hate loud noise, and that includes loud music. I don't like socializing with people I don't know well. I like a more refined atmosphere. It doesn't have to be boring, just not crazy where expectations of flirting and sex are high. It would be nice if there was a hangout that was more chill."
Kano grinned around his apple. "Have you ever heard of the Moonlight Lounge?"
Ritsuka blinked. "No. What's that?"
Kano took another bite. He looked pleased with himself. "It's a nice place. Quiet, comfortable. They serve wine and grapes and there's all this...I don't know, soft lighting. You sit on couches. There's music in the background, but not loud and not abrasive, and people hang out there. Chat."
"Hmmm." Murmued Ritsuka. "Well, I'm willing to try it."
Kano beamed.
The lounge was very similar to what Ritsuka had imagined it would be. Red and blue and purple lights shone softly onto burgundy couches, and the smell of fragrant wines permeated the air. Kano led him to a squashy couch in the corner of the room, where no one else was seated. There was a tiny round table in front of it, with a menu standing neatly in the center.
"There's no smoking in this place," Kano explained. "I know you don't like that. But there IS an oxygen bar if you wanted to try that out. My treat."
Ritsuka couldn't understand the appeal of such a thing. Wasn't there oxygen all around you? In the atmosphere?
He said as much to Kano.
Kano laughed. "Oh, Ritsuka." he said, and that was all.
They ended up ordering soda's: diet coke for Kano and a root beer for Ritsuka. They split a plate of fries and a chicken wing sampler. It worked out well—Kano liked the spicy selection and Ritsuka preferred the sweet. They didn't talk much when they ate, which felt relaxing and comfortable instead of the tense awkwardness it could have been. A wall fountain to their immediate left along with the numerous fake trees created the illusion of a rain forest, the soft colored lights glinting gently off the polished floor and black ceiling. Ritsuka found himself sinking deeper into the cushions, full and languid. The music, too, was comforting and easy, switching up between soft rock, jazz, and overly-lovey pop songs.
Kano, it turned out, knew a lot about jazz music and explained to him a time back in junior high when he used it as a sort of personal escape. Ritsuka was about to inquire about what exactly he needed escaping from, since he sounded so disheartened when he said it, when a familiar figure caught his eye.
"Hey," he said, suddenly becoming more alert. "Isn't that guy over there-?
Kano thanked the waitress—who had brought them fresh soda's-and turned to look at the indicated person. His curious expression melted at once into cherry-blossom bashful. He plucked his cup off the table and sipped it as he murmured, "That's Ritsu."
"He's the one who gave you the flower, right? That time when..." Ritsuka's voice trailed off, remembering the rose that Seimei had bought for him, and his smile as he had held it out...so sweet and mysterious and full of promise...
"Yeah," Kano said, and it was almost a sigh. "That's him."
Ritsuka recalled the story Kano had told him about Ritsu. It was a sad, but somehow beautiful story. The ending yet unwritten. And if Ritsuka were any judge (and he was, in this area. A good judge.), Kano was desperately in love with the guy. Kano either didn't know it or refused to admit it or some combination thereof; but, the way he said Ritsu's name all but gave it away for him. Anyone with eyes could see that. Hear it, Ritsuka amended to himself.
He, Ritsu, was watching them. Watching Kano, really. He didn't seem to be doing a good job at hiding it. Maybe because he didn't care who saw him staring. He dressed like Seimei, Ritsuka thought dully. Expensive clothes, ironed, muted colors. Ritsuka couldn't name the expression in his eyes. They never did look away, though, and even when Ritsu blinked, it was like he was still holding Kano's image in his mind.
"What a creeper."
Kano snapped back to attention, looking aghast. Exactly the reaction Ritsuka had been hoping for. He hid a smile by sipping more root beer, waiting for the defense. Kano studied him a long moment, calculatingly.
"Yeah. A little bit."
Ritsuka frowned. "Kano, you don't think he's a creeper. That was the whole point—to get a confession."
"A confession? Are we playing detective here?"
"We aren't playing anything. I'm being serious."
"And so am I." Kano leaned in closer. "He's kind of a creeper and I kind of like it." At Ritsuka's look of pure incredulousness, he went on.
"Imagine it. Seimei coming in and he only has eyes for you. Every single time."
Ritsuka could agree it would be flattering albeit still creeper, and that, yeah, he'd probably like it. And yet...
