The Ruins of Our Lives Chapter 3
Jill's POV
'You're sure this is what you want to do Mrs. Taylor?' asks Dr. Johnjockamo.
'Yes. We don't feel that Tim would want to live hooked up to machines' I say.
'And the entire family is okay with this decision?' asks Dr. Johnjockamo.
'Yes. Could you just pull the damn cord now?' I request.
This is hard to do.
The boys are here, as well as Lucille, but I feel all alone.
I'm sure this is what Tim would want. Although he might have requested some Polish food pumped into his feeding tube first.
The doctor pulled the cord, and within a matter of seconds, the long, high pitched beep of the heart monitor could be heard.
It seems like Lucille and I burst into tears at the same time. Mark was crying a little bit, and Brad and Randy were trying to be strong and not cry.
Mark's POV
It's extremely hard to watch my dad laying there, not breathing, or moving.
I wonder how long they'll let the machine keep beeping; it's beginning to hurt my ears.
I told myself I wasn't going to cry when this happened, but I can feel the tears welling up inside of me. Even now, I'm telling myself not to cry, but I can't control it.
It's like a dam bursting and letting every last tear out of my body.
Mom and grandma are both crying now too. Brad and Randy aren't, but I'm sure they'll have a private cry later on.
It's beyond me how those two can just stand there so emotionless, just like statues or something.
Brad's POV
As soon as Dr. Johnjockamo pulls the cord, I can feel a lump forming in my throat, and a knot forming in my stomach.
I've convinced myself I won't cry, no matter what. Someone needs to be strong. I knew grandma and mom would cry, and I was almost positive Mark would cry as well. Randy I figured might get a little teary eyed over this, but he has yet to shed a tear. I guess he thinks he needs to be strong too.
Well he doesn't. I can be strong enough by myself to get the Taylors through this. I don't need his help, after all, I'm the oldest. I'm supposed to be the strongest of the group.
My philosophy for life is that there's no use in getting teary eyed over death or sickness or other things like that. It's just plain stupid, I mean, it doesn't make the sick person better, or bring the deceased person back to life.
Randy's POV
I have to admit, I'm not 100 sure that "pulling the cord" for lack of a better term, is the best thing to do in this situation, but everyone else does, and I don't want to cause any more turmoil in the family than what there already is, so I pretend that I'm fine with the situation.
As the doctor pulls the cord, I can literally feel my stomach lurch.
Then the long, morbid, shrill beep of the heart monitor starts. I never could stand the sound of those things. It always drives me crazy to hear them on ER.
I can tell Brad's trying to be strong and not cry. Mark is shedding a few tears, mom and grandma are both bawling.
It's not that I'm trying to be macho and not cry, like Brad, it's just that I feel emotionally numb. I don't typically cry when a loved one dies, it's just not my way of coping with the loss.
I mean, when grandpa died a few months ago, I don't remember crying even once. I can remember being extremely sad, and feeling even a little depressed, but never crying.
I guess tears just aren't my style. Which is actually a contradiction. Sometimes I'll cry over something stupid like remembering a dead pet or something. I don't know why I do that. I feel so stupid and childish when I do that.
A/N: This next section takes place the day of Tim's funeral. It'll have the POV of the following people:
Lucille Taylor
Jill Taylor
Randy Taylor
Brad Taylor
Mark Taylor
Wilson W. Wilson (who is officiating)
I'm not doing Tim's brothers' points of view because I think I'll be struggling the way it is to come up with thoughts by the time I get finished with everyone.
Wilson W. Wilson
Right now I'm backstage, preparing all of the notes and papers I'll need to officiate.
It is such a sad occasion to have such a great life cut short, and I can tell that everyone is suffering a great deal, which is to be expected.
I can especially tell that young Randy is taking this hard. He'll probably be out at the fence soon, needing to talk.
It doesn't even appear as if he's cried. Everyone else's cheeks and eyes are a little red and puffy, his aren't. He seems so tense, I know he must be keeping all of his emotions bottled up inside.
Yes, I can definitely expect him to be out at the fence sometime soon.
Now I walk out, go by and give Lucille and Jill both a hug, and move towards the podium to begin officiating the service. I'll do my best, but no matter how good my best is, I know I will never consider it to be worthy enough for such a great man as Tim Taylor.
'We are gathered here today to honor the life and memory of Timothy Dick Taylor. Born October 25, 1954, died October 29, 1996, at the young age of 42' I begin.
