Notes: I may suck at updating, but I shan't give up!
Lily had never felt so small and useless before.
Which, honestly, was saying something. Her whole life, Lily had been the fragile one, the kid who had to stay indoors while everyone else got to play outside. The freak, the sickie. She had found a purpose in the apocalypse, had thought she had been strong when her Dad died. Had almost felt like someone for once.
What a joke.
Maya slumped in Mickey's arms like a corpse, naked and bloody and lifeless. Lily shook at the sight of her, stoic, strong, Maya. The woman had always been unstoppable, but here she was, stopped. Lily didn't even know if she was alive, and wanted to curl up and die herself at the thought.
There was shouting all around, sentries scrambling from their posts towards the other side of the house. Something was coming through the forest, something big, and monstrous, snapping branches in its wake.
And Maya wasn't moving.
Lily's mouth was dry despite the water coursing down her face, her tongue scraping painfully against the roof of her mouth. Her eyes stung, but her hands remained clamped around Mickey's arm like a lifeline. He was impossible to move, barely moving as she tried to push and tug him into action.
"Do something!" she shouted, railing against him as best as she could. Her voice was hoarse, her body aching. She simultaneously wanted to throw up and cry. Bet that would be an interesting sight. "Help her!"
Mickey looked wild, body curled around Maya's naked body like an overprotective dog. He was muttering, petting Maya's hair and smearing the blood at her hairline down her temples. Under Lily's horrified eyes he cradled Maya closer to him, burying his nose into her matted hair.
He had no right to touch her like that. No man had the right to touch Maya like that. Lily snarled at him, flailing her fists at his shoulders, weak as a kitten but trying anyways. Because fuck him. Fuck this, fuck everything.
"Where's Doc!?" she yelled at his unresponsive back. "Get Doc!"
He didn't move. A man screamed nearby, high pitched and desperate. Lily whipped around just in time to see the hideous shape of a juggernaut push through the tree line, its massive form decaying and putrid.
Lily jammed a hand over her mouth to stifle a scream. A human torso was clutched in its bloated hands, innards dangling from its mouth like obscene human spaghetti. Lily bit down a hysterical laugh at the thought, legs shaking.
It chewed thoughtfully, glancing around at the panicking sentries. Someone fired a shot and the juggernaut didn't even acknowledge it, looking at each person in turn like a tourist at a hotel's all you can eat buffet.
It turned, and its piggy dark eyes fell on the three of them.
Lily's fingers hooked into claws on Mickey's arm.
Mickey didn't react; too preoccupied with muttering and burying his face into Maya's soaked hair. The juggernaut dropped the human torso with a disgusting splat, sniffing the air as it stared Lily down.
"Mickey," Lily gasped, hating that she was going to die with a Wilkerson of all people. "Mickey it's going to kill us."
The juggernaut grunted, thudding towards them slowly. Taking its time. Why hurry when your prey obviously couldn't run away?
Think, Lily!
She tried to rise above the panic, above the sheer terror choking her. What would Maya do? Oh God Maya-
Stop that. A louder voice rose above Lily's own panicking. Use your head. Find a weapon.
Her eyes were blurred with tears, but Lily dutifully looked around, trying to focus. The zombie leisurely strode towards her, bulk shaking the ground with each step.
I'm not a warrior, what chance do I have against that!? I'm just-
Calm. Down. Mickey had weapons. Find them.
Lily's eye caught the glint of the guns and axe a little ways away. She'd never have a hope in hell of firing Mickey's rifle, the recoil alone would shatter every bone she had but-
My rifle, Imaginary-Maya told her, cool and calm. Take my rifle and put that thing down.
With a deep breath, Lily ran. Rain poured down her face, stinging her eyes, but she went, trusting that at least a pathetic attempt at survival was better than no attempt at all.
She slid in the slick grass, going down onto her hip with a pained gasp. Maya's rifle was familiar against her fingers, Lily's smaller hands sliding around the worn barrel.
You can do this. I taught you how to do this.
At her movement, the zombie bellowed, locking onto Lily instead of the prone Mickey. It broke into a creaking jog, each movement making the fat of its swollen belly jiggle.
Oh that is definitely disgusting.
Lily brought the rifle up into her shoulder, sighting as Maya had shown her back at the church. She was shaking so badly she couldn't get a good sight, her hands feeling like jelly.
