A/N: I know it's been quite a wait for this update and for that I apologize. I hope you find it worth the wait and you'll continue on the trail with Olivia and Fitz. I hope you'll take the time to review. Enjoy!
Chapter 4
The throng of reporters shouted and the flashbulbs were nearly blinding as Olivia and Fitz made their way through the hotel lobby to the elevator.
"Governor Grant when did your relationship with Ms. Pope start?" called one reporter.
"Ms. Pope, how do you feel about the possibility of becoming First Lady?" rang out another voice.
Anchored by Fitz's arm around her waist, Olivia concentrated on maintaining a neutral expression, not allowing her unease to show until they were safely on their way to the suite.
"We need to tell Karen and Gerry" her voice sounded strange to him, "and your mother"
He regarded her closely as she made a mental list of all of the people who deserved to hear their news personally rather than from a television reporter.
"It's going to be okay" he pulled her closer against his side.
"I'm not so sure" her voice was ghostly.
He moved to face her, pressing her against the wall, his breath on her neck clouding her thoughts.
"Olivia" his mouth touched her neck in "that" spot, warmth spreading through her, "I just told the world that I love you."
"Yes, you did" she tried to maintain her resolve.
"And I would think that would make you happy" it was a mix of a question and a statement as he stood back to observe her. She concentrated on the front of his shirt, the buttons, his tie, anything to keep from having to look into his eyes.
"Did I do something wrong?" his fingers tilted her chin so he could look into her eyes, "Livvie?"
The elevator doors opened and she hurried ahead of him, not saying a word. He rushed to keep up with her, not understanding why she was so upset. He slipped the keycard into the lock and held the door open for her. She moved past him, quickly walking through the door to the adjoining suite.
"Liv" called Gerry and Karen in unison, rushing to hug her.
Their hugs had a way of calming her, just like Fitz's. She knew this was stalling, a way to avoid telling Fitz how she felt. She loved him, without question or hesitation, but his was about so much more than the two of them, so much more was at stake. He was supposed to change the world, to do great things, he was supposed to be President of the United States. She hugged Gerry and Karen tighter.
"I love you guys so much" she smiled though she felt tears pricking the back of her eyes.
Fitz lingered in the doorway, confusion blurring his thoughts. He assumed Olivia would be happy, that the same weight he felt lift from him would disappear from her shoulders as well. He pictured a long lingering kiss once they got back to the suite, hours making love to her, discussion of their future, of a wedding and children and the life they would share. How could he have been so wrong? When had she changed her mind? Had it been something he had done? Was the prospect of mothering his two children too much? Was it the possibility of being First Lady that frightened her? Could he change her mind? His heart ached when he considered life without Olivia by his side. He tried to speak but he wasn't sure what to say.
Months of fears eddied in Olivia's mind. Their plan had started out as an explanation of their friendship, how close they has become, but turned into a declaration she wasn't certain she was ready for him to make. She didn't question her love for him but everything she had feared seemed to be coming true, their affair was exposed, her reputation was at risk, and more importantly, his chances of elected She chanced a look at him, tall, powerful, handsome beyond belief. If only she didn't care if he got elected, if only she could believe their love was enough.
His eyes looked impossibly sad, "Livvie"
"Karen, Gerry, why don't we go get some lunch" Jackie suggested, picking up on the tension in the room.
"Thank you" Fitz's shoulders relaxed as the kids pulled on their shoes and excitedly headed for the door, "Don't say anything to the reporters. Hopefully they have enough sense to leave the kids alone."
"I saw the paper" Jackie stated simply, "You love her, anyone who knows you can see that."
Fitz felt his emotions threatening again, "Have a good lunch guys"
"Thanks Dad. Love you" called Gerry bouncing towards the elevator. Fitz smiled then patted Jackie's arm, "I really do appreciate everything"
"Olivia is a good woman" Jackie replied as they stepped into the hall, "She loves those kids like they are hers. And she loves you. You need to protect her, show her how important she is to you."
He took in her words, watching the kids disappear into the elevator, before walking into the suite again. They stared at one another uncomfortably, minds racing, hearts pounding, palms moist with anxiety and anticipation, both wanting to speak, neither sure of the words. In their months together they never had difficulty communicating, had rarely been out of sync, but here they stood, discomfited, distant, afraid.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, the hardest words she had ever spoken, for sure.
