The Private Escapades of Puck and Quinn

by BMontague

A series of one-shots focusing on Puck and Quinn's 'private' relationship post-high school and how each encounter helps shape their life together. Rated M for language and lemony goodness.

8. The Night Before Life Goes On

A/N: Holy Lawnchair, Batman! I am so sorry it's taken like a month+ to get this updated… life has a way of getting in the way...and two of my cases kinda blew up in my face over the past month. So it's taken a while, but it's finally been updated! (And I'm really trying hard to update more often, I promise)

Thanks again to andsoitis2, Ellii51, walkingthegardengnome, marine04, A Amanda A, HaleyLouise and I'm a gleek1994 for your wonderful reviews!

Also, I apologize now, in advance, for the length….wow, sorry about that.

Title credit: The Night Before (Life Goes On) – Carrie Underwood (YouTube it if you haven't heard it!)

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"The Night Before (Life Goes On)"

"How did we get here?" Quinn asked, laughing humorlessly as she brought the bottle of wine she pilfered from her mother's stash to her lips and took a long swig.

Puck snorted in response, "You mean out here on your roof or 'here' metaphorically?"

"Ooh, ten point big-word bonus for the use of 'metaphorically.'"

"Smartass," he chuckled before signaling for her to pass the bottle.

But Quinn had a valid point. How did they get here? After all, it was prom night and the rest of their classmates were probably out celebrating at some house party somewhere. But instead, here they were, sitting on the roof outside of Quinn's bedroom window, passing a bottle of wine (or two) back and forth as they stared out over the well-manicured lawn.

Sitting here now she tried to delude herself into thinking that this all started earlier on in the evening at the dance, when Becky Jackson took home the title of Prom Queen instead of Quinn. But who was she kidding?

No, prom was just another night. People just happened to dress fancy and pretend like it was something out of the ordinary; something magical and special. But really, in the long run, it was just another night.

However, it was a bit of a catalyst, Quinn realized. For it was at that moment, when Becky Jackson of all people stepped forward to collect her crown, Quinn finally realized that she had wasted so much time and energy over the past several years trying to be perfect and trying to win that damn crown. And for what? So her parents would be proud of her for something for once? To feel some sort of validation that she did matter?

Realistically, the whole campaigning for prom queen was pretty much a crock of shit. People get tired of seeing your face on posters and can see through the fakey-nice smile you give them when you ask them for their votes, when honestly, you couldn't tell them their first names if they asked. And yet, you still pretend to be their best friend to get a vote. How lame did that sound now?

But the truth of the matter was that people could see through that and chose instead to vote for people they actually liked or cared for. People they found to have something in common with. People they respected. People like Kurt Hummel, and this year, Becky Jackson. They didn't vote out of fear or as a joke. They didn't vote for whoever made the best posters or had the wittiest slogans or the best campaign treats. No, they voted for a candidate they thought was real, not fake.

And now, having lost her second prom queen election, Quinn realized that while people may want to be her or maybe even still feared her from her Cheerios or Skank days, they certainly didn't respect her.

But in all honesty, did she really care what they all thought? She wanted to be liked and certainly didn't want people to hate her, but otherwise did their catty remarks and judgments of her really matter? The only people who really had any affect on her what so ever through high school had been her friends in Glee. They were the only people who supported her when she had faced every trial and tribulation and they had called her out on her bad behavior. They were her true friends. And in the long run, isn't that really what counted?

In a week's time they would all graduate and go their respective ways, and if she were honest with herself, she really only wanted to stay in touch with those true friends after next weekend. She may see other classmates over holiday or summer breaks and maybe catch a Facebook update or two. But other than that, everyone would be off in all directions doing their own things and Quinn no longer had to pretend like she was someone she wasn't just for the sake of making it through high school on top of the social pyramid. She didn't care anymore and putting up that front and pretending everything was perfect and that she was fine was exhausting.

At least her true friends accepted her for her…and all she could hope was that they too respected her just like she respected them. It was a lot to ask considering how horrible she had been to all of them throughout the years. They had taken her in when she had nowhere else to go, they let her express herself without passing judgment, and they had all, in their own individual ways, managed to make every day that much brighter when she saw them in the hallways.

However, if she were really, really being honest with herself, the one person she cared most about gaining their respect was the man now sitting next to her. How did we get here, she asked herself again.

She shook her head slowly as she recounted the events of the evening leading up to this point.

– Flashback—

She had lost the prom queen crown, yet again, this time to Becky Jackson. Sure, she was Sue's right hand woman and at times could be just as ruthless as Sue, but she did have a fairly kind disposition, students actually liked her and Quinn had to admit she was probably the best choice out of all of the candidates – well, at least better than herself, Santana, Lauren Zizes, and an uber-bitchy junior Cheerio named Morgan.

After it was all said and done, Quinn needed to get out of there and get some air, finding her way to a picnic bench outside. And that's where Puck had found her; sitting outside taking a fortifying pull from a cigarette she bummed on the way out of the dance.

"That shit'll kill ya, you know?" he commented as he approached her from behind.

Quinn jumped a bit at the surprise, looking back at his approaching figure before turning back around and taking another drag, "Eh, maybe that's better than feeling like shit, that's for sure. For the past several months, I've been feeling completely empty. And now, I've got nothing left. The buzz this cigarette is giving me is about the most I've felt in a while."

He took a seat next to her and rested his elbows on his knees, "What the hell are you talking about?"

She laughed humorlessly, "Everything in my life that I've touched, I've managed to fuck up. My family, my relationships with my friends, my daughter…" she trailed off.

"So we're throwing a pity party to make you feel better about losing Prom Queen?"

"You know what Puck, fuck you," she replied harshly, "You have no idea how I feel."

"Well, I know you're sitting here feeling sorry for yourself over a stupid plastic crown. You're dwelling over something stupid and petty…again, instead of focusing on something other than yourself for once. So stop feeling sorry for yourself, Quinn, it's not very becoming."

"I don't feel sorry for myself," she replied calmly, "I blame myself for everything. So just do me a favor and leave me alone."

"See, now you are reaching for the sympathy card just to make you feel better."

"I don't want your pity or sympathy, and I don't feel sorry for myself. I did this to myself. I have nothing left in me to keep warring internally over every little thing in my life. I'm sick of feeling so conflicted over everything; from you, to Shelby, to Sue, to my mother. Everybody it seems like these days. I've got nothing left to keep fighting for. I just want to get the hell out of here and start over."

Puck bit the inside of his cheek, trying not to snap at her again when he heard the resolved tone in her voice, "You know, you have plenty of friends and people who care about you."

"You don't, you made that abundantly clear earlier this semester, so why are you still sitting here?"

"What the hell are you talking about? I care about you. You were acting crazy at the time and I snapped. I thought we got past that."

"Maybe you thought we did. Doesn't mean it hurt any less," she replied, looking down at the ground before murmuring, no louder than a whisper, "Doesn't mean it's not the truth."

"It's not the truth at all, Quinn. I do care about you. A lot actually," Quinn snorted in protest before he continued, "I'm not joking. You need to give yourself more credit once in a while and actually try to see the best in people instead of dwelling on what you believe they think of you."

Quinn rolled her eyes before taking another drag, "As much as I would like to believe that, I can't. I see the good in my friends and in people like Mr. Schue, but everyone else, I've screwed up. In fact, part of me thinks I should be thankful that Beth won't grow up with me as a mom. I know I would have totally messed her up. Everything I touch, I screw up. No fail."

"Quinn…" he began as he rolled his eyes.

She cut him off before he could finish his thought, "No, honestly, maybe this is what I deserve. I realize that. I have been so awful to everyone since I transferred in to McKinley, so maybe this is what I get. Karma, you know. I was miserable to the Cheerios and underclassmen. I was rude to the rest of the glee club. I was horrible to Finn."

Puck scrunched his brow at the mention of his friend's name but she sounded like she was on a roll and he figured she needed to get it all out, so he let her continue.