"I can't do this," she moaned, blood freezing in her veins as she watched the juggernaut bear down on her. "I can't…I can't-"
You have to. Shoot, Lil! Shoot the fucker!
Lily screamed, squeezing the rifle trigger, the sound cracking over her own panic and the juggernaut's bellow. She fired again, and again, until the gun clicked empty, and even then kept pulling, the metallic click click like a death toll.
The juggernaut had stopped only a few yards away, staring down at her with a confused look in its dead flat eyes. Its shoulders heaved, and it gurgled unhappily.
The first shot had gone through its throat, tearing out a chunk of dead flesh and gristle, the second shattering its jaw into a pulpy mess.
But it was still standing.
Lily moaned, the rifle falling from her nerveless fingers. She had failed, she had fucked it all up like she always did, now she was going to die, now she wa-
"You did good, girl."
Lily yelped, turning towards the house.
Sarah was expressionless as she stood in the rain, Crystal and Peggy at her back. Crystal had a splintered piece of wood in her hands, and she was shaking, eyes wide and frightened. Peggy looked as blank as always, but she also held a piece of wood, and there was a fierce look in her eyes.
Sarah held no weapon in her own hands. "Now you just c'mere back t' us."
Lily's arms nearly gave out as she crawled in the mud towards the women. "I…I tried…"
It was Peggy who leaned down to help her up, pushing the frightened teenager behind her as Lily got to her feet. The juggernaut shook itself with a put out huff, black blood splattering onto the wet grass.
Sarah didn't back down, eyes sliding to Mickey kneeling in the mud, Maya's limp form. "Wilkerson, you with us?"
Mickey didn't move, didn't seem to acknowledge them. Lily grabbed onto Peggy's arm.
"His rifle, get his rifle!"
"No point," Sarah said. Peggy was slowly moving Lily back towards the house, Crystal following them. Sarah remained where she stood. "Only has one bullet, and none o' us are a good enough shot."
Shaking, Lily held onto Peggy as she was guided back towards the house. "What…what should we do?"
Sarah squared her shoulders. The old woman looked so fragile in the rain, the rain flattening her grey hair. She reminded Lily of her late grandmother, acting so indomitable, but physically so vulnerable.
"Don't you worry," Sarah turned to flash Lily a reassuring smile. "Get inside, child."
The juggernaut snarled, and Peggy whirled, dragging Lily with her as she sprinted for the house. Crystal was close behind, and all three clattered up the steps, barreling into the kitchen.
"Sarah!" Lily struggled, but Peggy's hand was a vice of iron around her arm. "She'll die!"
"She knows," Crystal said shakily, pushing them all into the front room, bare feet slapping against the wooden floor boards. "Job's coming up the road. All she has to do is keep it busy enough for him to get here."
Lily felt the ground shake and a pained yell from outside. She made one last attempt to lunge past Peggy. "No!"
Crystal looked crazed, fingers white and bloodless where she held the wooden board. "What else can we do? There's nothing left in the weapon cabinet and Job would kill us if we had anything! This is all we have!"
There was a horrible scream.
Peggy pulled Lily around to face her. The blonde looked unaffected by it all, mouth flat and eyes emotionless, but she slid her hands over Lily's ears and looked at her intently. She shook her head once.
Don't listen.
Lily dug her fingers into Peggy's hands, squeezing her eyes shut. She imagined home, before all the death. If she pretended hard enough, maybe she could pretend this was her mother holding her, that this had all been a horrible dream. Her father would be alive, everyone would be fine, no zombies would have come and everyone would be fine.
She never heard the front door crash inwards, was unaware of the flood of men that barreled through, guns drawn and Job roaring at their head. Didn't feel the vibration as the juggernaut was brought down under a rain of gunfire, Job's enraged screaming at his brother.
Peggy never moved her hands, and Lily didn't open her eyes.
The breeze sweeping through the glittering fields of barley was warm, swirling Maya's hair into complex pirouettes where it lay loose against her cheeks. She smiled, wiggling her nose slightly as a curious insect attempted to land.
"Ay, what is this?"
A voice cut through the air, warm and familiar. Maya's heart lurched.
"My little niña sunning herself like a fat cat? Up with you child! There is work to be done."
Maya opened her eyes, blinking in the dazzling light, smiling widely. "Mama, I'm a woman grown you know."
