Don't judge me. One more chapter after this. Will I EVER say how many chapters a story will have again? Not a chance.
I own nothing but the mistakes for which I accept all responsibility.
Chapter Ten
"So," Agent Burke began, "what did you think about the real Neal Caffrey?"
"The real Neal Caffrey?" Derek smiled, "I think I already met him, but this version was interesting, I must say." Derek answered, "Having met him while he was half out of his mind, I expected he would present differently when more in control of his facilities, and I was not disappointed. Meeting the real Agent Burke, however, was far more surprising."
The Agent actually stopped in his tracks. "What?" He asked, looking at Derek in surprise of his own.
"Neal's behavior was affected by his physical condition." He watched the agent's face. "He had a fever of 104 when you came into the cabin this morning and I know it was higher than that during the night. I am aware the transparent boy I met last night, and that you saw this morning, is a rare side of Neal Caffrey. But you, Agent Burke, why so different?"
The man looked utterly confused. "What are you talking about?"
"The man you were in there," Derek gestured back towards the room, "Was not the man in my cabin this morning." Derek paused, "I was in law enforcement for thirty years and I know something about keeping a tough exterior. I was so good at it that I have been divorced twice. Does he know?" Derek asked.
"Does he know what?"
"Does he know how much he means to you, really?"
The man shifted uncomfortably. "It complicated."
"So you keep telling me. It just seems that you have an unfair advantage," Derek said, "You know how he feels about you; I told you and he didn't exactly hide it this morning. But what about him? Does he ever see that side of you?" At the agents look he added hastily, "I mean, when he is in his right mind and will remember it later?"
"He has," Burke said, "at times. It's just awkward for him." At Derek's raised eyebrows, he continued. "Okay, maybe for both of us. There was a time when, well, again complicated, but we hadn't seen each other in a while and I was really worried about him. When I saw him, I could tell he was just as glad to see me as I was to see him and I hugged him." Burke shrugged, "He just stiffened up, like he didn't know how to respond. He covered, that's what Neal does, but he was uncomfortable."
Derek nodded, "I noticed a similar reaction when I squeezed his shoulder." He paused, remembering his discussion with Agent Burke as they awaited word on Neal. "He started this life of crime awfully early. I don't know what his childhood was like but maybe he's not had a lot of experience with people caring about him." Derek could tell by the look in Burke's face that this was probably true. It was his turn to shrug. "Just because it makes him uncomfortable to tell him you care doesn't mean that he doesn't need to hear it," He paused again, thinking back to his own failed marriages. "Everyone needs to know they are cared for, Agent Burke," he smiled, "Even Neal Caffrey, conman extraordinaire."
Burke had called an officer to take Derek back to Southfield and he continued out with him to meet his ride. As they parted, he held out his hand to Derek, thanking him for everything he had done. Derek took it and again said he had been glad to help. Derek opened the door to the cruiser but turned back to Burke.
"He didn't even knock," Derek said. At Burke's questioning look he explained, "At my door last night. He didn't knock-He didn't make it to the door." Derek remembered the bump he had heard on his porch; a bump he almost ignored. "There was just a bump. I guess when he fell. I almost didn't open the door."
The expression on Burke's face showed that he had gotten Derek's point. It had been a miracle that Neal had survived the storm at all.
"I almost lost him last night, didn't I?" This Burke was the man he met this morning; The man who thought of Neal Caffrey as a son.
"If I hadn't opened the door, or if I had been in the other room and not heard the bump, I would have found him dead on my porch this morning."
Derek could almost see the agent processing how differently this day would have been had that been the case. "Thank you seems so small for what you did," Burke said simply.
"If that had happened, would Neal have died not knowing how you feel about him?" He shook his head, "If you really want to thank me, Agent Burke, make sure he knows. Don't just assume he does, tell him." He looked at Burke, his voice serious. "I don't care how uncomfortable it makes either one of you. Tell him. You never know when you won't have the chance again."
