"Vermin and woodlander," said Bryony. "Is there any difference when we're all creatures of Mother Nature? We can all be bad or good; it depends on the choices we make."

"It's what's inside that counts," Bluefen added quietly. "We are defined not by what we are, but by who we are."

The More You Know

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Backstage, Veil, Klitch, Firty, and Beddle huddled together to one side, casting fearful glances at the talk show host, who was muttering darkly to herself while examining a small, wooden... thing.

"She's steamin' mad is wot she is," Firty murmured. "Three things, count 'em; three things spittin' in 'er skilly."

"One's thanks to my idiot father," Veil moaned. "The stupid old fool never should have insulted Cyrano like that. I doubt she'll ever be the same."

"Nah, something like that can be easily remedied," Klitch disagreed. "I think she's mainly angry because her human self found out that one of the states... I think it was California? Well, one of the states passed a proposition banning... eh..."

"Slash marriage, shall we say?" Beddle said drily. "Nay, 'tis because she insulted Kalyn Wordsmith, who paid her back tenfold."

"Give me a long Sue name, will you?" Kenzie's snarl ended in a high-pitched cackle as she took a marking pen and began writing on the back of the wooden object in her claws. "At least I kept mine simple... but no, you had to throw in the apostrophies, didn't you? Kenzie Glassyeyes Adderstar Evanescentjewel Maika'i Wahine Silverlightthatstreamsfromthestarsintheheavens, Child of the Lightbearers, eh?! We'll see about that..." Spinning around suddenly, she held up the wooden thing. "Feel the wrath of Beezlenef, mortal tree-rodent!"

It was an effigy of a very cartoony-looking cat.

Firty blinked. "Wot? Beezlenef? Ain't that that thing from t'Black Magic Club in dat one anime 'er 'uman self's obsessed wid?"

"Lack a day, I don't believe it," Beddle moaned, letting his head drop forward into his paws. "She went into the Ouran High School Host Club universe and stole a Beezlenef doll from Nekozawa, the fool!"

"Who'da thunk it," Veil muttered. Klitch, however, stared around in hopes that somebeast would explain to him what a Beezlenef doll was, as well as this "Ouran High School Host Club" thing. Firty caught on to his helpless look and explained.

"Well, yer see, OHSHC is an anime show about a rich 'igh school, wid dis 'Ost Club thing, but that's too 'ard ter explain. There's a club in dat show called the Black Magic Club, where yew get one o' them Beezlenef dolls if'n ye join. S'posedly, if'n ye write somebeast's name on the back o' the doll, bad things'll 'appen ter 'em."

Klitch hid under a chair.

"Oh, come off it, Klitchy," Firty scoffed. "'Tain't e'en real."

But the young weasel refused to come out. "Don't call me Klitchy, either."

"Regardless," Veil interrupted exasperatedly. "Obviously Kenzie's too deranged to take the stage at this moment. And somebeast has to take over and make the important announcement Kenzie mentioned."

A pretty reddish-brown squirrelmaid stalked out. "Oh, fine, I'll make the announcement!"

Beddle jumped, staring at the squirrelmaid. "Er, er, we thank thee, Bretta." The others noted with glee that he was gazing after her even when she'd already left.

Paws akimbo, Bretta addressed the audience. "Ladies and gentlebeasts, if I may have your attention?"

Conversations, arguments, and scattered singing carried on, regardless of the squirrelmaid.

"'EY! SHUT THE 'ELLGATES UP!" Bretta roared.

That did it.

"Thank you." Bretta cleared her throat. "Unfortunately, Kenzie is unable to take the stage right now due to... eh..." She hunted for a word.

"Emotional difficulties," another squirrel with an unusual pelt color offered, poking his head out from behind the stage.

"Er, right. Emotional difficulties. Thank you."

"Believe me, I'm more familiar with them than I'd like to be," came the dry reply.

Recovering herself quickly, Bretta turned back to the crowd. "As I was saying, she was going to make an announcement right now, but I guess I'm going to have to now. Anyhoo, she's decided to select a more official stage crew from Adderstar of ValorClan's Redwall OCs, many of which you've never heard of before. Canon characters are still working for us, but we're here to make things more orderly... if at all possible. The first is myself, Bretta. I'm the new stage manager and JUST BECAUSE I AM A WOMAN DOES NOT MAKE ME GULLIBLE OR OVERLY EMOTIONAL IN ANY WAY." The hard look in her eyes prevented anybeast in the audience from pointing out the fact that she had just contradicted herself. She continued in a calmer voice. "Caesar you know, but he can't really be considered part of the stage crew and is currently being kept quiet with apples and hickory-smoked ham." She pointed upward. "Up there in the sound booth is our lights ferret, Anteon, and our sound manager marten, Dante, of Bond of Brotherhood fame." The audience looked up at the booth to see a black-furred ferret manning the spotlights and the young pine marten adjusting a headset over his ears. "And before you start getting uneasy over the color of Anteon's fur, Adderstar of ValorClan has a reason. When she was drawing him, she made the mistake of coloring his cloak red. She was coloring in the black face-mask of most ferrets when she realized he looked like some sort of ferret superhero. Thusly, to cover up this mistake, she colored him completely black." Despite the explanation, some of the more conservative canon characters remained suspicious.

