by Greylle
DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.
NOTE: Okay, this is a "crack fic" - it's not meant to be taken seriously. We're just out to have a bit of fun with a bizarre idea. Originally the idea was mine, taken in one direction by Matdeception, and then taken in an entirely different direction by myself and Kender.
Chapter Three: Angel Of The Morning.
Normally, Ranma would have control over how he would handle how situations would go. He could chose which direction he would go in, such as being able to choose between jumping from rooftop to rooftop or running along fences. Even if he couldn't choose what exactly he would be involved in, he would almost always be able to react to events on his own.
However, he could only follow in the wake of a woman who seemed to be caught up in some sort of pull that he couldn't see. "Umm... are we gonna be goin' ta place that's important?"
"It is to me," she answered simply. "Why do you want to know?"
"I just figured that ya might be goin' off in a strange direction..."
"If I am, it'd be your fault."
"Mine?"
"Yes, yours. You're the one who brought all this up. You have to know that it wouldn't be something to ignore."
"Well, yeah... But..."
"What?"
"Is there gonna be anyplace that we can stop at? I haven't eaten for a while now..."
Misato growled in frustration, and reached over to take hold of one of his arms. That gave her a handhold to drag him into a convenience store, where she started grabbing junk food off of the shelves. When she had a bag full of nutritionally challenged edibles, she dropped enough money for the bunch next to the register with a quickly scribbled note, and dragged him back outside. This time she didn't try to talk to him though, as she spotted a store that interested her down the street, and quickly managed to get a way into the shop.
"Here. Eat this," she told him, shoving the bag of junk food into his arms.
He blinked at the bag, and then at her. "What 'bout ya?"
"I'm going to watch some television."
"Uh... Okay..."
The NERV captain didn't wait for his answer, as she was already heading for what she had come there for. She found the player that she needed, and managed to get it properly set up. Fortunately, she didn't need to have someone with Ritsuko's smarts there to help her, as she was perfectly able to get the playback to look viewable with a little tweaking, which she'd hoped for as soon as she'd seen the electronics store that she was now standing in. Doing so allowed her to get to start up and watch what she had wanted to see.
At the beginning, it was a simple enough thing, even if it was rather creepy. What she was seeing was very close to the people and places that she encountered on a daily basis. Making it more weird was the fact that she could actually see a lot of this stuff easily happening. Still, it had seemed to be simple enough, with some of it expected.
And then she got to the 'good stuff'.
As soon as what she started comprehending what she was seeing, it became clear that this was not a simply taken kids' show, or a creepy recording of things to come. Instead, she was getting to see a lot of dark and dangerous things, and knew that it wasn't exactly the sort of thing that one would want to consider. It might not have been the same pigtailed boy there as was with her, but she was managing to find it rather... believable. After all, she'd never known many people who actually totally trusted the Commander, though this was certainly showing a side of him that proved that he shouldn't be trusted at all. She skimmed through a lot of it, but when she saw major events, she could recognize the rather malicious nature of them. Heck, she was discovering that what was going on around her was certainly not as innocent as she might have hoped. In fact, things were rather nasty, and she didn't even want to go into the freakishness that was the whole 'Rei' situation.
Glancing over, she saw that Ranma had wolfed down the last of his snacks, and was apparently looking for something else to eat. Not that she minded that, as it was understandable why that would be the case. Yet, he was also the only difference between her world, and the animated version of it that she'd just seen.
Turning her eyes back to looking at the images of scheming, betrayal, and insanity, she bit her lip as she turned over this latest information.
Misato was pondering these revelations as they walked along, and decided to take the simplest option for now.
"Ranma. Not a word of where you're from, what you say is going to happen. Not yet anyway."
Ranma glanced at her. "What are you planning?"
"IF this is accurate, then there are things I can verify," Misato shook the DVD case.
"So?" asked Ranma.
"I NEED verification," said Misato. "Besides, I'm kind of averse to being shot for treason or something like that. It'd ruin my whole day."
