Clarke slept through most of the night. Throughout that morning Nyko replenished her with foods that would give her energy. He helped her regain her balance by walking her around the hut. If there was anything the blonde wanted – it was fresh air!
Noon was shown perfectly above Ton-DC. The sun stood directly above the community. As bright as the sun was, it was still cold.
Clarke was sitting on a log near a small fire. Everybody was walking by staring at the blonde.
She heard whispers but could not make out their language. A crowd soon formed a large circle around the sky girl who was struggling to stand up to get back to the hut.
The last the grounders heard, Clarke of the Sky People took down the mountain, but were no longer allies.
Indra informed Lexa of what was happening and the commander came running.
Lexa stopped at the sight and yelled, "Em pleni!" The crowd split and turned to look at their heda. "There is nothing to see. Clarke kom Skaikru is a guest amongst us. Do not mock her presence or treat her foul. Remember who she once risked her life for. Go about your day!"
The crowd dispersed and tended to their every day jobs. Clarke was still struggling to rise from the log she was sitting on.
Lexa turned to go back to her tent when Indra said, "Heda, she can't get up. She appears weak."
The commander turned back around in effort to help the blonde, but was relieved to see Nyko run to her side.
The brunette smirked for a moment and looked to Indra. Her second gave her a questioning look, "What?"
Lexa turned around and left, Indra followed her, "Commander?"
"It amuses me Indra. It's almost as though you felt something for the sky girl."
The second stopped in her tracks, questioning her own motives. She shook her head.
XX
Clarke was outside with Nyko, sharpening knives and talking medical when Indra appeared in front of them.
"Nyko" Indra said as they bowed heads to one another. She picked her head up and said in a sharp tone, "Clark…I've come to inform you that the Commander plans on sending messengers to your camp to inform them that you are safe. She will request that they come and take you home so you can heal better with their equipment."
"What?" Clarke now struggled to stand up and Nyko helped her to her feet. "Indra she can't let them know I'm here!"
"That is the Commander's orders."
"No Indra this can't happen! Take me to the Commander now!"
"I don't take orders from skaikru!"
Nyko barged in, "Clarke, you can barely walk twenty feet alone."
The blonde insisted, "Indra take me to the Commander now!"
"I will not. She is busy!" Indra stood strong and ignored the blonde's demands.
Clarke decided to take herself. Nyko escorted her to the commander's tent in fear of the blonde falling over. Without announcing herself, Clarke just barged right through the tent opening. Nyko stayed outside.
Lexa was sitting on the edge of her bed while another healer was checking the wound on her shoulder. When Clarke saw it she was taken back at how deep and large the wound was. She was never able to tell while it was covered up.
The brunette looked up to see Clarke standing before her. She had to admit, the sky girl looked a lot better since she had been resting. Clarke however wished she could think the same about Lexa.
The healer automatically excused herself and left the women alone.
The commander picked up a cloth and continued to clean around her wound before she bandaged it once again. "And to what do I owe your presence Clarke?"
"Save it Lexa. Indra came to inform me that you are sending messengers to my people?"
"Well yes, I think it would be better if you stayed amongst your people to heal. They have far more advanced equipment than Nyko. It would be to your advantage." Lexa winced as she grazed a tender part of her wound.
"Do you want me to leave Lexa? Is that why you are doing this? Or maybe you want to punish me even more! I didn't ask to come here."
Lexa was trying hard not to give her the compassion she showed her the night before. She fought fiercely to keep her commander mask on. "Clarke, don't be rash. You know you are welcomed here. Otherwise I wouldn't have made an effort this afternoon to take you off of display as my people gathered around you. I just thought you would feel more comfortable amongst your people. Also you would have a better opportunity to heal."
Clarke shook her head, "Did you not hear anything I said to you last night Lexa? I can't face my people for what I have done and now you want to send me to face them again. I can't bare to see their faces, knowing what I did!"
Lexa attempted to wrap up her arm and continue talking, "We bare it so they don't have to. It's what us leaders must accept and deal with." The bandage wrap unraveled and was not cooperating with her.
"No, I will not accept the fact that I have murdered hundreds of innocent people!"
Lexa now frustrated with her bandages and Clarke, she tightened her fist and slammed it into the side of her bed, "Then it will lead to your demise!" By doing this, she ripped open the stitches that Nyko carefully placed along her shoulder. She bound up her hand to create a fist once again and scrunched her face to hide the pain. The room fell quiet. The only thing either of them could hear was the heavy quick breathes coming out of the commander's mouth.
It was now Clarke who whispered and stepped forward, "Lexa.." She was taken back by the volume of the brunette's voice.