"I felt sorry for myself the night you came over, but you put me at ease. I could be myself around you. And for once, I let myself just feel and be happy while I was with you. And what did I get for my moment of true happiness?" she let the question linger as she took another drag, "I got pregnant. I ruined my family & they kicked me out. I lost everything after that year," she shuddered lightly at the memory before continuing.

"I tried to get it all back, everything I lost & that blew up in my face. Multiple times over the past two years. Every dirty secret I had, every feeling of inadequacy and pain and guilt. It all came flooding back and it felt like I was drowning. After New York, I tried to change again, but it was no use. I came back, tried to change who I was and act like I didn't care, but that was all a lie. I think everyone knew it too," she sighed, flicking the ash off of her cigarette, "Then Shelby came back with Beth and I fell off the deep end again. I was gifted an opportunity to be a part of my daughter's life and get to know her again but I fucked it up. Yet again."

She shook her head and lowered her gaze, "Through this whole experience, or should I say my own personal hell that has been high school, I have officially gotten knocked up outside of wedlock with a boy that was not my boyfriend, had a baby, lost my family, hurt all of my friends, ruined relationships with everyone I care about," her voice quivered, "And most importantly, I've lost two of the people I love most in this world…I lost my little girl, and…" she trailed off.

Puck was a bit miffed at how lowly she had been referring to him during her mini-rant, "You lost your perfect boyfriend Finn? Or was it Sam? Your dad? Please do tell. The anticipation is killing me," he finished sarcastically.

She looked up at him, tears running down her cheeks before averting her gaze forward again.

"You," she whispered, "I lost you."

Puck swallowed hard, not expecting that answer.

She threw her cigarette on the ground and stomped it out, furiously wiping her eyes before looking back over at him, "Well congrats, you have actually made me feel something again. Thank you for helping me dredge up all of those wonderful memories. Much appreciated."

Puck grabbed her arm and turned her around. "Quinn, wait," he started, holding his hands up in surrender as she snapped her head around, her eyes glowing with anger, "Ok look, I didn't mean to push you on the issue. I just – I don't know. I guess I wasn't expecting that is all."

"Just forget about it," Quinn said quietly, reaching down and picking up her clutch, "I don't really want to think about it anymore."

She moved to leave but Puck wasn't quite ready to back down from this one. He finally got her to open up about something and knew there was far more hidden under the surface that was still hurting her. But he could see her closing off again as she gathered her belongings, so he quickly came up with something to hopefully get her to talk more…even if he had to piss her off even more in the process.

"So that's it, Quinn? You just going to turn around and run away from your problems…again?" She snapped her head back around and glared at him before he challenged her further, "I mean, that is what you tend to do when shit gets hard. Run away that is. So let me ask you this, when are you going to finally figure out that running doesn't always solve everything."

"How dare you!" She took a menacing step toward him, pointing a finger at his chest, "You know what, I don't owe you shit, so fuck you, Puck."

He knew he should have stopped after that, but he couldn't. He kept digging himself a hole, his mouth turning upwards into a sly grin, "Ohh, but we've already done that, Sweet Cheeks."

The comment hit her like a blow to the chest, her heart clenching hard as a lump of emotion began to form in her throat. She tried to set her jaw and breathe through it, trying to think of something to say back, but the reminder of their night together, a night she actually secretly treasured despite the drama afterwards, was too much to take. She could feel the hot burn of tears begin to form again and quickly looked away, trying to hide her reaction from him but knowing it was no use.

She met his gaze once more, her voice trembling and weak with emotion, "Good to know I was just another random fuck to you."

She quickly turned around and began to walk away, quickly wiping under her eyes even though she knew her mascara had probably ran a marathon at the rate she had been crying. She heard his footsteps follow behind her and heard him call out for her to come back, but instead of turning around, she broke out into a jog, ironically literally running away from one of her problems as her heels clacking harshly on the pavement. She needed to get away before high school actually suffocated her with the memories of all her past indiscretions.

She tried to pull her keys out of her clutch but her hands were trembling so badly, the keys slipped through her fingers. The footsteps neared her location but before she could pick them up, a shiny black shoe kicked them out of the way.

"Quinn, I didn't mean that. I'm fucking up left and right tonight and I'm sorry. That was a low blow and you didn't deserve that."

Quinn looked up from where she had bent down to retrieve her keys, glancing away from where he stood and shrinking against the car, "Maybe I did."

"You didn't deserve it. You don't deserve that. Why do you keep acting like this? Like you feel as though you have to take responsibility for all the shitty things that happen and you don't matter anymore? Like you deserve some jackass taking cheap shots at you? How can you not care about anything?" Puck practically yelled.

"I don't know anymore!" she shouted back, taking a deep breath before continuing in a calmer tone, "I do know that I care about my friends. They are some of the only people who have supported me through everything, but even they can't patch the massive hole gaping in my chest. The constant ache, the incessant guilt and regret is eating me up inside."

She sank to the ground and looked around the parking lot, swallowing hard, "It's painfully obvious I can't move on and accept what's happened over the last several years. I wake up and feel empty only for that emptiness to be filled with remorse, guilt, anger, denial and regret and if that's the way the rest of my life is going to be, I don't want to live it anymore. I can't do it anymore."

"What do you mean you can't do it anymore?" he asked, kneeling in front of her, "So what are you going to do, Quinn, huh? You can't keep running all the time."

"No, I can't keep running," she agreed, "But I don't have to deal with it all right now. Honestly, I just want to go drink enough to forget, even if it's just for the night."

Puck quirked an eyebrow at her comment, "Wow, well, I think you and I both can agree that drinking doesn't solve anything."

Quinn shook her head, "And I think that you and I both could agree that nobody gets drunk off of two wine coolers," she sighed dismissively. "I'm thinking tonight may warrant something a bit stronger than a few wine coolers to help me not feel as fat. I just want one night. Just a shred of peace without nightmares of losing her again. Giving her up again."

She sniffed back a few tears before continuing, "You know, sometimes I wish there was something like in that movie 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' or something. Some place where you could just go and get your memory erased. Just forget everything."

Puck captured his chin in his hand before running it over his cheeks, "You would really want to forget everything that's happened? Having Beth, all of your friends, any happy times you had?"

"Yes," she whispered, "because all of the happy moments are completely overshadowed by the things I regret. I would forget all of this if I could. All of high school. I would want it to make me forget how horrible I was to people. Forget how screwed up my family was. Forget about the Cheerios and the nasty stares and rumors from sophomore year."

She paused and Puck wanted to say something when he saw her lip quiver, Quinn crying always hitting him like a ton of bricks in the gut. So he let her continue.

"If fact, I would want to forget all of sophomore year. Everything that happened. I would want to forget about the attraction I felt for you the first time I saw you. Forget how wrong it should have been yet how good it felt lying there with you after we… were together. Forget about getting pregnant the first time I was ever intimate with someone." She paused, her voice hitching as she began tearing up again, "Forget about all of the pain I caused everyone and all of the trusts I betrayed with my lies. Forget the one thing I gave up that I would give anything and everything to get back. Make me forget about my daughter. Our daughter."

She hung her head as the sobs began to wrack her body, "I would want to forget about the 9 months I carried her, the feeling of creating life, feeling her grow and kick inside of me. Forget about the pain I was in during labor and the absolute sheer happiness and joy I felt the first time I held her tiny body, kissed her precious cheeks and got to tell her I loved her. Forget that I gave her up, that she'll probably grow up thinking that her birth mom didn't love her or didn't want her. Forget that I will have to live with the guilt and what ifs the rest of my life. But it's not that easy, is it?"

"No, it's not," he sighed, moving around to sit next to her, pulling her into his chest, "But then again, life's never easy, Q. Maybe you were right earlier this year when you said that we got all of our dumb mistakes out of the way early in our lives" He chuckled lightly before continuing, "Well, maybe you've gotten your mistakes out of the way, but let's face it, it's me. I'm bound to do dumb shit on a fairly regular basis probably for the rest of my life."

