Chapter Fourteen

A week later, Stevie's still really sick and Bucky's starting to worry. He's had to miss work two more times to stay home and care for him. He makes another doctor's appointment and he's starting to run out of antibiotic. He wonders if it's even helping at all.

Stevie stays in bed most of the time and Bucky has bought him a cute mobile to hang over his crib so he'll have something entertaining and calming to look at while he lays there all day.

The day finally comes for Bucky to try on his new prosthetic. He's gotten the name of the model and he's spent the past week researching it and watching videos online. Thinking about it makes him cry sometimes, but he's determined to keep it in when he tries it on. Natalia's going to come with him as moral support.

They leave Stevie with Mrs Carter and promise they'll only be gone for an hour or so. Stevie's sleeping when they leave and Bucky prays he'll keep sleeping as soundly until they return.

Natalia and Bucky sit in Stark's office anxiously and periodically give each other nervous smiles. Bucky's got butterflies in his stomach and he keeps reaching up and resting his hand on his shoulder or fiddling with his sleeve and it's still sinking in that soon enough, he'll have the rest of his limb to complete it.

Stark has the prosthetic sitting on the counter when he invites Natalia and Bucky inside and Bucky can't keep his eyes off it. It's made out of silicon and metal and the top portion is fitted to wrap around his residual limb. The hand is made out of flesh-colored segments with hinges and the wrist can twist and move up and down and the elbow can extend. It's sort of strange-looking, he'll admit. It's size won't match his right arm very well and it's only peach colored up until the elbow and the rest is unapologetically black and grey. He doesn't care. He's just excited to learn how to use it.

"Well, here it is in all it's glory," Stark says and smiles at Bucky. Bucky grins back. "Are you ready?"

"Yes, I'm more than ready!" Bucky replies excitedly. He feels almost giddy, like a kid in a candy store.

He has to remove his shirt, which gives him momentary pause because his chest is criss-crossed with scars that he's not sure he wants Natalia to see, but this is more important than his marred skin and so he sits up and strips his t-shirt off and helps Dr Stark with the sleeves and straps that go on in preparation. And then Stark takes the prosthetic off the table and fits the stump of Bucky's arm into it and when it clicks into the straps that cling to the other side of his chest, Bucky feels a lump rising in his throat.

It's not like having an arm, and he didn't entirely expect it to be, but suddenly there's an extension there on his left side that he'd gotten used to not seeing anymore and he covers his face with his right hand and bites his tongue to tell himself not to cry.

He can feel Natalia's hands on his bare shoulders and she hugs him gently. He sucks in a breath and wipes roughly at his eyes and looks down again at the replacement arm at his side.

"It looks great," Natalia says to him and he just nods in agreement, not trusting his voice to speak.

"You'll have to come in frequently to learn how to use it," Stark says. "And once you can prove to me that you can use it completely and finish the physical therapy involved, it's yours."

Bucky nods again.

Stark spends the next half an hour teaching Bucky how to bend his elbow up and down and Bucky does end up crying. The arm makes noises, whirring and beeping as it moves like a machine, and he swears he can hear the gears turning it grinding and it doesn't look like it, but he's still amazed at how human it is. How complete he must look with it on, like he's entirely whole.

Therapists had tried to tell Bucky in the past that he was whole without it, but Bucky had a hard time believing them and eventually, he stopped seeing every one of them.

When their half hour is up, they make another appointment and Bucky regretfully removes the prosthetic and hands it back. He doesn't want to leave it behind. He'd stay there all day working on it if he could, but Mrs Carter is still at home with Stevie and Dr Stark has other people to see and so he and Natalia walk out again, with Bucky still missing an arm.

His disappointment at having to take it off and leave it is dwarfed by his excitement to have had the opportunity to try it on in the first place.

All the way home, he and Natalia talk about it.

"Was it comfortable to wear?" She asks and he realizes that he's not entirely sure because he didn't pay much attention. He was too busy watching his left elbow bend to consider his own comfort, and he figured it must have felt alright or he would have noticed more.

"It was great," he says and he lets out a longing sigh. "It was absolutely amazing." He grins over at Natalia. "I just can't believe this is happening to me, it's too good to be true. I keep waiting to wake up and find it's all a dream." He laughs and Natalia smiles.

"You deserve it!" She encourages him. "I hope it lives up to all your expectations."

He can't seem to keep that goofy grin off his face and he says, "It's already exceeded them all just by being there."