COMMERCIAL!
Cluny the Scourge stood before the Abbey, laughing maniacally and screaming out random exclamations of self-congratulation as battle raged around him. A rat who looked completely identical to Cluny stepped into view, looking sheepish.
"Hey, Cluny's phone here," the rat said. "Cluny's not going to answer 'cause... he's a lunatic." The 'Cluny's phone' rat shot Cluny an irritated glance. "See, Cluny doesn't have AT&T so... he's basically got zero bars in his phone. So... although you call--" (he shouted this in Cluny's direction) "-- like, THIRTY TIMES-- about that new siege engine he wanted... he's not callin' you back."
Fangburn joined the phone rat. "For the best coverage, switch to AT&T. More bars, in more places."
Cluny turned and roared angrily at Fangburn, "HEY! You idiot, stop breaking the fourth wall!"
When the commercial was over, everything in the studio had been straightened out, and there were no more intruding characters from other fandoms. Kenzie was in deep discussion with the authoress.
"So, no more of this crossover stuff, please?" the rat begged her human self. "It really screws everything up."
"Yeah..." the authoress admitted. "Hey, take a look at Gulo."
As a result of the fight, the wolverine had partly reverted back to his flesh-eating habits. Written messily in blue paint on his chest were the words, "I EAT SMALL KIDS." Luckily, he still craved snacks and was currently rummaging through the cupboard just backstage.
Kenzie blinked. "That's... gonna give me nightmares." The rat shook her head and turned her attention back to the audience.
"So... sorry about that, everyone," she apologized sheepishly. "And... especially sorry to you, Urthstripe."
The large Badger Lord mumbled something to her from behind the bandages swathing his head. Ferahgo was sitting about three seats down, barely able to contain his merriment. Urthwyte glared murderously at the weasel, so much that the security guards stationed at strategic locations around the perimeter fidgeted nervously.
Veil, who had once idolized his father until actually MEETING the guy, was now all admiration for Bowflegg. "Gramps, you ROCK!" he called from the stage, earning a glare from Swartt. Bowflegg smirked at the Warlord. Bluefen smiled weakly, clearly screaming her ears blue on the inside.
From where he was sitting between Scummy and Grubbage, Prince Bladd muttered, "De beasts here, dey are crazy, yarr."
"Aye, the feasts here do be lazy, mate," Grubbage agreed.
"So anyway," Kenzie continued, "I have invited certain characters to the stage so we can all interview them, get to know them, so please everybeast put your paws together and let's welcome--"
SPLAT!
An overripe tomato, more of a juicy back of mush than a vegetable and/or fruit, came flying out of somewere in the audience to hit the rat squarely in the snout. Kenzie's glasses went flying as reddish pulp and juice slid down her face.
Some members of the audience, too shocked even to laugh, looked at each other. What now? Several creatures glanced around to see who the culprit was, while (of course) some of the rowdier spectators cheered and roared enthusiastically.
Slowly, calmly, Kenzie reached up and wiped some of the smashed vegetable and/or fruit from her face. Then she took a deep, long breath for thirty full seconds before letting it out and completely drowning out the rowdy creatures.
"DWOOOOOOPPPPPLLLLE!"
The mousebabe stood up and raised paw in some sort of signal. At that moment, every single Dibbun member of the audience stood up and copied his gesture. A ragged chant started.
"Dab! Dab! Dab! Dab! Dab! Dab! Dab! Dab!"
Memm Flackery, who'd had experience with the Dab organization before, pulled the fire alarm.
Besides the annoying blaring noise, water sprayed down on the audience. The fat harenurse bellowed at the top of her longs, "BATHTIME, DIBBUNS!"
Caught offguard by Memm's unexpected retaliation, the Dab Dibbuns (known jokingly as 'Dabbuns') fled the audience. Several Infirmary Sisters including Armel, Alkanet, and Sloey chased after them.
Kenzie took a brief trip backstage to the kitchen area to splash water on her face. Gulo was still there, digging around in the variety of snacks.
"So, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," Kenzie continued. "Let's welcome Fenno, Druwp, and The Grumpy Bankvole."
There was much booing from both goodbeasts and evil ones alike, for the goodbeasts of course hated all three of them, while the bad vermin simply hated woodlanders as a whole. Dumble the baby dormouse, who had ducked under his seat to avoid getting wet rather than leave, handed Thrugg a straw. The two of them immediately began firing spitballs. Rocangus made a valiant attempt to join them, only to find that his beak was ill-suited for spitting. Not wanting to leave his friend out, Thrugg pushed over a small bag of squashy fruit.
Kindly, Kenzie handed all three of her guests an umbrella. Unkindly, she handed all of them a bright neon PINK umbrella.