For the first time that entire night, Quinn felt herself crack a smile. Puck squeezed her and ran a hand up her arm, "Now, that's the smile I love. Come on, let's go home. It'll probably be a whole lot more comfortable talking there than sitting here in the middle of a parking lot."

Puck smiled at Quinn before standing up, offering her his hand in the process before picking up her discarded keys and helping her to his truck.

-x-x-x-x-

And now, here they were. Quinn shook her head and chuckled, taking another pull from the bottle of wine.

"What?" Puck asked, glancing over at her before twisting the top off another bottle of wine.

"Just thinking about earlier," she replied, "So, is a roof more comfortable than a school parking lot?"

Puck chuckled as he took in their surroundings, "At least we got out of there before the dumbass drunks decided it would be a good idea to drive home."

"Very true," she agreed, "And at least we waited to get back here before we started drinking."

"Valid point," he concurred, looking down at the bottle of Merlot in his hand, "Plus we were smart enough to grab the decent booze instead of settling for the cheap shit we knew our parents wouldn't miss like the rest of those yahoos at the dance."

She smiled and looked up at the stars, trying to find her favorite constellation. She could always pick out the Big Dipper and Orion, but her favorite, Andromeda, was always a bit trickier to find. As soon as she spotted it far out on the horizon, she smiled even wider, the story of Andromeda always intriguing her ever since that astronomy class Sam talked her into taking last year. As punishment for her mother's boastful ways and her father's disinterest and cowardice, Andromeda was chained to a rock as a sacrifice to one of Poseidon's sea monsters as a means to show her parents the error of their ways. However, before any sea monster could claim its prize, the warrior Perseus rescued her from her fate and whisked her away, marrying her shortly thereafter and exiling her parents to the heavens, where they could look on silently as she lived a long, happy and fulfilling life with her husband and family.

And as stupid as it may sound, Quinn often found herself looking out her window at that same constellation, wondering if her story mirrored that of Andromeda's. Part of her wanted to believe that her tryst with Puck ruined her life when she found out she was pregnant, but the other part of was starting to believe that maybe he had been the one to actually save her from the suffocatingly fake life she lived before everything happened. Maybe he was her Perseus.

But then again, maybe the end of Andromeda's story was a bit too much to hope for.

"God, look at us," she smiled, motioning between the two of them and their bottles of wine, still dressed in their Prom-wear, "we sure do put the 'ass' back in 'classy', don't we?"

Puck laughed as he took in their appearance, turning away again as he looked back at the horizon, "Yeah, and we also manage to put the 'fun' back in 'dysfunctional.'"

Quinn's smile melted away from her face at that comment, Puck choosing to swill his bottle instead of looking over at her.

"Did you ever feel anything for me?" she asked, never taking her eyes away from the heavens.

Puck snorted and brought his bottle of wine up to his lips before taking a deep pull, "Of course I did. I've told you that before, you just never seem to want to believe me."

"The names Santana, Mercedes, Lauren and Shelby come to mind," she bit off before taking a deep pull out of her own bottle.

"I would ask you the same thing, but the names Finn and Sam come to my mind, so I'm just going to let sleeping dogs lie on this one. It's been almost a year, Quinn. Maybe you should think of doing the same."

"I'm so glad I brought you back here to lecture me, Dad," she replied sarcastically, her eyes drifting down to the label she was peeling off of the bottle, "I thought I could talk to you, but maybe that was a bad idea."

He rolled his eyes and propped his elbows on his knees, "Ok, first of all, never compare me to your father. I am not him and I would have never been him. Ever. And you know that," he replied, his voice softening a touch at the end, "And you can talk to me. I'll always be here for you, so long as you cut the sarcastic shit and start getting real."

Quinn let out a frustrated huff before responding, "I could say the same for you then too. If I cut the sarcasm, you should cut the indifferent shit, because I feel like I've been bearing my soul to you all night and I've been pretty open thus far, but you seem to act like it doesn't matter to you. But you're not that cold-hearted and I know something has to matter to you. If it doesn't, let me know now so I can escort you to the front door and save what few shreds of my dignity I've got left."

"Fine. It's a deal," he conceded, holding his hand out to seal the promise, taking hers and shaking it.

They both turn to look back out at the lawn, a heavy silence overtaking them for several minutes as they both reminiced over the drama of the past several years.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, Quinn finally broke the silence, her voice barely above a whisper when she spoke.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"Why didn't you ever sing me a song in Glee?" she asked, her voice timid but laced with a touch of emotion.

"What?" he asked, turning to look at her downtrodden expression, "What are you talking about?"

"I don't know, I guess I've just been wondering for a while why you never sang me a song in Glee? You sang to Mercedes and to Rachel and even to Kurt when his dad was in the hospital. You sang to and wrote a song for Lauren, although I'm still not quite sure whether those songs were a form of flattery or not," she replied, her voice growing softer, strangled as the words left her mouth, "And you sang for Shelby. But you never sang to me."

Puck could hear the quiver in her words and knew that she wasn't saying this just to pick a fight or to mess with him. Whatever brought this up must actually strike a chord with her if it was bothering her this much.

"I've sang to you!" he replied, looking over at her, "I sang 'Beth' to you."

A small, sad smile flashed across her face as a tear escaped her eye, "No, you sang that to her. You sang that for Beth." She wiped the tears away and looked off to her left to avoid his gaze, "Great, now I'm jealous of my own daughter."

Puck ran his hand over his head and sighed as he watched her reaction, her fingers trying to wipe away the silent tears in a futile effort to control her emotions. Internally, his own emotions were warring against each other as well and he wasn't quite sure how to react. This was the first time he had seen her crack like this and while part of him wanted to say that it was the alcohol that was making her all weepy and emotional, the other part of him knew that wasn't the case as she had yet to even finish off a fourth of the bottle in her hand and that was the only thing she had drank that night. She hadn't been drinking in the parking lot earlier either…

That other part of him knew that the conversation they had been having all night long had been a long time coming, and that the walls Quinn had so carefully constructed to protect herself and her heart were finally crumbling with all of the stress. He also knew that this whole night may be a once in a lifetime shot to get inside of her head and her heart and hopefully catch a glimpse of the Quinn Fabray he fell in love with two years ago. The Quinn Fabray he was still in love with, but who needed to learn to unpack the baggage she had been carrying around with her for so long. And he sure as hell was going to make the most of it, in that moment choosing to be open and honest with her about everything and hoping that she followed suit.

Because what he wouldn't give to have her back in his arms…

"I'm sorry I made you feel left out, I really am," he apologized, "I guess that was the only way I thought I could impress people. I play the guitar and I can sing, but otherwise I'm pretty shitty at telling people what I'm thinking or feeling." He paused, sighing before turning his attention back to the label on his bottle, "But for some reason, I never felt that way with you."

"What do you mean?" she asked, her attention completely turned back to him.

"I guess I mean that I sing stuff and use other people's words when I don't have anything better to say myself. When I feel like I have to be a badass and perform like a rock star for someone to like me. But with you, I feel like I can be myself. I mean, through everything you and I have always been pretty honest with each other, even when we weren't talking a whole lot last year. I've just always felt more at ease around you and that I didn't need to put on a show just to make you like me," he paused, and chuckled slightly, trying to bring some humor back into the conversation so he didn't look like a total pansy, "Well, that and you were always dating someone, and I didn't want to get into any more fights with people in the choir room. I don't think my probie officer would like that very much."

She smiled and nodded her head, letting it go for the time being.

He took another sip from his bottle before looking back over at her, "You know, you've mentioned her more times tonight than I think I have ever heard you talk about her before. Even more than when you went a little off the deep end trying to get her back earlier this year."

Quinn flinched at the comment, realizing that he was right. Not just about the deep end part, but about the Beth part too. "I just miss her so much, you know? Every hour of every day, I miss her. I always wonder how she's doing or where she is, who she looks like or what new things she's learning every day. She's growing up somewhere out there and probably will never know I exist at this rate. I just hope that she knows how much I love her."

