Title: Hellsing Comes but Once A Year
Disclaimers: I do not own Hellsing and Iscariot, a store called Bath and Body Works, but I do own some rights to Sunshine.
A/N: Thank you to all those that have faved and reviewed this story. I appreciate all your support. This next chapter has a new friend....Sunshine, the little chick that Alucard put in his mouth in part 2 of "The Christmas Play" story. Once again another OOC humor story. Which I firmly believe the world needs more of, enjoy!
Warning: Usual violence and cussing...but it does involve a poop joke too just so you know.
Everyone loved Sunshine. He was cute, cuddly, and itsy-bitsy. Even Integra agreed that he was just what the soldiers needed to boost up morale during the holiday months when so many were away from thier homes and families. When Seras took him home from thier infamous Christmas play, Walter made a little box with a nest for him and got a lamp from one of the rooms to keep the chick toasty and warm.
Everywhere that Seras went the little chick went, like a fuzzy yellow shadow, Seras would talk to it, read him stories, and after every mission she would go down into her room in the basement and there was Sunshine peeping at her as if he was happy to see her. However, after one mission that night, Seras went down to her room and found Sunshine gone from his boxy home.
"Sushine," she said couriously,"Sunshine, Sunshine! Where are you!?"
Furiously, Seras serched her room and phased through each and every other room in the manor. Until a horrible thought hit her. Alucard! Alucard never liked Sunshine, he would get jealous because everywhere that Seras went so was the little chick standing right under her, and him not being able to eat it. Ususally she was afraid of going into Master's room, but not this time.
Time time it was personal!
"MAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTEEEEERRRRRRR!!!!!!!" She screeched loudly phasing through the huge set of doors,"WHERE IS SUNSHINE!?"
"Zzzzzz...BELLYDANCER..hah huh...what?" he sputtered waking up from a nap,"where is who my dear fledgling?"
"You know who I am talking about," she said plopping on his lap and grabbing him by the lapels of his coat,"Sunshine, where is he!?! What did you do with him!?"
"Ohhhhhh 'Sunshine'," he smirked as if hearing that name for the first time,"or he is safe, very safe, I have taken him hostage. You see, I have tried, bribing, threatening, pleading, but none of that has worked so far-so I decided to do the next best thing-" He shoved her off his lap and held out a blood packet"-either you drink this....or I eat your little fluffy bundle of love and joy."
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" She screamed,"how could you!"
"Police Girl, drink the damn blood pack!"
"No!"
"Seras-"
"NOOOOO! SIR INTEGRA!" She screamed as loud as her voice would carry.
Immediately Alucard rushed into his coffin, throwing the lid open to take out Sunshine. He scooped it up into his hands and just before he could even deposit the little fluff chick into his whiney fledgling's hands the door kicked open revealing to be a very irate Sir Integra Hellsing, and from the looks of her bloodshot eyes it looked like she was taking a relaxing nap; taking a break from hours of paperwork to be interuppted by the sound of her two vampires having problems-with each other.
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE BLOODY MONARCHY IS GOING ON HERE!?!?!?!" She roared almost as loudly as Seras.
The draculina cried out loud running over to Sir Integra and hugging her,"M-M-Master threatened to eat my baby chick!"
"OH COME ON!" He protested,"it was just to make you drink your blood packet-hehehe oops..."
"Alucard!" fumed Integra,"Sunshine is a member of this Hellsing organzation whether you like it or not! And that is low....even for you...I hope Seras fed that chick before you stuffed it in your coffin because I am not going to allow Walter down here to clean it, maybe it will teach you to not do this again!"
She held out her hand and with a glare in her sharp eyes made Alucard place the baby chick there so she could give it back to Seras, who was very happy to see her little baby again. Then Integra led the draculina upstairs leaving Alucard alone in his room to think about what he had done. But he wasn't thinking about what he had done, he was thinking about what Integra meant when she said that Walter would not clean out his coffin from now on.
He laid back into his coffin and saw something small brown round. It was hard and yet soft at the same time.
"Hey, it must be one of my chococalate covered peanuts that dropped in the lining," he said as he put it in his mouth,"now, what did Master mean by-"
Seconds later, his face cringed and vomited the taste of crap from his mouth.....
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"........and that is why I am here," he told the lady at the counter in the mall,"I want to buy a Christmas gift for her to say I am sorry."
