by Greylle
DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.
NOTE: Okay, this is a "crack fic" - it's not meant to be taken seriously. We're just out to have a bit of fun with a bizarre idea.
Okay, LOTS of bizarre. Hopefully lots of fun though too. ^_^
Chapter Six: My Boyfriend's A Pilot
From what Ranma could tell, things were progressing from where that series had started from, and that could be a good thing in his eyes. Knowing what was coming next would certainly be a big help, since he would be able to handle it before something bad happened. Of course, a whole lot of this mess was actually pretty bad, but this gave him a fighting chance, which he enjoyed.
Besides, it was nice to be ahead of the game here, since he'd always been playing 'catch up' in Nerima.
Seeing Misato reminded him that he had to consider what would be coming next. With his inconsistent memory of the show, and since he didn't want it to go by the plans of the creeps trying to turn people into goo, he wasn't going to always have it there to fall back on. For the time being though, he had stuff to work with, and hopefully he could handle the next big dust up. He just had one problem with it all.
Right then, he couldn't exactly remember what it was that would be happening next. Near as he could remember, there would be some fights with those kaiju, but then that was a given. On the other hand, there would be an appearance by those other pilots, which would mean that he'd meet some girls. That was something that he'd have to watch out for, since he didn't want to mess it up before it started. Oh, and yes, there was going to be some attempt to send him to school, but he wasn't all that sure about when that absurd little idea would be coming along.
"Aw man," he groaned to himself as he laced his fingers behind his head. "What good is it ta start preparin' for stuff if ya don't know what it is ta that ya have ta get ready for..."
Nothing answered him, and he hadn't expected that any response would be forthcoming. It wasn't like anyone would just pop up to explain anything to him, since that didn't to happen to anyone at all. But vocalizing it made him feel better, and let him brush off the pressure of the idea as he turned towards where his nominal 'guardian' was looking for him.
Fortunately, he didn't mind being around her, given that she wasn't like some of the girls that he'd known. She was nice, friendly, and didn't give a damn about a lot of 'protocols' and such. Having someone female around who wasn't out to yell, bash, or date him was also a plus. However, it just didn't feel right to go running to her, so he merely strolled along, certain that she'd find him sooner or later.
As it turned out, 'sooner' was the appropriate term, as she spotted him from a walkway and scowled at him. "There you are! What were you thinking, disappearing like that?"
"Don't worry 'bout it," he told her and shrugged. "It ain't like I'm gonna be runnin' away or somethin'."
"Then what was this?"
"Practice."
"'Practice'?"
"Well... yeah. I mean, it ain't like ya can be a good fighter simply by sittin' on your ass and eatin' chips. Ya gotta train, and train hard."
"Then this was..." Misato replied, the light of understanding starting to come into her eyes.
"Me tryin' ta get a bit of trainin' in."
"I see, but you really should tell someone before you go off on your own. Who knows what could happen?"
"I can handle myself..."
"I know that. But if you get into trouble that isn't just going to be dealt with by simple fighting?"
"Oh, right... Gotcha."
The captain smiled and nodded resolutely. "Good. Now that we have that settled, you need to get some rest."
"What for?"
"School, of course."
"Well... WHAT?" he blurted, looking at her in disbelief.
"It's really simple. Have you graduated from school yet?"
"No, not really. But..."
"And are you past being a minor?" she asked, blithely ignoring his started protest.
"No..."
"Well then, you're going to school. And I'm sure that you'll make friends there. You are going to learn though."
"Ya do realize that this isn't exactly a real big joy, right?"
"Sure, but think of it this way. I get to know where you'll be during an attack, and you get an education, such as it is."
"Meaning that you aren't exactly a major fan of schoolwork either."
"Oh, shut up," Misato muttered sourly, glancing over at him.
Rei prepared for bed, with a final eye around her apartment. It had the same comforting disarray as the place of her earliest memories, which was inside Terminal Dogma. However, it might need to be adjusted for cohabitation.
Her mission was one she knew little of. It was not a straightforward military objective after all. She was to 'get close to' and 'create a relationship' with the Third Child - Ranma Ikari. What was involved in such a thing though - this was a difficult task to plan.