Puck took one of Quinn's hands in his own, "Q, she will know that. Shelby will tell her all about us. She promised she would."

Quinn scoffed and rolled her eyes, pulling her hand away from his as though his reminder of Shelby burned her skin, "I highly doubt that. She's not exactly my biggest fan and it wouldn't surprise me if she never told Beth about either of us. Even after your little- fling earlier this year."

Puck shook his head at her comment, "You know what, she's not that bad. She's an amazing mom to Beth and she wants what's best for our daughter. She deserves a little more credit than you give her. And this whole jealousy bullshit with Shelby is a bit tired, Q. You called her out at Sectionals, basically threatened her and she skipped town as a result. What did she do to you, honestly?"

"She took everything from me! Everything I love and turned it against me…obviously!" Quinn roared, her body shaking from the anger and hurt Puck's praise of Shelby invoked. She took a few deep breaths trying to calm herself, taking a deep draw from her bottle before looking back up across her yard.

"You know, at one point I was sold on having a family with you. After we babysat that night, I couldn't get the image out of my head. The perfect little family with you, me and Beth. I kept telling myself that we could do it, that it may be hard but we could do it. I wanted to right all of the wrongs my parents caused and I wanted to keep her so badly; wanted to be with you so we were too young, and that wouldn't have been a good life for her. And I know that."

She sniffed again, deciding against trying to quell the quickly approaching tears as it would probably do no good at this point, "I wanted us to be together too because I loved you, but after she was gone, I couldn't look at you without seeing her. Without feeling that gut-wrenching guilt and emptiness once she was gone. Ultimately, I lost my daughter and I lost you and that has been killing me inside ever since."

"But you have no idea how badly I wanted to keep her and how much I loved her the moment she was placed in my arms. So I gave her my heart but knew it was best if we gave her up. I know I kind of made that decision for you and you have every right in the world to resent me for that. I wouldn't blame you if you still hated me," she sobbed, a hiccup escaping before she continued softly, "But seeing you earlier this year with Shelby and Beth, living the dream I once had, loving somebody the way I want to love you, the way I desire to be loved by you, being the parent to our daughter that I yearn to be, it – it almost killed me. I know it's a sin to feel envy toward another person or to covet what they have that you don't, but I can't help it."

Puck sat there in silence as she poured her heart out, not knowing what to do or say in that moment. He knew he fucked up big time with the whole Shelby thing, getting so wrapped up in the moment of being with his daughter again that he never really considered how Quinn must have felt about everything. Sure she went a little crazy when she decided she wanted to sabotage Shelby into getting Beth back, but he also knew that he was partially to blame as well. He went along with the plan for the most part, not saying anything to discourage Quinn from doing what she was doing, leading her on like he was still on board with everything when he had already told Shelby what she had done, never once considering what Shelby would do to Quinn once she found out.

He had been selfish too, blinded by the perfect little blonde girl that looked so damn much like her mother. He wanted back in her life, but did he really want to be with Shelby to do so? If he were honest with himself, he knew he played both Quinn and Shelby. In fact, he was the one who egged Quinn on to go talk to Shelby in the first place, trying to get her to go see Beth and in the process, dredging up all of the painful memories of having to give the little girl up. And he was the one who tried to push Shelby too hard into letting him be a part of Beth's life, feeling like if he took advantage of her vulnerabilities as a single mom, she would let him be Beth's father again. But did he love Shelby? Did he actually picture her as a part of the family he had envisioned in his head when he thought about being with his daughter again?

He snorted quietly as mulled that over in his head. But the answer was quite simple to him. He wasn't in love with Shelby. He loved his daughter more than life itself, but he didn't love Shelby. He respected her and trusted her to take care of Beth and did think that she made a great mom, but he didn't love her.

He still loved Quinn though, he couldn't deny that. He probably always would, seeing as how she gave birth to their perfect little girl and she would always tie them together. Quinn understood him, respected him, saw him for the man she thought he could be instead of the loser he thought he was, and she often gave him the benefit of the doubt. And God, the way she looked at him, even when she was mad…or the way her skin felt like fire whenever he brushed up against her, or the way they could both be themselves around one another.

He never felt like he had to hide anything from her. He never felt like he had to be anyone other than himself around her. And if the huge tug in his heart at the sound of her tears told him anything, it was that he would do anything to make her happy again. To love her again. To call her his own again.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Quinn wipe away a few tears, looking down at her bottle before taking a few deep gulps. He could tell by the look on her face that she had something else to say, but was struggling to find the words to say it.

Quinn felt the burn of the wine as she swallowed it, relishing in the discomfort for the moment as it distracted her from the next few words she was still fighting to try to figure out how to say.

She lowered the bottle and clutched it tightly with both hands, hoping Puck wouldn't see how bad they were trembling. She took a deep breath and cleared her throat.

"But, Puck, I do want you to know that I just want you to be happy," she swallowed hard, keeping her eyes focused on the label on her bottle, "And if Shelby makes you happy, then I'll eventually find a way to be happy for you."

She swiped a hand under her eyes again before continuing, her voice still dripping with emotion, "And I am so, so sorry I took Beth away from you. I've seen how good you are with her and how much she loves her daddy, and I am so sorry I kept you from experiencing that for as long as I did. You are an amazing father…and all girls should be so lucky."

She rubbed both hands down her face as she tried to pull herself together, feeling as though she may explode if she sat here next to him for much longer in this uncomfortable situation, her talking and him staring at his bottle of wine. She made a move to scoot back toward the window and away from Puck when a strong, warm hand wrapped around her arm, effectively halting her hasty escape.

She heard him sigh before he spoke, his words quiet and calm. "You know, there was never anything between me and Shelby," he said, pausing and looking up at her, "Well, besides that one time. I mean, I thought that maybe something may be there, but I thought wrong. It all felt wrong. I guess you could say it was kind of more of an infatuation with Shelby than anything."

Quinn turned to face him more directly, his admission catching her off guard but leaving her hanging on every word as he began to explain. Puck took another drink before shamefully hanging his head, "I think I was a lot more in love with the thought of having Beth back in my life, than I did with wanting to be with Shelby. You were right, it was kinda an instant family, but after all was said and done," he paused, intentionally skirting around bringing up his and Shelby's afternoon together, "nothing with her felt right. "

"And honestly, as much as it hurts to admit, and I know you may not feel the same way, but I whole-heartedly feel that we made the right choice with Beth. Shelby is a good mom, not that I don't think you wouldn't have been a good mom, but Shelby was meant to be with Beth. Not me by any means, but with Beth."

He lets out an exasperated sigh as Quinn continues to stare at him intently, feeling like she's boring a hole into him with her gaze.

"As much as we may have both wanted the perfect family with Beth, it just wasn't meant to happen at the time. We were too young. But it doesn't mean that it may not still happen in the future, you know?" he murmured, wanting to see if she caught his subtle meaning behind his words.

Her eyes widened in surprise at his admission as she sat back against the siding of the house, not quite sure what she should say at this point.

He gives her a soft smile. "You wanna hear a secret?" he asked, waiting for her to nod her head before continuing, "You were my first."

Quinn's eyes narrow before her lips twist into a smile, "Now, I know for a fact that's not true. I call bullshit."

"Ok, well, not on that…my first for that was Santana."

She rolled her eyes, "I really didn't need to know that, thank you."

Puck chuckled in response, "Hey, in my defense, she would probably much rather sleep with you than she would with me."

A hearty laugh escaped Quinn's lips. Leave it to Puck to find a way to bring humor back into this conversation.

"You're probably right," she agreed, allowing for their giggles to settle.

"I meant that you were my first love, Quinn," he admitted, swirling the bottle by its neck.

Quinn took another deep pull from her own bottle, skeptical at his seemingly sudden epiphany after she had been spilling out all of her thoughts and feelings all night, wondering if this was just a ploy to make her feel better.

