Chapter 18: Future
The dream I was having was a pleasant one, I didn't want to wake up from it at all but as I stirred, I realised there was no chance of me returning to sleep. Slowly I let my body come into awareness, noticing the warmth of the rising sun reach me through the prison bars and the sheet I still had hanging in the door way, offering me some privacy. The next thing I noticed was something heavy and warm draped over my hips. I moved slightly, realising that a leg was also hooked around mine, keeping me pinned underneath the blanket and I opened my eye, twisting around to see Daryl's hair, his face nuzzled into my neck.
I had gone to sleep alone, I had not even woken up when he came in and settled beside me but I was glad he did. He didn't often come in, not liking being in the cells when he didn't have to be, but something must have been on his mind, I was just sorry I didn't wake up.
Carefully I rolled over, making sure that I didn't accidently push him off the single bed and he stirred once, sighing heavily before resting his forehead against mine. I held my breath, hoping he wouldn't wake up and I sighed myself when he remained asleep. Outside my cell there was little movement, it must have still been early even for us but I couldn't close my eyes again, keeping them solely on Daryl's calm face. My mind wandered; what did today have in store for us? What was Daryl dreaming about? Why was this not as comfortable as they made it look in the movies? My head ached slightly as it rested against his, my leg numb from not being able to move and my arm was starting to get pins and needles, and even though I loved Daryl and I couldn't blame him, it was the end of the world, his breath stank. But I was happy and I didn't want to move for anything.
Something like this was what I had always wanted, to wake up in the arms of someone I loved, safe and warm and happy, I just hadn't expected it to be with a red neck that was probably in their late thirties, at least a good ten years older than me who had a volatile attitude, but at least he was good and kind, it didn't matter what he looked like, to me it was about something more. It just took the end of the world for me to find him, or him find me whichever way you look at it.
It still plagued me that if the world had not gone to shit, we never would have been together, would I have still been alone? Would Daryl still have been following his brother around blindly? What if the world fixed itself tomorrow, would we survive living normal lives?
A faint gunshot helped to answer the question for me; we were far from normal and the world had never been able to fix itself before, not without killing everything on it first.
Daryl shuffled and opened his eyes, pools of stormy blue and I smiled as he gave a smirk, kissing my forehead and untangling his leg from mine. I whimpered slightly at the loss of contact but at least I could move my leg again and Daryl made it better by shifting closer to me, snaking his hand under my head and his other moved the tendrils from my eyes.
"Morning."
Daryl replied by kissing me, something I would not ever get over; he could be so distant and then there were moments like these when he couldn't seem to get enough or even give enough affection. I leant back, Daryl moving over me and angling my head, kissing me harder and deeper and I felt the blanket fall away from us as he settled between my legs. My hands traced everywhere, under his shirt and through his hair and then to his belt, tugging at it before I stopped.
Rick cleared his throat and Daryl rolled off me, flustered as Rick gave us a smile.
"Sorry to interrupt, I can come back." He said, still smiling and I felt a blush burn my cheeks, Daryl looking down at me as though he was seriously tempted by his offer but I shook my head, sitting up and Daryl stood, straightening his shirt and hair.
"No, what is it?"
"We heard a gun sho'. Everythin' okay?"
Rick nodded, going to put his hands on his hips but when he realised he didn't have his holster on they dropped back down to his side, lost.
"I just need to steal Daryl away from you, if that's alright."
Daryl cleared his throat, nodding and Rick gave a nod to me and left, the sheet swinging back into place and I fixed up my tangled shirt, watching as Daryl put his boots back on, leaning down to steal a kiss from me.
"I'll be waiting here, don't be long."
"Probably just a new guy scared of rabbits again, shouldn't take lon'."
And so I sat there, propping the pillows up behind me and bringing my knees to my chest, staring at nothing in particular. My cell was starting to look more like a room; bits and pieces that I had found on runs or what was brought back for me from friends and Daryl. Either way it was coming together, I did feel like a bit of a thief though, a bird that was becoming a hoarder of other peoples belongings but no one needed anything anymore, and it made me feel like I wasn't sleeping in a prison cell.
Some time past and Daryl had still not returned and people were now moving about and talking so I decided I had better as well. Upon standing and sniffing my shirt, I winced and looked through the wooden crate I threw my few bits of clothing, I didn't have a wide selection; mainly three shirts but it was more than others and I scooped up my singlet and khaki hooded jacket, heading towards the showers. It had been a miraculous thing when they worked for the first time the other day, people lining up to get a taste of old times and actually be clean, and it was a good thing to when Daryl and I returned from our time in the river; it was definitely something I would save for summer time only.
