Disclaimer – Twilight and its characters belong to Stephanie Meyer

AN (1) – Thank you all for waiting so patiently for this chapter. I lost momentum for a while and was nervous writing while not at my best. I would like to once again get on bended knee and thank my wonderful beta Pace is the Trick, who helped give me a kick up the butt to get working again. A big Thank You to all who have reviewed or PM'd, I am sorry if I have not responded as I lost track when fanfiction went all wobbly.

AN (2) – I received a few comments on Carlisle's behaviour and the level of violence in the last chapter. Carlisle is a very complex individual. He has his quiet passive doctor image that strives to be as human as possible. However this persona constantly tries to supress his inherent nature, that of the aggressive, possessive and violent vampire. In a traditional vampire relationship (as opposed to what the boys have), Edward would have been subservient to Carlisle. Carlisle would have had absolute control over the other - including how he behaved, where he went and who he met. Chapter Nine gave you a glimpse of that vampire side, the side that can be violent and dominant which are intrinsic parts of his vampire nature and seen as normal behaviour amongst their species, particularly when their mating is threatened. His behaviour towards Edward is not intended to be seen as abusive - even though in a human context they clearly are – they are the default vampire reaction to betrayal by, or disobedience in, a mate. I hope this helps clarify events, if not feel free to PM me.

AN (3) – This chapter contains medium level violence, including aggressive behaviour and language.

Chapter Ten

There is luxury in self-reproach.

When we blame ourselves we feel no one else has a right to blame us.

~Oscar Wilde

In the cold light of day.

Since becoming a vampire, Carlisle had never really understood, or had been able to relate to this saying.

He believed that his actions were always for the best. He never doubted them as being anything other than being true to himself and his mate.

But sitting, staring at the fireplace as the night transformed into dawn and then into day, for the first time he found himself reviewing his behaviour of the prior evening and not being proud of how he had handled the situation.

Edward had clearly done wrong and had put both their anonymity and their relationship at risk. But Carlisle was the elder. He was, first and foremost, Edward's sire and should have behaved as such, showing Edward calmly and with authority how such an issue could be resolved.

Carlisle growled at the thought that Edward clearly had not learned from their recent experience in how vampires viewed mates. During his 6 month absence from him, Edward had committed the most heinous of crimes. It was not his change in diet that damned him but the act of leaving his mate, his sire, without consent. Edward had broken a key vampire law, one that could have ended in his death.

But Carlisle had always held the belief that his relationship with Edward was between equals. He had seen enough of mated vampire relationships in Italy to have very strong views on how the subservient mate was often treated. Upon Edwards return, he had been very firm with the younger vampire ensuring he understood that their situation was, while not unique, unusual within vampire society and if he wished it to remain as such, he needed to ensure his prior behaviour never occurred again.

Carlisle had been assisted at that time by Eleazar, a one time member and respected friend of the Volturi. Edward had been subjected to Eleazar's thoughts and memories of how traditional vampire mated relationships worked, and while Carlisle had been concerned that they might be heavy handed, he felt the punishment had fit the crime.

Now sitting in their home in Oberlin years later, Carlisle decided that he was wrong to allow the relationship to continue as it had. Standing, Carlisle flexed his entire body, changing his posture from passive human doctor to that of a powerful and intimidating vampire. Stretching, he cleared his head of all things human and viewed the situation again, this time as a vampire. He needed to find and get control of Edward. Once his mate was suitably restrained, he would explain the new rules to his wayward mate, and explain that equality in their relationship would only return when Edward had proven to Carlisle that he could be trusted.

It suddenly occurred to him that Edward had yet to return home. He assumed that the young vampire had returned to the lake, as he tended to migrate to water when upset or stressed. He dispelled any concerns that the young vampire may have bolted again. The experience of Edward's prior retrieval and return ensured that he would think twice before attempting again.

Carlisle took some comfort at the thought that Edward was most likely on the boat that Carlisle had given him, calming down enough so Carlisle could reason with him.

