A Matter of the Heart
Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to Stephanie Meyer.
A/N-thank you for the kind reviews. Nikki
Part Seven-A Moment in Time
"Can I take your order?" The waitress pulled a pencil from behind her ear as she feasted her eyes on Jacob. Bella thought the woman was practically salivating. She cleared her throat irritably to gain the woman's attention, but the waitress ignored her and focused all her attention on Jacob, who was still flipping through the menu. "I haven't seen you around here before? Visiting?" She asked him.
"Excuse me I have an order." Bella said testily. She could see the flicker of amusement in Jake's eyes and it only pissed her off more. He was enjoying the attention, in fact had been at every stop they had made so far whether it was to eat or fill up the truck with gas. If there were any females within hailing distance you could guarantee they flocked to Jake like moths to a flame.
The waitress sighed heavily as she forced her eyes to leave Jacob's inviting six pack and focus instead on the skinny girl sitting opposite him. "Yes?" She arched an eyebrow and waited impatiently for Bella to speak.
"Thank you." Bella took a deep breath as she tried to contain the green eyed monster which was trying to break free from her chest. Yes, Jake may turn into a wolf, but Bella was certain now that she had her own equivalent inside her body, fighting to surface at moments such as these. "I want the salad, and he'll have the mac and cheese with a side order of fries…"
"Make that two." Jacob put the menu down and smiled ingratiatingly at the waitress, who nearly swooned at the sudden attention he was giving her.
"Sure thing, sugar." The waitress winked at Jake as she scribbled down his order, she then none too discreetly wrote her number down and placed it in Jake's open palm as he passed the menu back to her. "I get off at eight, if you fancy more congenial company." She glanced at Bella meaningfully before sashaying off.
Bella's mouth dropped open. Had that just really happened? She was livid. Bella glared at Jake as he began to laugh at her irritated expression. "Oh come on, Bells. It's quite funny when you think about it." He reached across the table that separated them and flashed her an indulgent smile. "She has nothing on you, honey."
Bella snatched her hand back before he could take it. She wasn't in the mood for teasing. In fact she wasn't in the mood for anything. They had been on the road for a day and a half and today's debacle had only served to make her regret her hasty decision to come with him. So much for spending quality time together so they could talk. So far she had been forced to witness half the female population hitting on him right in front of her, and she could see he was lapping it up. It was as if he was deliberately trying to rile her by invoking her jealous side. But she wasn't jealous; she was just annoyed at herself for leaving her fiancé behind while she indulged her stupid best friend on this ridiculous adventure so he could wave the many phone numbers he had collected in her face.
"Earth to Bella." Jake waved his hand in front of her face, effectively pulling her out of her funk. "Where did you go?"
"Back home where I belong." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. She saw his face darkening and she rushed to apologise to him, but he resolutely ignored her. When the waitress returned with their order and a huge flirtatious smile, he grinned at the irritating woman and engaged her in a pathetic conversation which only made Bella wish to recant her earlier apology. "You know he was fleas." She blurted out to the waitress, effectively cutting their conversation short. "He's nothing but a dog." She stabbed her fork in her salad and gave him a triumphant stare.
Jacob matched her glare. "Ignore her, she prefers a cold Popsicle to a flesh and blood man."
The waitress flicked her eyes between them having no idea what was going on. They continued to snipe at each other as if she wasn't even there, and in the end she just walked away. "Your hanger on has gone." Bella ate her salad slowly as she watched Jake shrug nonchalantly.
"Who cares?" Jake bit into his burger and chewed it thoughtfully. It only took him four bites before he had consumed it completely. Bella would never get over his huge appetite. "You were jealous." He said mildly as he started on the second burger.
Bella snorted derisively. "As if?"
"You were jealous." Jake eyed her speculatively as he finished off the second burger and wiped his mouth on one of the paper napkins. "Why?"
"Why what?" Bella refused to look at him as she pushed her salad away. She had suddenly lost her appetite.
"Don't play words games, Bells. Why are you jealous? What do you care if another woman shows an interest in me? You're supposed to be happily engaged to another man." He grimaced. "If you can call Cullen a man that is."
"Stop it." Bella snapped indignantly. "Stop calling Edward names. He is not here to defend himself." She stood up suddenly and grabbed the cheque. "I'm going to pay. No doubt you'll have stuffed the rest of that crap in by the time I'm done." Bella stalked off toward the cashier without looking back.
They were back on the road again. Neither of them had spoken for the last hour. Bella was deliberately turned away from Jake, staring out of the window as the miles dragged by. Jake kept his eyes trained on the road, refusing to apologise. Let her stew. The last couple of days had been extremely tense. Bella had been on edge, obviously worrying about not being in contact with the leech. This irked Jake considerably. He had wanted her full attention while they were alone, but no Cullen's ghost was still there, coming between them. Just thinking about the leech made him feel angry and resentful. Why couldn't Bella put him first for once? He was wasting his time with her; the little voice in the back of his head kept nagging at him. The voice sounded very much like his dad. Jake had called Billy the night before and apologised for taking off again without a word. The conversation had been tense, but eventually Billy had told him he just hoped he knew what he was doing. Jake had admitted he had no idea, but assured his father that they would return in a few days as promised.
