"Chapter 12"
Alec slept until the late morning, straight through Tom's leaving for school, Fred's crying for his meal, and even before then Ellie's sliding out of the bed. They had drifted off together, and Ellie had been surprised to find that she had slept so well; it had been awhile since she couldn't remember her dreams. Alec hadn't moved from where he had fallen asleep, curled up slightly with one arm folded up so that his hand rested beneath his chin—probably a habit when he had covers to clutch, she supposed—but she had turned so that she was lying on her back. She had slipped out from beneath the sheets as quietly and softly as possible hoping she would not wake him.
When finally he woke she was preparing a light lunch for herself in the kitchen, and she was surprised when she turned from the stove to find him standing in the doorway rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
She managed a genuine smile as she looked at him. "Morning—or afternoon, actually, you've slept half the day away by now."
He took a seat at the table, taking a deep steadying breath as he did so. "Wasn't planning anything today, anyway."
"Of course you weren't." Ellie stepped up to the stove again. "Would you like something?"
He shook his head. He hadn't been eating hardly at all the past few days and it was clear that he was losing weight again; she fought the urge to make him sit and eat something because she knew that it would only make him angry. His temper had not lessened with his condition. "Water would be nice."
She sat across from him and picked up her fork. He took a drink. "What was your favorite drink, then?" she asked quite suddenly, startling herself. "Before your heart condition?"
"Coffee." He answered instantly with the smallest grin. "It was the hardest thing to let go of, I think."
"I wouldn't have pegged you down for a coffee lover."
He shrugged. "I don't think I had a choice in the matter," he replied with a wry smile, and explained when he realized she wouldn't understand. "I was drinking my gran's coffee at six months old."
She stared at him. "Six months old?"
The small grin widened into a smile. He nodded. "I think it was an addiction," he admitted quietly. "It became a kind of joke between us. I would drink Gran's first cup of the morning and she'd call me 'little shit'."
"Well, at least someone realized you were one," Ellie teased him.
He ran his fingers down the side of the glass. "Looking back I should've realized," he said quietly. "Growing up, caffeine caused my heart to jump—usually after I'd had a cuppa. I didn't stop drinking coffee until I was thirty, and that was only because the doctor proved that it was unhealthy for me to drink it. Still doesn't stop me from sneaking it sometimes, though."
She stood and put her plate in the sink, trying to hide her smile. "Honestly, you're worse than Fred," she told him, but it was without bite. The normality of the moment was surreal, almost frightening. What had happened to the Alec Hardy and Ellie Miller of Danny Latimer's case—or even just a few days ago? Which reminded her… She turned back to him. "You weren't right to bring Beth into our fight like that. You weren't right to bring Beth into it at all."
He had the grace to look decently ashamed; but looking back she knew that he had felt properly upset with himself even then. "I'm sorry." That was all he said; no explanations, no excuses, and for that Ellie was grateful. She hated excuses.
She frowned, suddenly struck by a realization. "Are we friends now?"
He looked up from his drink. "What?"
"We're talking and hanging out- and you're apologizing- and we're telling each other about ourselves…" She wrinkled her nose. "Does that make us friends?"
He shrugged. "Suppose so. I dunno, it seems like a backwards friendship if it is." He seemed equally as stumped by their relationship as she was. "Thanks, though. For being here."
She shifted uncomfortably. "Don't go all weird on me, Hardy, you never say things like that."
The quiet knock on the front door startled both of them, effectively stopping Alec from making a reply. Almost relieved to be getting out of this moment Ellie practically ran to the door and swung it open. "Beth."
The Latimer matriarch stood on the front step, Mark standing a couple of feet behind her. "Ellie. Can we come in for a minute?"
She stepped back. "Yeah, sure. Go ahead and have a seat in the living room."
Mark headed in that direction but Beth turned to face her. "Actually, Ellie, I'm here to speak with Hardy. Do you think he'd mind?"
Ellie was almost tempted to blurt out that she thought he would mind but was able to keep from saying so. "You can ask him. He's probably still in the kitchen."