She took a moment to examine herself in a mirror, contemplating what another might see when looking at her. Pale skin and hair, red-tinted eyes, slender. She did not fit traditional images of beauty, so far as she could tell. Those standards were easy to determine - just looking at the female forms displayed in the majority of advertisements would indicate that there were many areas she deviated from that concept.
Rei frowned, to such a degree that only someone familiar with her would notice but it was a frown nonetheless.
She understood the concept of a 'cover identity' and she understood keeping secrets. Considering the secretive manner her mission had been dropped upon her, she was to keep this concealed to some degree - from Fuyutsuki and likely her target.
Initial research material, obtained after familiarizing herself with target's medical records, indicated that there were a variety of methods for initiating a 'close' 'relationship' that were potentially applicable. Having evaluated the tactics and strategies within these 'shojo manga' had determined that her best bet was the direct approach.
This would assist in her cover role as a schoolgirl of her current age and development cycle. It was perfectly normal for those within her age group to seek out companionship of the opposite gender and develop interpersonal relationships.
She was also supposed to 'rein in' Ikari. Studies of boys who had girlfriends tended to support this concept, as most of the boys who had an active relationship seemed to settle down - though the degree varied wildly and Rei could not determine why without more data.
As she watched a rented DVD on a rented player, Rei frowned at the antics involved. Schoolgirls apparently found being tied up to be pleasant, which did not strike her as being quite right. Nor did she understand why some of those actions were considered desirable.
After considerable thought, Rei decided that her best chance of success was in the direct method as she'd earlier concluded. Though she hadn't time to check deeper within the research materials known as shojo manga, there were too many unknown variables to utilize some of the approaches within. She would approach Ranma after school, then declare her intent to pursue a relationship with him. The video seemed to indicate that she should bring him to her apartment, but an exact copy of tactics involved would not seem viable. For one thing, she didn't think she'd have any particular skill in cooking - having never practiced it beyond the most basic of fare.
Rei nodded as the female utilized her mouth and tongue in a manner that seemed fairly ridiculous, but caused the male to apparently become helpless to resist.
The appearance of a second female was unexpected. As was her contribution to the continuing activity. This was also unlikely to be something she could duplicate. After all, where was she to find an accomplice for such endeavors?
"ACHOOO! ACHOOO!"
"Gezundheit."
"Danke," said Asuka, wiping her nose. Damn allergies.
Meanwhile Ranma merely tried to relax from the rigors of the day and get some sleep. He kept getting this weird chill though.
Finally though - Ranma slept, and wondered why he was having a dream like this. Especially as he knew the blonde genie but didn't know any of the others present.
"So let me see if I have this straight," said a young redhaired girl, rubbing her forehead as if she was getting a headache. A blonde one named Mihoshi. "When the experiment contacted a high-energy subdimension known as the Land Of The Djinn, you actually expressed a desire to be a genie like on that American TV program."
"That's right," agreed the blonde disaster area.
"You went to the person in this manga," said the redhead, holding up a 'graphic novel' with a picture of both female Ranma and male Ranma on the cover.
"That's me," said dream-Ranma.
"Yes it certainly is," said the redhaired girl. "Then YOU went to Nabiki Tendo, whose wisdom in that series is not exactly reliable and her morality questionable, whom you counted on as being able to word such a wish correctly."
"Yeah," said Ranma. "Well, who ELSE around here would I go to?"
"If Doctor Tofu were available, that's who I'd suggest," said the redhead. "If you were from the anime, I'd suggest Kodachi if Tofu wasn't available. If manga - you're screwed, though your mother might have been able to manage something. Unlikely but better than your current situation."
"Can I ask something?" asked Ranma. "This ain't a normal dream is it? Who are you?"
"I am Washu," said the little girl proudly. "The greatest scientific genius in the universe! Well, in several universes!"
"Yay! Washu! You're the greatest!" said a little puppet.
"Yay! Washu! You're the smartest!" said another little puppet.
"okayyyyyyyy," drawled out Ranma.
"I'm Sasami," said a little pink-eyed blue-haired girl, bowing politely. "Pleased to meet you."
"Back to the synopsis," said Washu. "You were exchanged with Shinji Ikari of the series 'Evangelion' - anime version and the movies in particular. There was a reality adjustment, Class IV, that followed that - which was handled mainly by the djinn."
"If ya mean that 'Shinji 1/2' manga, I already seen it," said Ranma with a scowl. "Don't like yaoi. Never have. Ain't going there."
