You lie there on your couch with your eyes closed, experiencing an odd sensation. You're relaxed, you realize with amusement. Someone, you know perfectly well who, is sitting on the floor, their fingers tangled in your hair. From the way the hand is moving, you know he's sitting in front of you. It's been so long since you've been this comforted. You've always loved the feeling of fingers running through your hair. You think you could stay here, like this, forever. It feels surreal, this peace. Dream like, almost. And like all dreams, this one, too has a rude awakening.

Because you just had to open your mouth, had to murmur, "Love you, Kunimitsu."

There was silence and you feel he's staring at you. You smile, smug that you must've surprised him. You never say the 'L' word, not if you can help it. The fingers combing through your hair stop.

"No, Keigo." And the voice, while familiar and also deep, is not his.

You open your eyes. You see hurt in those normally bright, inquisitive eyes. And it distresses you to know you're the one responsible for the pain. "Yuushi," you say, a pleading note in your voice.

He closes his eyes. In pain, you think guiltily. "It's okay, Keigo."

"No," you object. "It's not. I'm sorry."

"Keigo. I hate to break it to you, but Tezuka's gone. He's getting married. In," a quick glance at the calendar hanging on the wall, "less than a week." The words sound oddly bitter even though he says them quietly.

"I know," you say. It's all you can say. "I know, he's gone."

"Do you? I don't think you do." He lets out a bark of laughter, not at you, but at himself. "It's funny, they always said you would never love anyone more than you love yourself. I wish they could see you now. Atobe Keigo, pining over someone."

You feel yourself getting angry. "Oh, yes, I'm the one who's pining." The light in his eyes changes and you can't stop. You know you're going to go too far. You've always gone too far. "You had your chance Yuushi. But you blew it."

He wants to slap you. But he won't. You wish he would, though. Instead, he stands up and sneers, saying coldly, "Don't bother getting up. I can find the door myself."

You lean back on the couch, having half risen; half because you realized he wasn't coming back. You thought you'd let Kunimitsu go, thought you'd made improvement. Stupid, Yuushi. He just had to mess things up. It's not his fault, though. It's yours. He's your best friend. You love him like a brother. But he's always felt something more. At one point, during your high school years, you thought you did too.

You close your eyes again. But the peace is gone, shattered by reality.

You'll have to fix this later; Yuushi is still, will always be, very important to you. But later. Later, because the part of you that still loves Kunimitsu, the part that you've only just realized is still very much in existence, demands all your strength at the moment and you don't think you can carry, can be responsible for Yuushi's love. Not when you can barely manage your own uncontrollable love for someone who's already moved on.

It's somewhat ironic and completely screwed up, but maybe, just maybe, you and Yuushi aren't so different after all.