"But wouldn't it be better if he actually talked to you? If that were Seimei, I'd want much more than a creepy stare."
Kano smiled sadly and patted Ritsuka's cheek. "My little dreamer."
A conversation he'd had with Youji a couple of nights ago swam to the forefront of Ritsuka's mind. His smile evaporated. So far, everyone who had ever talked to him about Seimei seemed to have the same opinion. Kano's personal opinion on Seimei, however, was still a mystery. Ritsuka wasn't quite sure why he had never thought to ask Kano about it, or tell him what everyone else had been saying. Kano knew so much about everyone else, it seemed his opinion might be more aligned with the truth than anyone else's speculations.
Ritsuka set down the chicken wing he'd been picking at and licked off the sweet tang of barbeque sauce from his fingers, not noticing until he snapped out of his thoughts that he had kind of stolen Kano's attention away from Ritsu. He pulled his ring finger from his mouth and picked up a napkin. "Am I really so unrealistic?"
Kano was still staring at his mouth. His gaze lingered there for a second before flicking upward to meet his. "There's nothing wrong with being a dreamer."
"That doesn't answer the question," Ritsuka said, testily. "You call me a dreamer, like I'm walking around with my head in the clouds and can't see what's really in front of me. But you help me with Seimei. You encourage me. You foster these feelings I have and you never ridicule me for it. Everyone else tells me Seimei is a bad guy. He's kind and polite and good in bed, but talk about anything deeper, like he's an actual human being with feelings and thoughts of his own, and everyone cringes away."
Kano was frowning at him now, looking confused and sorrowful.
"I want to know what you think about all that," Ritsuka said, rattling on. "You know more about people than anyone else does and I know you've spent a considerable amount of time with Seimei. Don't try to deny it. I looked in your file."
Kano sighed, finally breaking eye contact. When he answered, he spoke to the table between them. "Ritsuka...Seimei Aoyagi is a heartbreaker, pure and simple."
Ritsuka felt shock was over him. Kano continued.
"I haven't told you my opinion of him up to now because you've already GOTTEN the right opinions of him from everyone else. Why did you need mine? To me, you needed somebody who wouldn't argue against your heart (which is a waste of time, anyway. Nobody can win an argument against someone else's heart.) and who would support you. If you want to know why I think he's a heartbreaker, I'll tell you. But I don't think you'll like the story."
Ritsuka stared him down stonily. "I can handle it."
"You're looking at me like you're readying your troops for battle, and you're going to defend Seimei against anything I have to say. And that's fine. I'm not Soubi's personal defense team. I simply know what I know, and I happen to know that it's the truth, and it doesn't shed a particularly favorable light on Seimei." He leaned back. "So don't shoot the messenger and if you're going to argue about it, please wait until I've finished."
Ritsuka mimed locking up his mouth with a key and tossing it over his left shoulder. Kano began, watching Ritsuka's face intently.
"I know that it doesn't sound that horrible. Seimei broke Soubi's heart. Big deal, right? It happens to scores of people every day. Maybe Soubi deserved it. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe, if they were falling apart, Soubi would have broken it off himself eventually anyway. Blah blah blah. It doesn't matter. The reason it doesn't matter is because none of these speculations are true. None. Here's how it really was: Soubi was beginning his second year in college when he met Seimei, and Seimei was a new senior at the high school.
"Ritu Minami," here he paused and shot a fleeting glance over his shoulder, looking mildly startled and then deflated when he realized Ritsu had vacated the lounge. "Risu was Soubi's mentor. He's a high profile lawyer, you know."
Ritsuka shook his head, indicating that he hadn't known. It made sense now why he had been with Seimei that day he received his rose. He felt slightly bad that he hadn't asked more things about him for the sake of indulging Kano in the invitation to gush about the guy.
"So Ritsu had to attend this college prep seminar-slash-orientation for the high-school kids, and since Risu was Soubi's mentor, Soubi attended as well. That's where the two of them met. Soubi and Seimi, I mean. The connection was instantaneous. For the next four and a half years, they were always seen exclusively together."
Ritsuka's widening eyes must have given away the shock he felt because Kano's voice became marginally more animated.
"Yes! Four and a half years! A not insignificant amount of time, most people would agree. It wasn't a bad relationship either in the sense of there being any conflict. Soubi was obsessively in love, and he did anything Seimei wanted without question or hesitation. A love slave, of sorts. And Seimei... now Ritsuka, what would you make of this? Seimei gave very generously to Soubi-gifts as well as his attention. He never strayed, never so much as looked at anyone else."
