Bury Me Deep Inside Your Heart
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Chapter 3
April 1982
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Severus went over the patient's chart again. Had he already administered the potion vaccination against Dragon Pox? He could not recall. A second dosage could cause organ failure and he dare not ask Head Healer Sage what the proper protocol would be. Such negligence would mean an immediate dismissal.
This is all that woman's fault, he told himself. He had never been distracted from his work until that bizarre day at the park. Lily Potter was certainly pretty enough to turn a man's head more than once, however, Severus saw plenty of attractive women pass through St. Mungo's everyday. Still, Lily possessed a keen and penetrating mind that hungered for knowledge, which was far more appealing to him than any physical charms. He started to bring new books for them to read whenever they could share a lunch together. She would devour magical theories like candy.
They met this time in a restaurant for children. A noisy pit decorated with brightly painted murals of wizards and trolls in garish tutus. It had a large play area magiced to resemble a forest clearing for the children to explore. As proof of his declining sanity, Severus had even gone into a toyshop and purchased with good galleons a stuffed pony. It had a yarn tail, button eyes and would gallop in circles around the room. Harry squealed with delight and was off to chase the pony as it scampered under a table.
"That is the cutest thing I've ever seen!" Lily laughed at the sight of the bemused children playing with the enchanted toy.
Severus shrugged. "I saw it in the window of this little shop and—" He trailed off and stared at his cold plate of half eaten chips.
"Yes?"
"You wouldn't believe this, but it was like I'd seen the thing before and I just knew you would like it."
That feeling had been occurring more and more lately. It used to be he'd see a woman with red hair in the streets and pause for a moment. Then it would pass and he would move on as if it had been a mild case of déjà vu. Something about red hair and green eyes had always followed him into his dreams. He had chalked it up to a hidden desire of a lonely man. Male hormones. That was all.
Until he met Lily.
"Are you even listening to me?"
Her voice pulled him back into the present. "Sorry. What was that? You were talking about that job offer at Spore's Apothecary. Did you get it?"
Lily sulked into her coffee. "Yeah, I did."
"You have an odd way of reacting to good news. Shouldn't you be happier? You haven't changed your mind, have you?"
"No. It's James. He doesn't want me to work. Says I should be at home taking care of Harry, that any time away from his mother would confuse him and harm his routine. I told James that it was only part time and he went on again about how he has plenty of money and that I don't need to work."
"And you told him how you feel?"
She lowered her eyes. "He can be so difficult sometimes. He's a Gringotts-vault baby. He doesn't understand the desire to do something in life other than sit around and read The Daily Prophet. And Harry does need me right now."
"And how happy will you be changing diapers all day?"
"I have a child," she snapped. "That's pretty hard to ignore."
"The child is not the issue here. This is about you wanting to do something that matters to you and your cowing to the will of your husband. As usual."
"Don't you dare have a go at James!" Her face was very white now, her eyes bright with anger. "You never liked him anyway. You don't know what he's like. He loves us and wants only the best for us."
"So long as it doesn't inconvenience him. A few hours a week wouldn't ruin your perfect little lives nor would it be harmful to the boy in any form. Besides, it's clearly what you want to do. If he can't see that then he's a bigger fool than I've always thought him to be."
Lily crossed her arms and glared at him. "You are not my husband, nor are you the father of my child! So, don't you dare start trying to tell me what to do with my life!"
"I see," he said in a chilled tone. "Forgive me, Mrs. Potter. I spoke out of line. I shall leave you to your own decisions from now on." He got up to leave.
"Wait!" She seized his arm with a speed that would make James Potter the Seeker proud. She looked positively terrified. "Please don't go, Sev! I didn't mean to lose it like that. Please sit back down."
He did and she breathed easy again. "It's not you I'm peeved at. You're right. I do want this job, but James…. I just don't think it's a good time right now."
Severus said nothing. Lily looked agitated. Perhaps she was under more stress than she let on. He could still felt the touch of her warm hand on his arm.
"What are we doing, Sev?" she asked. Her green eyes stared straight into his.
"What do you mean?"
"This? What are we doing meeting every other week like this? Are we forming our own book club? Are you so bored that you want to spend your free time hanging out in a children's restaurant? What is it you want, Sev?"