At least today it was quiet as I went down there, light streaming in from the window above and a lamp or two positioned enough so that we could see in the dim area. I sighed once I was down there, a lady and her child just leaving and I was glad to have it to myself. I snatched up one of the prison towels, turning the makeshift tap and smiling as the warm water sprayed.
I slipped off my dirty clothes, pulling the white curtain around for some privacy and relaxed. Never again was I going to take these things for granted and I grabbed the small packet soap, opening it up and washing myself before I rinsed my clothes, ringing them out in the water and watching as the blood and dirt washed away around my feet. Pain erupted in my side and I instantly lost my breath, the spasm ripping through me and I held a hand out to the wall in front of me, keeping me steady so I didn't drop to the stone floor. Forcing my eyes closed I battled to keep the nightmares from reaching me while I was awake, the images of my flesh being ripped from my bone, blood seeping from me and no one able to stop it. I felt weak, cold as though it was actually happening and I gasped in a breath, it felt as though walkers were all around me, watching me, reaching for me and I could feel their nails scrape at my skin, peeling it away like it was nothing, their dead faces and hands covered in the bright red of my life. No! I couldn't snap, I couldn't go crazy, people needed me, I couldn't lose grip on what was real and what was just nightmare, I couldn't be like Rick was. I thought of Daryl and thought of Vincent, kept my mind focused on all the people that were now here that relied on me for many things.
Slowly my mind eased and the cloudy fear lifted, leaving me feeling embarrassed and reminding myself that the pain wasn't real, not any more. Turning off the tap I poked my head out, making sure I hadn't frightened anyone but I was still alone and I quickly dried off and got dressed, enjoying the faint scent of soap left on my skin. Tenderly I looked at my scar, the mark still a dark red but at least now it didn't look like I was going to burst open. Towelling my damp hair, I was about to make my way back to my cell when Beth walked in, Judith cradled in her arms.
"Oh, morning." She smiled, carrying Judith towards the small tub that was reserved for the baby, Judith happy and making noises as she was laid back on the table beside it. I walked over, leaning over Judith and making faces as Beth prepared the towel and filled the tub with water.
"Who is a gorgeous girl?" I asked Judith, chuckling as she smiled, reaching for my wet strands of hair. Beth watched like a protective mother and I smiled back down at the infant. She was so precious, and I remembered all the times when I wanted to one day have a child. Maybe later in life, definitely before I was thirty though, who wanted to be an old mum? Of course that was just another plan of my future that was scratched from my life when the world became what it was today and I felt kind of sad about that. This was no world for any human being let alone an innocent child.
"Would you mind giving me a hand?" Beth asked and I nodded, helping her to undress the wiggly child and I lifted her up, surprised by her weight.
"Wow, someone's getting big."
"Ain't she just? I think she is a bit big but Dad reckons she just fine for a four month."
"Four months, already?" I shook my head in disbelief, looking at Judith and trying to imagine what the future had in store for her.
"Yep," Beth said, taking Judith from me and setting her down in the tub, Judith enjoying it and splashing about, Beth already prepared with a towel wrapped around her and I chuckled and Judith giggled, biting at the yellow duck that was handed to her. "We didn't have a calendar or anything back then but I reckon she was born around June some time."
"What date is it today?" I asked, something I didn't think would ever matter again, and I guess it didn't but human curiosity was getting the better of me and Beth smiled at me, her blonde hair dishevelled and eyes tired from restless nights with Judith but somehow she always seemed to make everyone happy and feel better.
"October fourteenth, why?"
I blinked at her a couple of times, rubbing my drying hair and giving a dopey grin.
"It's my birthday today."
It felt odd; yesterday I had been twenty four, now I was a year older but I didn't feel any different. I guess I hadn't felt any different since I was twenty but as I stood there with Beth and Judith, Beth saying happy birthday, both of them so young I did feel old. I felt robbed of so many things that I wanted by this age; a steady partner, a home, a job, a degree, all things that were not essential to life but I couldn't help but think what if?
I left Beth to tend to Judith, making my way slowly up to the cell block, lost in thought. I was lucky to reach this far, I should have died so many times but here I was and I felt a bit of confidence return to my steps as I padded back to my cell, wet clothes in hand and I was about to get ready for another day when Vincent hovered in the door way, eventually coming in when I laughed.
