Lost and Found

/third-wheeling

"I swear to Mavis, Lucy, I've never seen him run so fast in my life." Lisanna shakes her head and takes a sip of coffee. "I'm sure he wasn't this overprotective with me."

I sigh. "Well, it's different when you're going on the date compared to watching Natsu freak out, I think. Different perspective. But honestly, he went overboard. Ben was nothing but a gentleman the whole time and his hands were nowhere near my butt."

Lisanna hums. "I don't know. I think Natsu worries more about you than anyone else."

"No, he definitely worries about you the most." I roll my eyes. "I don't know how you've survived so long."

She smiles softly. "Well, it's Natsu."

I gaze at her for a long moment before agreeing, "I suppose so."

"But enough of that. How was the date?" she asks eagerly, leaning forward on her arms. I laugh. She's looking for some juicy gossip, since her and Natsu's date didn't turn out so well.

"Ben was great," I admit. "Really sweet. But we've decided to just be friends."

"What?" Lisanna cries, dismayed. "Why?"

I shrug. "It was a mutual decision. We just didn't feel like more, you know? Anyway, it's fine. I can tell he'll be a great friend and there are lots of other fish in the sea. Anyway," I change the subject abruptly, "how are things with Natsu? Any progress?"

She sighs and shakes her head. "No. Ever since your date, he's been moping about how he made you mad and you yelled at him which must mean you hate him and don't want to be friends anymore."

I can't help but snort. "So melodramatic. But it's been a week already!" I eye her. "Do you think I was too harsh?"

"Well..."

I groan. "Okay, fine, I'll go apologize. But he was really overreacting!"

"Maybe he was jealous," she says, so softly I almost don't catch it.

I straighten immediately. "What? Lisanna, you know that's not true. Natsu was just being an overprotective idiot."

"But he's never overreacted that much before," she insists, playing with her cup holder. "Maybe...Maybe he likes—"

"No," I cut her off quickly, not just for her, but for myself and my own rising hopes. "Lisanna, no. Look, it's completely obvious to me that you're special to him." It almost hurts me to say it, but I force myself to anyway. "Maybe you can't tell but..."

I think back to a few days ago when we were playing with some of the kids at a playground. We were playing tag and Natsu was "it." He purposely ran too slow to catch the kids, faking consternation as they giggled and darted out of reach. When he switched targets and ran after Lisanna instead, I couldn't help but watch and notice—the way his eyes trailed after her, the way his arms cradled her, the way his face smiled at her—

"There's something in the way you look at him," Ben had said, and I can only think, Yes. That's exactly it.

"Lucy?" Lisanna's voice breaks through my reverie and I snap back to attention with an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, just thinking." I take her hand, clasp it between mine, and tell her, "Don't give up. you're almost there, I'm sure of it. It's different, the way he looks at you and talks about you." Compared to the way he is with me.

She smiles brilliantly at me and I can almost forget my own heartache. Almost.

But it doesn't matter. If I can't deal with my own, at least I can soothe hers.

I find Natsu later loitering around the hotel, pacing back and forth like he can't decide whether to go in or not.

"Um, Natsu?"

He jumps in fright—odd because he's always so aware of his surroundings that it's impossible to sneak up on him—and turns to face me. "Oh! Uh, hi, Luce."

"What are you doing?"

He doesn't say anything for a moment, eyes looking anywhere but at me. "Are you still mad?"

I smile a little. He really is like a little kid. So why is it that you like him? I shake the pesky thoughts out of my head. "No, I'm not. I'm sorry too, for yelling at you so much. I guess I overreacted to you overreacting."

He breathes out a huge sigh of relief and rushes to me, throwing his arms around me and spinning me in a circle with a grin splitting his face. "Thank Mavis! I was starting to think you hated me!"

I giggle. "As if I could ever hate you."

"Lisanna and I are going to an amusement park later. Wanna come?" He stares at me eagerly and I can't say no.

"Of course."

"Great! Let's go!" He grabs my hand and pulls me away.

"Wait, now?" I exclaim, trying to ignore the tingles in my hand—the tingles that were conspicuously absent with Ben.

"Why not now? Are you busy?"

I open my mouth but then close it when I realize I don't know what I want to say. Why not indeed? There's nothing I need to grab from my room and I'm not busy now. I shake my head. "No, I thought I left something in my room but I didn't. Let's go."

He gives me a strange look. "You're weird, Luce."

"Who's the weird one here!?"

We pick up Lisanna and take a bus to the amusement park. We all squish into one seat, Natsu closest to the aisle, Lisanna closest to the window, and me in the center. As soon as the engine roars, Natsu clutches his stomach and flops across my and Lisanna's laps. He digs his face into her stomach and she strokes his hair softly, comfortably, like they've done this millions of times before, which they probably have. I, on the other hand, have his torso on my lap and I don't know where to put my hands, so I stuff them under my butt and shift around until I'm relatively comfortable and proceed to force myself to sleep so I don't have to keep watching the tender moment between the best friends. It feels vaguely voyeuristic and something sour tugs at my chest.

And something dark and guilty fills me up too.

We finally arrive at the amusement park and Natsu is off the bus faster than I can blink, almost blowing up the doors because he's too impatient to wait for the bus driver to open them. Lisanna rolls her eyes and sighs tolerantly before nudging me. I get up and stretch, feeling a cramp in my neck and lower back, before following Natsu off, Lisanna close behind me.

"Oh man, this is gonna be awesome!" Natsu bounces on the balls of his feet his overwhelming motion sickness seemingly gone within seconds.

I quirk an eyebrow up at him. "Can you ride roller coasters? With your motion sickness..."

He rolls his eyes at me. "Roller coasters aren't transportation, Luce, duh! They're fun!"

