Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

Understanding

XIII.

Outside, that night I sat chatting with Pam while she drank a TrueBlood and teased me for drinking sweet tea. I was dressed more casually tonight, since it was Pythia's night, in navy linen slacks and a simple white blouse. I still wore a lightweight shawl in periwinkle. Pam admired it and wondered when I was going to be making a few things for her. She was in a rose silk dress and looked lovely. She was in such a happy mood. When Eric had gone back to their room to change, she had noted that his color was better and that he was happier than he had been in ten months. And within seconds of seeing me downstairs that night, she noticed the wedding ring on my left hand. She was the only person who knew we were really together again. (Other than Pythia, who felt compelled to comment that she was glad I was finally starting to 'get well' and expressed gratitude that my recovery was not too loud.)

As we sat out in the garden with our drinks, Pam told me that she and Maxwell had to run everything for a while because Eric was so depressed. His greatest support over the past ten months had come from a surprising source. Bill, rather than gloating over Eric's seeming loss of me, encouraged him not to give up, commiserated with him over my absence and told him that he was sure I really loved him. Pam confirmed that Eric stayed on bottled blood the entire time and that he was so impossibly irritable that the fangbangers even stayed away from him in the bar after the first few weeks because they grew tired of being rebuffed with hits, kicks, insults and having things thrown at them. Pam tried to keep him out of the bar because he was bad for business, she said. Most nights he would just hole up in his office and make Maxwell sit out in his stead.

When I had finally come back from Ireland and word started leaking out that I was being seen around with a very tall, very handsome fairy, Bill had absolutely refused to believe that I had taken up with another man. Eric was terribly depressed by that point according to Pam. Bill told Eric that it just wasn't the sort of thing I'd do and that whatever he was hearing, it had to be untrue. Pam credited Bill with being something of an expert on how I dumped men, and Bill said it certainly wasn't something I did on the sly, that I dumped guys to their face in an unmistakable fashion. Pam thought the whole rumor started with Octavia having told Amelia that Ciarán hugged me, and that made its way to Tray and the Weres and word got back to Eric that his woman was with another man. She said when Sam heard the rumor he called Eric himself and told Eric that I'd said Ciarán was only acting as my bodyguard and he believed me. (My Sam!) I shook my head. Ciarán had hugged me, because I was so sad and because he's a nice guy, I told her. But he's Claude's companion. When Eric told Pam and Bill two days before that he'd found out from me that Ciarán was actually Claude's boyfriend they had quite a laugh, according to Pam. I asked why they hadn't asked Claudine what was going on, and found out that Claudine and Niall had been very quiet and unresponsive after their visit in Ireland for my birthday. I realized that at that point I still was unsure about how things would stand with Eric and that perhaps they hadn't wanted to tell him that. But the vamps probably misread their silence as a suggestion that something else really was going on.

I was taken with the fact that Pam's relationship with me seemed so unaltered by the changes in me. I had been wary of what to expect. But she acted as if I was unchanged. We had slipped back into the same comfortable rapport.

"Pam, you seem as if you don't notice or care about how much I have changed. You act as if we are right where we left off."

She looked at me oddly. "But you're still you."

I couldn't quite form the words for the questions in my mind. But Pam got the gist of it. There on that patio she offered me the longest single comment she had ever given me about my role in their lives.

"Sookie, do you mean you think I should be afraid of you? You have risked your life several times to save mine. You are still the same inside. I have nothing to fear from you. I'm just glad that you have forgiven Eric. I'll never forget how you looked that night when you were in the car. Before he even told me the next night that you were gone, I knew it would be a long, long time before you would be able to get over it. But you didn't see the look on his face. You didn't see what it did to him. He was so afraid for you, and almost as afraid that you would never forgive him. He never liked how Clancy was with you. But he knew you'd take it hard that he forced you and that you saw what he did and how he did it. You never wanted to see that side of any of us. You always looked away and made excuses for how we are. But it was always there. Eric did not want you to see him that way. In the end, really none of us did. We relished how you saw us. It was as if you saw us as better versions of ourselves and we wanted to live up to it. I used to hate it and think you were naïve. But then I came to feel that you saw something beautiful in us if you were willing to risk yourself so many times to save us. But what you need to see is that Eric did live up to that better version of us. We all did. He killed five vampires to save his bonded human from potential harm. And we all agreed it was for the best. You were ours. We put you first. You've changed, but so have we."

Victor located us outside at 10:45 pm and informed me that Isaiah had just been deposed by Pythia by a formal decree announced about 10 minutes before. He looked very nervous because Pythia was evidently in an absolutely foul humor and had said that Isaiah was going to be submerged in brine for six months for having defied her, in addition to losing his throne. Victor was to appear before her over his use of Felipe's assets in Lousiana to take over Mississippi for his own benefit. Pam had a smirk on her face about the whole thing, but I was actually pretty worried for him. Then he ran his plan by me. Victor was going to inform Pythia that I was his cousin and that he got rid of Russell to keep me safe because Russell had plotted against Eric and me several times, had sought Eric's death through Rasul in the past, had tried to have me kidnapped. I wished him the best of luck, but thought this was going to be the only time it would fly with her, if it did at all, which I doubted. I was delighted to see that Pam managed to hear Rasul's name without cringing. But I was still worried that Pythia would hurt Victor. I tried not to dwell on the fact that he was going to use his connection to me to curry favor. Really, he was shameless.