As he mused as to his mate's current location, a noise came from a corner of the room. It started as a single noise, a high pitched 'plink'. However, it soon became a string of single pitch staccato and long rising tones.

Rising, Carlisle wandered to the source of the noise. He did a double take at the sight of the piano before recalling that it was damaged during the argument, however; he had not recollected how absolute the destruction had been.

The sun had risen and was shining directly through the uncovered window. The morning light shone directly onto the pile of wood, ivory, and metal resting on the wooden floor. The sounds came from the centre of the carcase, the sunlight warming its innards which caused the strings to expand and contract.

Every now and then the 'pings' and 'whines' were punctuated by a loud 'twanging' noise as a string finally surrendered to the inevitable.

Watching both bemused and horrified, Carlisle recalled Edward telling him once that each piano had a musical soul unique to each instrument. This soul was released by the performer who helps the piano to life.

He had quoted Wassily Kandinsky quietly, "Colour is the key. The eye is the hammer. The soul is the piano with its many chords. The artist is the hand that, by touching this or that key, sets the soul vibrating automatically."

Before continuing to state that when damaged or destroyed, a piano's soul would release, freeing the music to the heavens. At the time, Carlisle had thought Edward's comments to be fanciful, the murmurings of a slightly unstable being trying to make sense of a world that bombarded him daily.

But standing, watching, and listening to the instrument, he knew he was watching something die. This was something beautiful, more than its value as a gift from Carlisle to him. It was a part of his mate, a part of his very being, something that Carlisle had destroyed when he slapped Edward. He had caused Edward to land on the piano.

He was responsible.

His posture morphed back to his human illusion.

He collapsed to his knees, bending so his forehead touched the floor, sobbing violently.

"Oh! No! Please God! I am responsible."

Edward's behaviour may have been inappropriate. But Carlisle's had been reprehensible. Instead of trusting and talking to his mate, he had hidden away refusing to face his concerns and then committing the worst of the worst possible: he had struck Edward.

He was no better than the others of their kind, those whose behaviour towards their mates he had sworn never to emulate.

As he stared at the instrument, the noise started to become a representation of the failure he had made. Soon he could not tolerate the noise as it reminded him of both his and Edward's failures in his relationship.

He suddenly realized he had always expected Edward to betray him again. Despite the progress they had made since Edward's return, Carlisle was shocked to realize he never truly trusted Edward to maintain his side of the bargain.

The piano was starting to grate on his senses and in a desperate act to dent his involvement in the breakdown of both the instrument and the relationship, he carried it, section by section, with great care and tenderness to the shade of Edward's favourite tree, laying the instrument down in as close to its original form as he could, considering the instrument was disintegrating. The body seemed to fall open like a flower, leaving the innards to play their death song to the sky.

Returning to the house, he tidied up the remains of the fight, wanting Edward to come home to no reminders of the events, so they could try to start afresh again. Once he was assured that all was as before, Carlisle grabbed his hospital bag and left the house. Picking up Edward's scent, he was surprised that it did not head in the direction of the lake, but made a clear path into town.

Following the scent of his mate, he started to get angry at the thought that Edward was heading towards that boy - the one that ruined everything. Stopping, Carlisle tried to swallow his anger, reminding himself that the human boy was only able to take advantage due to the rift in the relationship. Once Edward and he were back together as they should be, the boy would become irrelevant. He continued to try and convince himself of this until in his surprise and relief, Edward's scent turned towards the conservatory. He was a little chagrined again at his lack of faith in Edward. Of course his mate would head towards the place that had become his second home in Oberlin.

Entering the building, he considered charging into Edward's office, taking his mate in his arms and away from this awful place. He remembered that Edward was hurt, his hand damaged. The extent was not known to Carlisle, but his knew from his scant memory of that night, that he had crushed most of Edward's fingers which, unless the younger vampire had managed to re-set, would be healing poorly.