"We need doorbells or something, I can't knock on concrete." He said, leaning against the bunk bed and watching as I put my boots on, my wet clothes hanging over a metal rail.
"I should lift the sheet up; maybe I didn't want you in here."
I stood up, finishing my plait as Vincent shrugging his shoulders and moving in to hug me. I wrapped my arms around him tightly, leaning my head on his chest as he kissed the top of my head.
"Happy birthday sis."
For some reason I felt as though I was going to cry and I looked up at him, shaking my head. I didn't care about birthdays anymore, I just cared about each day I woke up and each night I got to go to sleep, some days felt like years for me and I felt far older than what I was, which I was sure everyone felt.
"I never thought," Vincent started and I leant back and wiped my eye.
"That we'd be living in a prison? That I would get this far?"
"That we would get this far." He stood there and stared at me and I stared back, knowing what he meant and what else he wanted to say but they didn't need to be spoken, I already knew. All the memories that we had, they were what fuelled us, gave the fire of hope we had coal that maybe things could return to that or at least to where it was better than this.
"Come on, I think maybe we should just vedge for today."
I chuckled, following him from my cell. "There is never a day off Vince."
And as if to confirm my statement Hershel approached us, becoming pretty quick and skilful with crutches.
"Jasmine, may I have a word?"
I nodded, he could talk to me all day and I wouldn't care, he was a man I could talk to and listen to forever.
"We're a little short on experienced runners at the moment, I was hoping you were up for one today?"
"Of course." I said, noticing Vincent huff a breath.
"Is there no one else? It's her birthday today," Vincent tried to defend but I shook my head, Hershel also wishing me a happy birthday but I held my hand up, there was no need for it, it was just another day.
"Come on Vince," I said to him, "It's just a run and besides, I'm one person compared to a prison with kids, they need me more than I need a day off." I pecked him on the cheek, seeing him nod as I turned to grab my gear from my cell.
"The others will be out by the car." Hershel said before he hobbled off and I slung my bow over my shoulders, making sure my machete was in my hand as I walked back out, Vincent and Trix following me out to the car, no one there yet.
"You look like a warrior,"
"Have to be. You look like a worried big brother."
Vincent shrugged, folding his arms and I ran out of things to say that would comfort him.
"Have to be. I just got a bad feeling Jamsine, that's all."
"Go and get busy with something," I said as Daryl approached, his crossbow in toe and Vincetn gave an understanding nod, "I'll be fine. We'll be back tonight."
Vincent turned, leaving with Trix and I watched them as they went until they were out of sight and I sighed. Opening the car door I dropped my things onto the front seat, grinning as Daryl stepped behind me. Standing up, he kissed the back of my neck until I spun around, Daryl pulling me to him and kissing me.
"Your brother said it was ya birthday." I groaned between the kissed, rolling my eyes and leaning on the closed door, Daryl pressing me against it firmly.
"Well, I didn't want anyone to know, but, I'm glad he told you."
His hands grabbed my hips, pulling my flush against him and I shuddered as he sighed over my throbbing lips, his eyes boring into me.
Someone cleared their throat and we both stepped away from each other, looking to the rest of our team for the day, one of them, Grant, had been at Woodbury but the other, Marcus had been welcomed when found on a run, wandering alone.
"Right," Daryl cleared his throat and moved to the driver's seat. I gave a smile as I got into my seat also, the back doors closing and meaning we were ready to go. As Daryl drove us out of the prison, giving a nod to Rick and Carol who opened the gates for us I realised I didn't know what we were going out for.
"So what are we after today?" I asked. Outside the prison autumn was in full bloom now, leaves scattering everywhere, leaving the trees bare but some still had the vibrant yellows and oranges and I felt calm looking at the beautiful scenery, only scowling when it was interrupted by a rotting corpse or a walker.
"Marcus here told us of a hospital a littl' way from 'ere. Maybe it not raided yet." Daryl gave me a smile as he draped his hands over the steering wheel.
"Yeah, it was a few hours there but last time I went past it, it looked as though it was untouched."
I looked back from Marcus to Daryl, feeling a little excited. Marcus leaned forward, handing us a bit of paper with as small map drawn on it but I didn't pay it any attention, it would be a straight drive for an hour or two yet and I sat back in the seat, worried about the comment Vincent had about having a bad feeling but I forgot about it after a while, hoping and praying that this was going to be worth it.