A/N okay, so here it is. The eighteenth chapter. I'm not sure how long this took me, though I guess it probably took a long time. I've been super busy lately. I'm on my second trip now and am updating from Colorado, and I didn't get to take my computer to the first trip. Which made the trip all the worse, which is a pretty hard feat. But anyway, here it is and I hope you enjoy it. Again, I'm sure I had something I was supposed to say here, but I forgot it again...
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of it's charactors etc, etc.
And now, please enjoy.
"It doesn't need curing. It only lasts eight months and I've already passed two," I replied simply and automatically. I don't think that that was my true reaction to regaining my sight, but it was instinctive. I was used to counting down the months until I could see again. I never thought of something that could 'fix it' because it wasn't broken. It was just a little delay, an obstacle.
"Well, you don't have to waste away a whole eight months blindly because Itachi wanted to have a bit of fun with you," Tsunade replied fiercely, and I flinched at the crude way she had spoken. There was also confusion laced into her annoyance. I should be jumping for joy at the wonderful prospect of being able to see again. And now that I thought about it, for sure I was.
"Of course not," I agreed. My eagerness though was dampened by my distaste for the way she had worded her argument; no matter how accurate it may have been. "I do want my sight back. I want to see as soon as possible. I need to see Kisame," I declared earnestly. I was shocked when I found myself leaning over the desk in my urgency. My fingers were digging into the wood as my hands clenched the sides. Slowly, reason returned to my mind. Yes, seeing Kisame was important to me, possibly the most important thing in the world for me. But others need not know that.
"Hinata," Tsunade began softly. I sat back in my chair and bit my lip, facing away from the Hokage. I was afraid that she could read me all too easily. She placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "I realize that you must hate them all greatly. I do not know what Hoshigaki Kisame did to you, but it must have been horrible, for you to react in such a way," the woman told me reasonably. I frowned in at myself and shifted uneasily. What Kisame had done to me was horrible, I could never go back to normal after him, but it was because I didn't want to. I had gotten a taste of something I hadn't even realized I craved. But now that I had tasted it, I could never live with out it.
"But you must understand that I am not giving you back your sight so that you can have revenge," Tsunade was continuing. "Do not turn into Sasuke." Another thing I had kept to myself: Sasuke. I had no reason to keep it a secret, but I believed that it was because I was determined to keep all possible from Tsunade. It was traitorous and confusing and I knew that. But I did not want Tsunade to know anything of my friends.
"That's not my intent," I replied demurely. It wasn't lying, not really. Revenge truly wasn't my intent. I felt Tsunade pat my shoulder approvingly and lean back into her chair. I gave her a tiny smile, seeking to belie her concerns.
"That's good."
"We can take care of revenge for you," said a familiar, velvety voice. I felt Neji's big, long fingered hand grasp my shoulder reassuringly and I smiled a bit up at him. I heard him take the seat beside me.
"Not now, you won't," Tsunade demanded firmly. Her tone left no room for argument, and seemed to make sure that Neji knew his place.
"Yes, Tsunade-sama," he replied tightly. "Hinata is my first and foremost concern. She has the right to be able to see again."
"Mm, exactly," Tsunade agreed with the same determination that had rung in Neji's voice. "I believe that together you and I should be able to fix her eyes. I know the poisons, and you know the Byakugan and Hyuuga eye."
"I don't predict that it should be too difficult," Neji said confidently. I was astounded by how easy they made it sound. A poison that could blind someone for over half a year seemed so advanced. Surely it couldn't be as simple as they made it out to be.
"May I just take a look at your eyes right now, and then you can be on your way," Tsunade offered as I heard her stand and make her way over to me. I nodded as I faced her way and opened my eyes wide. I felt her cool fingers press on my temples. It was a strange sensation, feeling her chakra worm its way into my head and investigate my optical nerves. I found it curious that her chakra could get to my eyes, but not my own.
The little investigation was quick, but intrusive. I didn't like the feel of people prying into my mind. True, she wasn't in my mind per se, but it was still uncomfortable. When she was finished, she gave me a little pat on the shoulder and went back to her chair. I gave my head a little shake to dislodge the feeling of her chakra, and then nodded.
"Neji and I will begin our diagnosis," Tsunade said happily. "I think you should go and enjoy being back home for now." I could detect the grin in her voice and I forced myself to smile back at her. I felt Neji hum in agreement and I stood up carefully. Neji lead me over to the door, opening it up for me. He touched my arm in farewell and I made my way out into the hallway.
"Hinata-chan," yelled an exuberant voice as I felt a large hand grab mine and start swinging our arms back and forth. I started a little in uncomfortable surprise as a foreign man was suddenly in my personal space. My widened eyes relaxed though as I realized it was just typical Naruto. I didn't think that the word 'boundaries' was even in his dictionary. Then again, a lot of big words weren't. I felt him give my hand a little squeeze as he swung it and I was reminded how his outward affection used to make me blush myself into flames. Now it was almost making me cringe.
"Hello, Naruto-kun," I said with a sweet and tolerating smile. He began tugging me down the hallway and I followed. The whole thing seemed almost surreal. I felt like I had been gone for so long and yet nothing had changed. Everything was disturbingly exactly how I had left it. Though I was sure I wasn't. It took me a second to realize what exactly was wrong with this picture. "Where did Kiba and Akamaru go?"
