A Matter of the Heart
Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to Stephanie Meyer.
A/N-thank you for the kind reviews. Nikki
Part Six-Road Trip
Jacob found Bella standing alone in a little annexe. She was hunched over, her hands covering her face as she cried silent tears. The anger that he had felt consuming him when he had defied Sam's Alpha command drifted away as he saw the state of her. She was ripping herself to shreds, and he knew his inability to live without her was at the root of it. He mentally shuddered as this thought passed through his mind. He knew his father and his brothers blamed Bella for his deep unhappiness, but Jake knew that he was responsible for that alone. He had been fighting for Bella's love for so long that he had been ignoring the impact this was having on her. He had no doubt that she loved him, but it was the type of love that was the problem. He didn't want her to choose him because of guilt or peer pressure. He wanted her to be with him because she loved only him.
Jake approached her cautiously, worried that if he scooped Bella up into his arms like he wanted to do, she would recoil from him and try to bolt. "Bells." He whispered her name and gently put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry."
Bella raised her head, her hands dropping to her sides. Her eyes which were already sore from the constant crying shimmered with the pain and guilt she was holding inside. "I don't know what to do, Jake. I don't know what to do. I always end up hurting you, no matter what I do. I should let you go, but I can't. I feel sick inside at the thought of never seeing you again." She took a deep shuddering breath. "All the time you were gone I kept holding onto the last promise you made me. Do you remember?"
How could he forget? He dredged up the memory of the last time they saw each other when he had been lying injured in his room. She had finally admitted she loved him, but just not enough, never enough. She loved the fucking bloodsucker more, and couldn't let go. Her admission had been both a blessing and a curse. Yes he had been right, she was in love with him too, but her love was not strong enough to overcome whatever damage the vamps had done to her. To make things easier he had promised that he would love her even if she turned. "Maybe even then…" He had seen the faint hope in her eyes as he let the words slip out of his traitorous mouth. It was all true, all of it. He would love her whatever form she took, human or vampire. Because unlike Cullen and even Bella herself, he loved her for who she was inside.
"Jake." Bella murmured his name, pulling him back into the moment. "Do you remember?" Her lower lip trembled as she repeated the question.
"I remember." Jake watched her face pale as she took a few more deep breaths. "I said maybe even then."
"Did you mean it?" Bella held her breath as she watched the agony cross his face. The memory was not a pleasant one, but something inside pushed her to find out if he had really meant what he said. "Did you?"
The word was torn from Jake's throat as he answered. "Yes."
Jake heard his brothers come out of the hospital as they searched for him. To others they would be silent but to Jake's trained ears their footfalls sounded loud. He twisted his head round, the hand he had on Bella's shoulder tightening as he tried to track their movements. He didn't want to be found. There was no way he was going to cave into Billy and the others demands. This was between him and Bella. He wanted to get her alone so they could talk, talk properly without others shoving their own opinions into the mix and making it that much more difficult. He wanted to get her away from Cullen and his family too. Jake was convinced that Bella was being manipulated unwittingly by Edward's charms. He had seen the difference in her during those few months when all they had was each other. When Cullen came back into her life, it was like Bella had become a shadow of her former self. She acted like a well-trained mannequin around them. She looked like Bella, smelt like Bella, but it was as if she was an imposter.
Bella watched Jake's face carefully. His eyes were narrowed and his nostrils dilated as if he was listening avidly to something she couldn't hear. She was so well tuned to his emotions that she guessed he was trying to pinpoint where his brothers were. She put her hand over his and immediately his eyes travelled back to hers. "Are they close?" She whispered.
Jake jerked his head quickly. He curled his fingers around hers and began to pull her in the opposite direction of the hospital. Bella didn't say another word as she followed him willingly.
They travelled this way for the next twenty minutes. Jake would stop, listen intently, sometimes inhaling deeply as he played cat and mouse with his brothers. Bella never heard or saw a thing; she had to rely completely on Jake to keep them away from Sam and the others. They drifted closer and closer toward the Swan house and after another tense half an hour passed they were right outside. Jake turned toward the red Chevy which was parked in the drive. Bella hadn't driven it for weeks. Edward had insisted on giving her one of the Cullen's expensive luxury cars, a Mercedes S600 Guardian. It was built like a tank and hadn't even been sold to the public yet. Bella had been embarrassed to drive the thing as it attracted so much unwanted attention, but Edward had insisted upon it. He wanted her safe, and letting her drive this eased his mind.
"We need to get on the road." Jake towed Bella toward the house. "Go inside and get the keys." He pointed to the truck.
Bella hesitated. "Where are we going?" She wanted to escape the others too, but taking off in her old truck was taking it a bit far.
Jake frowned. "Just go inside and get the keys, Bells. Sam and the others are close. I can sense them. Go." He said urgently as he ushered her toward the house.
Bella fumbled with her house keys, her heart racing madly in her chest. Despite the bizarre circumstances she had to admit this was the first time she had felt so alive in months. She didn't have time to ponder this revelation as Jake was warning her to hurry. She quickly grabbed the keys to the Chevy which were hanging on a hook near the door and hurried back over to him. She was surprised she didn't stumble once. It must have something to do with the unaccustomed adrenaline surging through her body.