~*.*~

One of the first things Edward became aware of was that the pain in his hand had decreased; he looked down at the limb and instantly wished he had not. A sob of horror broke free from his chest as his eyes fixed on his mangled hand. His vampire qualities had healed the limb, however; due to the way in which the damage had been done, the fingers had healed twisted and fused to each other. His thumb was bent towards the back of his hand, which in itself was twisted so that the fingers of his hand faced upwards.

Dragging his eyes from the limb, he reached for a scarf lying on a nearby chair and wrapped up his hand, more so that he could not see it than any attempt to bind or sooth it. As day dawned, he heard the conservatory come to life. Voices and minds entering the buildings, speaking and thinking of normal everyday things, classes, tutorials, rehearsals, exams, assignments, and the related excitement and anxiety.

He heard a knock on the office door. It was eight in the morning; he knew instantly it was the Maestro.

"Edward?" the old man called, "Edward, are you there?"

Edward pulled himself further under the desk; the temptation to call out to the man and beg him for help was overwhelming. But how was he to explain the hand and the nature and reasoning behind the altercation with Carlisle, without giving away their secrets.

Confused at Edward's absence, particularly since they have a meeting scheduled, the Maestro continued to knock on the door for a minute before absolutely deciding that the young man had not stayed all night as he was often wanted.

Seemingly unconsciously, the Maestro glanced out the opposite window, noting that the initially sunny day had turned overcast, he wandered away intending to ring the house just in case Edward was unwell.

Edward heard the elderly man depart and eased himself out from under the desk. He started to pace the room like a wounded animal trapped in a cage. He honestly did not know what to do now. He didn't realise Carlisle had that much built up stress and anger. How could he have missed that? Why did Carlisle hide it from him? He would have stayed away from Will if Carlisle had indicated any sort of jealousy or discomfort. Edward now deeply regretted developing a friendship with the young man.

So caught up in his thoughts, the soft knock on the door between the classroom and his office caused him to start and without thinking he threw himself back under the desk.

~*.*~

Even without the trail of his scent or movement in the room in reaction to his light knock, Carlisle knew Edward was in the room. He was aware of his mates presence at all times; their physical bond was absolute.

"Edward!" he whispered through the door.

Edward, Love! Can I please come in?

He leaned his head against the door.

I am not angry, love. They both knew this was not quite true. I mean, I was angry, but I can see now that I lead you to do what you did. Let me in and we can talk about this. We can decide together what happens now.

He paused and decided to take a different tact.

Sweetheart, I am so sorry I hurt you. Let me in, so I can mend your hand. I know it must be troubling you…

Carlisle stopped as a whimper emanated through the door.

Please, Edward! Let me look at it; I know I can heal you. I can stop the pain and distress.

Carlisle waited on his side of the door for any indication that Edward was listening to him.

"Please, love. I know I overreacted but sometimes it is so hard to share you with the world. I love you so much and I will not lose you again."

He took a deep breath. He was getting upset again at the thought of Edward leaving him.

Edward! We are bound to each other; you know that. We cannot leave one another without risking the attentions and coveting of Italy. We have to work through this. We have to sort this out ourselves.

His frustration was growing and he was on the edge, he should not have been begging the other to come out. Edward should have been asking for his forgiveness. Knowing that Edward could hear those thoughts, he berated himself.

"I know you can hear me, and you must know I am upset. I am only worried for US, for you and me. We have both made mistakes and it is my role as coven leader and your sire to help you through this confusing time."

Please, my Edward! My Love, Please!

Don't make me come in there!

The thought slipped from Carlisle's mind along with a growl that he had been trying to supress. Damn this, he should just break the door down and take the other away.

About to pull the door from it hinges, he hears another approaching, and a light knock on the main office door gave him pause. He waited quietly until the visitor left. Placing his forehead on the door he sighed.

Carlisle wanted Edward to come to him, but accepted that the young vampire had holed himself up in the office in relative public view to avoid him. Despite this, Carlisle was comforted that while Edward remained hidden away, he was no risk to himself or others.

