AN: I've finally decided to make this ten chapters. If I come up with new story lines and ideas I'll add to it but before then I want to give the story closure. Enjoy!
They were no longer in France but in Chisinau, Moldova. The base in Paris was completely gone, like it had never existed. Even though Alex and Lilly had said Hydra didn't know where they were, they had moved just to make sure. Now, a week later, Jack was healing up nicely but he still needed a lot of rest and his bones would take the longest out of everything to heal.
Brock was currently running, much like Jack and he had done in France, only for now he was alone. Or at least he should have been.
"Will you just leave me alone," Brock growled to the people behind him. Why couldn't he just have a peaceful day? He just wanted to run. Not be stalked by these two.
"Oh come on. You know you only have to say it and we'll leave."
Brock shook his head. "I'm telling you to leave."
"You really aren't."
Brock stopped running and spun around. "Fine! Just leave! Leave! Get out! Fuck off!"
"People are staring Brock." They were. A lot of them too. Brock was pretty sure at least someone was laughing at him though a glare at all the people was enough to quite the noise.
Brock turned away from Alex and Lilly, trying to concentrate on what was actually in front of him, not just in his head. Speaking of heads, Lilly and Alex had theirs back, at least sometimes. Sometimes he'd wake up and they'd be standing over his bed, headless and yet still able to speak.
They had come the first night he'd slept alone and not in Jack's hospital room. Now they wouldn't go away. Brock didn't think it was guilt. If he could, he'd kill them again. It was more from the horror of what he did to them and the fact he'd done it without having to think. Like he was a machine, capable of anything. He suddenly had an idea of what it must have been like inside the Winter Soldier's head.
His purpose in Hydra had been to do anything and everything if necessary. But those were orders, coming from someone else. Brock had killed his former colleagues without any help, never once doubting himself. It made him feel inhuman.
And the nightmares were back now. Though besides being crushed and trapped and having Jack gone, they were also accompanied by two headless bodies. Neither Lilly or Alex wanted to leave.
His run done and Alex and Lilly still there, Brock arrived at the new AIM base, immediately going to Jack's room. All cuts had healed, leaving ugly scars and the bruises had nearly disappeared along with the swelling. He still had a hard time breathing but he could sit up now when he wanted to and was allowed some to little movement.
Jack smiled when Brock came in and Brock quickly kissed him, just to remind himself that Jack would be alright and to have a chance to close his eyes from Alex and Lilly. Keeping his back to those two, he asked, "How are you doing?"
"As well as I did yesterday," Jack responded. "How's Moldova?"
Brock began to describe some of the shops he'd seen and the people and streets when his vision wavered and suddenly Alex and Lilly were in front of him. He tried to keep his eyes on Jack but they were still within eyesight, causing Brock to every now and again glance their way.
"What are you looking at?" interceded Jack looking where Brock had been looking but obviously seeing nothing.
"It's nothing, just thought I saw a rat."
"A rat? This place is cleaner than a sterile Shield containment facility. I'm pretty sure you don't have to worry about any rats," said Jack with a smirk.
"Ha ha, I'm not worried about rats. I just thought I saw one. Can I continue with the story now?"
Brock continued talking and as the minutes passed, he finally stopped to say he'd go get lunch for the two of them as Jack was beginning to look hungry. Before he did that though, he went to Dr. Dubois.
"I think there's something wrong with me," Brock said before he second guessed himself or lost his nerve. "I can't get them out of my head." He said all this not out of loyalty but because when you're selling a broken object, it's more honorable to inform the client that it is broken.
Dr. Dubois only let a small frown show, looking at Brock curiously. "Who? The Hydra agents you killed?"
"They're standing at you're right," Brock said. He watched the doctor glance over just as Alex smirked and Lilly poked Dr. Dubois. "They just won't…I thought I should inform you."
Brock began to leave but stopped as Dubois asked, "Is this a resignation letter?"
"Well technically I was never employed," replied Brock, not turning around. Alex and Lilly were still back there. "Or will you force me to stay?"
"I will not." Dr. Dubois sighed, "But you are still an asset to us whether you think it or not. It is also easier dealing simply with you and your partner and not having to search up new missionaries whenever we need something retrieved. I may be able to do something about the hallucinations. They aren't drug induced are they?"
"Of course they aren't damn it!"
"I just had to make sure. I could possibly stop them."
"And if I said no?"
"Then nothing would come of it. I understand if you don't want me digging into your head anymore than necessary, but if they still proceed, I would suggest getting help from someone at least."
Brock gave a small nod and headed out to get lunch for him and Jack, imaginary footsteps following behind him.
The modern scope of Chisinau was very much like Paris. It was the back allies, the museums, and people, that made it different. It was harder to get around as the main languages there were Ukrainian and Russian, but Brock and Jack (once he was well enough) managed. After he had healed enough that AIM didn't feel a need to look after him, they set up another place for them, even though Brock hadn't said anything about staying.
