Chapter Eight
If It's Your Decision to Be Open about Yourself, Be Careful or Else

Author's Notes

First I'd like to start off by defining the three conditions that are listed in chapter 3.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) also called emotionally unstable personality disorder, emotional intensity disorder, or borderline type: this cluster-B personality disorder, with the essential feature which is a pattern of marked impulsivity and instability of affects, interpersonal relationships and self-image. This is according the American Psychiatric Associaton.

Dysthymia also called neurotic depression, dysthymic disorder, or chronic depression: this mood disorder consists of the same cognitive and physical problems as depression, with less severe but longer-lasting symptoms.

Attention Deficit Disorder also called ADHD predominantly inattentive type (ADHD-PI): symptoms include being easily distracted, forgetful, daydreaming, disorganization, poor concentration, and difficulty completing tasks.

Now I'm going to focus on mainly addressing BPD just because it's played a large part so far and will continue to as our story goes on.

The symptoms of BPD are:

1. Makes desperate attempts to avoid abandonment.
- This is shown in chapters 3, 5, and 7. In chapter 7 Castiel uses all kinds of tactics to keep Balthazar from leaving.

2. Has unstable and intense relationships, usually involving alternately idealizing then devaluing the other person.
- Castiel's relationship with Crowley could fall into this category, but it wouldn't be to an extreme. Balthazar and Castiel… does it really need to be asked?

3. Sense of self or self-image is chronically unstable.
- Castiel never thinks he's good enough which can play into symptoms 1, 2, 6, and 7. Because if you feel like you're shit, then you're going to question why your partner is with you. If you feel like you could be on the cover of a fashion mag, then you may question if you should be with your partner. A very vicious cycle.

4. Acts on impulse in ways that can be self-damaging (for example, over spending, overeating, acting out sexually, abusing drugs.)
- Castiel couldn't have had a thing for retail therapy could he? Well at least he learned his lesson and no more sleeping around for him….

5. Makes frequent suicidal gestures or threats, or injures himself/herself.
- Pretty obvious.

6. Has a highly unstable mood (for example, gets depressed, irritable, or anxious for brief periods).
- This probably wasn't shown very much, but chapter 7 would probably have examples if there were any.

7. Chronically experiences feelings of emptiness.
- Anytime Castiel was left alone or felt ignored he felt this way.

8. Is easily provoked to anger or rage.
- Um… Just about every scene between Castiel and Balthazar in chapter 7. I'm serious!

9. Under stress, can become paranoid or experience dissociative symptoms.
- *throws arms up in the air*CHAPTER 7! - I mean, pretty much every page shows Castiel being paranoid about Balthazar.

Like other mental disorders the causes of BPD are complex and not 100% agreed upon. It is suggested that PTSD may be related to BPD in some way, and researchers agree that a history of childhood trauma can be a contributing factor. Genetics, social factors, as well as psychological factors may contribute different parts to the disorder.

Oddly enough, there is no medicine to treat the disorder as a whole. There are a limited amount of medications that can treat everything but the feelings of emptiness and abandonment. Though to be honest, how would you fix the feeling of abandonment?

BPD, which also shares its letters with Bipolar Disorder, is often confused for the other disorder. I think it has to do with the unstable moods in the two of them. Oddly enough, they do share common medication treatments, though their used to treat different things in each one.

I've been wary about answering comments before now because I didn't want to say something that I'd be discussing here, so I'd like to better answer, or just plain answer, those comments now.

Chapter 06
AO3
suluvmanga: okay, so here's my long ass author's note, and this is going to be very awkward. Basically in this fic Balthazar is my ex-husband, and while it would have been easy to show him doing all these creepy, heartless things, I felt that that was unfair.

Yes, Balthazar knew about Castiel's history which is why he fought it, but how many of us have fought and finally given in to temptation, consequences be damned. Could he have gone about things differently?

Yes.

Chapter 07
FanFiction
guest: wow, I suppose I should say I'm honored that I made you cry :D or :( I'm not sure which… but yes he does deserve better, and he will get better very soon!

Omorfia Giapoon: for me cheaters have their very own special place in Hell. Just saying.

AO3
suluvmanga: as I had commented he should have kicked his ass to the curb, but I think with his fear of abandonment, it would have been impossible. No matter how much he was hurting he could never just leave. Now as far as Balthazar not having the necessary empathy, we have to remember this is from Castiel's POV.

According to Wikipedia, "people with BPD are especially prone to dysphoria, or feelings of mental and emotional distress. There are four categories of dysphoria that are typical to this condition: extreme emotions; destructiveness or self-destructiveness; feelings fragmented or lacking identity; and feelings of victimization. Within these categories, a BPD diagnosis is strongly associated with a combination of three specific states: 1) feeling betrayed, 2) 'feeling like hurting myself' and 3) feeling out control."

Now, that isn't to say that Balthazar didn't yell at Castiel or become short with him, that Balthazar said things Castiel wanted to hear, or that Balthazar was an overall douche to Castiel, but it may have been over exaggerated in Castiel's mind. It's really hard to say – stress does funny things to the mind.

As far as Anna and Cas, sure she could have tried (and I will go more into that later on) but Cas is a stubborn son of a bitch and he wouldn't have given in, and she knew it.

Why Balthazar slept with Castiel? Oie that's a tough one… honestly I have no idea. It could have been the same reason that Castiel offered to sleep with him. It could have been him being a selfish dick and wanting a piece of ass (hahahaha see what I did there?), but I doubt Balthazar will ever say and honestly there are guys like that. They know that it kills the other person to not know the answer to "why" so they never answer… or perhaps they themselves don't know the answer.

Those who have decided to continue to read, I thank you and will pay you in hugs and cookies and porn (if legal).

XOXOXOXO

Also, all information regarding the mental illnesses mentioned have been obtained from Wikipedia and "New Hope For People With Borderline Personality Disorder" by Neil R. Bockian, Ph. D., with Valerie Poor, M.A., and Bora Elizabeth Villagran, M.A. This book is my favorite! It has so much information, and though outdated (it was published in 2002) it has lots of examples of real life situations to make it easy to relate to those with BPD.

Edited November 8, 2014