Haru's thumb hovered over the buttons of his phone, reading the message that he'd just received from Makoto. He hovered over the keys, thinking of what to say.

In the end he closed his phone and finished off the rest of his lunch.

What was Haru supposed to say? He couldn't think of anything to say to Makoto, who seemed to be having the time of his life. The others were thrilled with the messages and pictures that Makoto sent, and took the time to send things back. But Haru had sent nothing.

No word reply, no picture message, nothing.

What could he say? Makoto had so many wonderful things to tell him, and Haru couldn't even think of anything he could say that Makoto might be interested in. After high school, Haru had decided not to go to university, feeling like it wasn't for him. Instead, he got a job at Iwatobi SC, and was helping train kids in middle school interested in getting serious with swimming. It was at Coach Sasabe's request, and he felt like doing anything rather than mope at home was better than nothing.

But how could he say that to Makoto, when the first text he'd gotten from him was how he had joined all sorts of clubs at the encouragement of his roommate and senpai, a guy named Chiaki?

"Ohh, Mako-chan has a senpai for a roommate?" Nagisa had said over lunch one weekend when he read the text that everyone had received.

"Makoto-senpai seems to have really stepped out of his comfort zone. He says he's joined cooking and recreational basketball, as well as the swim team," Rei adjusted his glasses as he muttered this information out loud.

Rin opened his phone and made to read the text. "'Chiaki-senpai encouraged me to join recreational basketball with him, and when I told him I was an abysmal cook, he laughed and said he would introduce someone to me who was making a 'cooking for beginners' club. He found out I was a swimmer and told me to go try out, saying that he'd vouch for me to the coach'. Wow, Makoto's got a pretty active roommate, huh?" Rin said, impressed with the amount of activities Makoto already seemed to be taking up.

Nagisa made an excited noise as he typed out a reply. "I want him to send us a picture of 'Chiaki-senpai'! I wanna see what he looks like!" he exclaimed, having sent the reply.

"Nagisa-kun! What does his senpai's appearance have to do with anything?" Rei tried to scold him, though it was obvious he was curious, too.

Moments later, Nagisa got a reply from Makoto, and he read it out loud. "'Eh? You want to see him? Let me ask if it's okay, first'. Yay! We'll get to see him," Nagisa cried in a sing-song manner.

"If his senpai says yes," Rin reminded him, clicking his tongue when he found that his drink was empty.

Not too long after, the group all received a text, a picture message from Makoto. Nagisa opened his first, and yelled with excitement. "Wow! His roommate is so handsome! Look, Rei-chan, look!" he shoved the phone into Rei's line of vision.

Rin leaned over and showed Haru, and Haru kept his expression carefully blank. 'Chiaki-senpai' looked the definition of a bad boy, with his undercut and ear piercings (and were those tattoos under his shirt?), and Haru felt a twinge of jealousy at the already casual body language between him and Makoto. Makoto smiled in the picture as Chiaki leaned on him, obviously taller than him.

"I wonder how tall Chiaki-senpai-san is," Rei said as he regarded the picture.

"Rei, stop adding -san to the end of things," Rin muttered, holding in a laugh.

Haru chose to tune out the rest of the conversation.

Haru sighed as he closed his phone and put it away. He had received a total of 43 messages from Makoto, and it had been about a month since he'd left. And Haru hadn't answered a single one.

Haru could handle the text messages that were sent to the group, he could handle the moments he shared with everyone. He couldn't handle the text messages that came after, that only he was receiving.

He opened one message in particular, after the one about Makoto's senpai, and read it over. 'I decided I'd join the swim team here, Haru. It reminds me of home.' Haru swallowed as he read the message. Does swimming not remind you of me anymore, Makoto? he thought. Do you miss me? I want to know. Do you miss me like I miss you? Am I still your best friend?

Haru got a call from Rin saying that he'd stop by after swim practice. Rin had joined a university that was the next town over, so he came home for weekends, and that university had scouted him for their swim team.

The month with Rin as his boyfriend had gone by quickly, but Haru couldn't shake the feeling that something was... off. He had already kissed Rin, several times now, but he never really felt like something was right. It wasn't even that Rin was a bad kisser, in fact he enjoyed kissing Rin, but there was that feeling, and Haru had always trusted his instincts.

Haru knew that Rin probably wanted to go further, having talked about things like condoms and lube with him, but he wasn't pushing for it. He was waiting for Haru to say that it was okay.

