TWO

I drove through the night, hands gripping the Mustang's steering wheel in the tightest of grips, heading further and further to my destination.

If all roads had an ending, I only hoped mine led me to a happy one.

All I could think of was Castiel, how he looked down upon me with such tenderness, the feel of his hand on the small of my back, the touch of his lips on mine. I felt like screaming, praying with every cell in my body that Cas was alright. I couldn't imagine my life now without him, without seeing his face in the gentle moonlight once again, to not be able to touch him, to hold him close was just too painful to bear.

The space inside me now where Castiel usually inhabited was painfully bare and empty, begging to be filled once again by his presence, his warmth, his true love.

I parked haphazardly outside the motel where I knew Dean and Sam were, barely letting the engine stop purring before I was racing through the night to hammer on the appropriate door, calling desperately for Dean.

I just about collapsed on the motel room floor when the door opened unexpectedly, while I was partway through executing another knock.

Dean steadied me gently before he looked over at Sam helplessly. He must have seen the sheer look of desperation in my eyes in that one instant and he didn't know what to do.

Sam came forward then, taking me by the shoulders, to look earnestly into my eyes.

"Jenna, I'm sure Castiel is fine. You needn't worry - we'll find him for you together," he stressed.

Strangely I felt quite comforted, although at that moment, I couldn't see as to how it could be possible to find him - my angel.

"Where is he, Sam?" was all I could say.

"We don't know. We were hoping you did. You're closer to him than we are - than even I am," Dean said, quietly, coming forward to lay a hand on my shoulder in a rare show of solidarity I didn't expect from Dean Winchester.

"Just how close are you to Castiel, Jenna?" Sam asked, me gently.

"That's the second time you've asked me that," I said, staring up into his calm face, wondering why he was even asking.

"I need to know, Jenna. I want you clear headed on this hunt - you can't make rash decisions based on your heart alone. You need to remain calm, focussed, to keep your head clear. You don't want to be endangered, do you?" Sam asked me, softly.

Jesus.

He had a point.

"I'm close enough to Cas to be scared shitless, Sam. I want him back with everything I have. It hurts that he's not here," I said, realizing then that it was just like a physical pain, I missed Cas so much right then.

Sam looked over at Dean then, worry lodged deep in his eyes.

"Do you love him, Jenna?" he asked.

When I didn't immediately answer, Sam repeated the question with more force.

I knew the answer to that one.

"Yes!" I said, meeting Sam's gaze head on, unflinching in my honesty. "Yes, I love Castiel, with all my heart. I'm going to kill the bastards who have him."

Anger was starting to over take the fear now, and I think Sam saw that. He nodded.

"It's alright to be afraid, Jenna, but you can't let that cloud your judgment. Anger can be channelled. If you're angry, then you will be useful!" he said, sounding as though he finally approved.

He didn't seem at all fazed by my admission and I was grateful for that. I had imagined shock meeting my admission of love for the angel, but none had come.

I looked to Dean, imagining maybe disgust coming from him, but there was none, there, only sympathy.

"We'll get him Jenna!" he said, quietly. "I promise. Just have patience!"

I nodded at that, knowing he was right, but it didn't make it any easier to bear.

Sam looked to Dean with a nod, as though confirming to the older brother that all was sorted with me.

Dean nodded back, before saying - "Okay. Where was the last place we know he was at ... ?"

to be continued ...