"Livvie…" his face fell and he took giant steps to cross to her, his arms instinctively enveloping her, "Why are you sorry?"
"You should have been President, Mellie should have been First Lady, you are the best man for this country, and I'm sorry I…."
He kissed her, needing to stop the flood of apologies and fears. He needed to show her he loved her and that she was all that mattered, the life they had dreamed of, the two children who adored her, the others they would have together.
She let herself be kissed, doing little more than conceding to his mouth, falling into his arms, allowing him to kiss away her worries and protests.
He kissed her, deeper than he ever had before, communicating everything he couldn't find the words to express. Standing there, kissing her, lost in the mix of her perfume and body wash, nothing else mattered. He didn't care about the throng of reporters in the lobby, his angry ex-wife, his frustrated Chief of Staff, everything came back to Livvie. He pulled his lips from hers, searching her eyes for signs of his Olivia.
"I love you" he said simply, his fingers tracing her jaw.
"Can we talk about this?" her voice was hollow and small.
"Tell me you love me." his fingers moved to her lips, soft, plump, graceful.
"I…." she rushed past him, into his suite, folding into the arm of the couch, head buried in her hands.
"Olivia, I just stood in front of every news outlet and professed my love for you and you can't even say it to me? What's going on?" he wasn't sure whether she needed him close or if she needed space, he'd never felt this out of touch with her.
Olivia didn't look at him, head still buried in her tucked into her arms, "I love you."
He barely made out the words but their meaning touched the depths of his soul and he basked in that feeling before moving to sit beside her. He gently rested his hand between her shoulder blades feeling her relax beneath his touch. Warmth radiated through her blouse, sending a throb of anticipation through him. He couldn't shake the thought of her bare skin beneath his hands, all of the times he was sure she would walk away and he would never touch her again. He pulled her towards him, bringing her head to rest on his chest and drawing her legs across his. Her hands wandered over the buttons of his shirt, slowly untying his tie. He closed his eyes, his chin resting on the top of her head, allowing her to work.
As she pulled his tie from his neck and dropped it unceremoniously on the floor, he glanced at his watch, considering whether to check on the current primary results. Her fingers went to work on his buttons, releasing the first two, exposing the slight wisps of chest hair beneath. He sighed, savoring the feeling of her fingers wandering along his skin, unfastening buttons, leaving a scorched trail in their wake. The primary results could wait.
His hands met the hem of her blouse, slowly lifting it from its position tucked into her pants. He stilled at the first contact with her skin, a current surging through him. His eyes were still closed as he continued to map her flesh with his hands, her fingers venturing from his chest to his neck, then to meander through the curls at the nape of his neck. He let out a deep sigh, allowing the stress of the day and his announcement to finally leave him.
"I do…." The words tickled the curve of his neck before she pulled back, taking him in, "love you, I mean."
His eyes opened and he fixed upon her face, her dainty features, the crease in her brow that he only saw when she was thinking or troubled, the tip of her nose that he found himself drawn to touch his lips to, the slope of her cheek disappearing into the bend of her jaw then the soft curve of her neck, brown eyes the color of which he'd never before seen, and the most perfect lips, begging to be worshipped.
"I can say it to you," she continued, "I would say it to you every second if I could. Those three words can't contain the way I feel about you."
"I know" he assured her, "I just didn't think…..I thought you would be happy."
Olivia reached to gather his hands in hers, "I'm happy, blissfully so because of you. But I'm also afraid, scared that you will change your mind, decide you were wrong. I'm afraid that you'll lose the election and it will be because of me and you'll never forgive me."
She didn't fight the tears this time, needing to allow them to flow. Her head fell to his shoulder and he held her, tight against him, his shirt absorbing her tears, until she couldn't muster another tear. Finally he spoke into her hair, doing his best to soothe her with his words.
"I am going to be President Livvie. And you're going to be my First Lady. I don't want to do the job without you, I can't, I won't. You give me the strength to keep running, you give me the strength to believe that I can win. And, at the end of the day, if I don't win it will have nothing to do with you, it will be because the American people think I'm not the best man for the job. You give me the courage to keep trying and if I lose you'll give me the courage to get back up and try again. I love you, more than I ever thought it was possible to love anyone."