"You made a comment earlier that really got me thinking. The "good to know you were just another fuck" comment," he clarified before taking another deep drink. "You weren't just another fuck, Quinn. I wasn't lying to you when I said you weren't just another hook up. I'd actually been wanting you for a while, but I never got a chance. Not with Frankenteen on your arm. But when you invited me over that night, I saw my chance and I took it."

He glanced over at her to see her rapt with attention, her gaze never leaving his as he spoke, "And to be really honest, there's always been something about you, Q, and I'm pretty sure I was falling for you before that night even happened, as sappy as that sounds. But even then, what happened that night between the two of us, that wasn't fucking. I know fucking and that wasn't it."

He expected her to be affronted by his comment, but instead she gave him a confused look before chuckling lightly, "There are multiple types of sex?"

He smiled back to her before explaining, "Yeah, well, besides the obvious other choices involving mouths and fingers and um, other places," he smirked, watching her roll her eyes at his phrasing, "There's fucking, which really doesn't mean a whole lot. It's fast and furious and people are just looking to blow off steam and get off. Then there's just plain sex, which also really doesn't have any meaning besides a means to an end. I would classify it as a little less heated and angry, a little slower paced, if you will." He shifted uncomfortably before continuing, "And then there's the other type, and I know I'm totally going to lose my 'Man Card' by even saying the phrase, but you know…the whole making love thing."

Quinn watched as he took the last pull out of his bottle before setting it to the side and swallowing hard, clearing his throat before continuing, "That kind, it's a lot different than the others. There's love and emotions and shit involved, and it's not just sex anymore. I actually used to think that it didn't exist."

"You used to think?" she asked, practically holding her breath as she waited for his answer.

"I used to think it didn't exist," he repeated before raising his eyes to meet hers, "Until I was with you." He paused, letting that sink in for a bit, "Everything felt totally different when I was with you. I can't explain it, but I felt it. Call me crazy or something."

He looked back down at his hands clasped in his lap as Quinn's mind started to race a million miles a minute. As much as she tried to tell herself that whole night was wrong, everything had felt so right between the two of them. She had felt something, something pretty powerful in fact. People always say that a girl falls a little bit in love with their first because the sensations and emotions are a bit overwhelming at first, and she had to admit they were right. But she knew she didn't fall in love with him just because he was her first.

That night had been amazing for so many reasons. He had been sweet and gentle and complementary and patient and she felt her heart swell at the memory of him kissing away the tears that had escaped at the initial discomfort. He made her feel good about herself for once and she loved the way he looked at her and touched her and kissed her until her body finally rebelled, giving in to his ministrations as she melted into his embrace.

"Can I ask you something else?" Puck's question breaking her out of her trance, "Were you being serious earlier when you said you weren't drunk that night?"

Quinn simply smiled before taking one of his hands in hers, "Like I said, nobody gets drunk off of two wine coolers."

And for the first time that night, Puck actually let himself genuinely smile. He finally had the answer he had been dying to hear ever since that night. The answer that proved that night wasn't just a drunk mistake to her. That it actually meant something to her too.

---

Quinn woke the next morning to the bright rays of sunlight streaming through her still open window. She cuddled her body pillow tighter to her body, inhaling the fresh, clean scent as she tried to shift to her other side, her movements hindered by the heavy weight of a tanned arm wrapped around her waist. She was a bit freaked out and disoriented a first until she glanced over at the arm's owner slumbering peacefully beside her, smiling at the warm and comforting feeling of waking up next to Puck again.

Last night had been a bit of a blur after leaving the dance. They had talked for hours before finally confronting their feelings toward one another outside on the roof, Quinn finally feeling like they were making some progress. Puck even made the first move, scooting in close and kissing her sweetly for the first time in a long time, the two of them savoring the familiar yet foreign taste of each other's lips. After the sexual tension got to be a bit too much, Quinn pushed down all of her insecurities and finally went for it, stripping out of her dress in front of him and trying to seduce him again. She had him out of his jacket and shirt and was going to work on his pants, when much to her mortification, Puck rebuked her advances again, telling her they should maybe wait since they both had more to drink this time than last time.

Quinn felt her cheeks flush in embarrassment at the memory, remembering how she immediately locked herself in the bathroom, Puck picking the lock and asking her to come back to bed, just to sleep that night. He offered her his button-down shirt he wore to the dance earlier and she swore she saw his eyes glaze over when she finally stepped out of the bathroom and made her way to the bed, wearing only his shirt. No other words were spoken the entire night as they both drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

And now here they were, Puck spooning Quinn's backside, his arm protectively holding her close as he slept. She tried to savor the feeling of being nestled into his chest, knowing that this may be the last time she got to be this close to him.

She felt her chest tighten at the realization. She had been accepted into Yale and would be heading out to Connecticut in the fall to start classes. Puck, on the other hand, had decided on going a different route other than college. He would be heading out to Camp Pendleton near San Diego, California in less than a month to begin basic training with the Marine Corps. He had always said he wanted to do something more with his life than bum around this town, so he decided to make a change and enlisted, seeming rather excited at the prospect to become a Marine and defend his country.

And just like that, her heart clenched again, the thought of this being their last time together hitting her like a freight train as she felt his gentle puffs of breath on the back of her neck. She sighed and tightened her grip on his arm as she savored the contours of his body against hers. If

He must have felt her shift because she felt a soft pair of lips skate across the back of her neck before a deep, sexy voice murmured in her ear.

"Morning," he said, kissing that hot spot behind her earlobe, his voice still laced with sleep.

"Mmm, good morning," she replied, turning in his arms to face him.

She traced the contours of his face lightly with her fingertips, watching the way he leaned into her touch as the dust motes floated around them in the sun's light. She smiled softly as she ran her fingers over his soft lips, Puck smiling in return before gently kissing them as they passed.

"What are you smiling at?" he murmured as her hand made its way down his collarbone to his shoulder.

"You," she replied easily, "How cute you are in the morning."

"Woman, I'm not cute. I'm manly!" he replied, bringing his hand up and brushing a lock of hair out of her face before attacking her face, peppering her cheeks and jaw with light kisses while he tickled her sides.

They continued to tease each other lightly, joking around and caressing one another for several more minutes. Their bodies gravitated toward one another like magnets, lips fusing together as their legs intertwined under the covers.

Quinn was convinced that every time Puck kissed her, he stole the very breath from her lungs, leaving her light headed and her skin flushed with heat. Passion.

Puck shifted slightly as he pulled her in closer, his thigh slipping higher in between her legs and bumping up against her core. The contact made Quinn jolt, chills of desire shooting through her entire body. She broke away from the kiss and shifted her gaze up to meet his, wondering if felt that same electricity.

Her answer was in his eyes, his pupils dark with desire as he held her gaze and lightly licked his lips. She felt his hands move down her back as he fidgeted with the bottom hem of the shirt she was wearing, the same shirt he wore to the dance the night before and leant her to sleep in. She blushed lightly at how she ended up wearing the shirt, seeing as how she practically threw herself at him again last night but the sensible part of her knew last night wasn't the right time for that. They were both fairly tipsy and it just didn't feel right at the time.

But now? They had slept off the alcohol and emotions of the night before and feeling his warm, comforting arms wrapped around her and seeing the desire in his eyes, Quinn had never felt another moment feel so right before. She wanted him more than she wanted her next breath and as tough as it was to think about, this may be the last chance they would have together. Possibly ever.

And she wasn't about to waste any more time she had left with him.

Quinn leaned up and kissed him softly again, gently maneuvering him onto his back before straddling his hips and sitting up. He looked up at her and offered her a soft smile, Quinn biting her lip and blushing lightly before she slowly began to unbutton the shirt. Puck inhaled sharply at the act, Quinn's shy boldness stirring something deep within him.

