by Greylle
DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.
NOTE: Okay, this is a "crack fic" - it's not meant to be taken seriously. We're just out to have a bit of fun with a bizarre idea. Originally the idea was mine, taken in one direction by Matdeception, and then taken in an entirely different direction by myself and Kender.
Chapter Five: Only You.
The problem was that he had no idea what his son's tastes in the female form would be like.
Security camera footage showed him...
Gendo Ikari saw how quickly trained professionally nasty intel officers had met his son, and been thrown around like rag dolls. He saw Agent Higurashi, all 6'3" and 480 pounds of him, try to tackle his son. He saw Agent Higurashi slam-dunked into a wastebasket. He saw Agent Sumizu draw a gun and... ouch. Apparently his son had felt threatened. Threatening his son physically was bad.
Having seen the injury occur, Gendo decided to OK the man's medical leave. It was quite likely that hand would be useless for a few months, so he was no longer of use in the current situation.
Yet, despite this newfound prowess in combat, Ranma was quickly disabled and pulled along by Captain Katsuragi.
Gendo went through the capture process twice, but his only conclusion was that Katsuragi somehow got Ranma to lower those defenses.
Gendo pondered. There were a number of women and girls around here that he himself, were he still a teenage boy whose hormones were a barely controlled wild horse pulling his intellect into all sorts of situations, would have found attractive. Of course, he'd quickly learned control and self-discipline and that sex was merely another tool to be used. There was no such thing as love, merely the human need to abate their own loneliness combined with cultural conditioning and mind-affecting hormones coming together to produce such an effect.
Understanding that humanity were mere meat-sacks, doomed to die and be lost, was one of the reasons he'd gone into his particular research fields. His was a purely Darwinian moral code, centered upon his own success.
When he triggered Third Impact and became a god, he would change a few things.
For now though, he had to rein in his son, who was apparently living up to his name. He remembered where fifty yen in coins of assorted denomination had been imbedded in safety glass. Yes, he would have to use methods less direct than he used on Ritsuko and others. Less stick, more carrot.
Hence the 'Operation: Ranma's Girl' but the first question was who to use.
Rei would follow any order he gave her, and while physically attractive - even looking similar to Yui, her skills at personal interaction were sorely lacking. She might manage to accomplish that mission though.
Katsuragi was someone he himself had less control over. She had her own reasons for going up against the Angels, her own personal vengeance quest. One of Akagi's duties was to keep an eye on her longtime friend, and Ritsuko would hesitate all of five minutes to have Katsuragi killed if it was ordered. The age difference, even if Ranma looked much older than he was, and her self-destructive tendencies complicated the situation.
Ritsuko Akagi was already in a relationship with him, it was his major control over her. Requiring her to seduce and control his son might actually fit in with her kinky streak. Yet Akagi had her own flaws, like an ice-cold diamond that would shatter if you struck it just right. She knew the most of anyone in the Geofront, with the exceptions of himself and the Vice-Commander. Fuyutsuki loved Yui, and the thought of Yui reborn and humanity surviving its current straits were enough to motivate HIM. Akagi though - she could be a bit more fragile. He already planned that when Third Impact loomed close that she would be in a holding cell, something to keep her out of the way. Until then though - she was an indispensible part of the plan. No, Doctor Ritsuko Akagi was not a good choice.
Maya Ibuki was attractive enough, and didn't have Doctor Akagi's grasp of what was going on. She was besotted with Dr. Akagi in fact, though Gendo knew that the "admired sempai" scenario between two professional women was more often completely non-sexual. In Ibuki's case though - Gendo and Dr. Akagi had discussed the matter and they'd agreed that it went a bit further. She had a strong moral code, which was being eroded away slowly by Akagi. Akagi actually found the younger woman's hero-worship somewhat amusing. If her "sempai" asked, she would object but probably go along with such a plan, but the woman was unlikely to be a sufficient actress to pull off that role.
Which brought him to the case of Asuka Langley Soryuu. Fragile mental state. Knew nothing of what was really going on. Her desire to be #1 in all things, to constantly prove herself, made her almost laughably easy to manipulate.
Yes, she'd have to do.
Ranma watched the video with Misato, making faces at various points in the movie.
No, this was not fun. Oh, Nabiki and Akane and even Kasumi had all debated various meanings and stuff, but Ranma took a far far simpler approach. This was a movie about a bunch of people, and how they'd been screwed over right royally.