A knot of jealous tension had tangled itself somewhere in the recesses of Ritsuka's chest. He shook his head, swallowing back a violent sense of illness.
"It sounds like Seimei was in love."
Kano laughed. Sadly, humorlessly. "Sure. So imagine how Soubi's world as he knew it was shattered the day Seimei walked away, as cool and unmoved as a distant planet. And when Soubi asked him how he could just walk away from someone he loved, Seimei replied, 'Loved? Don't go making ridiculous assumptions. I have never professed love of any kind to you.' And it was true. He had never said it, but Soubi had believed it all those years, and Seimei did not care."
The jealous knot had loosened, but now it felt as if Ritsuka had swallowed a cold stone. Could this seriously be the same Seimei-warm and inviting and gentle-that he knew? Was there a missing piece to this story? He couldn't move, couldn't talk, couldn't believe the person he knew could be capable of such callousness.
Kano's hand closed over his on the table.
"Ritsuka, I know it's difficult to hear. I know. But this is how Seimei is. Why do you think he picks up rent boys and wears no ring? He's too self-centered to love. He isn't capable of it."
"I don't understand," Ritsuka said. "This can't be. Seimei wouldn't do something like that. There must be an explanation."
"The only explanation is that Seimei is cold on the inside, no matter how toasty he makes you feel. You won't be the first one he's made feel that way."
"I can't..." Ritsuka was still shaking his head in slow disbelief.
"If it helps," Kano said, "Next time he picks me up, I'll find a way to snoop around, dig something up. See if maybe he does have a sweetheart of sorts."
That had Ritsuka's attention. "Next time? You think... after the time I spent with him on Valentines night, he's still gonna..."
Kano's expression said very clearly that his heart was breaking for Ritsuka's pain. "Oh, sweetheart-"
But he never got to finish.
A high, excited voice bellowed across the lounge from a tall girl with long, red ponytails. "Ritsuka!? Oh my god, Ritsuka!"
She ran toward the pair of them, ponytails flying behind her. Ritsuka stared, slightly dumbfounded, wondering who she was. Then it hit him.
Yuiko.
She was a girl in his science classroom who used to sit two seats down from him. Ritsuka never had much affection for her, but the two of them had still been friends. They ate lunch together and occasionally worked on their homework together after school. Ritsuka was mortified to see her here.
This was firmly part of his "new" (rent boy) life, and he didn't want anyone from his old, normal (though abusive) life to see it.
Yuiko didn't hesitate when she reached their table, just leaned across it and squeezed Ritsuka tightly.
"It's so good to see you again!" she exclaimed. "Ritsuka, none of us knew what had happened to you! Everyone at school thought you were in a terrible accident or something. Or worse! But here you are - right next to Kano!"
She swiftly moved to hug Kano, who patted her back while shooting Ritsuka a look of fond exasperation. "Hi, Yuiko. Long time, no see."
Yuiko laughed. "Oh, Kano, you're such a kidder. We saw each other just one week ago, don't you remember? At this very lounge!"
Ritsuka boggled. Worlds were colliding so quickly and so forcefully that he felt dizzy. He looked helplessly at Kano, fear of exposure causing hysteria to rise quickly within him.
Kano, obviously sensing the dangers of a Ritsuka melt-down, stood and took Yuiko's shoulders between his hands. He had conveniently turned her rear-facing toward Ritsuka, allowing Ritsuka to pull himself together.
"Listen, Yuiko. You cannot tell anyone that you saw Ritsuka here."
A whining note permeated her tone. "What? Why not? Everyone's looking for him! His mother—"
Kano looked her calmly in the eyes. "You may tell them that you saw Ritsuka, that way they know he's alive and well. But you must not tell them you saw him here. Do not mention this part of the city at all. This is very important to Ritsuka's well-being. Do you trust me?"
He said all this with astounding patience. Ritsuka hadn't seen anyone be patient with Yuiko, except maybe Yayoi—another classmate—but that didn't count because that guy was so spastic and excitable that no one would attach a label as serene as "patient" to him.
"Of course! I trust you, Kano!" She turned to wink at Ritsuka. "Yuiko won't tell anyone that you were here! But I'll make sure your mom know's you're A-okay!"