He had finally asked Dubois for help on the hallucinations when Jack began to notice to much. He didn't want to worry the other more than he had to.
The drugs worked better some days than others and they even helped his dreams a bit. The shorter amount of time that he saw Alex and Lilly made it easier to remember that they weren't even there. Nevertheless, he should have known he wouldn't be able to keep it from Jack forever.
Now that it was Jack that needed healing and not Brock, Brock was less anxious to jump around and get up and move. Instead, he assured Jack that he was fine staying at their place (an apartment instead of a hotel now). Jack had said something stupid that had Brock rolling his eyes and caused him to lightly punch the other in the arm. Then he'd kissed him, slow and deep. Brock had moved closer, placing one hand on the other side of Jack while Jack gripped his waist and pulled him forward.
At first, when Brock pulled back, all he saw was Jack. Then he blinked and Alex and Lilly popped into view, shredded and bloodied stumps laughing and saying, "It's been a while oh wondrous leader."
It took all his control not to leap back. Because of course Jack didn't see the things obstructing his view. He just saw Brock's face frozen, his eyes haunted and fearful.
"Brock."
The hand on his cheek, contorting the headless corpses, was a comfort Brock needed and he quickly leaned into it.
"What's wrong?"
"Everything. Technically nothing," Brock replied, closing his eyes.
"Don't get fucking cryptic now. Just tell me what's wrong."
"We're being watched," Brock responded but just as Jack was tensing up, he added, "But they aren't real."
"What—"
"They're here," whispered Brock, as if by whispering the hallucinations wouldn't hear him. "Alex and Lilly."
"You shouldn't have to worry about them. They're gone for good. Dead."
"I know," Brock replied. "I think…I think I need to tell you what exactly happened when they took you."
Jack had seen the odd looks, the slight twitch when there was nothing there. He had wanted to say something, anything! But he knew Brock never would have opened up. He would have shut himself away even more until he would just explode. At least that's what Jack had thought. Brock stopped looking over his shoulder as much, he seemed to ease up, and then this.
There was no explosion, no scream, or shouts of profanity. Just a jolt and then a look of such fear that it looked alien on Brock's face.
"What's wrong?"
Jack needed to know how to help Brock, in any way he could. And then when he was told that they were hallucinations, Alex and Lilly, Jack felt even more helpless. Maybe psychologists had their ways of fighting demons but how do you fight someone else's? How do you protect the person you love from their own head?
"I think…I think I need to tell you exactly what happened when they took you."
Brock was clearly nervous but he immediately started talking, not slowing down as if something was chasing him.
Jack listened patiently, watching as Brock's eyes moved back and forth, watched his head shake as if silent voices were getting to loud. He listened to how Brock felt, how he had found Jack. He listened to the aftermath and the torture, to the point when Alex and Lilly first showed up again.
"And it's not guilt. I know that! I've thought it over a million times and it's not! I just…" and finally Brock stopped as if something had come over him, some sort of realization. "I don't feel guilty about my actions. I feel guilty that my actions mean I'm not worthy of you. That I don't deserve you."
Jack pushed himself up further despite the discomfort, making sure he was face-to-face with Brock. Keeping him close, supporting his head, he whispered, "Why the hell would you ever think that?"
Now Brock was looking away. "It was inhuman, monstrous. I can't—"
"Two thousand three."
"What?"
"The year a Shield agent was digging to deeply into the databases. You were ordered to kill her, make it look like an accident."
"Yes but—"
"And the year after that, our entire team took out a village for Pierce. We killed them all to help his political agenda. Then—"
"Is this supposed to make me feel better because it's honestly making me feel like a pile of shit," interrupted Brock.
"Well that's not the point and I'm certainly not trying to sugar coat any of this," Jack responded. "Because I was right beside you when we wiped out that village. I've murdered a reporter, a politician, a man who saw to much. My point is that you sure as hell aren't any more monstrous than me. Some people might say we're fine, that we just need to be given a second chance. Others would have said the moment we joined Hydra that we shouldn't be considered a part of the human race.
"But either way, we both have done terrible things for our own reasons and we will most likely continue doing terrible things until the day we die. Not because we're evil, not because we're grotesque creatures, but because we're good at it. It's what keeps us alive. It's what protects us from Shield and Hydra, what pushed us to this point in our lives. And we'll continue to do this not because we can't break this habit, not because it's easier than an alternative, but because as messed up as it is, we have always enjoyed it on some fucked up level so don't you dare say you don't deserve me because if that's the case I sure as hell don't deserve you."
Jack waited. Brock looked utterly stunned, like he couldn't comprehend what Jack had just said. He looked to the side, shuttered slightly, then straightened his back a little more. He glanced over again and though Jack was sure they were still there, Brock no longer seemed as afraid.
"Why the hell are you so good with words?"
"I write poetry."
"I'm trying to understand you so don't make a damn joke out of it."
"Sorry."
Jack waited. Brock regulated his breathing. Finally Brock said, "I'm sorry I'm so fucked of."