"Kurenai dragged them off," Naruto replied. I felt his hand shift as he shrugged. "She's not even their sensei and they do everything she says." Naruto's voice was laced with childish disgust and it made me giggle. He never did have any respect for his superiors. I supposed that was due to the fact that he didn't think he had any. He should probably keep that mentality for when it was actually true. Kisame could, and probably gladly would, fillet him alive. I suddenly felt my heart tighten at the thought of the man.
"That's because we respect her," I said in Kiba's defense. Though I didn't deem it particularly necessary. "Where are we going, anyway," I asked curiously as I felt us come out of the building and start waltzing down the street. Our swinging and linked arms had made its way to the back of my mind. I assumed it was just to help lead me.
"Ichiraku ramen! It's lunch time, can't ya see!?" I felt out hands shift violently as he gestured towards the sky, which I now assumed the sun was rather high in. I felt a cold frown settle on my features as I tugged our hands back down.
"No," I said primly. I was surprised at the severity of my voice, but didn't make much of an effort to vanquish it. I was used to the Akatsukis momentarily forgetting about my blindness. But the blunt, idiotically oblivious way Naruto had done it was some what much more irksome.
"Oh, Fuck! I'm sorry Hinata-chan, really," he apologized hastily. I could tell his apology was heartfelt and genuine and I was quickly inclined to forgive him. Besides, the little girl in me was slowly starting to take over. I was going to lunch with Naruto-kun! I had never gone to lunch with him, and even though I could no longer feel that embarrassed rush I used to get, I couldn't help but be a bit excited.
The first bit of the meal was actually rather pleasant, but it seemed to be deteriorating quickly. His childish antics were endearing…for about five minutes. He continued to chatter animatedly while I found less and less to say. I soon found myself craving a true conversation. One with maturity and meaning. I tried hard to be accepting, patient and feel the way I was supposed to feel. I was supposed to be enjoying it all, but I most certainly wasn't.
Pretty soon, I felt something inside of my snap.
Every word coming out of his ridiculously loud mouth was grating on my nerves. I could feel myself beginning to tremble in pent up irritation and disgust. I found myself comparing every little aspect of Naruto to Kisame and how ridiculously short of the boy fell to the man. I was in part disgusted with myself, disgusted that I had changed. But it was a small part.
The final and ending blow came when I heard Naruto rudely slurp down a noodle even louder than usual and felt a few drops of broth flick and land on my face. I froze in fury for a second before very, very slowly wiping the liquid from my face and then abruptly standing up.
"I think I should leave. I'm rather tired," I said in a soft voice. The fact that I could find my way back to Kiba's house by myself didn't really occur to me at the moment. I would find a way. The more pressing matter was just finding a place calm and quiet where I could relax and perhaps, or rather inevitably, think about Kisame.
"Oh," Naruto said dumbly. I could detect his surprise at my suddenness, and on that particular point, I couldn't blame him. "Well, umm, okay. Do you want me to walk you back to Kiba's?"
"No," I shook my head as I replied quietly. I knew it was a stupid answer. I really should just do this the safe way and let him walk me back. But now that the dam had broken, I could not reign in my contempt for Naruto or my misery over Kisame. I turned on my heel and trailed my fingers on the wall for stability, and promptly began to stride away.
"But Hinata-chan," Naruto called after me. I winced and kept walking, pretending not to hear him. "Kiba's house is that way." I paused, and let loose a little moan. I could only assume that he was pointing in the other direction. I briefly entertained the idea of claiming that I had meant to go this way, but soon decided that that would be beyond ridiculous. So I turned slowly and shamefully and made my way in the opposite direction.
I could hear Naruto continue to call after me. Yet I didn't pay any attention to what he was saying. I was suddenly reminiscing of Kisame's guiding hands, and his rough deep voice. I wandered blindly, just concentrating on putting on foot in front after another. I bumped into people and objects but I just brushed the encounters off. Normally, I would have a strange fear at simply moving through a dangerous world with no warnings. But right now, it didn't seem to matter. All that mattered was Kisame, and the fact that he was no longer with me.
I wasn't sure how long I had walked. I was only vaguely aware of time passing and of the slight ache in my calf muscles. But I was caught in a self-pity filled, memory laden world. I could feel my blank, slack face and my clumsy feet. But I was only so dully conscious of it all. It was a relief to my sanity, when a familiar voice broke through.
"Hinata, what are you doing," Kiba's voice yelled from my distant left. I turned towards it with an almost surprised look. I guess I hadn't been counting on someone searching for me. "I've been looking every where for you. What the hell were you thinking?"
"I don't know," I muttered as I allowed myself to be swept up into his arms and held securely against his chest. I rested my head on his shoulder as I let out a breath of surrender. I was glad he had found me. I certainly hadn't really been having the best of luck trying to find him. "I just had to get away from Naruto."
"Why? Did he hurt you? What did he do," Kiba began demanding immediately. I could hear the fiercely protective note in his voice and I had no doubt that he was baring his unusually sharp canines. I shook my head weakly as I clung to him just a little tighter.