The woman who was the sales clerk for Bath and Body works just stared at him blankly, half in shock and half in confusion, did he just say that he had eaten a piece of chick poop?
Obviously this man had some mental issues, it had to be her, when she caught him trying to eat the samples of their holiday season lip gloss. Most notably the "food flavored" ones. Actually thinking they were made out of that stuff! Her first thought that he was "retarded" but he certainly could talk logically. So what was his problem?
"Huh, um, well I will show you our gift baskets," she said faking a bright smile,"come with me."
The minute the six foot tall vampire turned around he was face to face with none other than the Judas "Freaking" Priest! Out of a instinctive desire to kill one another they drew out thier weapons. The sales lady let out a scream and ran hiding behind her counter. They pointed thier weapons at each other staring one another down in a stand off.
"What do you think you are doing here vampire!" he demaned,"trying to cause trouble I see?"
"You started it first by coming here!" he growled baring his fangs like a cornered feral cat.
"I just came to pick up a gift for Hienkel and Yumiko," he said, when he saw a intrigued look in Alucard's sullen eyes he growled,"NO! ITS NOT LIKE THAT! ITS THE DAMN GIFTCARDS YOU PERVERT!"
Alucard laughed darkly,"Suuuuure...."
"Its time to finish what we started in the U.N. building," cried Anderson motioning his blades in the form of a cross,"time to die!"
They battled like they had never battled before, bottles of lotion, bubble bath, perfume and other sceneted hygeine products splattered the walls and was soon after joined by the blood of the two fighting monsters. The sales lady cowered screaming with each body part smacking against the floor like a huge chunk of meat. She couldn't tell who was what anymore after they hacked each other to pieces. And the store, well, suffice to say that nothing was spared but a bottle of body spray that smelled of honeysuckles.
As Alucard and Anderson laid on the blood soaked floor with thier bodies mangled and mutilated, the vampire turned into a bat and flew off with the bottle of body spray as Anderson sighed and with his legs hacked off dragged himself to the small shelf where the gift cards were at and took two. Then placed them on the counter.
"TAKE IT! JUST TAKE IT!" screamed the sales lady.
"God Bless," he told her and then crawled off leaving a trail of blood where he went.
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Down in the confines of Seras's room, she was laying on her bed, reading "The Night Before Christmas" to Sunshine. Giving him a kiss every now and then. Just then the chick started to shiver and let out a frightened peeping sound she looked up and saw Alucard in her room. Without even knocking mind you.
"Master!" she exclaimed, grabbing for Sunshine and holding him close,"what are you doing in here! LEAVE US ALONE!"
"Police Girl please!" he said holding his hands out defensively,"I am not here to cause trouble, seriously, I am here to say I am sorry for what I had to do to make you drink your blood. I thought that if...you didn'twant to do it for me than do it for Sunshine. Here, I got you both something."
He held out a red and green gift bag and placed it on the bed, Seras took it out, it was body spray to cover up the scent of her dead body whenever she was out in public and how ever did her master even know that she loved the smell of honeysuckles. But did it still justified what he did to Sunshine she wondered, then, there was something else in there too. It was a small little black pillow.
"Its for Sunshine to sleep on," Alucard explained,"I made it myself......"
Seras wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed him tightly,"Oh thank you Master!" she said happily,"this the best gift we have ever gotten!"
Sunshine agreed by sitting on the small pillow and nuzzling into it comfortably.
"And now Master," she said picking up the blood packet in the bucket of ice on the table,"this is my gift to you-" she willingly ripped it off and drank down every last ounce of it-"Merry Christmas."
Sadly, this fluffy moment was interrupted by a sharp tone of authority,"ALUCARD! COME UP HERE! I WANT TO TALK YOU TO YOU ABOUT WHAT I JUST SAW ON THE NEWS TODAY!"
"Oh crap...." groaned the vampire.
Awwww, see, its fluff and its humorous fun!
And if those of you that don't know, Bath and Body works is this store around my hometown that sells perfumes, and body washes that smell of really herbal or fruity stuff. And they have these lip glosses with names like "Cinnemon" and "Mint Chococalate" and "Strawberry Banana" which explains the joke about Alucard trying to eat it thinking its actually food. lol. Please Read and Review