After Beth walked past, she turned to Mark. He correctly guessed the question on her face. "She ran into Paul," he explained quietly. "She asked him about how- how she should handle everything with you. She's trying," he hastened to assure her, "she really is trying. But for some reason when she talked to Paul about it he said she should talk to Hardy."
Ah. Ellie supposed she could see why Paul would say that. Once upon a time Alec had felt betrayed by his best friend; the vicar was clearly hoping that the retired copper would be able to find some common ground with Danny's mother. It was clear that, despite Ellie's thoughts otherwise, Alec agreed to talk with Beth because both of them went into one of the smaller rooms and closed the door.
Ellie and Mark waited in the living room for nearly an hour. When the door finally opened again Beth came out first, Alec following her a moment later. The expressions on their faces were startling similar; not upset, but not exactly unhappy either. It seemed most like they had reached a level of acceptance with whatever they had discussed, and although both Mark and Ellie wanted to know what had been said both realized they would never get a full answer. It seemed, however, that their discussion had helped Beth because the very first thing she did was walk up to Ellie and pull her close.
"You're remarkable, you know that?" she whispered in the startled woman's ear. "Both of you." Her voice was choked but there were no signs of tears when Beth pulled away, only a smile.
"Won't you stay—you know, I have plenty in the refrigerator—"
But Beth shook her head, interrupting Ellie's question. "No," she apologized. "I'm sorry, but I've got an ultrasound in half an hour, we've got to go… but I'll give you a ring afterwards, yeah?"
"O-of course." Ellie nodded, managing a smile of her own even through her confusion. "I'd like that."
To her astonishment Beth turned and drew Alec into an embrace as well, clearly whispering something to him that no one else could catch. He had stiffened, unsure, but finally relaxed a little and nodded a reply. Ellie walked the Latimers outside, breathing in the autumn-laden smell of the air.
Mark headed to the car after a smile to Ellie but Beth remained on the step an extra second, looking back at the closed front door. "You know," she said quietly, "there's a song I've loved for a long time. You should look it up." Then she was gone, carefully navigating her way down the driveway and into the car. Ellie watched them drive off, then walked back into the house.
Alec was in the living room, looking out of the window at the coloring trees, with his phone out; clearly he was calling someone. The volume was up—she heard it ring three, four times, then go into voice mail. He took a deep breath.
"Sweetheart, I really need to talk to you. Please. This isn't something I'm just calling you about. Give me a ring as soon as you can. I love you."
He turned, unsurprised to find Ellie there. "My daughter. She needs to know."
Ellie's heart clenched. Why had she never considered the possibility that he would have children? How do you even tell your child you're dying? "You could invite her to stay here," she found herself offering. "We still have room."
He looked at her thoughtfully for a long moment. Certainly he seemed somehow calmer; last night's break down and his talk with Beth had clearly helped him in some way.
"You know, Miller, I think you put everyone else to shame in this entire town."
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It was funny that he'd said that, Ellie thought later that night. She'd received a call from Beth telling her that everything was going well with the baby and that it was estimated she would probably go into labor within a week. Included in that call she'd remembered to tell Ellie the name of that song she had mentioned and curious (she and Beth had always held a similar taste in music) she found a link of it on her phone and listened to it while curled up in bed.
The lyrics nearly made her cry again and she was so very tempted to make Alec sit down and listen to it just to see him blush and shift in that uncomfortable way of his. She realized now why Beth had thought the song so appropriate. She knew, however, that she would equally love and hate the song for the rest of her life as she lay there repeating it over and over again, all the while thinking of that hard-arse new-found friend of hers down the hallway.
'I'm a shot through the dark/I'm a black sinkhole/If it weren't for second chances/We'd all be alone.'
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A/N: We don't have more than a few chapters left in this story, I think. I hope you all are prepared.
The lyrics of the song mentioned there at the end is the song 'Second Chances' by Gregory Alan Isakov, and I love love love that song, and is in fact the thing I listened to the most while writing this story. It's a very Alec Hardy song, in my opinion, and I highly recommend you all listen to it.