"No, no… nothing like that. He's just so the same, yet so different," I said. I knew I couldn't possibly be making sense. And this assumption was further proved when Kiba did not respond. I could feel him leading me carefully along the busy streets of Konoha. "I think I see him differently now. He's just… so far from Kisame."
"Hinata, we need to talk," Kiba said firmly after a small pause. I nodded my head in agreement. As my sentence had just demonstrated, I wanted to bare all to him. I could no longer keep it bottled up, and there was no one better to tell then Kiba.
I knew that when Kiba demanded to talk like that, it would be a serious one. It wasn't one we could have right here and now as we were walking in the streets. It would have to wait until we were seated back at the house, with no hindrances, and where we could be sure that the whole truth and nothing but the truth was said.
It was a quiet trip from there, and an anxious one. Even though I knew exactly what I was going to say. It may not be the most tactful approach explaining my intimate feelings for a criminal twice my age, but it would have to do. I just, of course, had no idea how Kiba would take it. When we stepped in the door, Akamaru seemed to sense the tension, because he came to me calmly, with only a little kiss on my hand as greeting. The dog led me to the couch and I could hear Kiba sit across from me.
"Hinata, you said something last night, while you were crying," Kiba began uneasily. I nodded slowly, but didn't open my mouth to verbally reply. I heard Kiba shift and I bit my lip nervously. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but Hoshigaki Kisame is one of the Akatsuki members that kidnapped you. He's the one most famous for his killing, brutality, and…erm, fierce appearance." He paused again, as though waiting for confirmation. So I slowly nodded again. "You wanted him last night and… I need to know why."
"I know," I agreed, breaking my silence. I took a deep breath as I prepared to bare my soul. "You have to understand, what we hear as enemy ninja, about their cruelty, is all true. Terrifyingly so, but it's not the whole truth. There's more to them."
"Wait, them," Kiba cut me off as he stood up suddenly. "You mean this isn't just about Hoshigaki? What about Uchiha Itachi, and Deidara? Did you want them too?" He was yelling, and he was angry. I could tell, not at me, but at his confusion and the situation. I reached out to grab his arm and force him to sit back down. He wasn't making this any easier.
"Please let me explain," I pleaded as my small fingers curled into fists. "I'm not sure how it happened. There wasn't really a defining point, well except for Itachi," I said as I felt myself slipping into nostalgia at the almost pleasant memory.
"Then let's start with him," Kiba decided firmly. He was trying to take control of the situation, and that was okay. It would make him feel better, so I nodded.
"It was the first training session with him," I began, and was glad to find that Kiba did not interrupt me. "He was trying to teach me the kitchen, so that I could move around more easily. It wasn't too long after he had blinded me and tried to rape me and-"
"He tried to do what," Kiba yelled furiously. I winced as I heard a loud noise and Kiba stood up again.
"Sit down, Kiba," I snapped in frustration. "Please don't interrupt me." I heard him grumble darkly and sit back down. "Thank you." I paused as I remembered where I had left off.
"And I was terrified of him, but I didn't really have a choice… it was torture," I muttered with a sigh at the grueling session. "I kept slamming into things, mostly because Itachi forced me to though. I got so frustrated, that I sort of pitched a fit." I smiled slightly as I remembered the gentleness in Itachi's voice. "And he said, very calmly: 'relax. It's only the first day. You will get it, Sasuke- kun."
"He called you Sasuke," Kiba asked quietly in surprise. I could imagine the bewildered and contemplative expression on his face clearly and I nodded.
"That's when I realized that there was more to Itachi than just the serial rapist, clan murderer. He was still both of those, and I was still afraid of him though. I had good reason to. Just before you took me away, he violated and killed another girl. But… Itachi took me under his wing. He's like a big brother to me," I finished rather lamely. It was a horrible explanation though; it didn't convey my attachment very well at all.
"Hinata, that just doesn't make sense," Kiba moaned. I sighed and shook my head. I couldn't explain to him everything. I could try, but he would never fully understand. He would just have to accept, which I believed that he would. I believed that he could accept how I felt about Itachi and Deidara. It was Kisame I was worried about.
"I know it doesn't," I agreed quietly. We remained in silence for a time while Kiba digested what he had learned, and prepared to learn about the other man.
"And this Deidara?"
"He is more complicated," I murmured thoughtfully. In some ways, Deidara was so much scarier that Itachi. He had seemed to almost normalize when he had discovered Hitomi, but before that, and still now, he hadn't. He was always outwardly kind and amiable, but that seemed just on the surface. I knew that he was in the Akatsuki, so of course he was still a crazy murderer. But then his deep and mysterious hatred of Itachi and the dark snatches of conversation I heard unnerved me. No, Deidara was not to be trusted, and I understood that, but he was still a dear friend.
"Why is that?"
"When you meet him, under the right circumstances, you can't help but like him," I tried slowly to explain. "But there are things about him that say clearly that there's something underneath the likeable exterior. He hates Itachi so much and he has such control of his emotions. They say Itachi does, but he just hides them underneath cold blankness, you know you're being deceived, but Deidara makes you think he's showing the truth…"
"So why do you like him," Kiba exclaimed. I chuckled at his utter bemusement. He was asking such simple obvious questions that should have simple obvious answers, but they didn't. I shrugged hopelessly.
