You're in a foul mood. It's evident in your angrily flashing eyes, the slump of the shoulders and the dangerous arch of your eyebrow. But you're also sad which shows in the wavering scowl, the laziness that has overcome you and the reason for your perpetual silence.

You and Oshitari haven't spoken since that day three weeks ago. Only three weeks, you think numbly. You don't want to apologize. But think you must if you want to keep your friendship with him. But, it's more than that. You think you love him. Have loved him from his first day at Hyoutei. Something in his casual arrogance, his mannerisms that are so akin to yours that you feel he could actually understand.

You blame time. If only you'd met Oshitari before meeting Tezuka, if only you'd fallen in love with Oshitari first. You met Tezuka at the tennis camp you'd both previously attended and had felt drawn to his strength and natural leadership. It was strange; there were rumors after you'd returned that you'd had sex. But the two of you had never even kissed. The relationship you had wasn't based on sexual favors, it was about something deeper. Miserably, you almost wished it hadn't been. Then you could tell Oshitari without wincing that you only cared about Tezuka because he was physically attractive, which he was. But that wasn't the only reason, and Oshitari knew it.

The sexual relationship came years later, in college. The two of you chose the same school and immediately felt the attraction. You'd never been in love before, how were you suppose to tell if it was real or if it was puppy love?

Tezuka was perfect. He was gorgeous, both physically and mentally. He was smart and had a presence that rivaled your own. And he wore glasses. He was perfect for you. A perfect distraction. That first year you went to his room and told him in succinctly that you were on the rebound. He said he didn't care. He stroked your cheek and called you beautiful. He said, as you allowed yourself to be skillfully kissed, that he wouldn't mind being anything of yours, asked if you could be his. You said yes and he shut the door of his room. You were lucky he had a single and no roommate. You found yourself falling in love with Tezuka, you couldn't help it. He was the Tezuka Zone and you were the tennis ball, helplessly drawn to his affection.

What you had with Oshitari before you ended it, before you left him and he let you walk away, was true love. You realize that now. You thought you'd be able to tell the difference between puppy love and true love. You were wrong. But how were you supposed to know that teenagers could fall in love? How were you supposed to know that what you had with Tezuka, puppy love, didn't mean forever?

You switched the two, thinking you had the real thing with Tezuka. He truly was a perfect distraction if you believed you loved him.

But then Fuji entered the picture and claimed Tezuka.

Tezuka was waiting for you to claim him, but you were still waiting for Oshitari to realize his mistake.

Fed up and resigned, Tezuka left and now he's getting married to Fuji. Everything is so messed up, is the conclusion you get.

Puppy love wasn't supposed to make your heart hurt. You must have a fallen a little bit in love with Tezuka, then, because when he left you it was as though you had forgotten how to breathe. And again, you remember your reaction all too well, to when you discovered his wedding invitation. No, correction, their wedding invitation.

He's getting married and you still haven't decided whether or not you're going. You should, but you don't know if you're physically able. If you're mentally strong enough. For example, you haven't gotten out of bed for the past twenty four hours. You've told your servants not to bother you; you'll ring if you want something.

You're moody, wondering about Tezuka and Oshitari, and in general, at a loss. There is only one person who you can call.

"Jiroh?"

"Keigo, what's wrong?" is the first thing Jiroh says when he answers the phone.

"How'd you know it was me?"

He laughs, carefree and happy if a bit sleepily. "Ah, Keigo. Nobody but you would call this late. Or should I say early?"

"Sorry," you say, but you don't mean it. You've lost track of time while you've stayed in bed with the blinds drawn. Besides, you know he's secretly pleased you confide in him. But who else would you confide in? You've pushed everyone else away. You always have.

"So what's up?" He sounds anxious.

"I messed up with Oshitari," you admit.

"Keigo!" is the frustrated reply. "I thought you got it all worked out!"

"I..we did. But then I called him Kunimitsu." You shut your eyes, waiting for the explosion.

"Keigo! I don't believe it. Poor Yuushi. No wonder he sounded so upset."

"He called you?" you are instantly wide away, never mind how late – or early – it is.