I can already tell that it will be hard for me to keep a straight face throughout this funeral. I hope no one will notice.
Lucille Taylor's POV
I can't believe this. It seems like Mike's funeral all over again.
They're even playing most of the same hymns, like Amazing Grace and How Great Thou Art.
The worst part is, this is just shy of 31 years to the day that Mike's funeral was held.
All of Tim's brothers are here, even Rick and Steve, who have never had much to do with him.
Now I just want to know one thing, why does the officiator have his face hidden?
Jill Taylor's POV
It feels so horrible to have to be here today.
Now I know how Lucille must've felt when Michael died at such a young age.
I requested that it be a closed casket service, since Tim's body is still kind of distorted.
Now I can see Wilson standing at the podium, ready to begin the service. In typical Wilson fashion, his face is hidden, today by The Bible. If it wasn't such an inappropriate occasion, I'd almost have to have a chuckle over that.
But not today. Not now. I just can't.
When they started playing How Great Thou Art, I almost lost it, just thinking about how great Tim really was.
Mark's POV
This whole thing, my dad's death, just still hasn't quite sunk in yet.
Out of my brothers; I'm the one who's cried the most so far.
I think Brad is just trying to be his typical, macho self.
Randy, I think, just won't allow himself to cry. He would feel so much better if he did. I think the last time he's cried was when he found out that the lump on his neck could be malignant. Before that, I have no idea when the last time he cried was.
I don't know if it's just because I'm the youngest, and because Brad and Randy always picked on me the most because of that, but I've always seemed to be more sensitive than them.
I turn my attention to the front of the room as Wilson steps up to the podium to begin the service. I think he'll do a great job, he knows my dad almost as well as mom.
Brad Taylor's POV
I haven't told anyone this, but I was honestly a bit against terminating my dad's life.
That sounds odd. There has to be a better way to put that besides saying "terminating" or "pulling the cord/plug".
Any way you put it, it's still sad.
I don't think Randy has cried yet, he still looks too sad and tense, and too much like he has all of his emotions bottled up inside.
I wish he would cry. I know it would make him feel much better. It certainly has for me. Last night, I just locked the door to the bathroom, and just cried for about 10 minutes.
Randy's problem though, I think at least, is he won't allow himself to cry. He'll sit there and say that his body just doesn't have any tears to cry, but it might if he would just allow the possibility.
Now Wilson is getting ready to begin the service, so I direct all of my attention towards him.
Randy Taylor's POV
Usually I make jokes when someone dies, or even sometimes with dad at the person's funeral.
But that's all different today. And not just because dad isn't here; jokes just don't seem appropriate for this particular funeral.
The odd thing is, I have yet to cry, even in private. It's just like my body doesn't have any tears to cry.
Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely sad, and borderline depressed. I can't even begin to imagine how mom or grandma feels.
This is especially hard for me though, since I'm the only one who was really, honestly opposed to quote/unquote "pulling the cord".
I mean, stuff like this happens, and it just makes me wonder if there is really such a thing or being as God, and if He/She has a true master plan, or is just out to be a pain in the butt to everyone. I mean, how can He/She let something as tragic as this happen to His/Her own beings, their own creations!
I mean, it's not like older times when it wasn't really, truly known how everyone and everything came to be here on Earth.
This may seem a little hypocritical to think at a funeral, but it just makes me wonder.
I'm not sure if I believe this to the extent of being an atheist or agnostic or anything like that, but I'm not sure that I can logically 100 be sure that there is a higher being.
Maybe I should talk to Wilson about this after the service.
Now I can see Wilson walking up to the podium to begin the service. As always, a significant portion of his face is hidden.
A/N: I just want to state now, I do not concur with the religious beliefs I have Randy thinking of. I just wrote it to be controversial, and hopefully to piss religious zealots off.
No, I'm just joking about that, I want to piss anybody and everybody off.
But seriously, I am not agnostic or atheist. In fact I'm Baptist.
But anyways, enough of that. I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter. The reason I put Randy's POV last, is because I just can't follow those comments about religion and/or God up with anything. It just doesn't seem right.
As always, please read and review.
I promise there will be lots of action and angst in the next chapter, I just felt I needed to do a funeral scene for Tim, since I didn't do one when he died in one of my other stories, Randy's Thoughts.
Now just one last item of business remains: Thank you Baxxie, once again for advice on what to write, and how to write it. I truly do appreciate it.
-Yours truly, Randy Taylor