"Okay, I can see that," agreed Ranma.
"Let me do the talking, follow my lead," said Misato.
"Whate-?"
Misato looked over at where Ranma was staring. Just a bookstore with manga in the display. "Come on. We've wasted too much time as it is."
"Uh, yeah, sure, I gotta come back here when they're open," said a pale Ranma.
Misato wondered what had spooked the boy. It was just a display of old manga compilations, so maybe he was a collector? Just some #1 editions. "Sailor Suikoden" and "Shinji 1/2" and "Dresden Files." Hmm. 'Shinji?'
"(Uhoh. Predator. Everyone leave.)" chirped a bird.
"Hmmm?" asked Misato, the idea of being a modern Doctor Doolittle still having some novelty. At least as long as the fish held out.
"(There Thou Art Who Are Other.)"
Misato froze for a split instant. "oh %$#!"
Ranma grabbed the commanding officer and began running again, a massive hand slapping down where he had just been. "Moves pretty quiet when he wants to, don't he?"
"WAAHHHH!" said Misato as Ranma leapt to the top of a dumpster, then to the wall, and finally to a roof.
Ranma ran. Chi not seeming to quite be right or not, this was something he had experience with.
"That way, there's a subway," said Misato as she recognized an intersection.
If there was anything that Ranma was sure that he should do, it was to follow Misato's directions. She was the local there, and she would know which way to take on the streets. Since he did think that it would be better to get a quick transport out of the immediate area, he rather thought that taking the subway would be a good idea.
Knowing that time was of the essence, he bolted for the nearest subway stairs, and leapt down them so that it was like he was taking one big step. It was a hard thing to do with a woman yelping in panic right at his ear, but he wasn't the best around for nothing. Of course, there was one single problem that he would have to face when dealing with this situation when they got down to the area in question.
"What kinda schedule does the train got here?" he asked, looking around the empty platform. "None," Misato replied simply. "When there is an attack, they close down things like trains in the part of the city where the attack is going to be as soon as the people get to the shelters."
"Then how exactly are we supposed ta get ta that base?"
"Simple. We use the express train."
"But ya said that they don't have trains runnin' right now."
"Not on regular schedules, no. But they have ones for special people. And we're really special," she told him, and held up a plastic card which she swiped through a reader.
"What's that gonna do?"
"Get us our own special transport, that's what."
Ranma shrugged at her words for a moment... until he heard the unmistakable sound of a coming train. "Special NERV thing?"
"Special NERV thing. Now, come on!"
"After ya."
"Captain Katsuragi has gotten onto the direct line to the headquarters," Makoto reported.
Gendo nodded, and folded his hands in front of his chest. "Have Doctor Akagi meet them when they arrive."
"Yes, sir."
"An interesting choice, though I don't know why you'd have to do it," Fuyutsuki murmured.
"I would like to get the Captain and the pilot here before Third Impact comes about," the Commander answered.
"Ah..." the older man said in clear understanding.
"It looks cooler than in the video," said Ranma as the train went into the geofront.
"Yeah," said Misato, trying to figure out what she could do about the situation. "What's that whispering?"
"Whispering?" asked Ranma, cocking his head. "I don't hear nothing."
"I can't quite make it out," said Misato, dismissing it after a moment. "Whatever. I'll worry about it later."
"So, whatta I do about the -" Ranma made a gesture in the direction of the station.
"Keep quiet, follow my lead, try to act normal," said Misato.
"See, that's kinda a problem," said Ranma. "On account I don't actually KNOW normal. Normal isn't something I've seen except maybe at a distance. My life is kinda ABnormal, if ya get my drift."
"Ritsuko's waiting at the station?" asked Misato, looking ahead. "She looks very unhappy."
"She's wearing that labcoat and swimsuit combination," pointed out Ranma. "Nabiki had some things to say about that but it was all psycho-logic stuff and I didn't understand any of it."
"Hmmm," said Misato. "I'll handle it."