"Yeah, he said he couldn't deal with you. He told me you'd be calling me any day now."

You don't say anything to that. What would you say? That Yuushi knew you too well?

"Keigo, I know what you did." Jiroh is soft, he sounds nervous again but with a touch of steel; he's determined to speak his mind.

You are amused. "What did I do?" you ask, placating.

"I know why you broke up with Oshitari, end of our senior year."

You freeze, knowing he can't see you. "No, you don't," you answer stiffly.

"Yes, I do." He sounds stubborn.

You remember, he attended Hyoutei too. Which means he also knows that, "Gakuto loved him," you automatically spew, telling him as you have told yourself so many, many times before.

"But so did you." Jiroh sounds confused but confident.

"It was puppy love," you dismiss.

He protests, "No it wasn't! You really liked him."

"I was deluding myself. I looked for Tezuka in him," you rattle off the reasons.

"But you didn't find him, you fell in love with who you did find instead," Jiroh plows on. It's his turn to be dismissive.

"No," you object plainly. It's like talking to yourself.

"Yes. You loved him, Keigo. You still do," he says the last part softly.

You can't argue with that. You question, "But why do I still have feelings for Tezuka?"

"Oh, Keigo," Jiroh sounds tired, but not sleepy. "You're so mixed up."

You can't deny that this is true. You can't stand the quiet and you've been wondering this for a while, all alone in your dark bedroom. "You know what you said to me, all those years ago?

"Oh, that you'd be alone? But I was wrong, I'm still here. And Yuushi loves you. Really loves you. You know what you have to do."

You continue pressing the phone to your ear until you hear the dial tone. He's gone.

You hear the door bell ring from downstairs a scant fifteen minutes later. You close your eyes, knowing who you will see when you open them. You know even as the manservant knocks on the door before opening it, and letting him.

"They said you were sleeping," Jiroh says.

"I couldn't sleep," you reply.

"I didn't want you to be alone," he says, fidgeting the doorway.

"But it's so early," you tease lightly, waiting to see what he'll do.

He's looking at the bed, not at you so he doesn't see your sigh of resignation.

"Come here," you say, a half hearted order.

"Really? You're sure it's okay?"

You're not sure to what he's referring to. Between you and Oshitari, the call you sort of promised you'd make but didn't, the fact that Jiroh is here now and not who you want to be standing in his place, caring for you. The fact that you know Jiroh still has a crush on you, left over from your glorious days at Hyoutei.

At your nod, to what you haven't decided yet, he falls onto your bed, his feet dangling over the edge. He kicks off his shoes before lying on top of the covers. You wonder idly if he'll dare come underneath, pretend it's too cold.

You allow him to get close enough so can smell his strawberry shampoo. Yeah, you think, it's okay. Besides, you've missed the heavy weight of a body next to yours. Not to mention the warmth. He shifts, making himself comfortable.

"'s okay, Keigo," he assures you, yawning. His eyes close.

He understands, you think, as you tentatively drape an arm around him. You decided, knowing it's a mistake you'll pay for later. He deserves that much, at least.

If he wasn't your best friend, you would probably be in love with him. He's beautiful, sweet, and a talented tennis player. You made that mistake with Yuushi. You thought you could establish a friends-with-benefits relationship and still keep your heart intact. You thought you'd be fine; you were still getting over Tezuka.

Now, after school is over, you find yourself in the exact same situation.

You told no one, but Jiroh slept over that night. Nothing happened, though you suspect he wanted it to. But he accepted your decision. He said, "It's okay, Keigo. I'm just happy you trust me. Let me be there for you, that's all I ask."

True to his word, he has always been there.

You kiss him on the forehead in thanks. He stretches his head at the last moment and your lips brush his softly. His eyes snap open in astonishment. Something unidentifiable flits through them before they flutter shut. He brings his arms up to wind around your neck, pulling you close.

Jiroh has grown up too, you think hazily. He wasn't nearly so decisive or demanding in high school.

"It'll be okay, Keigo. We all make mistakes," he whispers. Coming from a sweet boy, so sweetly deceptive.