"I don't know. He's a dear friend, I miss him, and that's all that matters. Though you know, he came on an espionage mission here once, and spied on every single one of my loved ones just so that I could have news of them," I told him with a little smile. I couldn't explain Deidara even more than I couldn't explain Itachi. It was all just there.
"What? Me too," Kiba yelped. "He spied on me?" I gave him an amused little smile. He was so flabbergasted. I nodded in confirmation and giggled at the grumbles from him. He seemed none too pleased about this new development, and when I really thought about it, I couldn't blame him. It was creepy to think that some one had watched and observed you with out your knowing.
There was a pregnant pause as Kiba settled back down into his chair. We were both thinking about what came next. Itachi and Deidara weren't the ones I had cried over in the middle of the night. I wanted to tell him all about Kisame; I needed to confide in him. But I did not have the courage to bring it up.
"And what about Hoshigaki? What is your story on him," Kiba asked finally. I faced down and chewed on my lip. How to word it exactly was my problem. I was going to tell him everything, and rather bluntly too, but I was having trouble forcing the words around my tongue and through my lips.
"I miss him more than any of them," I murmured quietly and miserably. My throat was thick as I thought of him. "Kisame… he protected me you know. When I first got there, and Itachi tried to take me, he saved me. He said that it was only because I was an important hostage, maybe it was then, but now I know that he would protect me no matter what… I need him, Kiba."
"Why," Kiba barked, suddenly to his feet again. "I can protect you, too. We all can! You don't need a freak like him to do that for you."
"Shut up," I yelled suddenly. I was so surprised that I had yelled so unexpectedly and rudely at him. Kiba's silence was evidence that he himself was shocked. But I wasn't near done talking. "You don't understand! I've kissed him, I've touched him, and I need him. Everything about him, he's just so… so precious to me. I feel like I'm dying without him." The last sentence was barely choked out before a gut wrenching sob.
"Hinata, do you… love him," Kiba asked slowly. I was stilled abruptly at his question. I wasn't sure how to answer that. I sniffled and rubbed my nose. Did I love Kisame? I had extremely deep feelings for him. Maybe I did love him…
"I've never used that word for him," I said thoughtfully. "I don't know the answer to that question. But I do know that I need him more than anything. And I so badly want to see him with my own eyes."
"You haven't seen him," Kiba inquired. His tone was bewildered, but laced with realization at the same time. I frowned on confusion. Kiba had said that Kisame was best known for his brutality and appearance. So Kiba knew what he looked like. Every person I had met always made some mysterious, derogatory comment on it. I truly was beginning to worry what I might see if I ever got the chance to look upon him. "You want me tell you what he looks like," Kiba offered distantly.
"No," I screamed as I slammed my hands down over my ears. I didn't understand. Why did people think I wanted them to tell me about him? He was so important to me; I wanted to look upon his face for myself. It was going to be a special event for me, cherished forever. Why would I want to hear it all from some one else? They would spin tales of a fearsome beast I was sure. I needed to see him with my own eyes.
"Okay, okay. I won't tell you, promise," Kiba amended quickly. I nodded, calmly as though I had not just screamed at him. I was slightly worried that I was frightening Kiba. I had come back from the Akatsuki so much more volatile than I had ever been before. It was slightly frightening to me. "But I have to know: are you unhappy? Here in Konoha?"
"Yes," I replied quietly with a small, heartfelt sigh. It felt strange to just admit it like that. Did this mean that I was done playing pretend? Done acting as though I were enjoying my return home? I had been beyond unhappy when I had left Konoha on a mission, why should I suddenly be happy now? Was my time as a hostage supposed to put everything into perspective, because it certainly did, though probably not in the way they were expecting.
"Really?" Kiba sounded incredulous.
"Yes. My days there were some of the best of my life," I told him. I could feel my eyes beginning to water, as a sudden hopelessness gripped me. I knew the emotion was not strong enough to draw true tears, but it was still saddening. My odds of returning to the one place I had found a comfortable home in were slim.
"But… they're criminals!"
"Yes, Kiba, I understand that," I suddenly snapped harshly at him. "I know exactly what they are. Are you forgetting that I lived with them for two months? You know only what you have read in the Bingo book. But it doesn't matter to me…" My voice was growing soft again as my sudden anger rushed out of me as quickly as it had come. "I still… care for them." I simply couldn't bring myself to use the word 'love', it was too heavy. "And I… I want to go back, so badly."
"But, that makes you a traitor," Kiba tried weakly to reason with me. I knew it must be hard on him, trying to understand the changes that had taken me while I'd been gone. I felt an overwhelming guilt as I slowly nodded in agreement. "You can't go back though. I mean, even though you want to, you just can't."
"I know," I moaned sadly. "But I needed to tell you. You're my best friend Kiba. I need you to understand. And, if Kisame ever offered to take me back home, I would go."
