a.n. Here's the next chapter. Thanks to all for the kind reviews, follows, and favs. They mean the world to me and keep me motivated.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or its characters.

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Chapter 10

Previously…

She finally made it back to her apartment after sitting in her car for over an hour sobbing and crying harder than she had ever cried before. Even when her mother had died, she had never felt this hopeless. She sank down on her living room couch and cried even more, grieving her loss, and torturing herself with a flood of what ifs.

Hours later she was startled awake by a sharp wrap on her front door. She jerked her head up and looked at the clock on the wall. It was a little after 6PM. Her stomach rumbled due to the lack of food, but she ignored it, not having any inclination to feed herself. She stumbled towards the door, threw the lock, and opened it enough to see who was on the other side.

"Castle…" she breathed. "What…."

"Hey, Kate. Can I come in?" he asked, giving her a small smile.

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She had honestly thought that she would never see him again. So to find him on her stoop was a complete shock and she could do nothing but step aside to let him in.

Stamping down her surprise, she asked, "What are you doing here, Rick?"

He said nothing. He gave her a look she couldn't identify and walked into the living room and sat down on the couch, the boot on his leg making a lot of noise as he made his way there. He propped his injured leg up on the coffee table, giving her an apologetic look. "Sorry, but the doctor says I need to keep it elevated."

She waved him off and asked again, "Why are you here, Rick?" She walked to sit down on the other end of the couch, and turned towards him, waiting for some explanation for his sudden appearance.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. She noticed that he had showered and shaved, and he looked much more put together than he had when she had seen him earlier in the afternoon. "I'm still mad, Kate," he said finally.

She sighed, wondering what more they could possibly have to say to each other. She had said her bit, and while she was still reeling from the decision, she knew that walking away, allowing him to move on, had been the right thing to do. She wasn't good for him, and she would just break them if they tried to be together. "Then why are you here, Rick?"

He looked up at her and met her eyes. "I can't let you go. I've spent the last three months in complete misery, and this time it wasn't you that was putting the distance between us, it was me. I know, I have every right to be mad, but holding a grudge isn't me. When you walked away today I realized that I don't want to give you up, no matter how much we've hurt each other in the past. So I came here."

Hope flared in her stomach, her heart beating rapidly. She wanted to kiss him so badly, but they weren't there yet. Then she remembered why she had walked away. Why she was doing this. For him. For the first time ever she was trying to put his happiness before her own. It's what she knew she had to do. "I think you should go," she said, trying to keep her voice from betraying how much she really didn't want him to leave.

"No. I'm not leaving."

"Castle…I'm not good for you. You were right. It is always about me. I've hurt you so badly, and I'll do it again. I know I will. I don't want to hurt you anymore. You are better off without me."

"You don't get to decide that for me, Kate. Not anymore. I don't know how we'll make our way back to each other yet, but I know that I still want you in my life."

"Why? Why don't you hate me? You should hate me," she cried.

"Never. I could never hate you, Kate, not ever. I love you," he said, bringing his hand up to her cheek and wiping away a tear. "I love you."

She sniffles, and grabs the hand he has placed on her cheek, intertwining their fingers. "So what does that mean? Do you forgive me? What's next for us?"

"I don't know. For the first time in a long time, I just don't know. I know I love you, but I'm still mad. But I want to forgive you. It's just going to take me some time. I think maybe we should go back to where we were before all this. We'll be honest about our feelings, and we'll work on getting closer. I'm not capable of coming back to the precinct yet, though, so we'll start small. Movie nights, burgers and shakes from Remy's, drinks at The Old Haunt, and so on. Then we'll see where it goes."

"I'd like that, Rick. It's not where I want us to be, but I'll give you the time you need. I'll work every day to show you how much I love you. But you probably won't ever be able to come back to the precinct."

"What? Why? Did I do something?"

"No, I did. I…I haven't handled these last three months well. I pushed the boys and Lanie away, and focused on work. But I wasn't really focused. A couple days ago we got a lead on a case we were working, but it was a trap. The bad guys were there waiting for us, and we were lucky to escape with our lives. Ryan and Espo wanted to wait for backup. But I wouldn't listen so we didn't. I almost cost us all our lives. Gates suspended me pending an IA investigation. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get fired."

"Oh, Kate," he said, pulling her into his side and wrapping his arm around her. "I'm so sorry. Maybe if I hadn't pushed you away that wouldn't have happened."

"No, Rick," she replied, looking up at him, still reveling in his arms around her, "it's not your fault. It's mine. I was stupid, and I'll deal with the consequences."

"If you are… What are you going to do?"

"If they fire me? I don't know. Either way I'm going to focus my energy on fixing us, and getting us to where I want us to be. But as to anything else? I don't know. I haven't really had time to think about it. When I came home after it all happened, I just cried for a while, and then Lanie came over and reamed me out for being an idiot. Then I came to see you the next day. I guess I'll start to think about it once I know the outcome of the investigation."

"Do you really think they'll fire you? I think they'd be stupid if they tried. You're the best detective New York has ever seen."

She smiled up at him, "That's sweet, Castle, but it isn't true. Everyone is replaceable, even me."

They were quiet for a while. She sat there enjoying the comfort of having his arms wrapped around her. It should have felt weird, what with their fight still ringing in her ears, but it didn't. It felt right. She knew that they weren't there yet, and that he was still angry. She knew that she would have to continue to work hard to be the woman he deserved. But she had hope finally that if they worked hard enough they would get there together. It'd just take time.

"I should go. I'm sure Alexis is worried, I'm not supposed to go out without supervision," he said, untangling his arm from her shoulder and standing up. "Have dinner with me tomorrow? As friends?"

She looked up at him from where she sat on the couch, and though she wanted to be more than friends, she would take what she could get from him. She smiled, "Sure. Out or in?"

"I feel like cooking. Come around six."

She got up and walked him to the door. Opening it he made his way out, but turned before he made his all the way through. "We'll get there Kate. I promise."

She took his hand and said, "I know. I love you, Richard Castle. I'll wait for you as you've waited for me."

He gave her hand a squeeze and walked towards the elevator, never looking back.

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a.n. One more chapter to go, folks! Please leave a review to let me know what you think! Kate and Rick are back together, but not like they want to be. Will they get there? Should they?