Jake snatched the keys from her and opened the truck, literally picking her up and shoving her in the passenger seat all in one fell swoop. Bella held onto the dash as he joined her in the cab and switched on the engine. It rumbled to life, startling her with how loud it sounded. It had been so long since she had driven the truck. Jake quickly backed out of the drive and swivelled the truck around as he headed out onto the open road. As they roared away, the engine whining all the way as Jake floored the accelerator; Bella thought she saw three shadowy figures standing beneath the trees surrounding her house. She jumped again when Jake let out a loud whoop, his hands letting go of the steering wheel as he laughed loudly in triumph. The truck swerved, narrowly avoiding sliding into the verge, but Jake quickly grabbed the wheel again, correcting its course. He turned to look at Bella and grinned at her as she stared at him as if she had never seen him before.
"Where are we going?" Bella asked after a while as the miles flashed by. They had been driving aimlessly for the last two hours. She began to worry about her dad and Billy. She was feeling guilty about taking off without a word. She remembered how upset Charlie had been when he had thought she had run away before.
"I have no fucking idea." Jacob shrugged as he stared straight ahead.
Bella kept quiet for a moment. She glanced at him covertly, trying to read his intentions. Since his elation at escaping his brothers, his mood had darkened again. He was frowning, one hand gripping the steering wheel, the other holding onto her. She didn't know what to do. Part of her felt like him, she wanted to drive, drive somewhere far away so she could escape her problems. Put off for another few days the decision she was going to be forced to make regarding her future. But the rational part of her knew this was an impossible wish. Bella had tried being reckless once and it had nearly killed her. "We have to go back." She said softly.
Jake's whole body tensed at her words. He glanced at her; his dark eyes were filled with anger. "Why?"
"We can't run." Bella hated seeing the panic flash across his face.
"I have spent my whole damn life doing what was expected of me." Jake said bitterly. "So yes I can run again if I want. I am owed some time." He stared her straight in the eyes as he hammered his next point home. "You owe me some of your time. I want to be alone with you, with no interruptions. After all the fucking bloodsucker gets an eternity."
Bella sucked in a deep breath. His words were like a slap in the face. She sank lower in her seat, her nails digging into her palms as she tried to control her wayward emotions. This was a side of Jake she hadn't seen before, a more hardened bitter version of himself. Running so long as a wolf had changed him, she could sense the Alpha force coming to the fore. It was written all over him, the way he spoke, the way he carried himself, and the almost feral edge he had about him now. She had recognised the same traits in the others, especially Paul and Sam, but now it was becoming stronger in Jake. Whatever ambivalence he had felt about becoming a wolf and running with the pack had left him now. He had embraced it, and was no longer willing to be ruled by anyone but himself.
"Well?" Jake glanced at her again when she didn't answer.
"Yes, I owe you." Bella choked out.
Jake relaxed a little. He slowed down and pulled into a gas station. "We need to fill up." He paused for a moment. "Do you have any money?"
Bella nodded. "I have a credit card." It was Edward's. He had given it to her in case of emergencies. It had limitless credit attached to it.
"I take it the bloodsucker gave that to you." He sneered. "How ironic that he'll be the one to pay for our little road trip? Do you know the pin?" Bella nodded. "Well there's a cashpoint over there, draw out as much as you can. I don't want the leech tracking us down by following our credit trail." He slipped out of the cab and began to fill up the truck with gas.
Bella called her father at the gas station. He asked her a torrent of questions and it was a few moments before she could get him to quieten down. "Jake and I are going away for a few days."
"You are joking, Bella. Get home right now." Charlie ordered. He was beyond angry that they had both taken off like that. Billy was upset when Jake couldn't be found and he was panicking he had taken off again.
Bella closed her eyes. She felt so consumed with guilt but on the other hand she knew she and Jake needed this. They needed some time away to confront whatever this was between them. "I can't do that, dad. I'm sorry. I promise you we'll be back in a few days. Please trust me."
"Trust you." Charlie huffed. "How can I trust you when you keep making these insane decisions? And what about your so called fiancé?"
Bella winced when he brought up Edward. The next call was going to be to him and she was dreading it. "Please dad. I have to go. Look out for Billy and tell him we will be back soon. We need to do this." Before Charlie could protest anymore Bella put the phone down. She felt Jake come up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. "He's angry and rightly so." She muttered.
"We need this, Bells." Jacob's tone was softer now. He had wondered whether she would even go through with it, and it had eased some of his hurt when she had not reneged on her promise to give him some time.
"I need to call Edward now and let him know I will be gone for a few days." Bella picked up the payphone again but Jacob put his hand over hers and pushed it back in its cradle. "What are you doing?" She looked up at him in confusion. She could feel the underlying electric charge sparking between them at his touch and it both repelled and drew her to him.
"Let the leech stew for a few days. Come on." Jake stared her down until she shoved him away and marched out of the gas station.
"Fine." She yelled at him over her shoulder.
Jake could tell she was pissed. It had been such a long time since he had seen Bella's fiery side. "Welcome back, honey." He said under his breath as he followed after her.
A/N-thank you for reading!