"We are friends," he replied seriously. "I want to be your friend."
She gave him a weak smile. "That's what I thought." Lily reached across the table and squeezed his hand. "Thank you."
He wanted to say more. He wanted to tell her that he dreamed of her at night, that he saw the shadow of her in every woman with red hair he met. More than anything he wanted to leap over the table and kiss her.
She's a married woman! She's a married woman. She's married to your worst enemy. Their son is playing in the next room.
What was he doing anyway?
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August 1976
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They had met the next day and taken the tube to Brighton. Lily wanted to see the carnival stands along the boardwalk. Severus bought her popcorn and hot meat pasties. He even won at a ring-toss game and presented her with a stuffed pony that had a yarn tail and button eyes. She beamed with delight and he felt pleased with himself for a change.
She even managed to drag him into one of those muggle photo booths. Lily laughed and tried to get him to make funny faces with her. He resisted for as long as he could, but she was smiling at him and her pink painted fingertips were tickling his side. Without warning Lily grabbed his shirt collar and kissed him.
"Well, that at least got you to smile," she said as she appraised the photo strip. The last shot was of them, heads very close together, both smiling for the camera.
He remained silent as they walked along the beach.
"Is something wrong? You're awfully glum for this beautiful day." Lily reached out to take his hand.
"Don't," he said and pulled away.
"What?"
"Don't play games with me. What are we doing, Lily?" He stopped and turned to face her, his black eyes stared straight into hers.
"What do you mean?"
"This. What are you doing spending the day with me? Girls like you don't do these kinds of things."
"You mean spend time at the shore?" she jested.
He sneered. "Look at me! I know that I'm ugly! And look at you. You're brilliant and lively and funny. And you're beautiful. Girls like you don't hang out with guys like me. They don't kiss guys like me unless they want something. Or maybe Potter and his Marauders asked you to help them prank me. Are they about to jump out right now?" He glanced around them as if fearing a sudden attack. His fingers touched the wand in his pocket.
Lily shook her head. "You really are paranoid. Nobody is following us."
"Then you must want me to do your homework for you this term. Or you're having a secret laugh at me."
"I'm not. Honest I'm not. Sev, please calm down."
"What is it you want from me?" he snapped.
"I like you, you dumb berk!" she snapped back.
Severus could only blink at her. "No you don't. Nobody likes me. Nobody talks to me and I don't talk to anyone."
"Well, I do." Her hands were square on her hips now and her expression was sour. "And if you haven't noticed, you talk to me and I like talking with you."
He shook his head. "You like James Potter. All the girls at school do. I know that he fancies you."
"James is not the issue here!" Her face was almost as red as her hair. "Maybe I liked him at first, but he can sometimes be so arrogant. Besides, I'm here with you, aren't I? Or maybe you think that I sneak out of my room at night to have a midnight picnic with every boy I come across? Is that really what you think of me? That I'm some sort of attention seeking tart? If that's the case then you're as bad as he is!"
Lily threw the toy pony at him. He gasped.
"You can go back to your books and hating everything and everyone around you again! I won't bother in the future." Lily started to walk away.
"Wait!" Severus caught her arm. "I'm sorry."
"Save your breath."
"I'm sorry. Truly sorry, I just—"
"What was that? I couldn't hear," she hissed.
"This has never happened to me before. A girl saying she likes me. Ki…kissing me goodnight… on the lips…."
She shot him a wicked grin. "A boy, perhaps?"
He was about to shout something back when he realized that she was teasing him and his anger dissipated. "You really like me? Why? I'm not an easy person."
"That's the truth. You can be down right snarky at times."
"I'm what? That's not a real word. You made it up."
"It's the only way to describe you, so it's real now. And I do like you, Sev."
He blushed and squeezed the toy in his hands until it was fit to burst at the seams. "But… but you should be with Potter. He's a Gryffindor and popular and… and he doesn't have a conk for a nose or greasy hair. Why choose me?"
Lily closed the distance between them and put her hands against his cheeks so he would have to look at her. "I like that you think I'm brilliant first and beautiful last. James would say that I was beautiful and leave it at that. I like that you like smart girls, Sev."