As I strolled through the lobby with Pam, I was called upstairs to the mezzanine by Felipe, who promptly asked me if it was true that Victor Madden was my cousin. One of his vamps had overheard a conversation between Victor's attorneys. Pam moved away, not wanting to intrude. I looked down and sighed and then looked Felipe in the eye and told him it was true. How could we possibly be related, he asked. Then I told him about our connection with Niall, which I said was very confidential information. Felipe was aghast. Moving against Victor to punish him meant that he would be going after the great-grandson of Niall Brigant. I admitted that I didn't know what to tell him, that all of us knew that Victor was something of a rogue but that yes, he was family and that Niall had contact with him with some regularity. Felipe also seemed stunned to think that I was related to Niall but had never tried to use that fact to manipulate him.

Meanwhile, I was rather amazed that even after my encounter with Isaiah, the previous night, Felipe treated me no differently than he had last summer. He stood close to me, he was polite but not deferentially so. He thought for a moment and then asked my advice. What would I do with Victor? I paused and then told him that if it were me I'd try to settle with him, but to make a point, I'd try to hit Victor's revenues for a good long time. It had to be enough to deter him from doing things like this again, but not so much as to make him likely to get into further argument with Felipe's regime. He thanked me, and then further surprised me by telling me that he enjoyed watching me in the hearings the two previous nights and that he thought that it was a system that needed to be implemented more than once a year at the summit and that he had an appointment with the Ancient Pythoness to tell her so. Then he left to talk to his attorneys. I crossed my fingers that it would work out and that Victor would see what a boon Felipe's settlement offer was.

I turned around and almost walked straight into Bill.

"Finally," he said. "Finally, I get to actually see the famous jurist Sookie Stackhouse from a distance of less than twenty feet." He said this with a chuckle and a funny, sad smile.

We stood there for a moment not saying anything and then I asked how he was.

"I'm fine. Been busy. Haven't traveled as much this year. How are you?"

My eyes filled with tears. "Grateful to you."

He looked at me and just nodded.

"Pam says you are going back to Ireland."

"I'll be home for two weeks and then I'll go back, yes."

"For how long?"

"I really don't know for sure. I still need more time there."

"You should take him with you," he said. "We won't be able to sustain a second round," with a soft chuckle.

"Unfortunately, I don't think this is a place that vampires are welcome. I did not see one the entire time I was there. There are a lot of Fae there."

"You're not really going to leave him again, Sookie?" he looked surprised.

I didn't feel comfortable talking to him about this. I said so.

"I can't talk about it now, Bill. I'm really grateful to you, for how kind you've been to Eric. When I'm home, we'll have more time to chat."

He nodded. I sensed for the first time in the years since we had parted that Bill was really free of me. He looked more at ease than he had in a long time. He stood back a bit and looked me over.

"You look more beautiful than ever Sookie. He's a lucky man. I know…" his voice lowered and he drew closer. "Knowing you, it must have been a horrible thing that night. When he finally told me how you came to leave, it showed me that you were with the right person. I don't know that I could have done what he did to keep you safe. I don't know that I could have gone so far. He was strong enough to risk everything. He was right in what he did to protect you. You should remember that. I hope you have really forgiven him for it."

I just nodded silently. We parted to go our separate ways.

I was prodded, mentally, by Pythia.

Is this man Madden really planning to use you as his excuse?

I groaned.

Pythia, I just don't know what to tell you, okay? Yes, he told me he was going to try. I'm hoping he and Felipe work something out. You've already had your fun for the night, I hear.

How can this person be related to you? Oh wait. I see. Of course. Your bastard fairy great-grandfather with his reprobate half-fairy sons. Has he ever told you about these people? Anything of quality in you is so clearly from your mother's family.

Can you please stop?

Would you like to see the brine?

I blocked her out of my mind, which I knew would make her mad, but I just needed a break. And I did not want to think about Victor in brine. Sophie-Anne had used brine as punishment. I remembered Waldo. Awful.

I went out to the gardens, off in a quiet, dark corner and sat on a bench. Although part of my heart would always be in Louisiana, I now longed for the peace of Irish soil as if it were home. It really was in my blood, my heart. I sighed heavily. Eric appeared silently on the bench and took my hand. I leaned against him, and felt we were safe. He murmured he was done for the evening. We enjoyed the quiet night.

When we finally went inside again, we learned from Bill that Victor had settled with Felipe. He was bitter over the loss of 20% of his revenues for ten years. I was thankful that Felipe had not mentioned the source for the idea. I was sure that Felipe was grateful that he didn't have to admit his advice on the topic was from me. We got on well together that way.