His thoughts were cut off as the doorbell rang, and Haru made to answer the door. Rin stood there with his back pack and hair slightly wet. "Yo, Haru," he said, before leaning in to give him a peck on the lips. Haru gently pressed back, before stepping aside to let him in.

"Are you staying over this weekend?" Haru asked.

"No, not this time. My mom wants me to help with stuff while Gou leaves with her friends on a school trip," he said, sitting down on the couch nearby. Haru nodded at him, standing where he was. Rin made a motion to Haru and patted his lap. "Hey, Haru, come here," he said gently.

Haru moved slowly to Rin, who pulled him in his lap. Haru straddled him as he ran his fingers through his hair, caressing gently behind his ears. Rin sighed and leaned in closer, as Haru leaned down to meet him.

Haru sighed when he was met with parted lips, and leaned into Rin more as he was pulled closer by his waist. He felt a light shiver run through his body as Rin trailed his hands lightly up his sides, gently lifting his shirt while he swiped his tongue on his bottom lip. Rin's hands came up from behind him and he gently rubbed and massaged Haru's shoulders as Haru's lips parted wider. He let out a low breath when Rin's tongue stroked his.

Haru enjoyed kissing Rin, there was no denying it. It caused his blood to race a bit, and it sent pleasant shivers through his body, just below his skin. But as he felt Rin's hands slowly make their way up to his chest, trailing along his abdomen, he stopped them.

"Something wrong, Haru?" Rin asked, a little breathless.

Haru took a deep breath to slow down his erratic heartbeat, and he answered Rin slowly. "Let's stop there," he said, getting off him and going to sit next to him. He leaned his head into Rin's lap, and he felt fingers slowly slide through his hair.

"Say, Haru," Rin began, sounding a little unsure of what to say. Haru waited for him to continue. "Are... are you even interested in sex?"

Haru took a moment to think about what words to use. "... No less than the next person," he muttered, letting his eyes drift closed to the gentle strokes on his head. That wasn't a lie, he had his fair share of internet searches and late night discoveries, though nowadays it was limited to his bath tub.

Rin made a noise at the back of his throat and stopped his hand. Haru sat up to look at him, seeing Rin's features scrunched together, as if confused. "Then," he began slowly, turning to face Haru. "Do you ever think about... having sex... with me?"

Haru felt his eyes widen at Rin's question. Had he ever thought about Rin that way? Being intimate with him that way? He was already intimate with him, with the kisses and the caresses, but any further-

"Let me rephrase," he heard Rin say, cutting through his thoughts. "Do you think you want to have sex with me? Is it just a waiting thing for you? Or can you not imagine it at all?"

Haru looked at Rin, who was staring at him intently. He turned his head slightly as he thought about it. Was he not having sex with Rin because he felt it was too soon? Could he imagine having sex with Rin in the future? Did he even want to have sex with Rin?

Haru glanced at Rin, and he felt like both of them came to the same answer. "... No," Haru said quietly, almost afraid of how Rin would react. "I like kissing you, and everything before it, but I don't think I want to have sex with you."

Rin turned away from Haru, and Haru felt apprehensive. He didn't want Rin to just leave, that would cause so many awkward emotions to be left. Haru was surprised and relieved when Rin flopped back on the couch, leaning his head against the wall and running a hand through his hair. He let out a breathy chuckle. "Yeah. I thought I was the only one," he said finally.

Haru's brows furrowed together in confusion, as he watched the lazy grin slowly spread across Rin's face. "You mean you...?"

"I can't imagine having sex with you either, Haru," he stated.

"But what about-"

"All the times I brought up sex talk?" Rin finished for him. "It's better to be safe than sorry, and that was a little before we got so close like this. But once we started kissing and doing other things, I found myself thinking 'Nah, I can't do this with him. We'll just end up arguing about who should do what'. Stupid, right?" he said, chuckling a bit. Haru didn't think it was stupid.

"So where does that leave us?" Haru asked. Rin looked up at the ceiling.

"I guess... that leaves us... as friends," Rin sighed finally. Haru faced forward.

"I guess it does," Haru said. "Will it be okay?"

"Yeah," Rin said, waving it off. "It'll be fine. I mean, the only thing that really changed when I started dating you is that I held your hand and got to make out with you a bit... oh, and I tried to annoy you less."

"You still did," Haru stated flatly. Rin laughed.

"Haru, can I use your shower? I sort of booked it here so I didn't get to wash off properly after practice," he said. Haru nodded.