"I- I understand, Hinata," Kiba assured me. The strangled sound of his voice made me believe that he had a lump in his throat. I felt him move to sit beside me on the couch and wrap his arms around me. As he nuzzled his nose into my hair, I realized that it was more to comfort him than me.
"Thank you," I murmured as I returned his embrace. We sat in silence for awhile. I was loath to disturb Kiba as he wrestled with the weight I had just put on his shoulders. I knew it was selfish of me to ask him to bear it, but I needed him; he was all I had right now. What I really needed was Neji, my rock of strength. But he was lost to me. Though I knew that if I were to marry him, which was sadly likely, he would be a good husband. No doubt a woman couldn't ask for better. But I just couldn't do it.
"So, I take it you no longer have feelings for Naruto," Kiba noted with a dry wit as he pulled away. I appreciated his attempt at humor. Anything to lighten up the mood. I threw him a lopsided smile.
"None at all," I said with a shake of my head. I felt my lips curl in disgust, even though I hadn't wanted them to. "He really is rather annoying and immature isn't he?"
"Yes," Kiba exclaimed. I felt him wrap an arm around me happily. "Yes he is. I can't believe you didn't see it before."
"Maybe," I mused. "It is simply because I can't see."
"In essence it's all rather simple," Neji was telling me as the three of us saw in Tsunade's office. "The poison went through your bloodstream until it got to your eyes. When it arrived there, it proceeded to clot into hard balls, much resembling blood clots, except they were of poison.
"These clots also leak into your chakra stream, and block the chakra from reaching your eyes. This prevents your Byakugan. The poison clots prevent blood from reaching your eyes, which somehow prevents you sight. It has to do with temporarily crippling your optic nerves."
"The reason it lasts so long is because it takes so long for the clots to deteriorate," Tsunade added when it appeared Neji was done. "So really all that remains is to create a sort of antidote that will break of the blockages, and then they'll just filter through your kidneys harmlessly." They both sounded so pleased with themselves. Neji's pleasure was more quiet and reserved than Tsunade's loud boastful one, but it was still there from both of them. My mind however was being painstakingly slow in processing it all.
"I-It's that simple," I marveled at them. My voice was slightly dubious, maybe offensively so, but I couldn't help it. How could it be so easy, when it had crippled me for months?
"Well, there's just this one little thing," Tsunade said a little uneasily. I frowned. I should have known there would be a catch. I gave her a look that clearly signaled for her to elaborate. "We're going to need a small sample of the poison to create an antidote. And the only available supply is in your eyes."
I paled with realization.
"We're going to have to insert a syringe into your pupil, and then into a blood vessel to extract some of the poison," Tsunade continued. She spoke with a professional detachment that gave me the chills. I really did not like what Tsunade was saying. It made me want to just wait out the six months left.
"You want to stick a needle in my eye," I confirmed weakly. I took the silence as an affirmative and shrank back with a grimace. "Will it hurt?"
"No," Tsunade assured me easily. "You may feel a bit of pressure as the shot goes in, but we will numb it so there won't be any pain. It's really just terrifying when you can see the needle, but obviously you can't so… that's not really a problem."
"I suppose," I said in miserable surrender. I didn't really have a choice. And anyway, there was really no reason not to do it, except for the fact that it freaked me out. I comforted myself with the knowledge that there wouldn't be any pain. "Well, I'd like to get it over with immediately if possible."
"Of course," Tsunade said happily. I honestly could not understand her enjoyment. "I happen to have a sterile syringe right here." She must have known I'd relent. Either that or they had been planning to force it out of me anyway. I found both of these scenes highly likely. "Just open wide."
My first instinct to that sentence was to open my mouth, instead of my eyes. Before I obeyed though, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I had to mentally prepare. "What about an anesthesia," I asked hurriedly, before she could insert anything anywhere. In her excitement to plunge something sharp and pointy into my eyeball, she seemed to have forgotten the pain. I was slightly surprised Neji hadn't said anything in my defense, but he sounded so worn, he was probably dozing in a chair. For his sake, I hoped he was. He should take better care of himself.
"Oh yes, of course," Tsunade agreed. I felt her take my hand and press in a pill. "Suck on this. Savor it mind, 'cause if it's gone too fast you'll run out of painkiller while the needle is still in your eye." I felt the very last bit of blood drain from my cheeks. I took the little pill and popped it into my mouth. "Okay, here we go."
It was an incredibly strange, as well as unpleasant, feeling as an object slipped through my pupil. I sucked furiously on the thing in my mouth. I didn't get how something that seemed rather like a bitter candy could keep the pain at bay, but if it did, than I was depending on it. Of course, I had to be careful to 'savor' it as Tsunade instructed.
I tried hard to think of other things during the ordeal, but I found that difficult. I took to counting fluffy white sheep jump over a fence instead. It was traditionally a tactic to fall asleep, but it served this purpose just fine, too. Finally, I felt a squelching sensation, and the needle slipped back out of my eye, which watered instantly, though I wasn't sure why.
"Okay, all done. Your eye should feel just fine," she added at my desperate look. I let out a little sigh of relief and nodded. "I say you come back in two days and I'll see what we have up by then, okay?"