"Edward! I am going to leave you be for now and go to work. I will be back on my break and again at the end of my shift, but I don't want to pressure you. I know you are scared, and I am desperately sorry that I have been responsible for that. But you need to trust that I am sorry and I will do anything I can to fix this."

Before tearing himself away, he laid a palm flat on the door.

I will always love you no matter what you do.

"I will be back. Don't go anywhere!"

The last was an order, something Edward had been trained to follow while a newborn for his own protection and the only thing Carlisle could think of to keep Edward in one place.

Sighing, he turned and walked away, bitterly disappointed but also hopeful. Edward may not have spoken to him, but equally the other had not screamed at him or run away.

~*.*~

Time progressed in flashes for Edward broken only by visitors to his door. Some just knocked and left, some called for him, one begged for entry, and then there were two who came into his mind, calling him, talking to him. Edward was too lethargic to wonder why Carlisle had two voices, but he took comfort in the soothing way the voices spoke to him.

Of all the visitors, there were two consistent in their attendance and also notable in that, except for one time where loud and harsh words were spoken, their visits never coincided - Carlisle and Will, the two other individuals involved in his personal tragedy. Both knew he was in the office and both tried to get him to open the door.

Slowly his mind turned inward as the pain in his hand was overtaken by his unbearable thirst. The voices around became indistinguishable from one another, blending into an amorphous mass of sound, light, and colour. As it all became too much, his body and mind shut down and resulted in him sitting, catatonic, on the floor.

~*.*~

The first day of returning to stand outside Edwards's door was vexing for Carlisle, while the second day of the same was upsetting and infuriating. On the third day, his frustration started to peak and he was determined to remove Edward from the room. Moving purposefully down the corridor, he was met with the unwelcome sight of Will talking at Edward door.

His rage was uncontrollable. Stalking to the young human he pulled Will away from the door and threw him to the far wall with a snarl.

"Get away from him," yelled Carlisle, ready to pounce on him as a follow up to his threat.

Frightened and panicked, Will hugged the wall he was thrown against. With tears in his eyes he stammered. "D…d…d…doctor Cullen? Please, I am just trying to help, I was worried for Edward."

Carlisle sneered at the young human, "Worried were you? Worried that he might tell others of your blatant assault of your teacher? Worried that he might show you for the slut that you are?"

Carlisle was now face to face with the young man, he could hear the young man's heart flutter in fear, see the sweat rolling down his face and neck, and smell the blood running through Will's veins. Leaning in close to the boy, he ran his nose from the boys jaw to temple, inhaling deeply.

He could feel the boy's body tremble as he leaned into him. All it would take is one moment, one action, and this boy would no longer be a threat, no longer a distraction fluttering in the back of his mind.

"Dr Cullen?" the voice made Carlisle's head snap up and he saw the Maestro approaching the pair of them, his movements careful and precise as if approaching a dangerous animal.

It was at that moment that Carlisle realised that the boy in front of him was terrified, tears running down his pale face. Pulling away from the boy, Carlisle is disorientated and backs away disturbed at his thoughts and actions. His body jerks as a hand wraps around his arm, he turns his head to look directly in the eyes of the old man.

"Carlisle, I think your conversation with Will is over, is it not?"

Carlisle looks again at the boy and cleared his throat. "Yes, yes Maestro."

His eyes flicker to the boys. "Yes, I am sorry. Sorry!" the last said quietly and directly to Will.

The young man wiped his eyes and nose with his sleeve and pushed off the wall clearly aiming to move past the two men. The Maestro let go of Carlisle to then grab Will. The young man turned in panic, but then seeing who held him, relaxed.

"Will, why don't you and I go and sit in my office for a while," the Maestro instructed. He then turned to Carlisle. "Dr Cullen, we will leave you alone. Please come and see me when you are done."

Carlisle blinked, dazed as he watched the retreating figures. Shaking his head he turned back to the door behind which was the individual who was the reason for the three others being in the hallway.