"Pfft, away with you. You're not a day over ten."
Maya rolled, grass crushing beneath her back, propping herself up on an elbow. Her mother stood a little ways away, hands on her plump hips, grey hair scraggly and baggy dress rippling in the breeze. Her worn wrinkled face was gentle, smiling. Maya breathed deep, contentment making her limbs loose and relaxed.
"I missed you, Mama."
Maya's mother snorted. "Missed me? Where have I been? That sun is getting to your fat cat head, niña."
Maya frowned. There was something odd about that, something Maya needed to remember but what was it-
"Well if it isn't the brat!"
Maya laughed out loud, scrambling to her feet. "Paul!"
Strong arms wrapped around her, sweeping her off her feet. Maya squealed, the world twirling around her in a blur of gold and green.
"You big old bully! Put me down!"
Her older brother dropped her back down onto her feet. "Old? I never. Always such a buzzkill, baby sister."
Maya laughed, cupping Paul's face. He was warm beneath her palm, solid and familiar. She could feel the stubble along his jaw, and rubbed her thumb against his cheek. She stared into his warm eyes and something stuttered in her chest, cold and frightened. Confused, Maya pulled her hand back, brow furrowing.
"Paul I-"
"Coming through!"
Maya nearly toppled over as two bodies slammed into her from behind, two pairs of arms fighting to wrap around Maya's shoulders at the same time.
"Shove off you ass, I wanna hug the little one-"
"Respect your elders, Strand! Age before beauty and all that-"
"Oh that's rich you ugly wrinkled toad!"
Maya turned, watching the two men as they tussled, all grins and laughs. Colton was winning, as usual, always the stronger of the two, blonde hair almost matching the fields around them. Beneath him, Strand was wheezing with laughter, grabbing his friend in a headlock in retaliation.
Paul whooped, leaping on the two like they were all young boys again. It was like no time had passed, they were all children playing in Colton's backyard again, playing cops and robbers and going on adventures.
"Boys will be boys," Maya's mother sighed, pulling Maya away from the men. "Walk with me niña, something troubles you."
A house stood on the hill, white and pristine. Around them the fields sprawled down into the valley, and Maya could see people resting and running in them, all of them laughing, all of them happy.
"Mama, where are we?"
Maya glanced back towards the house. It seemed…familiar somehow. She had been here before….had she been here all along? She couldn't really remember it all seemed…hazy.
"It doesn't matter. Now you tell me what troubles you."
A little girl ran by, her blue sundress billowing as she squealed, following a little black dog as it streaked between the grasses. Maya watched her go, frowning.
"I…don't know. I can't remember. There was something…something important I was doing."
"That's my daughter! Always doing something, my Maya."
Maya's mother linked their arms together. "You never rest, I worry! Always doing, never stop and think."
Her head hurt. Maya rubbed her temple, struggling to think. "There…was a man? I think?"
"A man!" Maya's mother chuckled, shaking her head. Her grey hair still had streaks of black, and Maya remembered brushing it, remembered helping her mother braid her hair before work. "Ahh now it makes sense. My niña had her heart captured yes? Tell me of him."
Maya snorted. "It's not like that-"
"Is he tall?"
"Mama-"
"Handsome?"
"Mama -"
"Rich?"
"Mama!" Maya pulled up short, exasperated. "There's something I can't remember, and it's important!"
Her mother's expression smoothed. "Yes. I know."
Maya turned back towards the house on the hill. "That house-"
It didn't look as welcoming as it had. In fact, if Maya squinted, it seemed cold, the white paint peeling and the windows dark. It pulled to her, beckoned her despite the warmth of the fields. It was enough to pull Maya out of the warm comfortable fuzz in her brain, enough to shake her, to make her palms sweat and heart race.
Maya turned back to her mother, and they looked at each other for a long moment.
"Mama, you died."
Maya's mother didn't move. The child laughed in the field, the dog barking.
"Did I?"
Maya swallowed hard, tears pricking her eyes. "You died on the living room floor when I was eighteen. And Paul-"
Her voice cracked. Maya looked out towards her brother, who was still rolling around with Maya's squad mates like they were real. Like this, whatever it was…was real.
"Paul died in Afghanistan. They couldn't find enough of him to ship home."
And she had watched Colton and Strand die in front of her, torn to pieces. Maya breathed deep, tried to calm herself.