After a few hours Jake pulled over to the side of the road in order to rest his eyes and stretch his legs. Bella had fallen asleep for a while, and when she felt the truck stop moving she jolted awake. "Where are we?" It was the first words either had spoken to each other and her voice sounded loud in the tense silence.
"On the road to nowhere." Jake said dully as he slipped out of the cab and leaned against the driver's door. He suddenly felt hopeless, as if everything he was trying to achieve was pointless. Bella was never going to change her mind. Yeah, he could play childish games and try to provoke her jealousy, it stroked his flagging ego a little to see her react, but in the end it meant nothing and they ended up full of resentment and right back to square one again.
Bella climbed out of the truck and hesitantly joined him. She could feel his hurt. The bitterness had left his face and he now looked defeated. She felt the same. Nothing had been resolved between them. Not like they had hoped. Instead they had spent the whole time away just arguing pointlessly and scoring points off of each other. Because in the end nothing had changed, she was engaged to Edward, she loved him, and she loved Jake too. Not for the first time she wished she could rip herself in two. She would give Jake the better part of herself, the part that wanted to remain human and explore a life with him, and the other half to Edward, where she could turn and live a life free from worry. No longer would she be clumsy weak Bella Swan, but she would be strong, beautiful, someone who people noticed and admired, someone who….she stopped as an image began to form in her mind. There she stood, a cold marble statue, the only thing moving was her long, silky hair as it blew in the wind, her eyes were no longer brown, but a strange mixture of amber with golden flecks. There was sadness about her, a sadness she couldn't quite place, a sadness born of regret. Looking down Bella realised she was looking down on Jake's grave. Nausea welled in her gut and she had to turn quickly as she threw up her lunch on the side of the road.
"Do you feel better now?" Jake was stroking her hair as he sat next to her in the cab of the truck. He had scooped her up in his warm arms and carried her inside, carefully making sure not to jostle her in case she was sick again. She still looked pale but her face was no longer white. "Must have been that salad."
"Yeah." Bella agreed faintly. There was no way she was going to tell him about the frightening image her subconscious had thrown up. Thinking about it now made her feel sick again. She leaned into him, her ear pressed to his chest so she could hear the strong beat of his heart. His warmth was soothing and she rested her hand on his knee unthinkingly as she counted the beats of his heart.
Jake fidgeted a little. Her touch, however innocent, always made him feel hot. He cleared his throat and placed his hand over hers, taking it off of his knee, it was too intimate. He felt the same undercurrent of electricity flow between them and he revelled in the feeling for a moment. It was always more pronounced when they were like this, just sitting quietly together, drawing comfort from each other's presence. He wasn't sure what had Bella so distressed, but he didn't want to pressure her. It was a relief to have a break from the constant push and pull between them.
"Jake, I'm frightened." Bella whispered.
"Frightened? Of what?" Jake continued to stroke her hair.
"Of losing you… losing myself. I frighten myself a lot of the time. The thoughts that go through my head and the bad dreams." Bella's voice faltered. She was explaining things badly as always. She made no sense, even to herself. How would Jake be expected to understand her?
"You're not the only one who feels like their world is unstable, honey." Jake said gently. "I feel like that too. I have done since my mom died."
Bella raised her head and looked up at him. He had put what she was feeling into a few simple words. How did he always know her so well? Edward always complained he wished he could read her mind as he failed to understand her a lot of the time. "I never felt like I had a home." She confessed. "Mom was always on the move. It was like she was trying to escape from herself, but it was impossible. I get that from her. I'm always trying to be someone else, all of the time. I try to be a dutiful daughter to Charlie, I try to be my mom's best friend instead of a daughter, and I try to be the adoring, compliant girl that Edward craves…" She took in a quavering breath. "But you…you always force me to be myself, and sometimes I resent you for it."
Jake kissed the top of her head. He felt relieved that Bella was opening up to him. She hadn't done that in so long. Not since Cullen had returned. She had been hiding who she was inside, but now she was beginning to question herself. Maybe he had been right to get her away from Cullen's influence. "I resent you too at times, honey." He smiled sadly. "You're the only one who gets under my skin and forces me to challenge myself. It just makes me love you more than ever."
Bella giggled suddenly, a joyous sound to Jake's ears. He hadn't heard her laugh in so long. "We're a right pair, aren't we?" She mused when her laughter died away.
Jake grinned and it lit up his whole face. Bella reached up and trailed her fingers across his full lips, the tips tingling as she did so. "Let's just stay here forever, okay?" She murmured. "Nothing can harm us while we're together, right in this moment, can it?"
"No, nothing can hurt us while we're together." Jake agreed. He pressed his lips into her hair and held her tightly in his arms as a single tear rolled down his cheek.
A/N-thanks for reading!