Surprisingly, Ritsuka felt the pressure of tears building behind his eyes. He hadn't recognized in himself until this moment how badly he wanted to comfort the worry his mother must be feeling. He managed a soft smile. "Thank you, Yuiko. I'd really appreciate that."
"And actually, we were just about to take our leave," Kano cut in. "I'll catch you around next time, okay?" And he pecked her cheek.
Ritsuka allowed himself to be whisked toward the door, his arm linked in Kano's. But before departing, he paused and looked again toward Yuiko.
"Also? Also, please tell her that I love her."
It was another night on the street. Ritsuka was standing in between Youji and Kano, shivering in the March cold. The whole House had had few clients so far, and as a result, nearly all of the boys were lined up along the curb. They danced and writhed against each other with more vigor than ever. Though Ritsuka had never likedthe displays they made, tonight it seemed particularly vulgar to him.
Youji was licking a stripe up Natsuo's neck, grinning wickedly as he did.
"Are you sure you don't want to get in on this, Ritsuka?" he asked casually, speaking into Natsuo's neck. "He tastes really good, you know."
Natsuo made an mmph kind of sound.
Ritsuka muttered "no thank you" and continued staring into the street before him, wondering where Seimei was, or if he would even show up tonight. Although it had disturbed him to a point what Kano had said about Seimei coming by for someone other than Ritsuka, he had quickly shaken it off. He hadn't quite been able to shake off the feeling he got whenever he remembered the story of Soubi and Seimei, though.
He shivered now, thinking about it, and pulled his coat a little tighter around himself. It wasn't good to wear it if he wanted to get work tonight. But it was serving a double purpose because Ritsuka wanted to be sure he didn't catch anyone's eye until Seimei got there. And even though it had been several weeks, it only made Ritsuka that much more sure that he'd be showing up soon. He was way overdue.
"Hey boys," said a guy in a murky green sweater. He had come from the smoke shop a few doors down, leaving his car parked there. He was relatively young and had about two days worth of stubble, but didn't appear to be intoxicated or give off any offensive odors. His eyes were a pleasant shade of blue. "Is uh… is your friend over there working?"
Ritsuka glanced in the direction the man pointed. Kio was leaning against the rail of The House's step, bedecked in his usual everyday clothes—some tight jean shorts and a sleeveless crop top; white with runny black letters that said "Not your bitch" across the chest. He looked bored and was staring off into the middle distance like his mind was too preoccupied to even realized he was dressed like he was going to the beach while standing around in frost.
"I don't think so," said Kano. "But I'm free."
The man's eyes raked over him, like he hadn't even thought to look, then back at Kio with obvious disappointment. "How old are you kid?"
"Old enough." Kano ran a nail up the man's zip.
"I'm barely old enough, but you can't beat two for one," said Youji, pointing at himself and Natsuo. "And we'll do anything."
The man looked wistfully back at Kio.
"Move along, sweetie, no sale here," Kio called out, not even bothering to glance in their direction, but making a shooing motion with his free hand.
The man looked back at Kano, asked him to turn in a slow circle for him, and then asked him to follow him into the back alley.
"Sucker," said Natsuo.
Youji looked torn between derision and humor, and shrugged. "If I were him, I'd have taken Natsuo. I hate stupid people."
It occurred to Ritsuka that Kio didn't show any interest in entertaining clients at all, save for Seimei. Weirdly, Ritsuka did not feel tendrils of jealousy at this realization. Perhaps it was because Kio was so clearly in love with Soubi. And the more that Ritsuka thought about it, the more he found that it was just one more example of how charming Seimei was. He could even break Kio out of his slavish devotion to the House for a night or two.
But was Seimei's charm really such a good character trait anymore? Ritsuka trusted Kano when he said something, and his account of Seimei and Soubi made Seimei's magnetism seem...manipulative.
That didn't mean it was manipulative, though, Ritsuka reminded himself. The same events could evoke wildly different interpretations from different people.
Suddenly, a small hand whose nails were glossed in black waved back and forth in front of Ritsuka's face.
"Hellllloooooo? Ritsuka? Anybody home in there?" Natsuo was sing-songing.
"I'm here." Ritsuka answered petulantly. Was it such a crime if he didn't feel like conversing this evening?
"Okay, well, we've only been trying to get your attention for the past five minutes. Kio's asking if you want any hot chocolate. He's going to get us all some because it's so damn cold out here."