One by one the buttons popped open, the material falling open only slightly, offering him a tantalizing partial view of her creamy porcelain skin. The lower she went, the more Puck found himself sitting further up on his elbows, then bracing himself on his hands as he watched her. Once she finished undoing all of the buttons, she simply sat there and smiled at him, almost in invitation to take over from there.

In Puck's eyes, she looked absolutely perfect. Angelic almost. The sunlight streaming through the window framed her body creating an almost ethereal halo of sorts around her and she was simply stunning. Absolutely perfect. This whole moment was absolutely perfect.

He smiled back at her before he leaned in toward her, kissing her softly and running his hands up her thighs until they reached the bottom hem of the open shirt. He glanced back up at her silently asking for permission and when she gave the light nod, he trailed his fingertips up her sides until he reached her shoulders, gently peeling the shirt off of her body and down her arms, replacing the material with soft kisses instead.

Quinn felt like her body was on fire with the heat Puck was creating. She loved how conscientious and gentle he was but she wasn't sure how much longer she was going to last at this pace. Puck's fingertips ghosted over one of her nipples causing her whole body to jerk forward, her hips grinding into his accidentally. They both groaned at the contact and caused Puck to draw back slightly, his wide eyes searching hers. She impatiently ground her hips against his again, hoping he would get what she was insinuating.

Finally, after a few moments Quinn decided to be bold and speak up, "Puck, I want you to have sex with me. It's ok."

Puck's gaze continued to scrutinize her before he tucked another strand of hair out of her face. "I don't want to just have sex with you," he challenged.

That stung a little and she was wondering where she went wrong already. This would be the third time this year Puck shot her down. She bit her tongue hard to quell the tears she knew were brewing under the surface and decided to be a little more direct.

"Then I want you to fuck me," she stated, her voice strained, before tersely adding, "Please."

He shook his head again and leaned back against his hands, "I can't do that either. Not with you. Never with you."

Quinn tried to glare at him but the refusal hurt too much so she quickly looked away to hopefully retain some of her dignity. Tears began building and a few even escaped down her cheeks before she registered that he had sat back up and was running his fingers through her hair, taking the time to carefully wipe away the tears.

She swallowed hard and looked back at him, his eyes soft and his expression gentle as he watched her.

"Make love to me?"

Her voice was strained with emotion and her expression was practically pleading with him. She tossed her heart out there to him and she had let her guard down, allowing Puck to see her at her most vulnerable last night and especially now.

He watched her expression falter and her chin quiver as she waited for a response. Today, there was no booze involved. There was no anger or resent or hurt feelings holding them back. There was nothing but love for her in his heart and he knew she felt the same just by looking into her eyes.

"Now that I can do," he replied, caressing her face and pulling her in for another gentle kiss.

He maneuvered his body on top of her, quickly switching their positions, his lips never leaving hers as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked, pulling back slightly to look into her eyes.

"Yes," she replied simply, giving him a soft smile and slightly wiggling out from underneath him, just enough to reach over and pull a condom out from her nightstand before laying it on the bed next to them, "And I'm on the pill. Kinda full circle from no protection to double the protection," she joked.

He laughed lightly before kissing the tip of her nose, "You know we can stop whenever if you decide –."

She caressed his face and gently traced her fingertips over his lips, effectively silencing him.

"I want this," she murmured, her expression soft yet serious as she held his gaze, "I want you."

He smiled brightly before leaning down and kissing her again, slowly making his way down her front as he worshipped her body with his lips. He finally makes it down to her stomach, finding and tracing the very few and faint stretch marks still remaining.

Quinn flinched and swallowed hard as his fingertips ghosted over the tiny lines, her eyes watering as he leaned in and gently kissed her scars, flooding her with all of the memories from their incredible first time together or when he used to lean down and kiss her protruding belly when she was still pregnant.

She quickly turned away and closed her eyes, running her fingers through his hair and hoping he would get the picture and move on before the images in her head got to be too much for her to handle.

He saw the flash of emotion on her face and while he didn't quite know what was going on, he continued to gently slide her panties down her legs before slowly making his way back up her body, giving her time to change her mind if she was having second thoughts. She still hadn't reopened her eyes, so he ran his hand down her cheek and whispered her name to get her attention.

Her eyes fluttered open and she looked up at him, her eyes a vulnerable light green as she stared back at him.

"Are you ok?" Puck asked, his voice full of concern.

"Yeah," she replied with conviction, "I'm just a little nervous is all. This is only my second time."

He gave her another soft smile before kissing her again, "I know," he whispered against her lips, "I'll be gentle."

She smiled again and kissed him back, his hand tracing back down her sides as he pulled her closer to him. His lips melded against hers as he traced his thumb down her stomach and caressed the tiny scars again.

Quinn broke their kiss and bowed her head against his chest, shaking it and murmuring 'no' as she felt the wave of emotion return. He didn't need to ask why the emotion. He knew why she was reacting like this. It was because of Beth. Those tiny scars were a reminder of the last time they had been in this position, the night they conceived their little girl, the one he and Quinn both still thought about on a daily basis.

He pulled her face up to look at him again before kissing her sweetly again. Quinn loved how soft and slow he was going, but she decided it was time to make it a more equal playing field, trailing her hands down his abdomen and playing with the waistband of his briefs. She felt him flinch lightly at her touch and smiled into his lips, gently pushing his briefs down until they rested mid-thigh.

Puck helped her, kicking out of them the rest of the way and rolling the condom on before settling himself in between her thighs. Quinn's whole body felt like it was humming with anticipation as he got himself situated, the heat between the two of them turning the room into a sauna.

He leaned his forehead against hers, "Are you ok?"

She nodded her head and kissed him again.

"I love you, Quinn."

"I love you too, Puck," she replied, their lips fusing together again as he gently shifted his hips forward, easing himself inside of her.

Quinn's eyes opened wide and she gasped, her whole body going rigid as he filled her completely. Puck held still for her, allowing her body to get used to his size again.

After a few moments, she finally exhaled and he withdrew, looking up into her eyes and kissing away the initial shock. Her heart swelled at the gesture, his tenderness staggering as he continued to move in soft, slow, gentle strokes, his lips caressing her neck and collar bone.

Quinn moaned at the pleasurable friction, enjoying the closeness of their bodies. Puck lifted his free hand and laced his fingers with hers, holding it captive above her head as he stroked into her, whispering his love in her ear. It all felt so good and he was being so incredible; so gentle and sweet and kind and generous. The feeling of his hands caressing her body and the motion of his body making love to her was emotionally overwhelming.

It felt like a complete sensory overload; her body trembling with each stroke while her heart beat fast as it surged with emotion. She looked back up into his eyes, those deep chocolate pools mesmerizing as he watched her expressions. As soon as their gazes met, her heart clenched again. This wasn't the cocky jerk she saw in the hallways every day. This wasn't the occasional ass who threw nerds into the dumpsters.

No, this was the man she had fallen for a few years ago, the same one who comforted her that night and gently made love to her the first time. The one she made the mistake of letting go. The one she still loved with all her heart. The look in his eyes and the way he kissed her and held her reminded her of that night and she knew he still loved her too.

She remembered the night he came over prior to sectionals a few months ago too. He was still sweet and stayed with her the whole night, soothing her when she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He talked her through the hurt, made her understand that he was there to support her and help her, told her he still respected her and cared about her. Even offered to lay there with her and hold her the rest of the night, knowing she needed the comfort.

But then he told her about his tryst with Shelby. She remained silent the rest of the night, not knowing what to do with that information, and to be honest, hearing that come out of his mouth really hurt. She felt him fall asleep behind her while she silently cried herself to sleep, clutching his arm as she desperately tried to hold onto the shred of comfort his presence provided only moments earlier.

Now, laying here underneath him, his body stroking into hers as he made love to her, she couldn't get the images of him and Shelby together out of her head.

Puck continued to thrust in and out of her at a leisurely steady pace, his fingers and his lips caressing her skin as he slowly began to build her up toward her crescendo. But even though his body was playing hers like a finely tuned instrument and she was finally experiencing the sheer love and pleasure he created again, Quinn couldn't get the thoughts out of her head.