Leaning against the door he whispered, "Please, love. Let me come in. Things are falling apart out here."

Carlisle spent two hours talking to a door, shifting from violent rage to begging, and then to sobbing, and back again. Upon taking his leave, promising to return later that day, Carlisle dropped into the Maestro's office. Besides confirming that the maestro and, subsequently, Will knew that Edward was holed up in his office, Carlisle was not able to glean anything further from the old man.

~*.*~

It had been four days since Will had become aware (thanks to the Maestro) that Edward was hiding in his office. It was not a huge intellectual leap for Will to determine that their kiss on the island had something to do with the situation. This was confirmed by the terrifying encounter with Dr Cullen. The man was monstrous and Will he was absolutely sure that had the Maestro not appeared his life would have been at risk.

None of this, however, deterred will from his twice daily visits to the music room where he played and talked to the closed door. Each time hoping beyond hope that Edward would emerge, so Will he could again apologise for his actions, and obvious consequences.

Watching from a distance, he made sure he saw Dr Cullen leave the conservatory in the direction of the hospital. Walking up to the building, he slowed at the sight of the Maestro leaning against the doorway.

"Meastro?" he enquired.

The old man nodded, "Will, I think we need to do something, it has been too long."

Handing the young man a key, he started to turn around, Will grabbed his hand looking at the key with shock.

"Why not before?"

The Maestro turned. "I had hoped things would resolve themselves, but Edward cannot have had any nourishment for all this time and I am sure Dr Cullen will appreciate having the young man returned to him."

The old man released himself from Will's grasp and walked away.

Grasping the key tightly, Will raced into the building. Skidding to a stop at Edward's office doorway, he unlocked the door and swung it open.

Nothing could have prepared him for what he saw in that room.

The room was pristine, not a book or chair out of place. It was as it always had been, immaculate. The only difference was the location of the single occupant. Rather than sitting at the desk or in one of the armchairs, Edward was curled up, head down, one arm wrapped around his legs while the other bound in a ragged scarf hung loosely to the floor.

The arm wrapped round Edward's legs was bare but contained a number of vicious bite marks, as if Edward had tried to eat his own arm.

Will crept closer. "Edward?" he breathed.

Crouching down he bent over so he could looked into Edward's face. He gasped in shock at the scratches on the others face, but it was his eyes that disturbed Will the most. Edward's eyes were wide open and pitch black, showing no signs of any colour and if it wasn't for the soft keening noise coming from the others chest, Will would have assumed that his tutor was dead.

"Edward, please. Can you hear me? Can you talk to me?"

The other remained unresponsive. Will decided to take matters into his own hands. Slipping his arms around Edward, he lifted him up, surprised at how light the other was, he then cradled the other in his arms and moved purposefully out of the building (not noticing the Maestro watching from the upper storey window) and headed towards the hospital.

~*.*~

Carlisle was standing at the nurses' station, finalising his paperwork before taking his break and returning to his vigil of Edward. He had decided that he would break into the office that day and remove Edward to the lighthouse. He had had enough and he was no longer sure Edward was even 'compos mentis' desperately concerned about his mate's long term mental and physical health.

He fretted over the situation throughout the day. Wondering how he would manage Edward if his mental capacity had been irrevocably damaged by the events.

Would he need to be with the young vampire at all times, thus not being able to work?

Would he need to feed his mate permanently by hand?

Would he be able to protect Edward from the Volturi, who looked on disabled vampires as a risk and suitable for euthanasia?

His musing was interrupted by a sensation that was both familiar and unrecognisable. Carlisle dropped his pen on the desk and strode towards the waiting room. It was Edward, he was sure of it. The young vampire had come to his senses and was returning to his sire.

Entering the room he stopped in shock. There was that hussy Will with Edward in his arms, talking to one of Carlisle's colleagues. Racing to Will's side, Carlisle grabbed Edward. At first Will resisted handing the comatose being over, but the memory of his last interaction with Carlisle made him give Edward up.