In the booth, Anteon showed the audience what he thought of any possible Stu comments by shining the spotlight in their eyes.

Fenn Bluepaw, a character who was particularly hated by the author, stood up with a paw over her streaming eyes to yell, "What Sue spawned you, vermin?"

Anteon could be seen shoving Dante aside in the booth to grab the microphone, and the ferret's retort echoed through the entire studio. "YOUR MOM."

The unusually-colored squirrel from before appeared onstage again, speaking into a headset. "Otis, if you please?" A brawny otter padded out into the audience to sit the irritable old squirrel back down in her seat. In the bright stage lights, the audience could clearly see his pelt pattern. He was black all over with a white chest and long ear tufts. His tail was mostly a pale grayish color, but it faded to darker black down the middle. His eyes were a bright green hue.

"And this is Todd," Bretta finished. "He is our head of security, and believe me, Mother Nature help any Sues that try to crash this show. By the way, species-wise he's what's known as an Abert's squirrel, native to the South Rim of the Grand Canyon. Adderstar of ValorClan took a leaf out of Nonny's book and used several characters from different fandoms as well as real-life people in creating him: Flippy and Buddhist Monkey from Happy Tree Friends, Sweeney Todd, Jackie Chan, Ninjai the Little Ninja, Liam Ironarm the Shang Dragon (from Tamora Pierce), and Jason Statham, to name a few."

"Is he immortal?" somebeast asked.

"Will he kill us?"

"Is he a Stu?" Fenn demanded.

"He might as well be, it depends, and not really," Bretta replied. "If you try to kill him, you will most likely be eligible for a ride in a paramedic helicopter. He will only kill you if you're asking for it, and he's not really a Stu. If he were a Stu, he would be a whole new catagory, like Nonny's Random!Stu, Newo."

Dante had successfully wrestled his microphone away from Anteon and now voiced a suggestion. "Killer!Stu, maybe?"

Anteon snatched it back. "Rampage!Stu's better!"

"Shut it, both of you, or I'll spray the pair of you with ketchup and leave Todd to you!" Bretta snarled back. Todd winced visibly. "Oh, no offense Todd."

The squirrel glared at her. "I'm not going to say 'None taken', 'cause I'm not a liar and that remark was completely tasteless. You know that's a tender subject for m--"

"Wha's wrong wiv ketchup?" Dwopple asked from his position in the front row on Deesum's shoulders. He quickly pulled out a bottle of the aforementioned condiment and opened it.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Bretta dove off the stage just as the evil little mousebabe squeezed the bottle. The red liquid splattered into the squirrelmaid's face.

Todd's gaze snapped to where Bretta lay, frantically wiping at her ketchupy fur. His eyes dulled into a mute olive-green color, and a low half-snarl, half-laugh built up in his throat. Drawing a curved knife from his belt, he hurled himself at her.

In the booth, Anteon nearly dropped the mike. "OH SH--"

Dante snatched it back just in time to shield the younger audience members' ears from his partner's foul language. Down below, Bretta had snatched the nearest weapon--Martin's sword-- and was frantically defending herself from her now-maddened colleague. All across the audience, pandemonium was setting in.

Backstage, Veil had rooted about for a solution and ended up sending Caesar out with his crossbow and tranquilizer bolts. For all Caesar's derangement, his aim was spot-on, sending a bolt right into Todd's left shoulder.

Anteon raced down from the booth to help the security while Dante howled into the microphone. "Will everybeast please calm down! The insane squirrel is being taken care of! Please remain in your seats, and if I see a single container of ketchup, I will personally drag out the holder of said container by his or her toenails!"

The audience gradually quieted due to Dante's shouted threats and the actions of the security animals, and Bretta dashed backstage to wash the ketchup off of herself.

Anteon was left onstage to explain things. "We're very sorry, everybeast, but whenever something happens to Todd that reminds him of fighting, like anything resembling blood or death, he goes crazy. If anything really, really angers him, he will also go crazy. He gets it from Flippy and Buddhist Monkey, and he gets the eye-color-changing thing from Flippy and Liam Ironarm. Uh, don't worry, any second now Kenzie'll be out here and--"

"ANTEON!"

The rat in question stormed out onstage. "WHAT IS GOING ON? I finally calm down and come out to find Todd unconscious, Bretta covered in ketchup, Caesar out and running around, and Klitch hiding under a chair screaming about demon cats and the end of the world! Nothing's gotten done, and someone ate my last Halloween Milky Way! I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU HAVE AN EXPLANATION?"

"Uh... uh..." The hapless ferret looked to the sound booth and Dante for help, but the marten had mysteriously disappeared from view.

Heheh, poor Anteon, he just can't win, can he?

The idea of combining various canon characters from different fandoms into one OC belongs to Much Ado About Nonny. I claim no credit for the idea.

Bretta and Anteon are characters in a future fanfic I've been planning, and Todd may or may not have his own fic.

Also, I included Firty and Beddle in what I call Adderstar's Canon Clique. Beddle's cool and he didn't get a big enough role. And Firty... he's just so CUTE.