He watched her expression change, the tears were gone, only puffy eyes left behind, and a renewed glow shown in face. Her fingers traced his buttons then continued to the waistband of his pants as she scooted herself closer. Finally their faces were nearly touching, both feeling the breath of the other. She felt the hesitant touch of his lips on hers then they tumbled into the familiar embrace.
Olivia gripped his shirt, his biceps, his curls, wanting him closer, needing him to keep her afloat in the storm of emotions. As his hands reached the clasp of her bra and his tongue tasted the skin below her ear, there was a knock on the door.
"Who could that be?" Fitz groaned against the silky skin of her shoulder.
"You better answer it" she panted, resisting the urge to give into him.
"Damn" muttered Fitz standing, smoothing his shirt a bit as he moved to the door.
"Surprise!" Fitz felt relief, anxiety and disappointment hit him simultaneously as his sisters, Taylor, Sarah, and Lorelei, moved past him into the hotel room.
"What brings you three?" he stumbled over his words slightly, "I mean, I wasn't expecting you."
"Hi Liv" Sarah immediately hugged Olivia.
"Is Fitzy still treating you right?" Lorelei joked, taking her turn to hug a speechless Olivia.
"We saw the news" Taylor explained, "We assumed Mellie forced your hand by leaking the news so we're here to help. Do you need us to rough her up?" She smiled in Fitz's direction.
Fitz allowed the door to close, moving closer to the couch, resting his open palm on Olivia's lower back, "You didn't need to come"
"But we're so glad to did" Olivia smiled brightly, elbowing Fitz in the ribs.
"I just meant that we don't need…" his statement was cut off by the impact of Olivia's elbow with his ribs again.
"You don't need us interfering with your 'Olivia' time?" grinned Taylor.
Olivia blushed, Fitz's cheeks pinked slightly although he was determined not to let his sisters see that they could get to him.
"We just wanted to let you know that we're here if you need us." Lorelei rubbed Olivia's arm in a show of support, "For both of you. And if you need me to take Gerry and Karen back to Colorado until things cool down."
Fitz appreciated the offer and wondered if it wouldn't be smart to get the kids away from the scrutiny of the campaign for a while. He had briefly considered asking Mellie to keep them for a few weeks, then found himself pondering the optics and what Olivia's reaction would be. If he couldn't handle having the kids around during the campaign, how could he expect a judge to grant him primary custody? Overwhelming guilt washed over him and he ran his hands over his face, frustrated that he seemed to be stuck between doing what was likely best for his children and what looked best for the custody battle that was certain to occur. He wanted to be President and he desperately loved Olivia but his children would always come first.
"That might not be the worst idea." Olivia's small hand touched Fitz's bicep, "Of course it's up to you Governor."
Fitz took a deep breath, grounded by Olivia's touch. He couldn't place whether he was communicating with Olivia the media relations director or the woman he had publicly professed his love for only hours earlier.
"You know he'll do whatever you say, Liv," laughed Sarah.
"Totally not true." Fitz grinned, knowing full well he was bluffing.
"We have all seen you two together," chimed Lorelei.
"I have no clue what you're talking about," Fitz feigned ignorance again.
"Mom's house several months ago," laughed Taylor, "She's talking about what we were forced to endure when you visited."
They enjoyed a collective, soul cleansing laugh before Gerry and Karen came bursting through the door connecting their suite with Fitz's.
"Aunt Sarah," called Karen throwing her arms around the woman's waist.
"Where's Chris?" Gerry looked at Lorelei expectantly.
"The boys are at home in Colorado." Lorelei smiled, "How would you like to come spend some time with us while your dad campaigns?"
Both kids looked to Fitz and he nodded, feeling like the decision had been taken out of his hands, adding, "As long as it's okay with your mother. She'll be busy with the new baby."
"Yeah!" erupted Gerry and Karen in unison then quickly disappeared through the doorway where Jackie stood.
"How about a few weeks' vacation, Jackie?" Fitz smiled, "Paid, of course."
Jackie nodded, a small smile coming to her lips. She missed her family and though she loved Karen and Gerry, she would welcome some time away.
Fitz looked from his sisters to Olivia, seeing her reservations return.
"Livvie?" his voice was gentle, concerned, no expectant or accusatory. Getting a tearful, blank stare in return, he continued, "What do you think?"