Carlisle thanked his colleague for his time and raced into a private cubicle and gently placed Edward on the bed. His desperate concern for Edward meant he was not aware of Will following him into the room. Sensing the intruder, he turned aggressively on the boy. He hated the human with his entire being, but he needed information.

"How did you get in the office? Did he let you in? Did he speak to you?" he growled face to face with the frightened Will.

Will swallowed, diverting his eyes. "The…the…Maestro gave me a key. I went in. Edward did not react at all so I brought him here."

The attention of the other made the boy braver.

"What happened? Why was he hiding like that? What did you do to him?"

Carlisle instantly had the human backed against the wall, his forearm against Will's neck.

"Leave! Now!" he growled.

Pulling a terrified Will from the wall, Carlisle shoved him out of the room before turning back to Edward.

"Edward! Love! It's Carlisle. I am going to examine you and then we will go somewhere safe so that you can get better."

Carlisle's examination confirmed what he had feared. Edward's hand had healed badly and would need to go through the painful process of re-breaking and setting. He also noted the multiple self-inflicted bites marks where the young vampire had tried to remove blood from his own body before it was absorbed in a desperate attempt to satiate his thirst.

Bundling together a number of medical items for treating Edward's hand, Carlisle signed out of his shift, and carrying Edward, walked to the town boundary before increasing his pace and racing to the boat house.

Carlisle gently laid Edward in the cabin of Elizabeth and then launched the vessel motoring to Middle Island. Steering the vessel across the lake, he allowed himself to reflect on Will's statement that the Maestro had provided him with a key to Edward's office. Carlisle had not even considered asking for a key and was angry that the Maestro would offer it to the child over Edward's family.

Unable to fathom this lack of consideration he focused on his destination.

Mooring at the island, Carlisle gently lifted Edward and swiftly ran to the lighthouse, placing his mate gently on their bed. Taking pause he looked down at his beautiful mate, running his hand down Edward's face, he then continued along the young vampire's chest to his waist, pelvis, and groin.

His ghosting touch of Edward's thighs set off a light shudder through the young vampire's body. Carlisle looked up at Edwards face and watched the vampire blink, once, twice, and then a third time. Initially pleased that Edward not only showed signs of awareness but that it was in reaction to his touch, Carlisle then noted the stench on Edward resulting from days of immobility. Ever conscious of cleanliness and hygiene, Carlisle moved quickly to prepare water, soap, and towels with which to wash Edward.

Making soothing sounds and sending thoughts of his love and devotion the entire time, Carlisle gently removed Edward's clothing and washed his mate with great care, taking particular care of the deep bite marks on his arm. Reaching the damaged hand, still wrapped in the scarf from Edward's office, Carlisle paused before removing it entirely.

If he could have vomit he would have, the damage and subsequent healing had mangled the limb beyond recognition. It would take a number of separate re-breaks to repair the hand and they may have to face the fact that the hand would never be the same again.

But he would cross that bridge when they came to it.

While redressing Edward, Carlisle started to plan his next move. Thinking it through he decided that the best course of action was to start the repair of the hand while Edward was comatose, hopefully reducing the pain and distress of the treatment.

Looking closely at the prone figure, Carlisle really perceived the extent of the deprivation that the young vampire had endured. He was loath to start the treatment of the hand until Edward had at least a minimum amount of blood.

Initially planning for him to hunt and then let Edward feed from him, Carlisle shook his head realising the flaw in that plan. The time that it would take for Carlisle to leave, hunt, feed Edward, treat the hand, and then leave again, would prolong the process far too much. Additionally he would need to leave Edward for extended periods of time which could be a risk as the young vampire got stronger.

But the main flaw in the plan was the simple fact that animal blood, whether imbibed directly or indirectly, would be insufficient to provide the degree of healing required to repair Edward's hand.

Edward needed human blood.

Carlisle would never, could never, deny Edward what he needed.