"All right then," she said cheerfully, sidestepping to avoid a badly thrown apricot. "You can greet the audience now, you three."
"Heh," Fenno said indifferently.
"'Sup," Druwp mumbled.
The Grumpy Bankvole did not verbally greet them, but made a rude gesture with his paw.
Kenzie drew her saber with a swish and swung it at The Grumpy Bankvole's outstretched limb.
"AAAIIIEEEE! MURDER! THAT VERMIN SCUMBAG JUST LOPPED OFF ME PAW! AIIIIIIEEEEEE!"
Feeling a bit steamed at the 'vermin' comment, Kenzie sniffed. "Oh, you can take your paw and stuff it straight up your--" (she remembered that not all the Dibbuns had fled from the audience) "--I didn't even slice off a single hair from your grubby claw! Because unlike you, I actually take notice of--"
Gulo poked his head out from the doorway to the kitchen area. "Hey, where're the Cheetohs?!"
Mildly irritated, Kenzie replied over her shoulder, "They're right next to you! Anyway, Fenno, tell us. Why did you--"
"Where's the Mountain Dew?" the wolverine asked loudly.
Kenzie blew through her whiskers in annoyance. "In the fridge! Duh! Sheesh... Fenno, why--"
"Can I have a Mountain Dew?"
"Yes! You can have a Mountain Dew! Just go get it!" Kenzie grimaced under her breath. "Fenno, why did you kill Log-a-Log and betray the Guosim?"
"Well," the hefty shrew began. "Dippler and I were at odds sometimes, y'see. Always fightin'--"
"Always fightin', my tail!" Dippler stood up and roared. "You were the one doin' the fightin', Fenno, if ye can call it fightin'! All you ever did was beat me up!"
"Anyway, Log-a-Log was kind of bossy with me all the time, so I--"
"I'm gonna get a soda, anyone want one?" Gulo called. "Hey Kenzie, I wasn't there, was I?"
"You weren't where?" Kenzie asked exasperatedly.
"That place when he was killing beasts and everything!"
"No, and he hasn't gotten to that part yet!"
"I will if you just listen!" Fenno interrupted. "Anyway, it seemed like every time I tried openin' my mouth, Log-a-Log would just wave his sword around and yell at me, so when I saw the chance, I went for it."
"And you... killed him?" Kenzie said incredulously.
"Well, yeah."
The rat stared at him. "Dude, you have anger management issues."
"I do NOT have issues!" Fenno argued. "I was just mad at him, that's all!"
"Hey, couldn't you just try talking your problems out in a calm manner?" Sunflash aka SunSTRIPE suggested.
Fenno stared at the Badger Lord as though he was the stupidest creature in the world. "Of course not! I'm a shrew!"
"Guess you can't argue with that," Kenzie muttered. "Druwp, your turn."
"I wanted to be on the winning side, simple as that," the vole said with a yawn. "Personally, I can't see why it would tick you off so much."
"Because in the Nelvana cartoon, you almost killed my dad!" Felldoh roared from the audience.
"Well, in the Nelvana cartoon, Yarrow the 'young mouse' sounded like an eighty-year-old, and Killconey was all fat and ugly!" Druwp retorted.
"Guess you can't argue with that, either," Kenzie muttered. "Now, Mr. Grumpy Bankvole, what's your side of your story?"
"That hedgehog stole my food and my knife!" the bankvole snapped. "All I wanted was a replacement, and when that stupid mouse lady tried to stop me, I pushed her out of the way!"
"Did you know that you were stealing the most valuable weapon in Mossflower, the Sword of Martin?" Kenzie asked.
The bankvole thought for a moment. "Well... no."
"And after Orkwil saved your life, you're whining about a stupid little knife and a lost dinner?" Kenzie asked.
"Well, yeah," the bankvole shot back. "He stole from me!"
"And you stole from the Abbey, and killed Sister Atrata, who never did anything to you," Kenzie finished.
The bankvole blinked. "I guess I can't argue with that," he admitted.
Gulo poked his head out of the doorway again. "Hey Kenzie, are there any girls out there?"
"Yes, Gulo, there are girls!" Kenzie snapped. "But I don't think any of them are your type!"
"I know, but if there are any girls out there, then I wanna--"
"CUT TO COMMERCIAL!" Kenzie roared. "COMMERCIAL, NOW!"
A/N: I do not own Summoner Geeks, nor do I own the idea of painting 'I EAT SMALL KIDS' on your chest. That belongs to a rather disturbed member of my brother's Boy Scout troop, who is also the brother of a member of my Girl Scout Troop. I don't really know who Summoner Geeks belongs to. (If you don't know it, look it up on Youtube. It's hilarious.)