Chapter Twenty-Two
Bucky takes Stevie in the stroller to the cemetery that day. He knows right where the Rogers' graves are.
A cemetery maybe isn't the best place for a baby and Bucky knows that, but he still takes him there sometimes. He thinks it's only fair to Stevie.
"Hey," Bucky says to the block of marble in front of them. He steps up beside the stroller and puts his hands into his pockets and stares. "It's just me again. With Stevie." He reaches down after a few quiet moments and unbuckles Stevie out of the stroller and sets him down in the grass. He promptly begins to yank out handfuls and pile them on the top of Bucky's shoe, but Bucky doesn't really care. It's just grass. Sarah and Joseph wouldn't mind.
"I wish I could say we're doing way better," Bucky says quietly to the gravestone. "But Stevie's alive, so that's worth celebrating, and uh, I guess I am, too. Imagine that." Beneath him, Stevie is starting to pull himself to his feet, grabbing onto Bucky's pant leg and hoisting himself up. "Stevie's sort of sick right now, but he's a trooper, you know him. He won't stay put for long. And me, uh, well," Bucky rubs at the back of his neck. "I lost my job. And, um, frankly, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I-I don't even know if they'll let me keep Stevie if I can't find something soon enough. And money's tight, between food and bills and Stevie's medicine. Had to say no to the prosthetist again, but that doesn't really matter."
Bucky's starting to feel a lump in his throat. He sits down in the grass and Stevie tumbles into his lap. Bucky scoots him up and kisses his head and takes a deep breath.
"I'm not doing much better," he admits in a whisper. "I wish you guys were here. You're the only people who really understand. Or, you were. With the, uh, the flashbacks and the depression a-and-" He chokes and stops and Stevie looks up at him from where he's got two tiny fistfuls of green grass and makes a worried noise. "I'm fine," Bucky says to Stevie and tries to smile. "Look, see? Daddy's fine." He leans down and pecks Stevie's forehead and Stevie grins and crams a handful of grass into his mouth. "Oh!" Bucky cries and swipes at Stevie's hand. "What are you doing, stop that!"
Stevie seems to be the only one who can laugh at a gravesite and he does, giggling in Bucky's face while Bucky tries to dig all the grass out from in between his lips.
When Stevie's stopped putting things into his mouth, Bucky turns back to the headstone. "It's not all bad," he tells Sarah and Joseph and he hugs Stevie to his chest. "In fact, um, I have a friend again, believe it or not. Her name is Natalia and I think she might actually be an angel because she's perfect. Isn't that right, Stevie?" Bucky cooes down to Stevie and Stevie ignores him in favor of sucking on his fingers. "She comes around a lot and helps out and she loves Stevie and, um, she kissed me. She said she actually likes me? And I like her, I like her so much.
"So I guess I'm not just here with bad news," Bucky finishes. "Natalia is good news. She's the best news we've had in months."
Bucky lets Stevie play in the grass a little more and then stands up and pulls a sad bouquet of daisies out of the back of the stroller. He lets Stevie wrap his tiny fingers around the stems and tells him, "put it in front of the stone, Stevie. No, not in your mouth, no, on the ground. On the- here. Right here, okay?" Then he picks the baby up and buckles him back in and takes him back out of the cemetery and to the car.
They drive home and Bucky makes Stevie chopped up apple slices and tomato soup for lunch and puts him down for a nap.
Hey everyone! I'm sorry, but Stevie is on an indefinite haitus. I'm not sure when I'll be able to come back to it, but I'm still working. I'm going to finish it before the end of 2017.
More information on my tumblr page; post/155352659800/so-ive-got-some-terrible-news-for-anyone-who
-BB