Ritsuko wasn't sure what was going on, but something clearly was. The boy seemed sullen and was frankly in a lot better shape than one would expect of a fourteen year old son of Gendo Ikari - maybe that was why he seemed 'off' to her.
Misato seemed to keep glancing at her as they transferred from one escalator to another, but wasn't very talkative. Oh. That might be it. Her car had a number of payments yet and it was currently rather flat. Being chased by an angel was probably not that conducive to her usual talkative nature. "Had a little problem getting back, Misato?"
"Nah," said the boy. "Great whomping BIG problem. Like maybe a couple hunnert feet tall?"
"Oh yes, you met the angel," agreed Ritsuko. "Your car also met the angel, didn't it?"
Misato winced. "Well, kinda."
"Too bad ya can't get kaiju insurance," said Ranma.
"It's not a kaiju, it's an angel. There's no such thing as kaiju," responded Ritsuko.
"Poe-tay-to, poh-tah-to," said Ranma, making a dismissing gesture. "Oomphing big monster running around trashing Tokyo. Ya mighta noticed it."
Ritsuko frowned. Apparently Gendo's son was taking things in stride. If anything he looked... bored?
"Gee, giant underground laboratory," said Ranma after they got on YET ANOTHER escalator, this one going past a tank of red fluid that seemed to have a giant reaching hand in it. "Good thing I know y'all are the good guys, otherwise I'd expect a mad scientist type arou- OUCH!"
Ritsuko spared a glance at where Misato had apparently accidently kicked Ranma in the shin.
"Oops," said Misato, glaring at Ranma. "Leg cramp."
"Ah," said Ritsuko, wondering if Misato had been telling the boy stories about her. Surely not.
"So, Ritsu - how goes it anyway?" asked Misato, clearly trying to get things away from the terrible tragic story of her car.
"Well," began Ritsuko.
"There's that whispering again," muttered Misato.
"Excuse me?" asked Ritsuko.
"What's down that way, anyway?" asked Misato, pointing down a shaft.
"Oh, that's just the direction of the labs where the Eva series was first being built, the early prototypes. Nothing down there now," said Ritsuko.
"She kinda got banged around when we was running," explained Ranma, making a gesture around his temple.
"Well, it does kind of look like you've got a headache," agreed Ritsuko. "I'll see if I can get you something for that."
"Much obliged," said Misato, looking a little relieved at the prospect.
Things were not going exactly how Misato had thought that they would have. On the one hand, it had been great that she'd found that the Commander's son was not just some younger clone of his father, but was a pretty fit and good looking kid. However, that was about as much of a benefit as she was getting, what with the fact that life was proving to be fairly mean to her. After all, her car was now a pancake, she was hearing all sorts of voices that she hadn't known was there, and she had discovered that everything that she'd believed that she was fighting for was being undercut by the very organization that she was a part of.
Just having Ranma keep his input until they arrived at the holding bay down to dismissive grunts, skeptical snorts, and the occasional mocking comment.
Of course, he wasn't about to let himself go completely without words, especially when Ritsuko brought them to a room that was completely dark. "Lemme guess. Ya wanna have me play 'hide and seek', huh?"
"Not quite," Ritsuko said as she turned on the lights.
"Huh? Kinda looks like a face..."
"You won't find this in any manual."
"Or any gallery."
"Pardon me?"
"It looks like ya didn't even try ta make it look all that cool. Sorta just manages ta look scary," he grumbled.
"Yes... Well... This is the multipurpose humanoid fighting machine fighting machine Evangelion, which humanity has managed to develop."
"'Develop'? Sure. Guess that's somethin'. But it ain't like ya guys really know much 'bout how ta make a fightin' machine look cool. But then ya are a brainy girl, and it'd probably take a real guy ta make it look good."
"(Such a manly son)," muttered a voice from the direction of the giant robot.
Misato turned and stared for a moment before pressing her eyes together, wondering where that had come from, and if she'd actually heard it.
Her fellow NERV employee noticed her expression and scowled. "Don't tell me that you agree with him."
