A/N: Once again thanks LoveYourself845 for reading the first part of this and giving your input. I hope this chapter came out okay, it was really hard for me to write for some reason.
Chapter Four
Even I Can't Save Me from Myself
It was an especially mild June afternoon in '05. The humidity levels were low and a north westerly breeze ruffled Castiel's hair as he made out with Balthazar underneath an old Magnolia tree. Running his fingers through soft, dark, dirty blonde hair, he tugged on the ends as he deepened the kiss, ignoring all the sneers from passersby. Balthazar then did this thing with his tongue that made Castiel's toes curl and sent a shiver up his spine.
Pushing away from Balthazar, Castiel gasped for air while Balthazar, who wasn't quite finished yet, attacked his neck fervently. Nibbling on Castiel's pale skin Balthazar held on to Castiel on for dear life, but Castiel was insistent and pushed him back again – this time he was successful. Balthazar groaned and pouted like a five year old.
Standing up and smoothing his shirt out, Castiel looked at his watch taking note of the time. They'd been making out for 45 minutes already and they each had fifteen minutes to get to their respective locations. Hitching his backpack up and on to his shoulder, he held out a hand to help Balthazar up off the grass. He was nearly pulled down on top of the older man.
"Dammit Balthazar, you horn dog, knock it off! I need to get to class and YOU need to get to work. So shoo, off with thee pervert!" Castiel pushed Balthazar away again, dodging his grabby hands, and laughing at the poor man's expression.
"You know, pouting like that, you kinda remind me of a painting I once saw by Pica-" Balthazar managed to get close enough to kiss his lips, shutting Castiel up midsentence.
"Do you ever shut up, Cassie, or are you like one of this cute little dogs that never stop barking?" Balthazar chuckled, and then ducked as a blue backpack nearly made contact with his head. Knowing that it wasn't going end well, he turned and ran across the lawn to his car.
As he reached his car a small ding came from his pocket, alerting him of a text message. Smiling down as he read the message, he knew he'd made the right choice in seeing Castiel that day back in May.
12:50pm
I love you, my lecherous jerk face.
They didn't meet in the most conventional of ways, but for whatever reason it worked for them. Castiel had been using dating sites to find "the one" but all he had ended up with were one night stands. He was a stubborn bastard though and kept looking, adding to the notches in someone else's belt at the blink of an eye. And the guy that had contacted him looked like the definition of creep.
Dark and dirty, the guy's blonde hair reminded him of beach sand after a summer storm. His blue eyes were piercing, bordering on the edge of blue and gray, standing out against his dark tan skin. The guy's smile though, well he just looked like a pompous, pretentious, prick.
But Castiel was still hopeful and naïve.
Castiel and Balthazar, who had gone by the usernames ThursdaysChild (because of the angel he was named after) and menagea12 (he didn't wanna talk about it), got along fairly well considering Castiel's original thoughts on him. It was a whole "don't judge a book by its cover" type of deal.
Balthazar was 26, a physical therapist assistant, a Leo, and had an accent that had Castiel nearly cumming the first time he had heard it. He had moved to the states when he was 10 and had moved south 3 years ago. One day Castiel asked him what made him move.
Balthazar had replied, "I'm not sure why I came down here, but whenever I see you I have to think to myself 'that's why'."
Castiel ate it up just like he would any – and every – corny line.
Their first date had been disastrous.
The last weekend in May wasn't only just Memorial Day Weekend, it was one of the largest bike rallies in their area, and they had stupidly decided to meet at a bookstore right in the heart of it all. Castiel managed to make it on time, but after waiting two hours and not being able to get in touch with the older man, he left. It was when he was 5 miles from home that his phone finally rang.
"Yeah?" Castiel answered in a rather blasé tone, not giving two shits about who was the on the other line. They'd better be glad he answered in the first damn place. They'd better be glad he wasn't hanging up when all he received in reply was deep, heavy breathing.
He hadn't realized he'd said all this aloud until Balthazar's voice was heard, and it sounded like the word "don't" was being punched out of the poor guy. It was as if he was close to passing out with each gasp of air. When he was able to speak fully the words came out painfully, his voice dry.
"No – no please – please don't hang up, Castiel! I am so sorry darling, please – just don't hang up." He took another deep breath, coughing as he exhaled. "Just let me explain, okay? I was on my way, I swear, but my car broke down in the middle of traffic. By the time I got help and to the bookstore, you were already gone. The worker there told me how long you had waited. I am so sorry Castiel; please tell me you believe me."
All Castiel wanted to do was hang up.
"Why didn't you call me? You do have a cell phone, Balthazar." He couldn't help but hiss the man's name as he got out of his car and walked inside the house he'd been calling home for almost 17 years. The line was quiet then filled with the faint beeping sound of a car door opening. "And besides that, where the hell are you?"