The Commander stood up, "No Clarke! I will not stand by and watch you die. You have fought too hard to get here! You are not the woman I once knew! Clarke kom Skaikru who I met was a fighter. She wasn't intimidated by the Commander of the Twelve Clans, she fought and stood bravely against a pauna, she led her people even if that meant defying orders her mother requested, she fought against the mountain and won – even when her ally left her with nobody but herself! But when I saw you stumbling through the woods the other morning, you didn't even flinch when the bear charged you. You stood there and accepted your death. The Clarke who I, dare I say it, fell for would valiantly fight. I don't know if it was the exhaust you were battling or if that was you just giving up. I will not stand by and let such a powerful leader as yourself lie down and accept defeat. If you won't fight for yourself, then I'll do it for you!"
Clarke stood there contemplating and trying to accept everything Lexa had said.
The commander continued, "I know you don't want to accept the decisions a leader has to make, but what holds you back from moving on?"
Clarke's eyes filled up. "I'm afraid…"
Lexa quietly spoke, "Of what?"
"Of you….becoming you…." Lexa sat back on her bed holding her wound. She didn't know what to feel. She too felt scared. What had she become? She just looked up at Clarke who had a tear coming down her face.
"I don't want to have to make decisions with my head. I want to make decisions with my heart. I want to feel and love and have passion towards my motives. I want to know in my heart that whatever choice I make…it's going to be the right choice." She wiped away the tear.
Lexa kept her head to the floor and asked, "Are you scared of me Clarke?"
"Truthfully? Yes." Clarke knew it was hard for Lexa to accept, but she had asked.
Lexa furrowed her brow, but was willing to listen, "Why?"
"Can I ask you a question that might answer yours?"
Lexa nodded.
"How is it that you were able to leave me and my people after you told me you cared for me before the war? You kissed me Lexa."
Lexa sighed, "So that's what frightens you. My trust and my word." The brunette took her hand off her wound and just stared at the blood that stained her hand.
It was the first time the two had a civilized conversation since the night of the mountain. Clarke was confused more than angry. She was still upset but deep down she didn't want to argue with Lexa. If it didn't hurt Clarke so bad, she knew she would be entangled in the Commander's limbs. Clarke needed closure. Lexa would be this for her.
The sky girl grabbed medical supplies off the table that were left from the previous healer and she knelt in front of Lexa.
The commander lifted her head and looked at Clarke with confusion herself. She knew she didn't deserve the sky girl's kindness.
"Please rise Clarke, this is not your duty. You have done enough for my people and I."
Clarke refused to listen and started to clot the bleeding area. "Stop being stubborn. This is what I do."
Both girls felt the tension between their close proximity. As much as it hurt Clarke to touch Lexa's skin, she wanted to place her hands all over the woman's olive skin. And as much as discomfort Lexa was in from Clarke's restitching of the wound, she enjoyed to feel the soft touch of her finger tips.
They sat quietly until Clarke was done and began wrapping the wound.
Lexa decided to take a leap of faith and she grabbed the wrist of Clarke's slowly that was tending to her shoulder. "Thank you."
Clarke didn't pull away this time. She nodded.
"You should know that you no longer have to fear me. And….I am profoundly sorry that I frighten you."
She let go of the blonde's wrist.
"I want my people to fear and respect my wrath, but not you. Anyone but you. Sadly, I allowed you to become all too familiar with it. For that I apologize. Yes that might have been the decision of my head, but know that would have not been the decision of my heart."
More tears began to fill Clarke's blue eyes. She stood up slowly and leaned against the table hiding her face.
Taking deep breaths to calm her tears, "I understand that. I fear you and the decision you made because I had to do it myself…I just need time Lexa. I want to live and fight, I just need to be reminded what to fight for."
It was then when the two heard Indra, "Heda may I enter?"
The commander shared a glance with Clarke, stood up, and said, "Yes."
This was progress. Lexa finally had the smallest bit of hope for the two to have some sort of peace.
"Heda," Indra proceeded, "the builders need you to confirm the size of the school building you suggested to create."
Clarke was taken back by surprise. "Lexa…suggesting a school?!"
"Assure the builders I will be there Indra. Is there anything else?"
"Yes, Nyko told me Sky girl should be resting soon."
Lexa nodded, "Then she will rest. Indra you will take her back to Nyko and manage to get her there in one piece." Indra shot her a look of torture but didn't question her leader.
Clarke turned to walk towards the exit of the tent but stumbled. Indra was there and reached out to catch the sky girl. They both gave a look of shock at each other which made the commander chuckle.
Once Lexa saw that Clarke was clearly in good hands she asked, "Clarke, would you mind meeting with me at a later time tonight? There is something I would like to show you, but only if you feel capable."
Clarke replied, "If I feel up to it. Where should I meet you?"
"The fire pit outside of Nyko's hut. I won't make you walk far."
Clarke nodded and leaned on Indra. The two disappeared from the tent.