Ranma was an individualist. The idea of turning into goo and losing your identity to become part of some literal tide of humanity did not have appeal. What was it that Nabiki had said? "Socialist heaven, Capitalist hell" or something like that? Kasumi had said something about never hearing that "Just Imagine" song and being able to get that image from the end of the movie out of her head. Whatever. It was taking every accomplishment he had managed and throwing them out the window.
He might be stuck as Shinji here, but hell if he was going to let himself get led around like Shinji did.
"Why are they acting like that?" asked Ranma. Everyone was so happy to be turned into goo. Except for that guitar-playing guy who was one of the bridge operators, who apparently saw what was really coming after him.
Misato paused the tape and considered her co-conspirator briefly. "They see what they want to see. If everyone was turned into that stuff, then the most pleasing face was put on it. Don't you think they would have embraced it if, for example, they saw a naked Mao Tse-Tung offering to be one with them?"
"Bleah," said Ranma.
"Exactly," said Misato. "Now look at this."
"Yeah, that's Shinji, aw man," said Ranma, looking as Misato held the manga up and he compared the kid on the video with the kid in the manga. "This guy's in MY life?"
"I was an anime character in your world, you're a manga character in mine," said Misato. "Though I'm suprised you'd want to go back with this kind of life."
Ranma began flipping through. There was the Tendo house, arrangement the same, but - "waitaminute, Akane BEAT him in that 'friendly sparring match'? This guy..."
"Gets beaten on by nearly everyone for forty-three volumes," said Misato. "His father tried to raise him to be a martial artist, but he just never had any talent for it. Damn near indestructible though."
"Whoa," said Ranma. "Man, Akane comes in when he's... what IS he doing there?"
"Masturbating," said Misato after a glimpse. "They don't show it directly, but it's pretty obvious."
"Akane never beat me THAT violently," said Ranma after a minute. "Well, hardly ever. Not that often."
Misato nodded absently. "Then Mousse shows up, having been engaged to Shinji..."
"BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"It isn't funny," said Misato with a scowl. "I remember this series because Shinji is clearly shown to be bisexual and he's fully into yaoi by the end of the series because all the women treat him so rotten."
Ranma stopped laughing abruptly. "Say what?"
Ranma quickly found the last page of the last volume. There was Shinji, walking off to school in the early morning, with... "ick. double ick. triple ick."
"The series was considered ground-breaking in Japan," said Misato. "Started out as slapstick with Shinji getting beaten on regularly by nearly everyone, then he ends up with this Konatsu boy-that-thinks-he's-a-girl because of various factors. People thought he'd end up with Ryoga, but that was just hinted at for awhile then Ryoga found Akari."
"This is just so WRONG," said Ranma, putting the book down when he flipped back to a page that didn't show anything too objectionable but only because drifting flower petals blocked off certain parts. "ick."
"So did you come in before you met Konatsu or after?" asked Misato.
"I've met him, he's UKYO'S kunoichi," said Ranma. "He's always over there doing... oh man."
"So in the original series, at least in the movie," said Misato, pointing at the screen. "Shinji ends up falling for Asuka except she falls apart, then he turns to this guy named Kaworu?"
Ranma liked girls.
That was something of a clear cut thing for the pigtailed boy, as he'd never questioned his interest in them. To him, the idea of being with one wasn't something that he would at all avoid. After all, he'd always assumed that he'd eventually have kids, and one needed a girl to be the mother of said children. But it was not only that, as he could see the appeal of dating and spending time with a girl that he liked. Having been educated right along side other boys, he'd been companionable with guys who'd had no trouble in sharing their, sometimes absurd, ideas, thoughts, and rumors about such activities. His problem was just that he wasn't someone who could express his emotions very well, along with the fact that he had girls who would want to hurt him at times, and would want to pop up in rather embarrassing situations at others.
However, the idea of being with a boy held about as much appeal as would sucking down Akane's cooking. It could happen, but he couldn't see why someone would want to do it. Both were distasteful at best, though he wasn't about to put down those people who 'bent' that way. He certainly didn't go in that direction, and had plenty of experience to dislike the concept.
"Nope, nuh uh, nothin' doin'," Ranma muttered, scowling darkly the whole time.
The expression that Misato favored him with was a cross between interest and sympathy. "What's the matter?"
"Think 'bout it. That could have been me. Gah..."
"You have a problem with that."
"Only with me bein' the one involved," the pigtailed boy admitted. "See, I've been approached by guys before. It wasn't fun."
"You were?"