She began to wonder if this was how Puck made Shelby feel when they slept together. She wondered if he made love to her the same way he was with Quinn or if Shelby fell into one of his other categories of sex.

Her hips were moving and thrusting up to meet his on their own volition, her body and soul experiencing extreme delight as they moved in sync with one another, but it was like she couldn't shut her mind off. Like this was some sick joke designed to torture her as she finally experienced loving him like this again.

She couldn't stop thinking about him making love to Shelby, moving his hips the same way with her, making her feel the same pleasure Quinn was feeling right now. Quinn knew she wasn't the only woman he'd ever slept with, and she thought she had gotten past it, but something about him and Shelby together absolutely crushed her heart.

She tried to override the jealousy and hurt by focusing on the love and blissful satisfaction she was currently feeling but it was nearly impossible, her emotions getting the best of her as she tried to choke back the tears she felt building. Puck shifted his hips and hit a sensitive spot deep inside, a moan escaping her throat as she closed her eyes and tilted her head back, letting him continue to stoke the fire within.

But closing her eyes was almost worse. Quinn started to imagine Puck touching Shelby and kissing her, caressing her body the same way he did with Quinn. She wondered if he ever told Shelby that he loved her before entering her too. She wondered if he ever was this sweet and gentle with her, whether he continued to murmur declarations of love in her ears as he stroked into her like he was with Quinn.

She felt her lungs constrict and her throat tighten at the thought. It felt so good being with him and he was so gentle and loving, her body reacting to his touch as a warm heat began pooling in her lower abdomen.

But the thoughts overwhelmed her mind.

She didn't want this to go this way. She needed to regain a little control over their actions and steel herself, giving her a chance to harness her emotions once again. She maneuvered out from under him, gently nudging his shoulder until she flipped their positions, straddling his hips as she took over direction of their movements.

Puck's face lit up as he watched her ride him, and while she wasn't quite comfortable with the new, deeper angle, and given her lack of experience she knew she probably wasn't as smooth with her actions as she had hoped, she felt like she may be able to control the situation instead of only lying there thinking of Puck and Shelby.

But she couldn't. They were still there, flashing through her mind. Images of Shelby riding Puck like she was right now. Wondering if he got the same glazed-over look in his eyes when he was with her too. Wondering if Puck was comparing both her and Shelby in his head as Quinn continued to move over him.

The tears returned and she found herself conflicted, her emotions warring with her internally. She wanted to feel everything with Puck. She loved the feeling of him making love to her, the feeling of being with him so intimately and giving him everything she had to give. Her body, her heart, her soul, her very being.

But the other part of her wondered if that was enough. She was plagued with the thoughts of him and Shelby and she couldn't quite get them out of her mind. Even though they talked through everything last night, there was still a lot hurt over Shelby and the fact that Puck had come over to her house after Shelby had kicked him out to have anger sex with her hurt her feelings even more. Especially given how sacred this act was to her.

She wanted to think she had moved on, that she was over it all, but she wasn't. Not just yet.

She glanced down at his face again, his eyes sparkling as she moved, one of his hands planted on her hip while the other ran up her side, pulling her down for a kiss.

She put everything she had into that kiss, wanting him to feel just how much she did still love him, but pained knowing it could be one of the last.

So she closed her eyes and continued to ride him, forcing her body to try and slow down the pace, trying to savor every little movement he made.

She felt the liquid heat in her belly turn into a tight coil and knew she was close, her body betraying her desire to keep this going as long as she could. She felt him throb inside of her and knew he was close as well, a whimper escaping her lips at the delicious tension knotting in her stomach.

So she tried to go even slower, to draw the pleasure out even longer.

Because once it was over…it was over.

She tried so hard not to cry as she came to that determination. She now knew how fantastic it felt to make love to him again, to feel loved by him again, but she needed time to fully get over this hang-up she had with him and Shelby.

But she felt the hot tears well and knew she was a gonner, Puck taking a few more deep thrusts before her world exploded around her. She let out a deep moan, white spots dancing in front of her eyes as she felt him twitch under her, her body going rigid as he clutched her sides. Quinn's whole being shook before her exhausted body collapsed on top of Puck's

He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, kissing her hair and shoulders and every other place he could reach with his lips.

Puck was a bit concerned about her reaction and how emotional she had gotten, but he figured it was either the fact that it was only her second time and it may have been uncomfortable, or it could have been the fact that what just happened between the two of them was pretty intense. For the both of them.

He had only ever made love one other time in his life, and that was to Quinn two years ago. What just happened was pretty powerful, if he had to say so himself. Everything about the whole experience shook the very foundation of his being. He used to just be able to screw whoever whenever, but feeling this way after being with Quinn again, nothing would ever compare. Making love to her was an out of body experience on a whole new level than anything he had ever experienced before and he never wanted to come back down again.

He found himself smiling at the thought, relishing the feel of her in his arms and realizing he would be more than happy to hold her like this for the rest of his life. He loved her. He's known that since their sophomore year, but now, feeling what it was like to be with her again, to love her again, he would do anything to hold on to that.

And that's when he felt it, the warm wetness against his chest. He looked down and sees Quinn's body trembling lightly, the blonde quietly crying as she held him, her hands clutching his sides like she was holding on for dear life.

"Quinn, are you ok?" he asked softly.

"Please," she choked out quietly, shaking her head against his chest, "Just - please."

Puck started to worry a bit at how vulnerable and sad she sounded, her pleas concerning him as they came off as rather desperate, "Babe, are you sure you're ok? Did I hurt you?"

"No, you didn't hurt me," she replied, the thickness of her voice muffled by her tears, "I just want to hold you like this for a little while longer. I just want to feel you like this…one last time."

One Last Time…

Those three words rattled around in his head as he tried to process what she meant by that.

" Quinn, what do you mean 'one last time?' This isn't the end, this is just the beginning."

"No, it's not. Just please let me savor this right now. Just for a little while longer."

His face scrunched in confusion and anger, pulling back away from her and staring down at her downturned gaze, "We talked everything out last night. Babe, we're better. We're better than better. We can make this work. This isn't the last time."

She kept her eyes averted from his as she wiped away a few tears, the act itself doing no good as they continued to stream down her cheeks, "Puck, it wouldn't work. You and I could barely make a relationship at school work, let alone a long distance relationship across the entire country." She paused, letting that sink in, "In a few months, I'm moving to Connecticut and you're shipping out to California with the Marines. Then Lord knows where you're headed after that. It might just be best if we end it on a good note, knowing that we've made peace with one another and that we're no longer harboring the resent of the last several years."

"No," he snapped, "No Quinn, the geography lesson isn't good enough. We're finally at a good place again and I'm not giving you up that easily again. I let you go when you went back to Finn our sophomore year. I lost you to Sam our junior year. I'm not losing you again."

Quinn tried to sit up, pulling the sheet tighter around her bust, "You're not losing me. We'll still be friends. I just don't think a relationship will work."

"Friends?" he snorted incredulously, "Why? Why do you always do this? You have this knack for trying to sabotage all of the good things in your life."

"I'm not trying to sabotage anything, Puck," she replied, her voice wavering, "I'm doing this because I love you."

"You love me yet you're leaving me? Tell me how that works, exactly."

She looked down and fidgeted with the sheet, the tears beginning to fall faster, "I'm letting you go because I love you. We let Beth go because we loved her and wanted what was best for her. Let's face it, we're in different places in our lives now and I don't want to burden you with any more of my baggage. It'll be hard, but I think it's for the best."

His face faltered at the mention of their daughter, his voice becoming gravely as he spoke up, "First of all, cheap shot with the Beth comment. And second, I don't get why you're being so cynical about this. I love you and I know you love me. We've wasted so much time dancing around our feelings or pretending like they didn't fucking exist and I can't do it anymore. I won't do it anymore. It's fucking exhausting to pretend like I'm over you and that I don't love you. And it's bullshit that, once we've finally worked things out, you're blowing the whistle on us already. Quitting on us before you even gave us a chance."

