falling
a PRH novel
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chapter 8
memories
"I never cared about anything for the last 15 years. I'm usually happy and carefree. I never cried before, and never wished for everything. I was stubborn and shallow, and because I was afraid to get emotionally hurt, I never changed that atitude. All my life, I was nothing but a puppet, fulfilling any role just to satisfy others. I really was nobody, I was empty. A void of life waiting to move on.
"Back at hom-, I mean orphanage, and even here, I pretended I forgot everything of my past. That never bothered me because my identity was all dependant to it, and I have no care whatsoever for what makes me who I am. Yet everything was clear to me as a bright summer day."
A tear slided down my cheeks, yet I continued telling Artemis everything. I was willing to do it now.
"I was born on the 27th of February, naturally I recall nothing from my days as a baby. I remember though my mother, her name was Clarissa. She was a doctor. My dad left us when I could barely speak. We were very well off without him, living off with my mother's paycheck. For six years my mother and I lived in Binondo, Manila, Philippines. I had all my precious memories there.
"I could never forget of how I would go around our neighborhood at the age of three. Ever afternoon I would run around, while my mother saved lives. We had a neighbor, I called her Tita Nini-anne. I would sometimes bug her for her famous home made pastries, for every morning I would smell the ensaymada from her window. Then, when the sun is at its highest point, I would go to Manong Tomas, and have my siesta at their cool house. Then I would wake up in our own house, and I would come back the next day."
I smiled to myself. Artemis must be bored by now. I looked at his face. He seemed so in to it. I looked down. I realized he was taking down notes. My eyebrows turned into a frown, yet I continued.
"I was in my own perfect little world. Spending everyday trying on new pretty dresses and playing damsel in distress with Ricky-"
Artemis spoke for the first time during the hours that we spent here listening to my life biography.
"Who's Ricky?"
"He was a boy one year older than me. He lived across the street, in that big white house with that tall black gate. I would never forget. Everyday we would play in their castle-like house. Don't laugh, but I had a childish crush on him. He had striking features and dark skin. His eyes were very peculiar. It changes color according to his mood. I used to call him 'bahaghari'."
I let out a laugh, I realized that my revlation was not true. Recalling these memories is not painful at all, rather its very worthwhile. Artemis was a very good listener.
"Everything was perfect in my life. I had my mom, my friends and my pretty dresses. How could one little girl want more? Then my mother got a job at America. She explained it to me, at the eve of Christmas. We were having a quiet Noche Buena, not like the others who were noisy and having fun. She said to me, while picking up a Queso de Bola slice and a hamon with her fork 'Claudette, pupunta tayo sa Amerika. Doon ako mag tatrabaho.'"
"Claudette, we are going to America, I will work there." I heard Artemis mutter under his breath. I did not know he could speak in Filipino. He just translated a whole phrase! I continued, pretending I did not hear. I would ponder about that fact later.
"I simply noded, excited at the thought. It was there, after all, that Cinderella was created. She said that we had our own apartment there. She was going to be a nurse in League City, Texas. I would have a new school and new friends. Of course my first question was 'Is Ricky coming with us?' she just laughed at my silly question.
"So on the 5th of July, we boarded M/V Princess of the Stars. It wasn't those grand elegant cruise ships you see on TV, It was cramp and filled with Filipinos seeking a better life in US. We were only in Visayan seas that I made the mistake to lean on the rails of the boat. I fell in the depths of the night, the storm engulfing my senses. The next thing I knew, I was in the orphange."
Artemis noded. He started to stand up, but there was something..something I needed to tell him. Something I never told anyone in my life.
"There is one more thing." Artemis sat down again. "I had this dream. There was a thing, saving me, dragging me to shore. Its the only memory unclear. She was like, doing CPR on me when we reached shore. She saved my life. I was barely consious, I don't even think she's human."
When I said it out loud, flicks of images rushed through me. Her features, her touch the way we moved through the water...the way she faded into stars when I unconciousness claimed me all together.
"Do you, remember anything else about this woman?" Artemis asked. I took a deep breath.
"Her eyes are strikingly hazel. Exactly the shade of your other eye"
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time to enhance your vocabulary in Filipino.
ensaymada- I dont know if you have this abroad. Its a pastry with butter, sugar and cheese on top
siesta- afternoon nap
bahaghari- rainbow in Filipino
Noche Buena- traditional dinner eaten one hour before Christmas. Usually spent with the whole family.
Queso de Bola- traditional cheese shaped into a ball (for Christmas)
hamon- Ham eaten in the holidays