"Yeah. But I was in my cursed form then. Y'know, as a girl. 'Course, Kuno wouldn't know much 'bout reality if it hit him with a comet. And that French jerk Chardin? Starving myself, and getting my head sucked as a show of affection weren't my sort of thing at all."
"Then what are you going to do? Go after girls? There are plenty of those around," she told him, a sly smile tugging at her mouth.
"Well, I ain't too sure as ta what gonna happen. That Rei girl's pretty, but she ain't exactly a real fun date. And that doctor gal?"
"Ritsuko?"
"Yeah. Her. She's kinda... scary, ya know."
"Oddly enough, I think that I do know."
"Good ta hear."
"But what about Maya? Short haired girl. Assistant to the doctor?"
"Dunno. I think that she's too busy with hangin' 'round her boss ta really see anyone else."
"You have no idea," the officer muttered, ruefully shaking her head.
"Huh?"
"Nothing. Anyone else?"
"Not sure. I mean, there's gotta be a lot of girls nearby, right?"
"True enough. And it looks like we'll be getting some others soon enough."
"I just hope that she's someone that has some life to her," Ranma grumbled. "And ain't exactly been lookin' ta do somethin' nasty ta others."
"Me too. And you know what?"
"What?"
"Watching that movie made me feel kind of... grimy. I'll be taking a bath."
"Enjoy yourself," he replied, absently flicking one hand.
Blinking, Misato wondered if he was too caught up in other things to notice that she was a girl too. Fortunately, she wasn't looking for him to give her some sort of attention of her own, and put his reaction to her as something that happened due to his distracted thoughts.
As the soldier moved, he saw the rise of her breasts, and remembered that she was female too. Not only was she a woman, but she was also quite pretty too.
"Okay, this is gonna be strange," he muttered to himself, images of himself living, in close quarters, with a beautiful woman who would likely dress in simple outfits that'd show a lot of skin. Sighing to himself, he covered his face with his hands.
After a few minutes, Ranma got up and checked around - finally finding a place where he could exercise.
He was entirely too wound up to get any sleep tonight, and he had a practical reason for it as well.
He had slowed down. When he had run and leapt he hadn't gotten quite as much speed as he'd thought he would. When he had dug his fingers into the wood of that train car, it had been really difficult. When he had stuffed that fat agent into the trash can, the can had split along the sides.
Things were different here. A cut he'd gotten on the side of his hand had taken a whole HOUR to heal. His chi felt "off" and if he was going to fight, he'd have to know how badly BEFORE he got into some life or death situation.
No Fierce Tiger Ball. He suspected he couldn't pull a Sky Dragon Ascension either. He still had Mousse's Hidden Weapons technique, and if anything it was even better than he remembered it.
Ranma stopped a kata as he narrowed it down. It all came down to chi. The way chi operated was different. More at the lower end of things than at the higher, but it was one of those things where the divergence shifted the whole path. Projecting chi just didn't seem to work, at least not in the same way. That meant something, but what?
Asuka flopped down on her chair, took a deep swig of coffee, and scanned the e-mail from NERV Japan. Hmmmm. Transport task later this month during her reassignment. OK. And there was... what the hell?
SPLURSHHHHHHHHHHH!
Asuka stared at the message partially concealed by spit-up coffee. They wanted her to do what?
Misato sat back in the tub, considering. She might go so far as to say pondering.
Overall, the whole thing was ludicrous. Except too many details jibed with what she knew. She knew Asuka, not very well but well enough. She could see Asuka acting that way in those situations.
She could see herself acting in similar manner in those situations depicting her. Much as she'd like to deny it. Much as she'd prefer to say how different she'd actually be in those situations. If she didn't know in advance, COULD she have done such and so? It was likely.
Ranma Ikari. Fourteen going on, what, seventeen? Not the brooding introvert she'd expected, but a martial artist capable of doing things that seemed superhuman.
Yet he didn't defy physics. When he leapt up on one occasion during that chase with the Angel, she'd seen the pavement he'd leapt FROM. He'd crushed the pavement. Equal and opposite reaction.
Same with the fight with the Angel in the Eva unit. He'd torn up the streets making tight corners and dodging. There was also a mailbox that had been flattened pretty darn thoroughly when a foot bigger than most cars came down on it.
What did it all mean?
She'd have to listen to the 'commentaries' track next. Try to ferret out more meanings.
That would have to wait for another night though. That was just too much to take in over one night.
Some might have said that Rei didn't have much in the way of a will of her own, as she didn't tend to do much on her own. If she was instructed to do something, she would do it, but otherwise she would simply sit around and do nothing else. That kind of creeped others out a bit, given that she didn't even seem to try to pass the time, which would have driven anyone else nuts, given a similar position.