Haru sat on the couch while Rin took his shower. I'm single again, he thought. He didn't feel any different, so he guessed that it was for the best. It still felt odd, that now he wouldn't have someone he could immediately go to for a kiss, or a hug.

Someone who he could lean into and run his hands through his hair.

Someone who he could bury his head into his chest and breath in, as strong arms wrapped around him and he could smell the faint scent of warmth and comfort and -

"Haru, did you change your soap?" Rin's voice cut through his train of thought. Haru's head snapped to face him.

"What?" he said, gulping slightly.

"It's different. The brand I mean. I kinda like it, it's smells like mint," Rin said, smelling his wrist as he ran his towel over his head.

Haru glanced down at the floor. He wanted to correct Rin. You're wrong, Rin. It smells like the ocean. And fresh citrus. And mint.

"Well, I'd better go. I have to head home before it gets too late," Rin said, checking his phone before replying to a message from his sister. "I'll see you later, Haru."

Haru saw him out, and closed the door. He checked the time, feeling a little tired when he stared at the clock. He headed to his room and closed the door.

Haru started awake, gasping for air as his legs kicked up from his sudden jolt.

Haru glanced at the clock and noted how early in the morning it was. He pressed his hand to his forehead, feeling his heartbeat still going erratically. He closed his eyes, trying to forget the feeling of phantom hands running up and down his body, lips leaving fiery hot kisses along the column of his neck, down his collarbone and lingering at his chest, playing at his nipples. He tried to forget the breath that made him shiver, the low, husky Haru that followed as he felt a shaky moan escape him, the last thing that flashed at the back of his eyes was bright, summery green-

Haru threw the covers off him to stand up, turning to stare at his bed as if it were the culprit. He paced in his room, frustrated. What did that dream even mean. He glanced at a drawer by his dresser, pausing before he made to pull the contents out of it.

Haru held the shirt close to his face, breathing deeply to try to calm down. Whenever he felt anxious, or had an argument with Rin, he would use the shirt to calm himself, letting the soothing scent wash over him and bring him a peaceful sleep.

That wasn't working this time. Instead of the usual calm he would feel, he felt his heart skip a beat, and a shiver run over his spine. He tried to wear the shirt, shedding his own and climbing back into bed, hoping, praying for calm.

He held the fabric up to his nose and took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of the ocean, citrus and mint. He felt his pulse quicken, and on the exhale a high, quiet moan escaped his lips.

He felt his hand move on its own as it trailed down his abdomen and made its way under his boxers. He removed them partially, letting them stay around his ankles as he held his half hard cock in his shaky grip. He closed his eyes, the images of his dream flooding back into his mind, encouraging his hand to stroke.

Haru.

Haru gasped and felt his hips twitch off the bed as he gripped his cock a little harder, stroking a little faster. He covered his nose in the shirt fabric, letting it ride up his torso. His other hand now free from holding the fabric to his face, trailed lightly up his abdomen before clutching at the fabric at his chest.

His eyes fluttered shut as he imagined larger, warmer hands around his cock, warm, moist breath tickling his ear as it chuckled lowly, as if enjoying his reaction. He could feel his heart beat erratically as he touched his nipples through his shirt, imagining the hands that his body seemed to yearn for, touching him and caressing him.

Haru.

"Ah-," Haru felt the sound escape his lips before he could even think, hips moving on their own, matching the pace of his hand, voice broken from the noise he was making. "Ah-ah-ahhh~"

Haru, he felt the voice in the back of his mind run through his body as he bit his lip, imagining it sounding desperate, wanting, imagining strong arms pressing against the backs of his thighs as they push him apart, spreading him further, hitting him deeper-

"Makoto," the name escaped his lips as he came. Haru rolled over, making sure he got nothing on the shirt, breath heavy and loud as he came down from his orgasm.

It was a few moments before he managed to regain enough composure to get up and wash his hands. He glanced up, regarding his reflection, hair a little disheveled, skin covered in a light sheen of sweat.

Haru's hand began to shake as he touched his lip, eyes widening at a sudden realization. His knees buckled as he allowed himself to sink to the floor.

He covered his mouth with his hands to muffle the sob that tried to escape his throat, shutting his eyes to prevent tears from falling.

How could he not have known.

He had spent so many nights agonizing, feeling alone, gazing at the house by his, wishing that his familiar figure would open the door. He had spent so many days reaching up his hand instinctively, only to grab on air instead of the warm hand that held him in a secure grip.

He was in love.

How could he not have understood sooner.

He was in love.

With Makoto.

He had been in love this whole time.

He was in love with Makoto.