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This is my gift to you on Easter! Happy Easter everyone!
Callie POV
It has been 2 weeks since the infamous dinner event at Adams Fosters. Jude was still staying full time with me. I love when he stays with me. I love having him around. But I can tell he is not as happy as I am. I am pretty sure he misses Stef and Lena.
Every time I help him with math or when we make dinner together, he mentions Lena. Every time we watch some movie on TV or play some card game, he mentions Stef. There hasn't been a day when he hasn't casually mentioned them. He misses them. I have never doubted if he loves me. I know he does. But these two woman have left a huge impact on him.
"Check" Jude says and knocks on the table
"I check as well" I say and open the last card on the table "What do you have?" I ask knowing I have won this round. Jude has horrible poker face. He scratches his ear when he is bluffing.
Jude looks to me, then down to the cards on the table, then to his cards in his hand "I have-" he places his cards on the table "-nothing. Completely nothing" he says laughing
"I have three Queens" I open my cards to him with a smirk. I pull closer all of the cookies that were placed in the middle of the table.
"How are you so good?"
"I have my talents" I grin as I stack the cookies in three piles
"I bet you cheat, just like Stef does. She always wins, I don't know how. I'm sure she cheats just like you"" Jude says and looks up to me with a smirk
There it is again, once again he mentions one of them. He misses them more than he realizes. Otherwise he wouldn't be talking about them so often. I doubt he will admit it to me. I know he wouldn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me he misses them and that he wants to see them.
"Hey, I won fair and square! I never cheat! You just have bad poker face"
"My poker face is fine" He presses his elbows to the table and places his chin in his hands. I shuffle up the cards for the next game "I bet it would be hell of a showdown between you two. Match of the decade!"
I handed out the cards. We places our bets (cookies) and started the next game.
"I think you should stay with Stef and Lena this weekend" I tell him bluntly
"Why?" He asks looking up from his cards
I sight and run my fingers over my bridge of the nose "I know you are still mad with the twins and Brandon, that's why you haven't gone to your foster home, but Stef and Lena – they didn't do anything wrong. And I can tell you really miss them, you talk about them every day. I'm sure they miss you as well."
Jude shifted in his chair and looked down to the table. Avoiding my look he says quietly "I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you think that I don't like to live with you."
"Jude!" I say reaching over the table to touch his hand, he looks up to me warily "It's okay, I understand. In the last 4 months you grew to love them and it's okay to miss them. It is also okay to go see them. I don't want you to think that I am keeping you from them. If you want to, you should go spend some time with them."
"But what about you?" He asks worried that he will hurt my feeling if he goes to stay with his moms
"I'll be okay Jude. You don't have to worry about me. Yes, I won't deny, I will miss you. But I don't want to keep you away from people who you love."
Jude contort his mouth to one side and bites his lips "I love living with you, I really do, but you are right, I do miss them"
"I know you do. Jude, I want you to know, that you can come to me with no matter what. Please don't be afraid to talk to me. I promise you, I won't get mad or yell at you. I just want what is best for you and if you want to spend some time with them, you can tell me. There will be no harm feelings, okay?"
Sharing Jude with these people was hard. The truth was, I want to keep him all to myself. I never want to let him go ever again. The last 2 years were the hardest time of my life. Not being with Jude, not hearing his voice and laughter, not seeing his smile and his eyes – it was incredibly hard.
But much has changed in these past 2 years. Now Jude has this whole other family, that I am not apart of, that he loves, that he can't live without. If I would keep him away from them, Jude would start to resent me. Maybe even run away from me and go live with them. That's the last thing that I want - him hating me.
And now I need to learn how to share him with these people, no matter how hard it is for me. I needed to do everything I can to make him happy. If that means allowing him to stay with his other family for few days – so be it. I will just suck it up and be the big sister that he needs me to be. This wasn't about me. This was about doing what is best for him.
Jude nods his back slowly, not taking his eyes of me "I want to spend some time with Stef and Lena" he admits it
I smile at him, even though it hurt a little to hear him say that "We can arrange that"
Stef POV
It was so nice to have Jude back, even if it was just for the weekend. We all have missed him. These past 2 weeks have been so long, they have been like a reality check - what would it be like if Callie gets legal guardianship of him. We knew where he was, we knew he was safe and sound, we knew we could just call him up, text him, but that didn't make this whole thing any easier. We have grown too attached to him. We see him as our son.
Before he came around, I never knew he was missing from our lives. But now that he is in our lives, we can't imagine a life without him. House seemed empty without him. The family didn't feel complete. It felt as if we are missing part of us. It simply wasn't the same. We need Jude in our lives.
Today, I started to questions myself whether I can go through this. Whether I can give him up. I know Callie is his sister, I know she loves him, I know she would do anything and everything for him. But I just wasn't sure if I can live with him not being part of our family, not seeing him every day.
"-and yesterday, after dinner, we played poker" Jude said and stretched out his leg over Lena's lap. Lena put her hand over his leg and rubbed it softly.
"Poker? She's teaching you how to gamble?" Lena asked playfully, raising an eyebrow at him
"We played on cookie's mama" Jude replied quickly with a smile "Besides, she still gave me back my half after she cleaned me out"
"So, she is as good at card games as your old mom" Lena glanced to me, to where I sat in the armchair
"Careful, love" I warn Lena with a smirk on my lips "Don't put thoughts in his head. Three of four are already corrupted, I want to keep our youngest one innocent as long as we can"
"I'm not that young mom" Jude said back chuckling "I'm 15!" He said proudly "You will be teaching me how to drive in few short months"
Of course, I will teach you, just like I taught B and the twins. There are just few if's - If you will still be here with us. If you won't be living with your sister. If you will talk to us. If we will be in each others life's after 8 months. If you haven't forgotten about us by that time.