"I think you need to protect your children." His media relations director was back. "Show the country the great father that you are."
Sarah squeezed Olivia's hand, giving her a weak smile. Olivia returned the smile, allowing a deep breath to settle her. She was relieved that she still had the ability to be Olivia the media relations director, able to put Fitz the presidential candidate before all else.
X-X
Karen and Gerry packed quickly, eager to visit with their cousins, while Jackie gathered her things in preparation for her flight to Philadelphia that evening. When Fitz and Olivia were finally alone they sat in awkward silence.
"The polls are closed," Olivia observed, reaching for the remote. Fitz clasped her wrist, pulling her hand into his lap.
"Let's not…." His thumb glided over her knuckles, "It doesn't matter."
"Fitz, it does matter, it matters a lot. This election, you being president, matters." She angled herself towards him, taking his other hand, "It's why we haven't been together, all of these months. It's why I've cried myself to sleep at night in my bed all alone. It's why I will endure my name being a headline and my face being on the front page of every newspaper."
A tear slid down her cheek as her eyes met his, "So, Fitzgerald Thomas Grant, it matters."
"Livvie." He had never seen such intensity in her eyes, the gold flecks glowing like the early embers of an evening fire. Her cheeks were pink, her lips glistening, her fervor overflowing before him. He felt a warmth fill his soul, she believed in him, more than anyone else ever had. His dream mattered, not because of what she stood to gain but because he wanted it and it mattered to him. He drew her into a sweltering kiss, his fingers on her jaw. When he broke the kiss he looked intensely into her eyes, "I love you Olivia Pope."
All concern for the election results evaporated and each became the other's singular focus.
"I love you," she whispered against his reddened ear. His hands slid along her curves, slowing when he found his favorite parts of her. Their tongues found refuge in the company of one another. Loving gently, profusely, nimbly. Silk, wool, and cotton lay in a heap at the foot of the bed. Sweaty limbs tangled beneath soft white sheets. Moans, cries, and whimpers lilted from the room. She felt the urgency and longing in the way his hands tangled in her hair. He felt the craving and capitulation as her body trembled beneath him, her warmth engulfing him, mouth worshipping him, nails branding him. He brought her to the edge over and over again, only thrusting her over when she called his name at the top of her lungs and begged him to make her cum. He stroked in and out of her, careful not to let himself lose control, wanting her fully sated. When the inferno within him engulfed them both and her walls clamped around him again, he finally dipped his mouth to her neck, sucking, biting, licking as he poured into her.
"Olivia." His breath skimmed over her damp skin causing her to shiver. Her fingers massaged his scalp as his mouth roamed from clavicle to breast to abdomen. In the haze of their lovemaking she believed that all things were possible, Fitz could win the Republican nomination, he could win the presidency, he could love her, and they could be happy.
"What are you thinking about, Beautiful?" his finger traced the smile on her lips.
She opened her eyes, "You," she smiled, placing a light kiss on his fingertip, "About what a wonderful president you're going to be and how lucky the country will be to have you."
"You really believe I can win, don't you?"
"I'm going to make sure of it." She leaned in to kiss him quickly but he held her mouth against his. "Governor," she said against his lips.
"Mmm…" Fitz moved over her, his hands wandering along her sides, coming to rest on her ass.
Just as their tongues intertwined Olivia's cell phone rang. She reluctantly pulled her mouth away from Fitz, "Hold that thought." Fitz appreciated the view as she walked towards the ringing phone. He heard her talking in hushed tones but was unable to make out what she was saying.
Olivia returned to the bedroom, quickly gathering her clothes and hastily redressing.
"Liv?" Fitz sat up. "Who was on the phone? Where are you going?"
She was obviously distracted as she finished buttoning her blouse and pulled her hair into a sloppy ponytail.
"Olivia?"
"I have to take care of something." She gave him a weak smile.
"What's wrong? We were having a good time." Fitz pulled on his boxers as he walked towards her. "Stay." He pulled her against him, leaving small kisses down her neck.
"I have to go," she insisted, bracing her hands on his chest, "I….I just really need to go."
Fitz stood dumbfounded as the door slammed and he was left in the silent darkness. Cold, lonely, nearly unbearable quiet enveloped him. He walked to the nightstand then picking up his cell phone, he dialed the number and waited. He was no longer going to be a spectator to the life others had planned for him.