"I'm sorry Castiel! I just didn't think and there's nothing else that I can say to make it better. I'm sorry. If it's not too much trouble and if you don't have any plans already set up, would you still like to meet? I've just gotten a rental so –"
"No, no, no other plans. Just um – give me some time to get ready and we can meet up somewhere for dinner."
Castiel glanced at the time flashing 6:28 on the hallway clock before running his hand over his face and through his hair. This was like the fucking day that would never end!
"Brilliant! Thank you so much, Castiel, and call me before you leave. We can plan the rest of our evening at the restaurant – if that's okay with you," Balthazar finished apprehensively, as if one wrong word would bring all of this to an end.
Castiel rolled his eyes and deeply exhaled. "Sure, okay, fine. I'll call you in 20."
He hung up not waiting for a reply.
They ended up meeting at a local Wal-Mart parking lot. Castiel leaned against his champagne '96 Honda Accord wearing loose dark denim, black Chucks, and a vintage navy blue tee featuring Pig Pen with the words "Dirty Dancing Champion." Growing impatient he slipped his phone from his back pocket to check the time, and then looked up searching the parking lot. It was then that he noticed a car that clearly didn't belong around the area.
A titanium silver '03 BMW Z8 Roadster was cruising around the parking lot, then headed his way stopping in front of him. The door opened and there was Balthazar. A white V-neck tee clung to the man's biceps; Castiel had never realized how muscular he was in the photos he'd seen. When Balthazar stretched Castiel was blessed with a view of the man's hips bones thanks to the looseness of the low rise jeans Balthazar wore. Castiel cocked a brow when he saw a pair of worn out, tan Rainbows – the man appeared to have had a pedicure recently.
The sound of a cough brought his attention back up to the man, looking up to see him smiling tenderly. Shit, the man was fucking gorgeous; his pictures really didn't do him any justice.
"So I'm going to presume you're Castiel, am I correct? I'd hate to think there's more than one beautiful blue-eyed boy in this crummy, run-down county. Though I do suppose it would make the world a better place if more people were graced with this beauty. You my dear are the epitome of drop dead gorgeous."
All of the snarkiness and anger he had felt before disappeared, much to his chagrin. Castiel had to use everything he had to fight the blush from spreading across his cheeks; he lost and was oddly enough rewarded with a kiss on his heated cheeks.
Staring into the man's amazingly light blue eyes he whispered, "No one's beauty compares to yours," before stepping back and looking down.
Balthazar chuckled and walked to the passenger side, opened the door, and waited patiently as Castiel made his way over. Sliding into the car he was memorized. The colors were a variation of blacks and grays; he couldn't help but run his hands over the leather interior. So enthralled he never noticed when Balthazar got in the car and started it up.
The man chuckled again, happy that he was finally making a good impression.
"So where are we heading, darling. Just say the word, anywhere you want to go. I am at your beck and call, my love." Balthazar reached over and placed his hand on Castiel's knee, giving it a gentle squeeze.
"I guess we could go to – Um – Just follow my directions, if that's okay with you?" He whispered the last part, cheeks aflame once again.
"Anything you want, Castiel. I just want you to enjoy our time together."
They headed northeast to the city that Castiel had become accustomed to for a year, giving Balthazar directions to avoid any traffic jams that may come up. It was an hour after they left that they arrived at one of Castiel's favorite places.
Alison's was a popular hangout for the college students that were housed a mile away. The arcade/restaurant was made of dark red brick and set at an angle that made it look almost diamond shape, well if it weren't for the entrance that stood nine feet taller than the rest of the building and the covered drop-off area.
If it hadn't been for a sign at the main road, Castiel may have forgotten to tell Balthazar to turn left. They ended up parking toward the back of the obscenely large parking lot, their fingers grazing teasingly as they walked in comfortable silence.
Stepping inside they were assaulted by the sound of loud talking, shouts, and high-pitched "dings" of arcade games. The arcade area was dimly lit, the neon lights from the games providing enough light for the large area. There was skee-ball, DDR, The House of the Dead, a large Soul Caliber II system, and lots of retro games. Balthazar kicked Castiel's ass at skee-ball, but Castiel was the master of Soul Caliber II, and together they made an awesome team at the shooting games.
An hour of playing had worked up an appetite in both men, so they headed over to the restaurant portion to the left of the arcade. There was a bar area located in the middle, surrounded by tables and booths, Castiel and Balthazar picked the latter and sat across from each other. Castiel valued his personal space and didn't feel comfortable sitting that close to the older man, besides it gave him the opportunity to rub his foot up and down Balthazar's leg. All Balthazar could do was smile at the contact, and when Castiel's foot came dangerously close to his crotch Balthazar grabbed the foot and yanked. The loud yelp that came from Castiel had Balthazar laughing to the point of tears; Castiel kicked him in the shin in annoyance.