"I take it you read volume 15," said Sasami. "Actually I thought the 'Princess Shinji' arc was very funny."
"no," said Ranma, who'd skipped over that, but the name was sufficient to have this crawling tendril of horror work its way up his spine.
"I don't know why anyone's upset," said Mihoshi. "I granted his wish. He's bound to have fun with this setup. Giant robots. Alien invasions. Multiple girlfriends. Lighthawk Wings. Secret underground bases with menacing figures in the shadows. Super secret special manuevers. Psychics. Time travelers. All that stuff."
"She calls this 'fun'?" asked Ranma.
"Well, it's done, and Shinji has integrated into your old life and doesn't want to leave despite being a punching bag for everyone else in the series," said Washu.
"Waitaminute," said Ranma, "go back. 'Special Manuevers'?"
"AT Fields and Chi fields are related concepts," explained Washu. "Not quite the same, so you can't pull off a Dragon Ascension Spiral, but you can manage a few things."
Ranma smirked. "Like this?" Fshhhhhhhhhhhhht!
"See? See?" said Mihoshi. "He's got a lightsaber. That's got to be fun."
"Ranma? I know you're frustrated and in a bad situation," said Washu, "take some solace from the notion that her second wish-granting went even worse."
"I'm in NEON GENESIS EVANGELION," said Ranma. "I'm looking at a future as orange jello here. How could it be worse?"
"Because you've got a good chance of avoiding it, especially with everything Mihoshi threw into the situation," said Washu. "Besides, her next customer was Keitaro Urashima from 'Love Hina' who wished that he could make all the girls in his life happy when he found his promise girl."
"Uh oh," said Ranma, guessing that could have worked out very badly.
Mihoshi seemed to shrink in on herself. "Well, he's making them happy..."
"Or her THIRD customer," said Washu.
"It wasn't my fault," said Mihoshi.
"Yes it was," said Washu, rolling her eyes.
"I don't remember Shinji as having multiple girlfriends," mused Ranma with a scowl. "And alien invasions? You mean those kaiju right?"
"Looks like you're about to wake up," said Washu, checking something on a machine. "I'll check in on you later."
"Waitaminute, what about..." Ranma blinked as the picture suddenly went to a field of flowers with a "Please Stand By" logo.
Akane came strolling down a path. "Hast thou-est slain the Jabberwok? The jaws that catch, the claws that bite? O! framtuouis day, little guppsuppy!"
"Aw shaddup," said Ranma, finding a nice rock to sit on. This dream again. Shampoo, Akane, and Ukyo would all start quoting nonsensical poetry at each other. One of these days he'd have to figure out what that meant.
"Lighthawk Wings?" asked little Washu.
"Well, I checked ahead, and eventually he forms not only the sword but a shield, so it's kinda like Tenchi's Lighthawk Wings," said Mihoshi.
"So it's his chi, not real ones. Well, he's not a priority," said Washu.
"He's the only one going into battle regularly," pointed out Ryoko, fading into view.
"Compared to Keitaro, he's got it easy," said Washu. "In the meantime I think it's lunchtime."
Ranma got up before dawn and began his exercises, noting the presence of the flunkies and mainly ignoring them. They weren't a danger and he wasn't doing anything that would be giving away what he could really do anyway.
The problem was that school would be today, and he expected that something was gonna hit the fan later. He didn't even know how to use those computer-thingies and they did their schoolwork on those - that was gonna be a major pain.
Despite what his ego may have said to some, Ranma was aware of at least some of his faults. He knew that he wasn't really suited to 'book learning', and would never be one of those students that schools held up as marks of excellence. To him, that sort of thing had never been all that important, given that he had always known that he would be a martial artist, and that his schooling was spotty at best.
Arriving at class that morning had reminded him of those facts, as he discovered that it wasn't exactly made to be fun. When he came and took his seat, he'd already been rather put out by the fact that he was actually older than his new classmates, and had wondered if he'd been forced to go someplace where he'd actually be ahead of the class. However, the droning lecture of the teacher reminded him that he was in a 'future time', which meant that a lot of the stuff that he'd learned was out of date. So, for the first time in his life, he tried to actually pay some attention to a lesson, even if it was beyond dull. Of course, given that it kept him from noting the appreciative stares of the girls, and how the guys were obviously comparing themselves to him, he was a bit more appreciative of the lesson than he might otherwise have been.