Lisanna giggles and stage-whispers to me, "It's all in his mind, I swear."

I laugh and run after them. Natsu is determined to ride every thrill ride in the park, if not every single ride, period. Luckily for us, the lines aren't too long today—it's a weekday, so people are obviously at work or school—so we hop in line on the closest big ride we can find and before long, we're getting on the cars and strapping ourselves in.

I gulp. I had tried to beg off the ride because I'm not an adrenaline junkie like Natsu clearly is, but he simply insisted, "C'mon, Luce, it'll be fun! Please? I wanna ride with you!"

How could I possibly say no to that?"

So here I am, on the right of Natsu while Lisanna is on his left, trying not to hyperventilate. I cough and take a deep breath. The stranger next to me looks at me in concern and asks, "Are you alright?"

I smile weakly. "Yeah, just...scared. I'm not exactly a big fan of roller coasters."

The kind stranger glances at the park employees who are still checking everyone's straps. "I'm sure you can still get off if you ask."

I seriously consider it but decide not to. I must face my fears. I won't die from a roller coaster anyway. (Will I!?) "It's okay. I told my friends I'd ride with them." I wave my hand at Natsu and Lisanna, who are busy squealing with excitement.

For a second, I think how sad it is that this complete stranger is so much more worried about me than my friends are. But then I shake the thoughts out of my head and berate myself.

"If you're sure," the stranger says doubtfully. "Maybe you should ask your friend if you can squeeze their hand during the ride. It makes it easier."

"Thanks, I'll ask," I say with a smile at his advice. He's so nice and thoughtful. I'll have to offer him lunch when we get off the ride, if I'm still alive.

I turn to Natsu, prepared to ask for his hand, but then I stop. I watch him and Lisanna tease each other and laugh and realize, once again, how much they suit each other. I don't want to interrupt their conversation so I suck in another breath and grip the bars over my shoulders as tight as I possibly can and look forward.

I feel like a third wheel, and they're not even dating (yet).

And then the ride starts.

At the beginning, it's slow, climbing up an incline and building suspense. I hold my breath, eyes wide, feeling my suppressed breath building up inside of me into a scream. We teeter at the top for a split second, and I send a prayer up to the clouds, regretting my decision to stay on, and then—

"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

We zoom down, gaining speed and I swear I can feel my stomach turning over, moving up into my chest. Natsu is whooping beside me and Lisanna laughs, but I'm just yelling and squeezing my eyes against the tears and wondering, yet again, why I thought this was a good idea.

My fingers are gripping the bars so hard they're cramping and I worry I'll never be able to un-claw my hands. Screaming makes the drops better so I keep going.

"Open your eyes, Lucy!" Natsu suddenly yells into my ear. "C'mon, Luce, the view is incredible!"

I whimper and force my eyes open and my breath is ripped away by the speed of the ride but for the moment, I don't need it. The sky is so blue, so close, so wide, I want to float away into it—

And then we're speeding towards the ground again and I'm screaming louder than ever but also laughing because freedom—and my stress flies away, my mind stripped of all my burdensome emotions as I scream and scream and scream.

Vaguely, I wish that I were riding alone so I could yell out all of my troubles to the heavens. I feel like they would dissolve into the wind and be gone, at least for a while. But I'm not alone, because Natsu and Lisanna are shouting in my ear, so I just scream my heart out, feeling lighter than I have in a long time (though maybe that's just an effect of moving faster than gravity).

The ride is suddenly over and it feels like I've been here forever but only a moment. I gasp for air and stagger awkwardly off the ride. The kind stranger from before catches my arm before I trip and fall flat on my face.

"Thanks," I manage to croak out. "For before too. Can I buy you a meal as thanks?"

He smiles and I suddenly realize that he's handsome. But I know that doesn't matter anymore.

"Sure."

"Hey, Luce! Over here!" I look up to find Natsu and Lisanna waving and yelling at me from the exit. "C'mon, let's go to the next one!"

I regain my balance and walk over, gesturing for the stranger to follow. "Hey guys. I think I'll sit the next one"—more like the next few—"out."

Natsu frowns. "Why? You didn't have fun?"

"No! No, I did," I quickly reassure him, and I'm not lying. The ride had been exhilarating, but also extremely taxing, and I don't have it in me to ride another one, at least not so soon. Plus, I'm not eager to keep third-wheeling. "I'm just kind of really pooped. I'm gonna go eat lunch with this guy."

Natsu immediately glares at the man behind me. "What? Who is he? Who are you? What do you want with Luce?"

"Natsu, stop. He comforted me on the ride so I'm just thanking him. You and Lisanna go have fun." I smile and shoo them away, smiling at Lisanna.

"But—"

"C'mon, Natsu, leave them alone. She doesn't like roller coasters so stop forcing her." Lisanna pulls at his arm and Natsu reluctantly follows.

"Leave your phone on!" he yells as he disappears into the crowd.

I wave at them until they're gone before turning to the stranger. "Sorry about that. Thanks for waiting. So shall we?"

He smiles and we set off to find lunch. He's pleasant company, easy to talk to, and I spend most of the day with him, ignoring Natsu's texts and calls and telling Lisanna to keep him busy.

Maybe I'm running away but I don't care. Spending time away from Natsu shows me just how much time I spend with him, how much I rely on him, and that can't continue. I have to get away, before my feelings take over me.

We go home a few hours later, sitting together like before, and thankfully Natsu is too sick to interrogate me. Lisanna glances at me worriedly but I just smile brightly at her and tell her I'm tired.

That night, for the first time ever, I ignore Natsu's insistent knocking, burrowing deeper into my bed to block him. Eventually, he leaves, though not without one last heartbreakingly sad call of me name.

I ignore the wetness of my pillow. I should have dried my hair better.

© Copyright 2015 by The Siege