She could become accustomed to the infrequent encounters, the precedence of the mission and the ever-present disaster du jour.
It was the indifference that was killing her.
After the shouting match called a breakfast was over, Allura tried seeking solace in her work. A few memorandums, decrees, agreements. She plodded through the litany of requests. Anything to keep her mind off the office across the hall.
Not exactly the office itself, but its occupant.
It seemed she had fled one heated conflict for the cold of another. Her office offered little refuge.
From her side of the command suite corridor, Allura could see the short crop of Keith's jet black hair cresting over the top of the thickly upholstered office chair like a diligent raven perched on a stone wall. The tap of his fingers on his keyboard assured he was currently oblivious to the lingering presence outside his office door. Whereas most of the desks in the Castle of Lions had the latest in holo-technology components, the commander had insisted in an actual keyboard. Perhaps it was a practical choice based on system security or maybe it was a sentimental whim that reminded him of pounding out term papers on battlespace intelligence at the Academy. Whatever his motivation to challenge the Castle staff to procure the vintage item, she would never know. Despite the fact that they shared the only two offices in the newly constructed Command Suite, they hardly spoke anymore.
I can negotiate peace treaties between sworn enemies, but I can't make the first step to reach him.
This silent routine had become the accepted norm. Keith Kogane had spent five years undercover searching for the Denubian Galaxy and beyond in an nearly impossible mission to find the missing key to the Black Lion. Despite how warm his return to the Force had been, the recent months had seen a peculiar detachment of Voltron Force Commander from his team.
A few echoes of Daniel's laughter and Vince's voice from Control wandered down the Command Suite corridor and bounced off the neo-Gothic arches that made up the length of the corridor. The lonely queen welcomed the sound. It was a connection to living. For the first time in hours, she did not feel completely alone in the Castle. Even if the commander of the Voltron Force sat only a few meters of polished grey marble away, he was as far away as the Second Sun.
A resigned sigh was all Allura could muster. Something deep down inside of her wanted nothing more than to run through that open door, wrap her arms around him and make everything right again. But she knew she was not allowed—there was no connection any longer that would warrant such intimacy. His cold gaze and detachment from her and the rest of the team was palpable. He was present, giving commands and doing his duty. He just wasn't there anymore. The Keith that set out to find the proverbial needle in the haystack that was the missing key to the Black Lion had been replaced with this shadow that spoke with his voice and wore his black uniform.
She had been too caught up in her thoughts to notice the tapping had stopped. The 'raven' tilted ever so slightly to the left, as if straining to listen.
You don't survive sixth months undercover in a Tellurian brothel without growing a pair of eyes in the back of your head and an acute situational awareness as bounty hunters don't send calling cards. Keith was very aware someone was lurking in the hallway. And it didn't take four years of Academy Intelligence Methods for him to realize it was Allura.
The queen of Arus greatly underestimated her ability to slip below his radar.
"Allura?" The silence was now officially broken with one exasperated word.
No, not like this…not now.
The flustered queen tapped her datapad furiously and set out with a determined gait, as if she had not been lingering like an awkward schoolgirl outside his door for the past few minutes. No, the queen was very busy with royal matters. Too busy to be wringing her hands over getting the cold shoulder. I AM the the sole heir of King Alfor, and the last of my line. This is MY castle, and I may stand wherever I damned well please.
Half-way down the hall.
And should the queen not care about the welfare of the commander of her first and best line of defense?
Despite this affirmation, she was now determined to be well beyond the range of his perception, no matter how many miles that could be.
Whom are you fooling, Allura? Since when has Keith been just 'the commander'?
Anyone who crossed her path would only see a queen caught up in a demanding affair of State; they would not see the woman adrift in sea of despair.
Unfortunately, that woman would not see them.
A jolt. An unlucky courtier scrambled for an apology for daring to occupy the same space the datapad-distracted queen had veered into.
She could feel her failure burn across her cheeks. An apology spilled out of her lips but her heart wasn't in it. It was too busy breaking. Her head was spinning, her pulse pounding in her ears. Her feet were eager to get back to their prior mission.
"Your Highness, I believe you dropped this?"
Allura shook her head and searched for the right words.
Say something, Allura! For the first time today, someone is trying to help you!
The courtier handed the datapad back to the beleaguered queen as she shook her head. Perhaps the collision had been a good thing. She was reconnecting with world beyond her despair—back to where a good queen should be.
"Thank you, kind sir. You have saved me from losing yet another datapad this week!"
Allura took the datapad from the polite man, and gave him the best smile she could muster. She clutched the datapad to her chest as she continued her course.
She needed to go where someone would listen. Even if her heart wanted to be back in that hallway staring at that raven hair, her head told her feet where to go to find a sympathetic ear.