The two days waiting for whatever antidote Neji and Tsunade would concoct were long and awkward. I tried at first to go out and say hello to old friends, but that soon proved fruitless. I had grown and changed so much in those two months, and I supposed that I had thought everyone else would too. But they didn't.
So I soon receded to the soothing, empty training grounds and Kiba's home. I had not made a mistake confiding in Kiba; often we would speak of what had happened with the Akatsuki and who they were. They were good chats, and they helped to nullify my loss. I was also confident that he would support me if I made the choice to go back to Kisame. For he was the one I craved with all my being. Waking up every morning without him beside me was agonizing.
Finally, on the second day, I pushed the doors of the hospital open. I was struggling to keep my hopes from rising, but it was a battle I was losing. Suddenly, I felt a gentle hand catch my forearm and turn me to face them. One whiff and I could identify Neji. He always that had clean, but sensual scent.
"Hello Neji," I greeted him with a sweet smile. I lay my hand on top of his gently. "Are you okay?"
"Yes, though I was actually going to ask you the same question," my older cousin replied. He didn't sound okay, I noted. He sounded tired and exhausted. I wondered how hard he had been slaving day and night to give me back my sight. I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his waist tightly, resting my temple on his firm chest. I heard and felt Neji sigh as he relaxed. His arms draped around me tiredly and he laid his head on the top of mine.
"I'm good," I replied easily, even though it was a lie. It was truly miserable, though I had gotten good at masking it and pushing it back. I would hate to give my dear Neji more stress. I felt Neji nod once in acknowledgment. There was a small silence in which we just rested against one another, finding a sort of relief. I closed my eyes in comfort. I liked being held in my rock's arms, it was the best I had felt since I had returned to Konoha.
"We haven't gotten a chance to speak properly since your return," Neji spoke after awhile. "But I notice you still wear the ring." Yes, of course I still wore the ring. I had kept it a dire secret, sharing it only with Kiba. I stroked Kisame's name as I nodded. I treasured that link to Kisame above all else.
I suddenly felt Neji's dexterous fingers find mine and reach to touch the ring, but I yanked it back. "I… I'm sorry, but I don't like people touching it…" I tried not to give a reason, hoping he would arrive at one on his own. He had no cause to believe that it was because it held the name of a criminal I would give the world for. I quickly changed the subject though, and lay my hand on his cheek. "You really should get some rest, Neji."
"Yes, I suppose," he agreed quietly. I drew a breath in surprise as I felt him lean his forehead against mine. He seemed to be breathing me in, almost reveling in having me back. "You know, Hinata… I am glad that you will be my wife."
Then he let go softly and stepped away. The sharp taps of high heels on the tile forced me to turn and face the oncoming Tsunade, rather than question my cousin's intimate confession. My mind was still reeling about what Neji had said, and the close encounter that had come with it. He was happy about our soon to be marriage? It just didn't make sense to me. After all the resentment and anger he had held, he wanted us to be joined, to be husband and wife, to be together forever. But why? Was it because he truly loved me in that way?
"You ready, Hinata?" Tsunade's sharp, obnoxious voice seemed dull and distant to my ears.
"What?" Her far off words couldn't penetrate my fuzzy and thought ridden mind. I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head back and forth to clear it. "I'm sorry," I quickly amended. "Yes, of course I'm ready."
"Good," Tsunade said approvingly. Though for some reason I doubted that the approval was just because I was ready to have my sight fixed. There was something in her tone that hinted at other things. I suddenly had no doubt that she had seen Neji and I in the corridor. She was pleased that we had showed some sort of loving affection.
I felt my fists clench. There was a guilty beast gnawing at my insides. I felt as though I had betrayed Kisame. I really shouldn't touch any other man, as I saw it. I would reserve every aspect of myself for the one man that mattered. I would save myself for him.
"Okay, I believe Neji and I have finally been successful in creating an antidote," Tsunade said as the three of us took our seats in her office. I had never realized before that the seat upon which I sat was very cold. The coolness against my bare thighs seemed to heighten my senses in anticipation for seeing again.
"How long does it take to work," I asked curiously. I was feeling jittery and unsure as I awaited them to administer whatever they had created. I trusted them explicitly, and did not think that any serious harm would befall me. But I still had so many questions and confusions. I wanted to know what was going on. "How does it work?"
"Shh, relax," Tsunade soothed me as she took a seat on her desk in front of me and laid a hand on my arm. "I know the poison Itachi used was something you ingested, but our antidote will have to be injected directly into the blood stream. The hope is that it will only take a few moments to break down the clots and then you should be able to see again. Honestly though, we have never done this before, and we only have vague ideas of what may happen."
Tsunade's tone was cautioning, and I nodded warily. I knew there had to be risks, but I trusted the Hokage's medical abilities with my life. I was sick of thinking things over. Contemplating only ran you around in circles. I had thought long and hard about whether I had wanted to stay with the Akatsuki or not, and that had gotten me no where. So with out any more thought, I stuck out my fore arm to her.
"Actually, your arm won't work," Tsunade told me apologetically as she pushed it away. I gave her a confused look. "I want the antidote to take the most direct way possible, as I don't want it to be diluted through out the circulatory system." I nodded in understanding. "I will be pricking you in the temple."