"No... I just thought that I heard something. Go on."
"That's good to hear, since this is an important part of our fight against the Angels. In fact, the Commander has personally overseen this very important work."
"Oh, this is his doin'?" Ranma asked.
"That, it is," commented a new male voice from overhead.
"So the old man shows up."
"It's been a long time."
"Yeah, for ya, maybe. But then ya didn't wanna have me here for some fake reunion."
"Hmmm?"
The teenager rolled his eyes at the Commander of NERV. "I know that ya have a plan."
"Ranma..." Misato hissed.
Ritsuko looked from the other woman to the teen. "What are you talking about?"
"Come on, like he'd wanna have his son 'round at all," Ranma told her. "Think 'bout it. He abandons his only kid, and doesn't have anythin' ta do with 'im for years. And I'm supposed ta believe that there'd be any chance that it'd be for a nice cup of tea, or somethin'?"
"You have to understand..."
"I understand real easy. This ain't some chance ta make up for old times. He needs somethin', and he wants me ta give it ta him. 'Course, it ain't like I'd wanna give anythin' ta him in the first place."
"You sound like you don't like him..."
"Lady, not 'liking' him is puttin' it simply. Ta tell the truth, I don't know how anyone could like that jackass. And I couldn't see how anyone would wanna be with that big jerk, includin' girls. If ya ask me, anyone who'd wanna be with him would haveta be either totally dumb, really wierd, really forgivin', or competely insane in some way or another."
For some reason, the faux blonde felt like his words were an insult towards her.
"If you're going to do this, then don't waste time," Gendo instructed him. "Otherwise, leave!"
"Ah, this is where ya show me how bad it'll be if I don't fall in with what ya want, right?"
Ritsuko blinked at the younger male. "What does that mean?"
"He's got someone already stashed nearby who'll be there just ta show me what the 'cost' is for not doin' what he's tellin' me."
Stifling a whimper, Misato covered her face with one hand.
"Think 'bout it. He's gotta have a specific person, who happens ta be me, right?"
"That's true..." the scientist agreed. "You are the only one who can do pilot the EVA."
"Which is why he'll bring in someone else. That person comes in, and I'm supposed ta get all guilty 'bout standin' by as someone else gets ta suffer in my place."
Gendo scowled at the comments, and wondered how his son could be so aware of what was going on.
That was something that Ranma saw, and it made him smirk.
"Can we get past all the posturing for the time being?" Misato asked. "We still have an Angel trying to get at us, you know."
"You're right about that," her old roommate agreed.
"So, Oyaji, got one thing ta say to ya," said Ranma, hands in his pockets, stance casual.
Whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip THUNK!
Gendo's eyes crossed as he looked at the coin imbedded a few inches away on the other side of the safety glass.
"Fifty yen for yer thoughts?" asked Ranma.
"That's a five yen piece," said Gendo.
whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip THUNKITY-THUNKITY-THUNKITY-THUNKITY-THUNK!
Gendo frowned a little more as he realized his son was really a pain-in-the-butt. And formidable as he had been able to imbed fifty yen in various coins into two inches of thick safety glass from that distance.
"Okay, let's go kick some angel butt," said Ranma, a little more cheerful. "We'll discuss the changes to be made around here later."
"'Changes'?" asked Ritsuko.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. The budget. Ya oughta open a gift shop, do some tours of the secret underground base - just selected areas ya know. Get some cashflow going," said Ranma - who was paraphrasing some of Nabiki's comments made during the movie. "Misato there could write a book. Public would eat that stuff up now that the Angels are going around blasting things."
"These projects are classified," said Ritsuko, a little weakly because she was having trouble fitting the image of the boy in the dossier together with this boy.
"Yer gonna keep four-hunnert foot tall alien invaders bein' fought by an armored giant robot in the streets of the new capital of Japan secret?" Ranma snorted. "Yeah. Right. Uh huh."
"Well, let's get to hunting the Angel," interrupted Misato, "it took Rei a few months to get to where she could pilot the 00 Unit. So we need to start your training right away."