"Am…am I dead?"
Her mother looked serene, at peace. If this was heaven, Maya could think of worse places to be.
"Niña," her mother smiled, opening her arms and Maya wanted nothing more than to bury herself in those arms, let herself be comforted. But her feet stayed rooted to the ground. "Daughter, you think too much. Come, there is much to do."
The house looked bleak now, squatting like something dark and evil amongst such vibrant beauty. The sight of it made Maya's knees shake, made her want to run to her mother, fall into the pile of her brother and friends, anything to escape its gaze.
But she couldn't. She had to go in there, had to face that darkness. She didn't know why she just…did.
"I…I can't, Mama. I have to go to the house."
"Why?" her mother dropped her arms, eyes sad. "Why must you always leave me so, niña? Stay with your family. We love you."
Her brother appeared at their mother's side, hands clasped on her shoulders. "Maya?"
Colton and Strand flanked them. "You're not going, are you?"
"I have to go," Maya said numbly. The breeze felt cold now, biting at her arms. There was a dark figure on the dilapidated porch now, and fear lanced down Maya's spine, made her want to run screaming. "There's something I need to do. People…there are people I need to help."
Colton and Strand exchanged a glance. "You can't save them all, Maya. Sometimes, we have to know when to step back."
Maya gritted her teeth, eyes still on the house. "We're soldiers. This is what we do."
"Sister."
Maya looked back at her brother. Paul, the strong, Paul the brave. They had joined the army together, to make the world a better place. What had it all been for in the end? A dead world full of monsters. Her brother had died for a world that had never been.
Paul was looking at her sadly, as if this was a choice she was making. Was she? Could she just…stay here? Did…did she want to?
Faces swam in her memory, though she couldn't remember their names. A girl…women, a man….there was a man she needed to get to…
"I have to go," she repeated.
Her family looked at her sadly, but no-one moved to stop her.
"Oh Maya," Paul said quietly. "You always were the strong one."
Maya's mother was crying, her shoulders shaking.
"My baby," she sobbed. "My poor girl."
Maya turned her back to them, forcing herself forward, breaking into a run towards the house. Around her the world started losing color, the golds fading. The girl in the blue dress was now dressed in black, her skin and hair white, eyes vacant as Maya passed. The grass shriveled and died, the sky darkening and shadows stretching towards her like rotting fingers pulling her in.
Air pressed in on her, her lungs breathless, head pounding. It felt like an iron band was tightening around her skull, forcing her vision to blur, spots to move in front of her eyes. Blindly Maya pushed on, hands touching splintering wood as she reached the steps.
"I have to go," she repeated to herself, collapsing against the groaning wood. "I have to-"
The dark shape was grabbing her by the arms, shaking her, pulling her into the colorless shadows within the house. Maya struggled, blind and vulnerable, the pain in her head unbearable.
"I have to go!" she yelled, kicking out and struggling beyond the black pain in her skull. "I have t-"
The black figure cringed away from her.
"Maya," it gurgled. "Come back sweetheart, come back."
Maya growled at it, tried to hit out, pull away, anything. It just returned, wrapping heavy fingers around her shoulders.
"You need to wake up now," it said. "You need to wake up for me, darlin'."
She was awake wasn't she? She couldn't be asleep, she'd know...wouldn't she?
Maya's movements faltered. She struggled to open her eyes, to push past the pain and look.
"Can you do that darlin'? Open your eyes. Please. Please open your eyes."
Maya obeyed, sucking in a deep breath of cold stale air as she forced her eyes open, pulling away from the darkness that clung to her mind.
Above her, a ceiling came into focus. Maya concentrated on breathing, on the rise and fall of her chest instead of the pounding behind her eyes. It took a herculean effort to turn her head, and at the movement there was a loud clatter. Maya winced, but a new shape rose over her, a face swimming into view.
Doc.
She tried to say his name, but the doctor shushed her quickly, hand settling on her forehead as he checked her eyes. Maya flinched away, but his hands kept her still.
"Don't speak, or move for that matter. You gave us quite the scare there."
He looked tired. Thin. His eyes were scrubbed red, his clothes sweat-stained and dirty.
The room was dim, just a lone battery powered lantern propped up on a sad looking table to her left. Maya blinked slowly, trying to get a sense of where she was. The room felt cool, slightly musty.