"Look Puck, I love you. I do. You will always be my first. My first time, my first love, the father of our child." Tears continue to well in her eyes as she clears her throat, finally looking back up at him "And I love you, I really do. But I don't know if I can fully trust us yet."

He looked at her angrily, his voice rising as he spat back, "You don't think you can trust us? What the fuck, Quinn? I just made love to you. I've never made love to anyone else. Ever! It's always been just sex til now, but there was something different between you and I and you know it!"

Her heart throbbed as she thought back to their earlier activities, her emotions finally imploding.

"I just can't stop thinking about you doing the same thing with her!"

Puck softened his gaze, knowing immediately who she was talking about, "Quinn."

"Noah please, I understand. She's beautiful and she has Beth and she had her shit together a lot more than I did this year. But I know you felt something for her, and I know you two were together, and I can't get that out of my head." She sobbed, her voice lowering to almost a whisper, "The thought of you touching her like that, making love to her like that, like the way you just did to me, I—I just can't Puck."

"Quinn, we talked about this last night! That was just an infatuation. Yeah, she had Beth, and yes we were together but it meant nothing. It means nothing. It's just you. It's always been you."

Quinn sighed as she brushed away a few more tears, "I don't doubt that you have feelings for me, but I can't keep going through life wondering if you resent me for giving up Beth in the first place or if you would still want to be with Shelby if she hadn't turned you down earlier this year. I know you say it's not a big deal and it meant nothing. But I can't keep feeling like I always come in second place with you, like I'm always your back-up plan."

Puck stared at her, shocked at how quickly the entire evening and morning unraveled in a matter of seconds.

"Quinn, you're not my back-up plan! You never were. You have always been my number one. I didn't know what to do, first you brushed me off and dated everyone else but me then you started acting crazy. I didn't know what to do and I made a mistake! Please, come on. Don't throw this all away over a little insecurity."

She remained quiet for a few moments, chewing on her bottom lip, "Puck please. Don't make this goodbye harder than it needs to be."

"I love you and I always will. You know that too. Please Q," he pleaded, his throat tightening in the process.

She looked back up at him and gave him a pained smile, reaching out and tracing his features with her fingers before leaning in and kissing him sweetly, holding his face as she savored his taste for one last time.

He pulled her closer and deepened the kiss, clasping her jaw and running the calloused pad of his thumb over her cheek. She whimpered lightly before she ran his hands down his chest, slowly but firmly pushing him away until they parted fully.

She tried to smile again, but it was totally forced. So she settled for running her hands down his cheeks again, imprinting his chiseled features into her brain.

"I love you Noah, but I can't do this. Not right now," she whispered against his lips.

"Fine then, when?" he asked, realizing he probably wasn't going to win this round…but he'd be damned if he gave up completely.

"When I'm finally ok with myself. I need to come to terms with everything; Beth, Shelby, my dad. I just need to be ok with 'me' again before I can do 'us.'"

Puck saw the pain in her eyes at the mention of Shelby and Beth, Quinn having stepped completely out the picture after her emotional breakdown and decision to do what was best for Beth by not telling on him and Shelby. At the time, he felt incredibly guilty about all of that. He betrayed her to Shelby, deceived her and went after the MILF like he usually did. He wanted so badly to be a part of his daughter's life and play a father role to her and Shelby was hot so it made sense to him at the time.

However, there was always something that didn't feel right about it and he knew Quinn was hurting, but he was so happy to spend time with his daughter that her feelings went by the wayside. Yeah, he felt guilty about it at the time…but now it all just made him feel physically sick.

His throat started to tighten and he began to feel a familiar heaviness and ache in his chest, the same ache he felt when they broke up the summer after giving Beth up. He knew she made the sacrifice when giving Beth up the first time and then parting with her again earlier that year, so he knew it was his turn to make the sacrifice.

She was emotional and vulnerable and probably wouldn't waiver on this issue today, so he ran his hand over his head, feeling the hot tears of rejection and frustration welling in his own eyes as he blinked furiously to keep them at bay. He had never been particularly emotional but for some reason, Quinn was the only one next to his daughter that could invoke these kinds of feelings. They were a family, as twisted and messed up as it was and as much as he wanted to stay and fight to start all over with her and prove to her that they could work, she was still struggling.

He looked back up at her and saw her chest heaving, the blonde sobbing quietly as she avoided his gaze, tears spilling down her face.

"Quinn," he murmured, his voice rough and tight, pleading with her, "Quinn, please. Look at me."

Her breathing was labored and her chest heaved, Quinn finally tilting her head slightly to look at him with those crystal green eyes she got when she was sad or aroused, the emerald pools flooding with tears as he gazed into their depths.

"Please Puck, please," she sobbed, pleading with him "Don't make this any harder. I don't think I can handle any more today."

A few tears escaped his eyes as he looked at her, her expression so broken and defeated. He hated seeing her hurt this badly and wanted to do whatever it took to make her whole again, but as much as it killed him to walk away from her, this may just be a battle she needed to fight on her own.

He leaned in close and placed his lips against hers in a chaste kiss, drawing back before kissing her shoulder gently, murmuring, "I'll give you time, Q. As long as you need. And I'll always be there. But I'm never going to stop fighting for you."

He reluctantly sat up and turned away from her, noticing her slump back down into bed and roll away from him as he climbed out of her bed and started pulling on his clothes. Once he had finished dressing himself, he slowly made his way out of her room, stopping at her door and looking back briefly.

"I love you, don't ever forget that," he whispered before leaving.

Quinn tried to keep herself together, but as soon as she heard the front door slam, the floodgates opened wide and she began sobbing uncontrollably, her broken heart shattering into even smaller pieces.

She didn't know if she would ever see him again after graduation, and as much as it killed her and as selfish as she felt, she wasn't quite ready to open herself up completely to him just yet. She needed to work on loving herself before she could fully love him back the way he deserved to be loved.

But now? For right now she just had to keep telling herself that she needed to focus on continuing to breathe, if only just to keep from dying.

It may not be possible to die from a broken heart, but with her chest feeling like it was going to collapse and her whole body wracked with overwhelming sadness and pain, it sure felt like she could.

Eventually it would go away, but right now, it felt like pure hell.

x-x-x-x-x

Puck was pissed. He was angry and hurt and frustrated…and crushed. He hadn't felt this way since they gave Beth up for adoption, but even then, part of him knew that he would see his daughter again, one way or another. But with Quinn, he never knew.

He slammed the door shut on his truck and started it up, fully intending to drive off somewhere and get so drunk he wouldn't be able to remember the hurt and pain in his chest as she said goodbye. And truthfully, it never really hit him that this was really goodbye.

They wouldn't see each other in the halls once summer was over. They wouldn't run into each other in Glee anymore. They wouldn't even see each other around town again. That familiar comfort of always seeing her would be gone. While he had intended on seeing her again at some point, whenever that may be, she wasn't just saying goodbye for now. She had been saying goodbye to 'them' permanently.

She was getting the hell out of this town and heading to Connecticut, land of the rich snobs, while he got the hell out of Ohio and probably sat in some blown out building in the middle of a war zone or something. She would probably go on and find some perfect guy who came from the perfect family and could offer her the perfect life she had always wanted.

And what could he offer her? A life as a Marine's wife? Having to pick up and move all the time? Dealing with year-long deployments? No. He couldn't really offer her anything.

Maybe this was for the best…but the deep, soul-crushing ache that consumed his whole body told him otherwise.

Quinn was one of a kind. She was "the one." His one.

He wasn't lying when he said he would never stop fighting for her.

And he never would.

After all, Marines never quit and never surrendered.

---

Up Next: Quinn's freshman year at Yale…and maybe a reunion?

Once again, I'm so sorry it was so long. I was on a roll, 15,000 words later…but I hope you all enjoyed it!