"No, Ranma will pilot it," said Ritsuko.
"Right away? But Rei -" Misato's voice trailed off.
"All he has to do is sit in it," said Ritsuko, "we don't expect more than that."
"Now we're talking," said Ranma. "Let's get this over with. Oh, and can we get the paint changed? That purple and green outfit looks like something Tsubasa would wear."
There was a brief moment of panic from the pilot as the LCL covered him, but then something unusual happened.
"I didn't change?" asked Ranma, feeling his chest. "No change? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"'Change'?," asked Aoba.
Gendo frowned slightly, remembering fifty yen in various coins imbedded in the safety glass.
"Nevah gunna be a... never mind."
"Connecting main power. All circuits transmitting power."
"Roger. Commencing secondary contacts."
"A-10 nerve connection, normal."
"Set the thought configuration to Japanese."
"All prelimary contacts established. Performance nominal."
"Why does this stuff gotta taste like blood, anyhow?" asked Ranma. "Bleah. Wouldn't be surprised if some people threw up if you put 'em in this - and whatta mess THAT'D be."
"Well, I'm sorry it doesn't taste like mountain spring water," began Ritsuko.
Ranma mumbled some comment about it not being funny.
"Stop complaining, you're a boy aren't you?" asked Misato.
"Yeah!" said the cheerful-again Ranma. "Nevah gunna be a gi... never mind."
"Bi-directional circuits are open," said another voice on the intercom.
"Synchronization rate at... this can't be right," said Maya, staring at her instruments.
"What?" asked Ritsuko, looking herself and stopping and staring in like manner. "That can't be right. Do a diagnostic."
Ranma was a trained martial artist who was a lot more confident than Shinji ever was. This, among other factors, had an effect on the ability to synchronize with an Evangelion.
"We have some odd harmonics, but there are otherwise no discrepencies," said Maya.
"Disengaging restraints," began a tech.
"Roger. Move Eva Unit 01 to the ejector pad," said Maya as soon as the restraints were clear.
"Launch path is clear. All systems green."
"Can we really do this?" asked Misato of the brooding guy behind the desk.
"Of course," responded Gendo. "If we do not defeat the Angels, we have no future."
"Ikari, you're really sure about this?" asked Fuyutsuki quietly.
Gendo merely smirked in reply.
"Launch Eva," called out Misato.
Ranma let the ride take him to the Angel, but wasn't inclined to follow the script. "Okay, form Blazing Sword!"
"What?" asked Ritsuko, staring at the screen.
"No sword, huh?" asked Ranma, who knew darn well there wasn't any such thing but wanted to yank a few chains. "Okay. Ready the Wave Motion Gun!"
"Uhm, Ranma?" asked Misato.
"Rocket Punch!"
"You don't HAVE a 'Rocket Punch'," said Ritsuko, looking as if she had a headache. Which she did - named Ranma. "You don't have any weapons installed at present."
"No weapons? Maybe we should open hailing frequencies?" tried Ranma. "Maybe we should try an' get a dialogue goin' - do the whole UN thing. Settle this peacefully?"
"Why are you trying to negotiate with the Angel?" asked an incredulous Ritsuko.
"Hey, you're the ones who sent me into a fight against a giant monster and didn't put in a Blazing Sword option," pointed out Ranma. "I'm in a frickin' giant robot against some kaiju and ya go chintzy on the weapons. Yeesh."
"IT'S NOT A KAIJU!" yelled Ritsuko, surprising everyone in the command center. "Ah, I mean..."
"You say yah-maa-toe and I say yah-moh-toh, let's call the whole thing off," sing-songed Ranma.
The physical exam after the battle, vowed Ritsuko, was going to be excruciating.
Eva-01 began making sign language gestures at the Angel. "You - Smokem - Peace-Pipe, We Talkum Out Differences?" said Ranma as he tried to mime it out.
The Angel, much like much of the bridge crew, merely blinked and looked confused.