"We don't think it should hurt much," Neji told me softly as he gripped my hand in his. I nodded as I gently slipped my hand away. It felt wrong to let another man touch me. Somehow, especially Neji. I think because if ever I were to forsake Kisame, which I very well may be forced to do, it would be because of and for Neji. Fate was twisted.
"Alright…" I wasn't really thinking about pain. My mind had wandered to fantasies of Kisame. I imagined seeing him for the first time. I would run to him, embrace him, and then he would lock me in a heated, passionate, possessive kiss. The warmth in my stomach was starting to flare from the leftover coals; memories of his touches and caresses and kisses.
"Here we go," Tsunade said as warning before I felt a twinge of pain in my left temple. I twitched in discomfort as a liquid was squeezed into my head. It was quick though, and the needle was soon drawn away. "Now, all that's left is to wait…"
None of us were sure what exactly we were waiting for, but we waited in silence, and we waited for a long time. I, of course, had no access to a clock, so I figured that Tsunade was timing it for medical purposes. But as what I could only assume were hours passed, we all began to get discouraged.
"I suppose we will have to continue our work," Neji muttered finally. Tsunade grunted her agreement, and I nodded soberly. I had tried hard to keep my hopes in check, but then they came crashing down and I realized that I had failed. We all felt as though we had failed as we arose from our seats. But I had not gone two paces when the pain attacked.
It came on suddenly and savagely, and I fell to the ground with a blood curdling scream. But my ears were barely registering the sound, because my eyes were too busy registering sight.
The pain was excruciating as the sight was terrifying. I felt like a thousand kunai knives were lancing through my eyes. The ground was jarring my bones as I writhed on the ground. With each stab of extra pain, came a flash of blinding light. It felt like it was burning my eyes on top of the sharp kunai knives. I screamed again in agony.
There was a figure moving in my distorted and blurry sight. It was a confusing blend of bright colors and light. It was coming towards me, but then another figure blundered into my vision and shoved the other aside. I could hear them both either screeching or yelling, and it grated on my ears. I tried to move away, or hit the horrifying sight away from me, but then through the agony I felt a grip on my arm and something stab into the skin. Then a welcomed and familiar darkness closed in on me, and the pain disappeared. As did my consciousness.
The very first thing I noticed when I woke up was that it was dark, pitch black, but not. I couldn't see anything, and for all intents and purposes it was the same as when I had woken up every other morning for the past two months. But it wasn't the same, it just wasn't. It was not the same blank and absolute blackness, there were shades. Near imperceptible, but there.
"Hinata." I turned to the familiar chocolaty voice. I couldn't see Neji, not very well. But… was that an outline? I reached out tentatively, and felt my fingertips manage to brush his collarbone. His large hand must have come up, because it enveloped mine. I could detect something in his movements, a weariness that worried me. "How are you feeling?"
"Neji, you haven't slept in a long time have you," I asked, allowing him to massage my fingers gently. His silence told as much as any answer would. I sighed. He wasn't taking care of himself. Deidara had said he seemed depressed almost, but I hadn't thought he was reading Neji right. Whenever Neji was troubled, he trained more, and took better care of himself usually. But not this time. "Why is it so dark, or… did it not work?"
"We think it was successful, but we couldn't be sure," Neji told me patiently. "We had to sedate you back in the office by the way. It's dark because if it did work, and woke up to the light, it would be incredibly painful." I felt, and liked to believe saw, Neji move a little closer. "I hope you get your sight back. You deserve it, and I've put everything I have into it…"
"Thank you, Neji," I said gratefully. He was somehow no longer Neji-nii to me. He was Neji now; it was said with no less affection, but of a different sort that tended to worry me. I gave his hand a little squeeze. "But you're not taking care of yourself. You're exhausted, please get some rest." He shouldn't be taxing himself on account of me. I wouldn't let my beloved cousin do that.
What he had said in the hallway was still swimming around in my head, and I suddenly felt horribly guilty for choosing Kisame over him. Then I felt guilty for thinking of him, instead of Kisame.
"I know," Neji muttered. I suddenly felt him shudder and collapse onto my bed. He laid his head on my stomach and draped an arm over it as well. My eyes widened in surprise at his actions, but I instinctively put one of my hands on his long hair. "I've barely slept since I learned you were taken. I've been worried…"
"You needn't worry anymore," I assured him as I ran my fingers gently through his soft locks. I put my own head back onto my pillow with a grimace. My stomach was churning terribly. I was in a lose lose situation and I knew it. I wanted to save myself for Kisame, and all of myself. But my Neji was hurting, and I couldn't just allow that. His confessions had been proof of his pain; he would never tell me such deep thoughts if he weren't already at the end of his rope. He had been my rock for years, and now I would be his. Yet I was sure were Kisame to see us, he would hurt as well…
And on top of it all, I was lying to Neji. I told him he didn't have to worry, but truly he did now more than ever. If the Akatsuki arrived for me, I could disappear without a moment's notice. Or I may just decide to run and find the criminals on my own. Were I Neji, I wouldn't let me out of my sight.