"Don't say you're sorry. You never have to say that to me," Jack replied, finally leaning back and relaxing his body. "I just want to have a quite night, alright? Ignore Lilly and Alex and remember I'm here. Got it? I don't care what you did. It doesn't change how I feel about you."
Brock nodded, laying back down on the bed beside Jack, still being careful of Jack's condition.
Later, Jack made sure he stayed awake longer than Brock, just in case if some nightmare awoke him or if he needed him. His sleep was restless but he didn't wake up and eventually Jack fell asleep too.
"No way."
Dr. Dubois' usually calm face revealed a stunned expression. "I just gave you all the information you know to take down one of the biggest risks of any organization anywhere and you say no?"
"If there had been a chance to put down the Winter Soldier during my years at Hydra, I probably would have done it. But the original person is coming back despite everything. He may be a threat but he's not the threat that you believe him to be," replied Brock. He was currently alone with Dr. Dubois.
"And if someone is able to replicate Hydra's technology? If they're able to control him in some way?"
"Then I'll do everything in my power to free him first. It's no longer my job to keep him in line." Brock sighed. "And if that doesn't work then I'll kill him."
"Sometimes I do not understand you," Dr. Dubois said with a small shake of his head. "Do you have no reason to want to take down the Winter Soldier?"
"If anything, he was part of my team, brain washed or not. For those that stay out of my way, that don't hunt me down, I'll leave them be. Besides, I'm not Pierce. Pierce knew him for decades. I was his handler but Pierce was the one actually pulling the strings. Is there no one else you want me to take care of?"
"There's plenty. I simply thought you'd like this assignment. Apparently I presumed to much."
"Now that statement is correct. You may be helping me with my hallucinations and dreams but don't think for a second you really understand me."
"I understood. In that case there is a Hydra agent we need you to look into, see if there is any way of extracting her."
"Fine. If there is, Jack and I will figure it out and send her to you soon. Where is she?"
"Italy. All the information is in here," Dr. Dubois replied, handing Brock a folder. "Inform me on your intent in four days time. We have already prepared for your leave whenever you require it."
"Got it." Brock turned to leave but Dr. Dubois stopped him once more.
"One other mission, one I got wind of. A politician needs a competitor taken out. There is a large sum of money in it and if you decide to take it on, I will only ask ten percent from you."
Taking the other folder, Brock's eyes widened as he realized how much money the woman was actually asking for. "But this doesn't have anything to do with you. Why would you give me the option of it?"
"AIM can provide you with information, weapons, and its own form of protection. However, we are not overflowing with money. This mission would allow you to make a name for yourself, do what you wish to do, begin making your own salary and backup plan if you decide to leave us, and for the moment also allows income for AIM as well. Ten percent is a small amount but when the entire bounty is taken into account, it would mean a great deal to us."
"I'll think about it."
"That's fine. It is only a suggestion."
Brock gave a small nod and left the base, heading back to the apartment. His hallucinations occurred occasionally but with Jack's acceptance, they no longer bothered him as much. Jack was completely healed as well and with both files in hand, Brock was sure Jack would be itching to get started.
"So what do you think?" he asked once he'd reached there.
Jack begin to look over them again as he mumbled, "Not bad. Getting rid of the politician's competitor will be child's play so we should definitely take that job, though we of course need to be careful as something else may be in play. The extracting of the Hydra agent will also be difficult but we may be able to do it. I suggest we fly to Italy tomorrow and begin scoping out the area to get a better idea. On a different note, I can't believe you refused a mission from Dubois."
"Hey, I honestly didn't want to take it," responded Brock. "Besides, it was one of those ways that I could figure out if he meant everything he was saying. He may find some other missionary to take care of Winter but at least for now I know he won't push us to do anything we don't want to do."
"Fair enough," Jack replied. He paused, seeming thoughtful until he finally said, "It feels good with a goal in mind again, a mission. I can't believe it's taken us this long to finally get one."
"Well it has been a hectic last few months," Brock said with a small grin.
"So, I'm curious," commented Jack as he took a couple of steps back and fell on the bed. "What would you do if they asked you to kill Rogers?"
"I don't know. If he was a viable threat then sure. Like I told you before, I'm not pissed off with him, I just feel indifferent. So yeah, I guess I would if they asked."
"And the other Avengers?"
"Sure if I thought I had a chance. Most are nearly impossible to find unless they're all grouped together though. I sure as hell wouldn't want to fight all of that," Brock replied as fell beside Jack.
"And Falcon?"
"He's not a fucking Avengers."
"I think I hear some resentment."
"Of course there is and you knew it would," Brock responded, sitting up and then turning to straddle Jack. "Do you really like pissing me off that much?"
"I thought it might prove to be interesting," said Jack innocently. "Besides, I was honestly curious."
"You're such a fucking liar. You just like winding me up."
"Of course. That way I can calm you down again." Jack easily flipped Brock back over and bent down. "Finally, we're going to be back in the game again."