CHAPTER ELEVEN

"Okay, the way I see it… it's going to be a late afternoon into evening wedding right?" Santana asks me as we walk around the lake where the wedding is going to take place.

"Yeah, I think that's what we decided." I tell her, nodding, Rachel mimicking me as she takes notes.

"Okay, and tell me if you agree Berry-

"Hudson, Santana." Rachel snaps quickly. I put my arm through hers and squeeze.

"Yeah, yeah… The way I see it, the gazebo is going to look a lot like your 'first date' with Beiber… all the fairy lights and super soft lighting."

"And I think we should carry that into the rest of the wedding lighting too… string the trees with them… on the tables… I think were both really thinking major fairy tale theme here, right San?" Rachel agreed, pointing out spots around the lake as though she was picturing the whole night in her head.

"I actually for like only the fourth time in the like 15 years we've known each other completely agree with you, dreidel." Santana replies with her usual snark.

"I'm going to ignore that nick- name and ask what you have to say, Marley."

What did I have to say? The whole idea of what they were saying was perfect, but could they really pull it off? Would it really be possible for us to put together this supposed fairy tale wedding they were imagining? And more importantly… would we'd be able to afford what they, and I was imagining?

"Rosie? You okay over there?" Santana's voice cut through my inner turmoil.

"Huh? Oh, uh… I think it's perfect." I tell them, smiling to hide my inner worries.

Later that evening, Rachel and Ryder sat at the kitchen table while I paced through the room, cooking dinner.

"Hey, Marls… can I talk to you and Ry about something?" Rachel asks as she looks up from the bridal magazine sitting in front of her.

"Of course, Rach… What's up?" Ryder questions as I sit down next to him.

"So… ummm… I don't really know how to say this, especially to the Original New Directions, which is why I came to you two first. I just think that I'll be able to tell you without judgment."

"Okay… Go ahead then. What's going on?" I ask skeptically.

"So, I may have started sort of seeing someone…" Rachel whispers. My mouth literally drops in shock. Ryder squeezes my hand in order to bring me back to the real world.

"That's really great Rachel… I'm so happy for you." I tell her once I get a hold of myself. Rachel looks in her lap as though ashamed and Ryder reaches his hand across the table to grab ahold of hers.

"I know you don't think you should be moving on the way you are… but Rach, he'd want you to and he'd kill me if I told you other wise." He tells her and she nods. I was surprised that Ryder had brought up Finn, we didn't really talk to Rachel about him.

"I just- I can't imagine my future being any different than it was with him… I can't imagine a future without him in it… I honestly feel like-" Rachel stops herself short before shaking her head as though throwing the idea out of her mind.

"Like you'd be betraying him? Like it would be cheating?" Ryder asked.

"How'd you know that?"

"You want the honest answer? Or the one where I just pretend I know everything?" He jokes, laughing.

"The honest answer." Rachel orders him firmly with a nod of her head.

"Honestly, it's kinda how I felt after Marley and I broke up that final time before she met Andy." I look up in surprise. "I knew I wasn't obligated to her any longer, but at first I still felt like I had to keep myself in check because of her. I was still in love with her… no matter what I told her, everyone else and myself." Ryder explained, speaking slowly and firmly, using the calm voice I was introduced to in high school.

"I just don't know what to do anymore… he was my person. I just don't understand how I could actually find with someone else the happiness I had found with Finn. I can't even imagine it." Rachel admitted, looking like the small falsely confident sophomore I'd heard about from Mercedes and Santana.

"He'd want you to be happy, Rachel. You know that deep down, if you have the possibility of finding love and happiness, Finn…" Ryder paused to take a deep breath after saying Finn's name aloud. "Finn, he'd want you to take the chance. I really don't think he'd want you to shut yourself in from the world."

"Rachel, think of it this way… If I hadn't started dating again after Ryder and met Andy-" I started but she interrupted.

"You would have been a lot happier the last seven years?" She joked smiling.

"Well, yes. But if I hadn't been with him, those two kids in bed down the hall… wouldn't exist. Yes, I also wouldn't have become the stronger and more confident person I am… but those kids, Rach… They mean the world to me and if I hadn't met Andy, there's no possibility of having my kids in not just mine, but all our lives."

"I never thought about that…" Rachel whispered, looking at her. "I guess you're both right."

"He'd want you to be happy… even if it wasn't him who was making you happy." Ryder said one last time.

"But how are you so sure of that?"

"He did the same thing for me, that's how." I said softly, finally making the realization.

"Yeah… I did. I knew that even if Marley made me the happiest guy on this planet, if I didn't do the same for her and there was the possibility of someone who could… I had to let her go. I had to make it so that she was happy, even if I was miserable." Ryder explained. I had tears in my eyes from his admission, and when I looked at Rachel, so did she. She stood up and wrapped her fingers around the steel edge of the sink, staring out the window.

"I'm so scared…" She whispered faintly.

"Of what?" Ryder stood walking towards her. "Being happy?"

Rachel shook her head. "Of forgetting him…"

"You won't forget him, Rach… We wouldn't let that happen." I tell her softly, coming up behind and rubbing her back.

"I know… It just scares me to try and date again… and find, that maybe, just maybe I could be in love with someone else. "

"But isn't that what love is all about?" Ryder asks her. "Isn't it about the fear? Isn't it about sitting up at night thinking about how terrified you are of what you're feeling? Love is the fear, the passion, the doubt and the excitement of it all? It's the idea that you can give so much of yourself to one person, one single person who could just completely tear you to shreds if they decided to. It's taking the risk to trust someone to love you, to care for you, and be with you. Love, it's messy and it's extreme. Love is crazy and you fight. But that how you know it's real. When you fight, and then can't help but feel sick to your stomach because of it, that's love. It's when you can't sleep because of how happy you are. Love is wanting to do anything you can to make that person happy and to make their dreams come true, because of how much they mean to you. That what love is all about, Rachel… So why be afraid of it? If you have the second chance for something everyone wants, why not take it?"

"You're right, Ryder. I don't even know what I'm so afraid of. I do want to find love again… and I actually think that this guy could be the one to find it with." Rachel finally succumbs to our reasoning.

"Who is he, if you don't mind me asking?" I ask her.

"Jesse St. James."

Hey Guys! I know it's been super long since I've updated, but school has sort of taken over my life. Plus I'm still recovering from Glee ending. If anyone wants to rant with me... just PM me! Also, I recently finished watching OUAT in Wonderland, and I sort of got the idea for Ryder's Love speech from Will Scarlett's Love speech to Anastasia. Also, If you want to talk about OUAT, Wonderland or the parent show... PM!

Love, Love, Love,

MiggieMoo2014