Ritsuka shook his head. "I'm fine," he said, even though he wasn't. He just didn't want Seimei to pick him up and smell stale sugar on his breath.
"Okay. You can have a few sips of mine to warm up," Kio told him, and disappeared inside The House.
"I'm about ready to go press my behind against Soubi's office door and tell him to kiss it," Youji said coldly. "It's always slow after Valentine's day, but does Soubi listen? No. He's such a money-hungry bastard. I'm giving this twenty more minutes."
"You said it," Natuso said. "I'd rather be inside with my hot chocolate. You know, where it will actually stay hot long enough for me to drink it first."
He was huddled up against Youji's side, his forehead pressed to Youji's cheek. Ritsuka was getting so cold he could no longer feel his fingers or his toes, and he was half-seriously contemplating asking if he could stand between them for extra warmth when the smooth, gentle purr of a Rolls Royce stopped him short.
His heart was hammering a tattoo against his ribs when it pulled into view—but something was strange about this. It was definitely Seimei, but he had stopped on the wrong side of the street. The window slid downward, and Seimei's profile came into view. He wasn't smiling, wasn't looking at any of them.
Concerned, Ritsuka made to step off the curb to get to him, but was startled into immobility when Seimei slide two fingers into his mouth and gave two high, sharp whistles.
Inexplicably, Youji laughed.
"Sorry, Ritsuka," he said, kissing Natsuo's nose casually. "You're SOL. That's me."
There was a roaring in Ritsuka's ears that made Youji's word incomprehensible. What did he mean, Ritsuka was out of luck?
Natsuo laughed. "Well, at least you got somebody that will keep you warm tonight, babe. Tell him hi. I think I'm going to bed - Soubi can bite me."
Youji nodded. "If he starts anything, tell him I'm working for us both tonight and he can shove it. Sleep tight." Then he stepped off the curb and walked to Seimei's car.
Ritsuka's heart slammed to a stop when he saw the passenger door of the Rolls open silently from within. Youji slipped inside, and the car pulled away without a moment's hesitation. He watched it drive down the street for as long as he could. He was still staring long after the red glow of the taillights had faded into the darkness.
"Seimei," Ritsuka whispered, a lump tightening his throat. It was a dream. A nightmare. This wasn't happening. Seimei wouldn't just leave him. He wouldn't. Ritsuka didn't believe that, refused to believe it. He had told Kio that Ritsuka was his favorite, hadn't he? Seimei had given him milk and brought him in from the cold and laughed with him and gave him a rose.
Rising up from somewhere in the back of his mind was Kano's voice, quoting what Seimei had told Soubi once upon a disaster: 'Loved? Don't go making ridiculous assumptions. I have never professed love of any kind to you.'
His eyes smarted with tears, and something inside him broke. A firm but soothing hand on his forearm brought him back around, and he found himself standing in the middle of the street, half-way to where the Rolls Royce had been parked. He hadn't remembered stepping off the curb. Natsuo was beside him, his comforting touched morphing into a tight grip around his wrist.
"Come on," Natsuo was saying, "Do you want to get yourself killed? You can't just stand out here blocking traffic."
Dazed, Ritsuka allowed himself to be pulled back onto the curb, but his disbelief was quickly melting into molten anger. He tore his arm away.
"Don't touch me!"
Natuso hesitated, his arm still suspended outward, toward Ritsuka. Tears were beginning to bead softly on Ritsuka's eyelashes.
"How can you stand it? How do you just let him go off and do that?!"
Natsuo cleared his throat. "Ritsuka, come on. You know I do the same thing. It wouldn't really be fair to tell Youji he can't do something I do myself. Can we please get out of the street now?"
Ritsuka stalked back to the sidewalk, pointedly refusing to walk beside Natsuo. He didn't bother to see if Natsuo was following him or not when he said, "Fair! There's a new concept. If you would just keep your dog on a leash, none of this would have happened!"
When he reached the curb, he saw that Natsuo had followed him, and was now standing to his left. Natsuo's eyes were narrowed, the first sign of anger he'd yet shown. "Youji is the love of my life, and I don't appreciate you talking that way about him, Ritsuka."
Ritsuka just shook his head in disbelieving horror. "How can you let him go off with other people? Why do you let him go off with other people?"
Natsuo blinked. "Umm...because he has to eat?"