I felt a tiny tear slide from the corner of my eye. I stroked the cheek of the already sleeping Neji lovingly. Yes, I loved Neji, but I needed Kisame. And though I loved Neji, I was playing my cousin for a fool…
Finally, I closed my eyes and welcomed the momentary relief of sleep.
It took me almost a week and a half to fully regain my sight back to exactly how it had been before. It was a long and painful process. The initial pain, following the injection, had been the result of blood coursing through the shriveled and unprepared blood vessels. It did not take long though for my vessels to readjust. My eyes however, were a different matter.
Tsunade had taken her time exposing me to heightening degrees of light. They burned my eyes, and my endurance had been severely tested as I struggled to see again. But the effects had been absolutely amazing and worth it. It was just normal sight, nothing special. But after two months of darkness, light and colors and awareness was an unparalleled heaven.
Kiba made sure I took in all the sights possible; from Sakura's hair, to the blooming Sakura flowers themselves. The unique people, the green grass, the blue sky; it was all so wonderfully and beautifully awesome. Kiba seemed to understand how I felt about the simple visual pleasures of life, because he made care to show me ordinary miracles everywhere. He showed me butterflies, and funny colored or shaped rocks. Anyway and everything he could think of he brought to me or me to it.
Sometimes others would join us. Sakura liked to see the cherry blossoms and compare hair colors. Lee loved coming to the training grounds, and Naruto enjoyed Ichiraku. He only came once though, because during the one time the atmosphere had grown steadily awkward as my demeanor had grown steadily colder.
The most often visitor though, was Neji. He particularly came at the sunsets, because when he was lucky enough to go home after work, that was when he got off. Kiba was always careful to give us our space when Neji came. He knew I could care only for Kisame in that way, but I think he was hoping that I would fall for Neji. Because then everyone would live happily ever after.
One sunset, Neji and I were standing on the bridge in silence. Kiba had said he was taking Akamaru for a walk, and promptly disappeared. I had taken the quiet opportunity to stare up at Neji. His face was regal and handsome, and his jaw was strong. He moved with the litheness of a cat and sleek muscles rippled beneath his skin. Gazing at him then, I realized something. I would have fallen in love with Neji, romantically. His touches and kisses would be the ones I craved, and we would have had a happy marriage. Just the way things were meant to be.
But now that was impossible. Kisame had poisoned me with a more potent poison than even Itachi. I could never be happy with Neji now. Not with Kisame gnawing at me. Even now, through the euphoria of sight, I was slowly dying inside.
I had been over a week back here in Konoha, and I had not seen the Akatsuki. I highly doubted that they were going to come for me at all. I was going cold inside, deadening. I had resigned myself to a life of emptiness and despair. I had given up. Other people had noticed it as well. Kiba was concerned, and Tenten had once yelled at me that I was breaking Neji's heart by being depressed at our union. I tried to put up the proper facade, but it slipped so much, that it soon became useless.
And with the wedding only days away, what did it matter?
I was suddenly yanked out of my twisting thoughts as I felt the cold knife slice my fingers. I hissed in pain and watched the glistening red orb of blood bubble to the surface bitterly. I wiped it on a white towel and admired the starkness of the red on white. It was jarring.
I wondered if Kisame's skin was white.
Everything led to Kisame. Every train of thought, every sight, and every utterance would invariably connect to him in some way. I slipped my beloved ring off my finger, and twirled it around in my hands. I brushed my finger over the engraving. I could read it now, read the name, but I still loved to touch it. And it still threatened to bring tears to my eyes.
He was just so close, but so terribly far. Why hadn't he come for me? Was he hurt and it was impossible to, or had he simply decided that I was not worth the effort? When I concentrated, I could still feel his arms around my waist. Like right now. They were strong, warm, and protective. It was torturous, because however much I craved the feeling, I knew it wasn't real.
I was staring blankly at the cabinets in front of me, refusing to let my gaze wander. Slowly, tears began to drip down my cheeks. I squeezed my eyes shut and dropped my head to my chest. I felt my body begin to shake as the sobs racked my whole being. My own mind was betraying me.
"No, stop," I choked out. I felt the imaginary arms tighten around me. I worked to steady my breathing. "Hinata, get a grip. He's not here, he'll never be here. He's gone…" A huge shuddering sob ripped from my throat. I felt my stomach begin to churn in sick misery. "Kisame's gone."
"No." I stiffened suddenly at the very real breath against my ear. The whispered word froze me in place. My tears dried instantly as my eyes widened in shock. I stared straight ahead, too afraid to turn around and find that my cruel mind had out done itself.
Suddenly, a silk cloth was slipped over my eyes and tied gently behind my head. I felt a single tear slide out from behind the soft blind fold. Only he would take such a precaution. I trembled in hope and anticipation.
Slowly, I turned. Strong arms drew me close. I lay my hands on the familiar muscular chest. A calloused thumb rubbed away my tear and caressed my cheek. I gulped carefully, disbelievingly. "Kisame?"
"I'm here."
A/N so there you have it folks. I told you I'd get Kisame in there, even if he does only have two lines which total out to three words. Eh heh, I never said he'd have a big part. But oh well. I really hope you guys liked it.
So please please please review, and I'll see you guys next time, cause I need to go and work on my other fic which has been pathetically neglected...