The bright sun reflecting on the mass of whiteness from the storm made Peter's eyes burn. That, and the fact that he hadn't slept but about three hours the night before, caused him to close his eyes tightly for just a moment after the patrol car pulled away. He remembered how long the night had seemed, even after he had lay down next to Elizabeth, he had felt a coldness that seemed to penetrate his bones. He kept thinking about Neal out in the storm, freezing with no one looking for him; no one coming to help him. He had been so relieved to learn that Neal had found shelter, so relieved to have found him alive that he hadn't given the circumstances in which that had occurred much thought. But what Derek had said to him had made him feel a heaviness in the pit of his stomach at how easily things could have gone differently.
He had said his good byes to Neal when he had left the room with Derek, planning to call it a day himself and go home. Elizabeth was waiting on him to catch her up on Neal's condition, and he wanted to get into some sweats and relax. And sleep would be good, too. But the words Derek had said to him on his departure wouldn't let him leave. He turned an went back into the hospital.
I don't care how uncomfortable it makes either one of you; Peter remembered those words as he walked back to Neal. Neal had acted fine while Derek had been in the room, but Peter knew that it had taken a lot out of him. By the end of the visit, Peter had seen exhaustion in the blue eyes. Those eyes were closed now but opened when Peter entered the room. "Forget something?" he asked.
"In a manner of speaking, yes," Peter admitted, approaching his friend who now looked concerned as well as exhausted. "You look rough." That wasn't what Peter meant to say but it was what came out of his mouth.
"Tough night," Neal quipped, then "I don't know if you've looked in a mirror lately but you look pretty rough yourself."
"Tough night," echoed Peter. "Derek said that you didn't knock on the door last night."
"Okay, I didn't knock on the door." Neal clearly saw no relevance to that statement and waited for clarification.
"When you fell on the porch, it made a bump," Peter continued, "Derek thought it was just the wind and almost didn't open the door."
"Glad he did," Neal said, watching Peter closely. "What is it, Peter?"
I don't care how uncomfortable it makes either one of you.
"You easily could have died last night, Neal." The distress in his voice brought a strange look to his friends face. Not uncomfortable. Pleasantly surprised maybe.
When Neal spoke his voice was soft, "But I didn't Peter, I'm alright."
"I know," Peter exhaled the breath he had been holding. "I was so worried, then so glad to see you lying on that sofa. But you were in such bad shape…." He felt his throat tighten and his voice trailed off; He looked away awkwardly. He felt Neal grab his hand and he looked up at him in surprise.
"I'm okay, Peter," Neal said again, "Thanks for coming for me," Neal added. "I knew you would. The whole time, I knew I just had to stay alive long enough for you to find me." With a squeeze, Neal let his hand drop. This time it was Neal who looked away.
That morning, Peter had comforted Neal and now Neal was returning the gesture, maybe a little awkwardly but that was to be expected. But still, Peter hadn't said what he came in to say.
"I will always find you, but not just because you are in my custody." He waited until Neal looked at him and he met those blue eyes with sincerity, "I found you because I knew you were in danger and I couldn't get to you fast enough." He paused again. "You mean a lot to me, Neal, probably more than you know, more than I say. I don't know what I would have done if Derek hadn't found you on his porch last night."
Peter's words had touched Neal; it was clear. Both touched and taken him off guard. He swallowed. It took him a moment to find his voice and when he did, it was strained. "You definitely need some sleep, Peter."
His statement broke the tension and Peter smiled at the deflection, knowing that Neal was at a loss as to how to respond to his confession. Neal was uncomfortable when someone expressed genuine care for him, but Peter knew that Derek was right. Just because it made him uncomfortable-made both of them uncomfortable-didn't mean Neal didn't need to hear it and he didn't need to say it.
Peter had said what he came back to say. If Derek hadn't opened the door last night Peter would have had to live with the regret of things unsaid for the rest of his life. He reached out and ruffled the young man's hair affectionately. "So do you, Neal. I'll see you tomorrow."