Not that the method of classwork was helping him. His classes in Furinkan hadn't exactly been full of computer courses, and he hadn't done as so much as played with a typewriter. That unfamiliarity left him stuck, hunting and pecking for keys to type words, which he wasn't even sure that he was getting right. He could spell, but he didn't know to open programs, never mind use them.
The messenger program worked quite well though, as it kept on popping up with sentences every few moments. At first, he'd drawn back his lips in a grimace of surprise and dismay when he'd seen words just show up uncontrollably on his display. Certain that he'd been doing something wrong, he had nervously looked around for some sort of sign as to what he should do... until he spotted students glancing over at him, and recognized what the words were saying.
Is it true that you're the pilot of that giant robot?
It's true, isn't it?
Why don't you answer?
Some kind of elite, aren't you?
What kind of robot pilot can't use a computer?
This one, obviously.
But you are the robot pilot, right?
He has to be! No one else new has shown up!
Come on, tell us!
Don't keep it a secret!
Maybe he's been told to keep it quiet.
So?
They might want to shoot him if he talks.
Still...
We just want to know!
Tell us already!
PLEASE!
In the end, he'd merely given off a loud groan, scribbled 'robot pilot' on a piece of scrap paper, drawn a 'down' arrow under the words, and held it over his head.
"EHHHHHH!" went the other students as they recognized the confirmation that the sign was giving them.
About the only benefit that came from that little 'success' was that he wasn't being prodded about his status anymore. Instead, he was able to slouch in his chair and stare moodily at the screen, idly wondering if the technology was specifically designed to screw with his comfort levels, even past the sounding of the bell. As it was, he knew that he was going to have to learn how to deal with the damned thing, but he wasn't all that sure how long that would take. Perhaps he could get a lesson from someone at NERV, since they used more complicated versions of the electronic patience tester. Hopefully he wouldn't have to resort to asking Doc Akagi for help, since she was rather creepy and freaky, not to mention the fact that she blew her top entirely too easily.
"Pilot Ikari," came a soft voice right at his shoulder.
Glancing up, Ranma saw the very person that he'd thought had spoken, and realized that he was in trouble. If he knew anything, he knew that dealing with girls was problematic for him, what with him never really understanding them, and them tended to see things in the light that they wanted to.
Then again, he wasn't exactly sure what Rei Ayanami would be thinking of doing.
"Um... Hi," he mumbled uncertainly, eyeing her still bandaged form. "Feeling better?"
"I am well enough," she responded, ignoring the stares that the other students were giving the two of them.
"Ya wanted to say something?"
"Incorrect. I wish to talk with you."
"About what?"
Rei turned her good eye towards him. "About associating with you, now and in the future."
"Excuse me?"
"I believe that we will pair well."
"I'm not sure that I get what you're sayin'..." he trailed off, blinking up at her in confusion.
"We can begin with small acts."
"Okay..."
"Your acceptance is welcome. Let us begin."
"Hey, whaddya think you're startin'?"
"As I understand it, giving assistance is what companions do for each other."
"And..."
"You need help with your computer skills, which are currently lacking," she stated, with a distinct absence of any trace of sarcasm or mockery.
Without any harsh comments about his computer abilities, he could only rub the back of his head. "Ya noticed that, huh?"
"Yes. And I thought that it would be helpful for us to use this opportunity."
"Really? 'Cause I don't know all that much."
"Do not worry. I have been studying such activities."
"That'd be a big help," Ranma admitted, turning back to his machine. "I dunno how ta make heads or tails of this thing."
"Teaching you will accomplish much. I look forward to what it will bring."
"Thanks."
"It is no problem. Let us begin," the blue haired girl told him, and leaned in to guide him.
In doing so, she made Ranma's eyes open up wide, but not through direct touching of his face. Instead, he stiffened as he felt her breasts mold to his upper back as she pressed them against him when she leaned over his shoulder. Her breath was warm against his cheek, and her arm wrapped around his side just a bit as she reached over to balance herself. As her slim fingers covered his hand on the mouse, he realized that this was a rather intimate position to be in.
What made it even more strange was that he wasn't all that sure that she wasn't doing it all accidentally, which didn't seem like it fit.