Severus smiled, and like that night in the park his entire face seemed to radiate from the inside out, giving him a beauty none could rival. He dared to wrap his arms around her waist. When she didn't object he pulled her to him. "Yeah, I do. And you truly like snarky men?"
"Smart, snarky men." Her smile reached her green eyes, transfixing him on the spot. "What can I say? There's just something about them."
This time he was the one who kissed her. And the second time. And the third. And the time after that.
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September 1976
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The start of school term came around at last. Lily met Severus at Platform Nine and Three Quarters. She had pinned her new, golden Head Girl badge on her robe front. Severus was immensely proud of her. He said it only made sense, she being the cleverest witch of her age and all.
Lily adored him. There were times when he could be too much of an introvert, but then there were times when he would astound her with his thoughtfulness. Severus never let her regret that she was with him.
Even though they had spent nearly every moment of the remaining summer together, Severus was still rather awkward and shy around her. It made her want to do naughty things to him just to watch him blush and smile. He did have the loveliest smile, and it seemed like he saved it for her alone.
They boarded the Hogwarts Express and found an empty compartment.
"I have to go to the prefects car for a bit," Lily admitted. "You know, to get my instructions for the term, and then patrol the corridors with the Head Boy." Severus looked disappointed but urged her on.
The truth was that Lily was not looking forward to this day at all. The reason was waiting for her in front of the prefects' car, handsome and smug as ever and sporting a gold badge on his chest. It was as she feared.
"Wotcher, Lily!" James said. He rumpled up his hair and gave her a sparkling bright grin. Behind him stood his gang of Marauders, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and the Gryffindor prefect Remus Lupin.
Lily took a deep breath. "Hello, James. Hello lads. Congratulations on becoming Head Boy, James."
He thrust his chest out a tad more, making the badge glow in the light. "Yeah, thanks. You too, but no surprises there. Who else can make Gryffindor look it's best? Hey, what happened to you this summer? Something must be up with our house owls. I must have sent one every day to you but not one must have gotten through because they never came back with a message."
She tugged on her long braid. "No. They got through alright."
"Splendid! Then you got all the flowers."
"Yes, and you really shouldn't have."
His smile grew even wider. "Just a few tokens of my affection. Nothings too good for my girl."
"I mean, you shouldn't have sent so many owls. Four or five a day, it started to get annoying. And I already told you that I don't care for lilies."
"Oh. Oh, well," he shrugged what she said off as if he hadn't heard and put an arm around her shoulders. "Never mind that, then. Soon we'll be back in Hogwarts and the Head Boy and Girl will get to spend all sort of time together."
"Actually," Lily gently removed herself from under his arm. "James, there's something I need to tell you. Maybe you're friends can give us a moment."
"They're alright. What's up?"
She sighed. "I'm really sorry, James. You're a great guy, but the truth is that I met someone over the holiday and well… I'm in love."
James blinked as if she had been speaking in Gobbledegook. "Pardon? You… you're what?"
"I really am sorry," she said and she meant it. "I didn't plan on it happening, but this guy is different. It feels like we've known each other all our lives. He's become my best friend. I know it doesn't make sense but he just smiled at me and that was it. I was in love."
James paled. He no longer looked quite so handsome. "I don't believe this."
"Sorry. Truly I am." Lily had to sit through the longest twenty minutes of her life waiting for the meeting to end. All the while James was staring daggers at her.
It is not going to be an easy year, she told herself.
Finally she rejoined Severus in their compartment. He smiled up at her and scooted over to give her a seat. Lily slumped down next to him and rubbed her aching temples.
"Is everything okay?" he asked. She shrugged.
"Why don't you read for a while?" He placed a book in her hands.
"No thanks. I have a headache coming on."
"Lily, I really think you'll enjoy that particular book."
She decided not to argue and opened the cover. A puff of yellow smoke and a bouquet of daffodils appeared.
"For our new Head Girl," he whispered. "I hope you don't regret having a Slytherin for a boyfriend."
She threw her arms around him and kissed him. He had astounded her yet again. "No regrets whatsoever."
Neither of them noticed that they were being observed by someone who hated them.
And he had a plan.
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I named the Apothecary shop after Phyllida Spore, the author of One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi.
Daffodils are one of my favorite flowers, so I decided Lily would like them too.