Happy with whatever he found, Doc touched her shoulders. "Okay. I'm going to help you sit up, but we're going to take it slowly. Got it?"
Nodding hurt. There was a throbbing in her temples, so Maya obediently went where Doc guided her, sitting up slowly to rest her back up against the wall. There was a sheet slung up, cutting off the corner of the room designated as what must be a patient treating area. Maya couldn't see beyond the sheet, but she could put two and two together, even in her state.
She was in the basement.
Doc passed her a chipped mug. It was full of water, and Maya sipped it slowly at his urging, relishing the feel of crisp cool water down her parched throat. She had been lying on an old mattress, and Maya resolutely didn't look to closely at the stains on it. The water helped clear her head, made the pounding softer, quieter. Doc was dressed in the clothes she had seen him in when she had been captured, and it looked like the doctor had been kept here for a while.
Here being...ah. Yes.
Doc took the mug back, setting it down on the table carefully. "I'm gonna ask you a few questions. You seem alright, and I need to know if there was any damage."
Maya blinked. Damage…
The forest. Lily, Janet, a man hovering over her ready to-
Doc cleared his throat. "What's your name?"
Maya swallowed, trying to calm her roiling stomach. "M...Maya."
Her voice was strained, creaky as her vocal chords struggled to form words. How long had she been passed out?
"Good," Doc smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Good. Do you remember where you are?"
Hell.
Maya shifted on the uncomfortable mattress. "The…the Wilkersons."
Doc winced. "Usually I'd ask who's the president but Lord only knows that now."
He passed her the mug again, and Maya took a grateful sip. Her throat felt better, and as Doc took the mug back, she fluttered her fingers nervously against her bruised throat. "How…how long was I…out?"
Doc sighed. He looked decades older, weighted down. "Two days. You had a concussion and I couldn't snap you out. Wasn't sure if you would, to be honest. That was a nasty beat you took."
Maya managed a tired smile. "Should...see the other guy."
She grunted unhappily as she stretched a leg out in front of her. She was naked, only covered by a thin moth-eaten blanket, but she didn't have enough energy to be upset about it. "Lily is she-"
"She's fine," Doc assured her, pushing her back to rest against the wall. "Shaken, but okay."
Maya breathed out slowly. One small miracle at least. "What…what happened?"
Doc avoided her eyes, clearing away some supplies she hadn't noticed beside the bed. Blood stained gauze, some rattling pills .
"I won't sugarcoat it," Doc said, dropping them into a drawer beside the table. "Two women are dead, and half a dozen men. I don't know much more than that. We…we were waiting for you to wake up then…well."
He squared his shoulders. "It doesn't matter. You're awake, and that does."
"Two w...women?" Maya's stomach dropped. "But-"
"Janet and Sarah."
Without his cowboy hat, Doc looked…small. He didn't look like he'd been beaten, but there was a slump to his shoulders that hadn't been there before, a bone-deep exhaustion Maya felt she could sympathize with.
Maya touched her aching head. "The others? Marcus, Sam-"
"They're all alive as far as I know," Doc glanced towards the sheet. "But I can't guarantee for long."
Maya sighed. "Don't...remember your bedside manner being...so depressing, Doc."
That got a small smile out of him. "Sorry. Last thing you need is me mopin' at you. I'm really glad you're with us again."
He glanced again at the sheet.
"I have to…have to tell them you're awake. I'm sorry Maya I…I have to."
Maya managed a tiny nod. "Doc...thanks for...bringing me back."
Doc paused, one hand on the dirty sheet. "Well your confidence in me is nice to hear but...I didn't do much. In fact I...I was sittin' here wonderin' if it was best you didn't wake up."
Maya looked at him blearily, wondering if she had misheard. Doc avoided her eyes.
"It makes me a goddamn poor excuse for a doctor but...Maya if you knew-"
He cut himself off with a shake of his head. "Never mind that. You rest and take it easy."
"Wait, Doc," Maya raised a hand, and that seemed to take every last bit of energy she had. The old man paused, though he still wouldn't look at her.
"Is…what about Mickey?"
Doc shook his head. "I tried to keep him out but...he was here."
Maya dropped her hand back to her side, relieved. "He's okay."
"So to speak. Rest, Maya. I'll be back."
With a rustle of the sheet, Doc was gone. Maya leaned back against the wall, and took his advice.