But as she sat waiting in the medical office after her session with the doctors, she did something that some of the students in her class wouldn't have realized that she would do.
She listened.
Normally, she wouldn't have done this, but given that even her own attention could be caught by some things, hearing her name spoken by the Commander as he stood outside the slightly open made her take notice. "Of course I considered having Rei do this. Having someone like her, someone who would do what had to be done would be an asset."
"Even if what she is being asked to do is what you've decided to do here?" Fuyutsuki asked.
"Especially then. I know where her loyalties lie, old man. As it stands, she wouldn't be caught up in petty diversions, and would understand that getting close to and creating a relationship with the boy would be what she had to do."
"You do realize what you would be asking her to do with the 'Third Child', don't you?"
"That is the point of the mission."
"I see," the Vice Commander murmured thoughtfully. "Then, you wouldn't mind her acting on it as you wish."
"Obviously."
"This could prove to be rather uncontrollable..."
"Which is why I decided on this course of action," Gendo replied, shutting the door, and starting to walk away with his second in command.
Not that Rei thought that she needed to hear any more. The Commander had been discussing a plan to have a female form a bond with the 'Third Child'. Her name had been mentioned in association with this strategy, which meant that she had been considered for implementing it. That meant that she was going to have to see what she could do to have relations with the pilot of Unit-01.
She would just have to find out how to accomplish that first though.
"After all, if we use the pilot of Unit-02, then we won't need to worry about the fallout if she gets too emotionally involved," Gendo continued as he and his subordinate walked down the hall after his visit with Rei. "We can even use that, if it should come up."
Fuyutsuki raised a brow at the other man. "Manipulate them through their affections for each other?"
"Exactly. And we could do the same if it goes the other way."
"As for Rei..."
"She doesn't have the knowledge and experience for that sort of work," the Commander commented, his face showing no sign if he found that fact disagreeable.
"But this 'Langley' girl would have more in that area. Except... Can you rely on her actually trying in this?"
"She may consider it to be something that she doesn't like, but that doesn't matter to me. As far as she is concerned, she is supposed to 'befriend' the boy, with an option open to use any 'feminine tool', including romantic advances, to keep the boy under control."
"With just enough information about him to make her know that he tends to be a bit... untamed."
"Exactly."
"Should prove to be interesting," the Vice Commander commented dryly.
Mihoshi had been the wish-granter. Ranma had translated to this world. Chi didn't act the same, it was philosophically linked to AT Fields for one thing.
Mihoshi granting the wish had sent it on to the Council Of Djinn, using her own interpretations and paradigm. Shinji Ikari had therefore been taken out of Evangelion and put into a 'Ranma 1/2' setting that started out as 'martial arts comedy' and turned 'shonen ai' by the time it ended. Shinji Saotome was just plain bad at martial arts, but had an invulnerability factor that Keitaro Urashima would have envied.
By the same factor, Ranma was a main character in Mihoshi's opinion. So she got a little overboard in some respects, but that was pretty much a Mihoshi trait anyway.
Rei Ayanami blinked as she went over the records.
"Are you sure this is OK?" asked Maya, well aware that medical records were normally confidential.
"I am pursuing a directive from the Commander," Rei stated. "These results seem atypical."
"Atypical," said Ritsuko at her desk and trying to concentrate on other matters. "Hah."
"Yes, well, he's not exactly your average fourteen year old boy," said Maya.
"Is it related to his being the Third Child?" asked Rei.
"No, none of the others have manifested these sorts of symptoms," said Maya.
"Angel contamination?" asked Rei.
THAT caused both Maya and Ritsuko to stop what they were doing and look towards Rei.
"There's no direct evidence of such," said Ritsuko as she mulled the idea over. "It would have to be an angel manifesting in some manner that it could normally pass unnoticed through human society."
"Protective camouflage? Mimicry?" asked Maya, thinking along similar lines.
"It's definitely Ranma Ikari there, but his performance on these tests indicate something major happened," said Ritsuko thoughtfully. "Sullen and introverted? Not even close."
"Hey, the MAGI are reporting an AT field being generated near Katsuragi's apartment," said Maya, seeing a window pop up on her computer. "Just for twelve seconds. Pattern is unknown?"
Ranma smiled as he mopped sweat from his forehead. THAT would certainly get a few people next time he had to fight some Angel.
Now though, he could see Misato looking for him.