"Sounds like you had fun, Jude" I say looking back at him, returning back to the previous topic
"I did" Jude confirmed it with a big grin on his lips "I love living with Callie" He admits, but then his face drops as he realized what he just said to us "I love living with you too!" He adds to make sure he doesn't hurt our feelings
"We love you no matter what, you know that right?" Lena asks gazing to him "It doesn't matter if you are here with us or living with your sister. We will always love you. You will always be our baby, we will always have your back, support you"
I saw tears in Jude's eyes, he sucked in his lower lip trying to keep the tears from falling "I know"
"We are so happy you wanted to stay with us" I tell him and shift in the chair, I lean forward, pressing my elbows to my knees "But I just have to ask you Jude. Did you call us because you thought you were hurting us by staying with Callie for so long?"
The tears never leave his eyes. He shrugs looking at me and then admits "I missed you. But yeah…I don't know. Whenever I stay with you, I have a feeling I am hurting Callie. But whenever I stay with my sister, I feel as if I hurt you two."
"Baby, you are not hurting us!" Lena says at once, her voice as soft as it can get "You don't have to worry about me or mom, or your siblings. We have each other, we will be all right. We will miss you, but you shouldn't feel bad for wanting to be with your sister."
"Callie said something similar. But I just can't get rid of that feeling that I am hurting everyone around me," Jude said almost letting out a small sob at the end
"Oh, honey" I get up from the chair and move to the couch. I crouch down and run my hand through his hair, looking deep to his eyes "You are not hurting anyone. You have brought so much joy in our life. Mama and I are so happy we have gotten to know you, we are so happy we have you in our life"
"You are not hurting us, love!" Lena said lifting up his leg off her lap. Lena then moved to the other side of the couch, squeezing between the couch rest and Jude. She pull him close to her chest, keeping him in close embrace. I kiss his temple three times and then I see one single tear roll down his cheek.
"I don't know if I will ever be able to choose between you and Callie" Jude said barely above whisper as another tear rolled down his cheek. I press my forehead to the side of his head and close my eyes.
He is hurting and we can't help him. We can't choose for him. This is a decision he has to make on his own.
When Monday came around, first, I dropped Jude off to school. After that, I drove by Callie's apartment to drop off Jude's bag. I parked on the street next to the apartment building, grabbed Jude's bag from the back and then headed in, dressed in full uniform.
I hadn't even thought about how much the police uniform, would change Callie's behavior around me. But when she stood stiff and tensed in the doorway, staring at me with fear filled eyes, I realized just how much she doesn't like and fears cops.
"It's just me Callie. I'm not here as a cop" I tell her trying to get her to ease up
Callie swallowed a lump in her throat, stiffly nodded back and took a step aside to let me in. As I walk pass her, I see how she stares at the wall in front of her. It was like she was afraid to even look at me now that I am in full police uniform. I could tell, my uniform made her really uncomfortable. I knew by our brief talk after the dinner party, that she doesn't like cops, but I had no idea that showing up in uniform would leave that big of a impact on her.
"I will be quick. Just three things" I say to her and lift up the bag "Firstly– dropping off Jude's stuff"
Callie stands nervously in the middle of her living room, her hands were pulled in her sleeves. She still wasn't looking at me, right now her look was down to her feet.
"You can put it on the couch" She says quietly, barely able to get the words over her lips. I walk over to the couch and place his bag down.
"Secondly, thank you for allowing Jude stay with us this weekend. We appreciated it, truly. We all missed him. So thank you" I say when I turn to face her
"Mm-hmm" Callie hums looking completely other way of me, to the kitchen. He right hand, still in sleeve, flies up to her nose and she rubs her bridge of the nose nervously.
"Thirdly, Lena and I would like you – Jude and you – to join us this Christmas. We would like to celebrate together. Lena will make big Christmas supper, you know...the usual. Our parents will fly in, Brandon will be home from college. It will be full house. We would like to redo the dinner..."
Callie's head snaps to me. She looked utterly confused by the invitation. Her head dipped down, avoiding my look 2 seconds later.
"I'm not your family" she said coldly, with no emotions
"In a way we are. Because of Jude. Please, just consider it. We would love to have you both there. You don't have to stay the whole day, just for few hours" I tilt my head, trying to catch her gaze, but her eyes were down and I simply couldn't make no eye contact with the girl
"Will you at least consider it?" I ask walking closer to her, but Callie takes a step back with each step I take closer to her. I stop in my tracks as I realize I am really scaring her.
"Yeah" she runs her fingers over her forehead as she still looks to the kitchen area "I will think about it"
I smile to her, even though she doesn't see it.
There had to be some other incidents involving cops and her, than just the one when she was arrested, to make her fear cops this much. She couldn't even look to me. It saddens me that she is afraid of me. Cops are supposed to help people, civilians shouldn't fear us. They should feel safer around us. Yet, Callie has the opposite reaction.
"Okay, give us a call or text us when you decide. I will walk myself out" I say walking pass her heading to the front doors. I don't even think about offering her a ride to her work. I know she would decline in a heartbeat.
When I walk out of the apartment building and get in my car, I look out the side window. When I glance up to her apartment, I see Callie standing by one of her windows, at the side of it, looking out to the street to me. Her hand was up to her mouth, I think she was biting her thumb nail.
The moment she saw me looking at her, she walked away from the window and disappeared from my sight.
I press my left elbow to the doors and press my hand to my mouth, as I still look up to her apartment. I sight deeply as I start to think about her and what she has been through the last 8 years.
Callie Jacob - I think to myself -who hurt you this much?