Their waiter came over shortly after to collect their drink orders, a long island ice tea for Castiel and a beer for Balthazar. Castiel grabbed a menu that was wedged in between a bottle of ketchup and the salt and pepper shakers, hiding his expression of distaste while he read. Balthazar didn't seem to notice and took the other menu.
Once their drinks were brought to the table Balthazar went ahead and ordered a filet mignon cooked medium rare with a side salad. Castiel raised an eyebrow as the man ordered before he turned to the waiter and requested bacon cheese fries and side salad sans onions.
The meal went well, their discussions ranging from favorite memories and coming dangerously close to mentioning past relationships. They ended up playing some more games after eating, Balthazar wound up earning enough tickets to get Castiel a stuffed angel.
They made out in the front seat of the tiny BMW. The windows fogged up and Castiel wondered if this was what it was like when teenagers did this. He gasped when Balthazar latched on to his neck, his cock leaking precum from the man's manipulations. Castiel finally pushed Balthazar away, chuckling at the pout that formed.
"If we don't stop I'm gonna want to fuck you, and if we're gonna fuck it's not going to be in the front seat of a rental car," Castiel explained before placing a soft kiss on Balthazar's lips.
Balthazar nodded in understanding. "Well there is a hotel right there, but if you think it's too much for a first date…" He let his voice trail off, staring into the bright blue eyes of his date.
Castiel stood at the window of their top floor room, watching the traffic below. It was 9 am and people were more than likely making their way to the beach to spend time with their families. He fought back the tears that filled his eyes. He was not going to cry for this, because maybe, just maybe, this wouldn't be like the other times.
He leaned into the body behind him as arms encircled his waist. They stared at each other's reflection in the window and a tear finally escaped. Balthazar turned him around and more tears fell. Blue became surrounded by red, blue sparkled from wetness, and blue became blue.
Dropping to his knees Balthazar held Castiel's hands in his, kissing the younger man's knuckles but never breaking eye contact. "What's wrong love? I didn't hurt you last night, did I? Oh God I did, didn't I? Well you have permission to kick me right now, right in the bollocks, as hard as you can."
Castiel shook his head, the corner of his lips turning up. "No, no you were perfect Balthazar. Everything was perfect. I just can't believe you would do all this; none of the others ever treated me like this. All I can hope for is that this isn't a dream. Tell me it's not a dream." His eyes were pleading to the man below him, his voice shaking as he spoke.
"No Castiel, this isn't a dream, but if it is I'm glad I could share it with you. What do you mean by 'none of the others'? Is this something –"
"It's nothing, just forget I said anything. Let's just go back to bed before we have to check out, okay?" The smile on Castiel's face grew a smidgen as Balthazar stood up. He saw the hurt that had flashed in the man's eyes. All he wanted was to keep this moment.
The drive back to Castiel's car was filled with silence, comfortable laced with tension. He just knew he'd ruined everything with his comment from earlier, but it was for the best anyway. Balthazar was too good for someone as broken as himself.
As Castiel got in his car Balthazar kissed him with the promise of calling him later. He just nodded and smiled. His drive back home was filled with tears; he had no reason to hold back now. He had finally learned that all he was good for was fucking, and this was his life from now on.
Later that evening his phone rang. Balthazar had actually called him back. Maybe Balthazar was different from the others, or maybe he just wanted to prove Castiel wrong for some twisted reason. Castiel held on to the dream that it was the former.
It was four days after their date that Castiel found himself at Balthazar's house. A majority of the day, Castiel's birthday, had been spent together. Even though Balthazar hadn't gotten him anything, just spending time with the man was enough for him.
He spent the evening with his family, celebrating at his favorite restaurant. Anna was elated to see Castiel so happy. Even though she wasn't sure what had brought about the change, she had a feeling it had to do with why he was gone all night four days prior.
Later that week Castiel brought Balthazar to his house so he could meet Anna.
Anna was not impressed.
There was something about the man that just didn't sit well with her, but she kept her mouth closed about her concerns.
Castiel was happy, that was all that mattered.
She just had to keep telling herself that.
It was July 15th and they had been dating for nearly a month and a half. That night they had decided to go to the movies to see the new rom-com and then head back to Balthazar's afterwards. It was in the front seat of his steel blue pearl '04 Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder GTS that he proposed to Castiel. The band was tungsten and the inside was engraved with the date of their first date.
Castiel said yes.
When Anna found out the next day she lied and said she was happy for them.
Castiel was happy, that was all that mattered.
She just had to keep telling herself that.
Nearly a month later they moved in together. Anna nearly bit her tongue in half trying to keep quiet.
Castiel was happy, that was all that mattered.
She just had to keep telling herself that.
Edited on November 4, 2014