"And you can't think of any other way to accomplish that besides letting the 'love of your life' go off to have sex with someone else's—"
"What, Ristuka? Someone else's what? Go on and say it if you honestly believe something so pathetically untrue."
Ritsuka closed his mouth. He was so mad his hands were shaking, and there were spots dancing before his eyes.
"You need to get your facts straight, little boy, because Seimei Aoyagi has no serious attachments to anyone or anything and he never has. Get it through your unbelievable stupid head already."
"You're wrong! You're wrong and everyone else is wrong!" Great tears began pouring down Ritsuka's face, and he was shouting so loudly his throat was already raw . "You don't know him!"
"We all know him. We all even know what size his dick is and what he sounds like when he comes." Natsuo still was not shouting, but his voice had risen significantly, and there was no kindness there.
Suddenly, the door of the House swung open and Kio walked through. There was a tray of hot chocolates in his hands - tiny curls of steam were unfurling above them. They smelled rich and sweet.
They didn't change the fact that right now, Ritsuka wanted to vomit.
"What's going on out here?" Kio asked sharply, walking amongst the other boys and distributing hot chocolates but clearly speaking to Natsuo and Ritsuka. "I can hear you two arguing all the way in the kitchen."
Natsuo snorted. "RITSUKA is having a meltdown because Seimei Aoyagi, Mr. Rent Boy Rolodex himself, took Youji tonight instead of him. Even though we've ALL tried to tell him that it would happen."
Ritsuka's voice reached glass-breaking pitches when he shouted, "None of you know what you're talking about! None of you! You don't know what he's like with me! Not that I'd expect Natsuo to know what true love looks like!"
There was a sudden crash, and the sound of ceramic breaking. Somehow, though, Kio's soft voice pierced through all the noise. "True love? Have you lost your mind, Ritsuka?"
"I know what I'm talking about! I'm not crazy! He wants me, not Youji and not anybody else!"
"Come inside," Kio said. He started toward Ritsuka, stepping over the broken tray and shards of teacups.
Ritsuka bolted for the street, his chest heaving with emotion. But Kio was faster and managed to catch him around the waist from behind. Ritsuka tried madly to pry away the restraining arms.
"Let me go! Let me go!"
"Ritsuka, calm the hell down!" Kio said, yelling this into his ear.
Ritsuka squeezed his eyes closed, still struggling. He threw out his arms, like he were reaching for someone or something in the distance. "Seimei! Seimei!" The name trailed off into long, heart-wrenching sobs.
"Soubi!" yelled Kio, craning his head over his shoulder and yelling in the direction of the House. "Soubi!"
"I don't need him! I don't need anybody but Seimei! Seimei!" Ritsuka sobbed, throwing himself to and fro ferociously. Kio could barely keep a hold on his flailing limbs. But he did, and suddenly the fight drained out of Ritsuka completely. He sagged in Kio's arms and went limp. In the end, it was only Kio's strength keeping him afloat.
It was no more than ten seconds later when Soubi burst through the door of the House, looking about wildly and seeming to be as frantic as Ritsuka had ever seen him. "Kio?" he called, and then he got sight of him, Ritsuka still dead weight in his arms.
Soubi strode quickly to them, eyes intent on Kio's. "What happened?"
With great effort, Kio hefted Ritsuka higher in his arms. Ritsuka experienced everything as if it were happening to someone else. He wasn't Ritsuka right now. He was lost.
"Ritsuka's having an...emotional catastrophe." Kio muttered. "We need to get him inside. This isn't good publicity."
Soubi's clever violet eyes swept the street. The remaining boys had all been staring, and even Kano and the man in the green sweater had emerged from the alley to see what all the commotion was about. Now they all pulled away their eyes and began softly murmuring to each other—except for Natsuo, who was still glaring daggers at Ritsuka, and Kano, who looked like he wanted to cry himself.
"Give him to me," Soubi said.
Kio relinquished Ritsuka, and Soubi hoisted him up over his shoulder. He anchored his arms around the backs of Ritsuka's thighs and started back for the house. Ritsuka let his top half hang down Soubi's back, limp as a ragdoll. He was still crying, still saying Seimei's name over and over like a plea. Like an apology. And he didn't care what Soubi thought, and he didn't care what was going to happen. Because everything mattered, and now nothing did.
TO BE CONTINUED!
-BC3 & MM