Kira's Secret Revealed - Chapter 4
"Show me... L!" demanded Kira.
"As you wish," the mirror replied, obediently showing L walking the streets.
"This must be some kind of parody, it sure as hell isn't based on the real Kira!" Light said testily.
"You seem to feel personally insulted by this."
"Of course! We're putting our lives on the line to catch the most dangerous serial killer of all time, who has escaped and outsmarted us for over a year, and those people turn him into some magical weirdo with an abysmal fashion sense!"
"Well, their L is not exactly a compliment either. But why would you get so upset about it?" L yawned.
"Stop implying that I'm Kira!" Light snapped. "I've proven myself against your suspicions countless times! I just don't like how they ridicule the threat of Kira. We have to take him seriously!"
"Oh, I do take the real Kira very seriously. This one, on the other hand..."
Suddenly, L stopped and threw himself in a supposedly heroic pose.
"I'm L, the detective!" he said to nobody in particular, "I shall solve this case, and if it becomes the last thing I do!"
L groaned. "I'm L, the detective. I think I'm going to announce my identity and intentions everywhere I go."
"I'm L the detective," mocked Light, "I'm addicted to sugar."
Kira approached the mirror now, leaning against the wall and gingerly touching the mirror's surface.
"Are you not an extraordinary specimen?" he asked, tracing L's image with his long, spidery fingers.
"This is the finger with which I kill, L." Kira declared, "The Finger of Death!" He ran the sharpened nail along L's back.
"Doesn't it thrill you? To be caressed by… death himself?"
"Crikey!" L inside the mirror exclaimed, shivering suddenly. "What was that ghastly feeling?"
Kira broke into maniacal laughter.
"How very disturbing." Light said with a true shudder.
"Yes. Crikey is more Australian than British."
"No, I mean it's almost as if he's molesting him through that magic mirror."
"Nothing escapes you, Light-kun," L smirked.
Light was too absorbed in his own indignation to notice, "And why didn't he die when Kira used his 'Finger of Death' on him?"
No matter the danger, I would not be L, if I was discouraged by such trifles! How in the sodding name do I get in there?"
"Ohohoho, he's so yummy!" Kira cried excitedly, rubbing his hands together. "Let's... welcome him!"
L snickered to himself.
"What is it?" Light piqued.
"I just wonder what the 'welcome' will be," L said jokingly. His shift from the usual slow, dry, eccentric ways seemed slightly creepy.
"Nothing surprises me anymore." Light answered. "This video is just pants. It's an insult to both, L and Kira."
"It's pants? Are you trying to sound like our L from the video?"
"Well, I'd certainly rather be L from this video than their Kira, if I had to choose," Light huffed in answer.
"At least the Kira in this video isn't a complete fool." L argued, "Golly, I'm L the detective, by Jove."
"At least the actor they hired to play L is handsome and masculine. The Kira actor is underfed and dressed like a prostitute. And he says 'Yummy'!"
Kira put on a pair of black leather gloves and clapped his hands thrice.
"The one known only as L, I command thee to appear before me!"
A cheesy 'poof' soundeffect played and L appeared in the shackles next to the mirror.
"Oh look, he found Kira," Light mocked sarcastically.
"I wish we would have this kind of luck in our investigation." L said, chewing on some pocky sticks.
"You have a strange definition of luck."
"Well, he did find Kira."
"Kira!" L cried, a bit too excited. "We meet at last!"
Some vaguely latin chanting began to play, feeling more disruptive to the mood than complimenting.
L looked around the dark room, lit only by several black candles and a bazier of eerie red hot coals.
With a snap of the fingers the gloomy cellar became bright as daylight."Welcome, welcome." they heard Kira's voice. "I have been... waiting for you."
"So this is your secret lair!"
"Genius, L," laughed Light.
"I wonder why Kira was bothering with a plan, when he had the capability of just using magic this whole time."
"Maybe his plan is unrelated to the means of getting L to his dungeon. I mean, he did say he was going to make his fears reality."
"He also claimed there was a well-planned trap. I don't see it."
"Indeed it is, L." Kira confirmed dramatically, "And I have quite the surprise for you."
"Oh, what could that be." Light commented dryly.
"I have a faint idea, judging from the Spanish tickler and the fact that Kira is a mass murderer."
"A surprise?" L stuttered.
"Judging by the what?" Light asked with sardonic curiosity.
"That claw with five spikes on the wall beside all those whips, crops, and spankers," L said absently, biting his thumbnail. He continued with increased interest, although not much expression, "In medieval times it was used to slowly slice heretics' skin off. But now it is used for bloodplay or as a dungeon decoration that's just for show. It's not quite a dungeon staple, like that stockade, or the Saint Andrew's Cross."
Light, somewhat speechless, didn't answer and let the video continue.
"Oh yes, it's a very..." Kira said, leaning in close and whispering in the detective's ear, "big... surprise."
L shuddered at the sultry emphasis on the word 'big'.
The real L snickered.
Light looked perturbed and uncomfortable. He was now as sure as L was just where this was going, but still kept false hope that this was just going to be a normal terrible movie.
Kira slid one hand underneath L's coat, apparently opening the buttons of his shirt. L struggled theatrically against the handcuffs. Almost tenderly, Kira took off the coat and revealed the athletic build of L's actor.
"He really looks nothing like you." Light commented.
"I'm glad. I wouldn't want anyone to know what I looked like, would I?"
"What lovely silk stockings you have," Kira said, not entirely clear if it was supposed to be spoken in mockery or in admiration. He hunkered down and felt up L's thigh, until his hands were hidden by L's remaining clothes.
"No. Kira... ah!" sighed L.
"Enough of this!" Kira suddenly screeched in a shrill voice. He snapped his fingers again and L was suddenly out of the handcuffs and kneeling on the ground in front of him.
"That's right, bow before your master!" Kira said, in a stunningly cold way that made him sound almost as though he were a believable actor, "You're beaten, L."
Light gulped.