We both said some things we didn't mean
We took our cheap shots, didn't we?
You grabbed your coat and keys and said
"I think I need to leave right now"
In the dark, nothing but a streetlamp to light the room, I sit on the floor next to where Eren was minutes ago. I reach for the whisky bottle, only to realize it's already been emptied by the one I love. The one I'll most likely never win back. "Fuck!" in a fit of rage, I toss the bottle at the wall, watching it shatter just like my heart. Just like Eren's heart. I ran a hand through my hair, pulling at the longer strands, hoping it'll wake me from the nightmare I walked into. I should have never let Erwin get so close. I felt nothing but hate at the blonde, but it wasn't as much as the hate I felt towards myself. Eren had been my everything, and I had fucked it up. I couldn't even come up with a good reason to why I did what I did. The attraction to Erwin was only physical and I should have fought against it. I was weak and with that weakness, came the destruction of my marriage. Everyone had told us that we were too young. No one believed we would make it, and I just showed everyone that they were right. I didn't even notice when I started crying, but as soon as I did, I started sobbing. My eyes flickered to the gold wedding band lying on the floor, the light from outside reflecting off the still perfect band. My body moved on its own accord and grabbed the ring from its resting place. I couldn't keep myself up any longer and lay down on the floor. Dirt and germs were the last thing on my mind. I just wanted my Eren back.
I still love you, darling
With every inch of my heart
Even when I don't want to,
I still love you
I still love you.
It had been a week. One week, but it felt like forever. The bed I had been laying in all week became too big. Nights became colder without being wrapped in the arms of my beautiful angel. After Eren left, it had taken me hours to get up and clean the mess I had made. Cleaning up glass had evolved into cleaning every inch of the apartment. As soon as I had nothing left to clean, I laid in bed, hugging Eren's pillow close. I'm pretty sure I hadn't moved from the spot all week, and that's how Isabel found me. She took one look at my pathetic figure and sighed. I closed my eyes and inhaled the fading scent of my lover. The bed shifted as the redhead pulled me up from my pity party and all but pushed me into the shower. I didn't bother to listen to what she was saying. I looked in the mirror, only to cringe at what I saw. My raven colored locks were sticking up in all directions. My gray eyes were dull and lifeless. Not to mention they were framed with dark spots from where I hadn't slept. I turned away and quickly got in the shower.
"Where are we going brat?"
"It's a surprise." The brunet smiled as his eyes glistened with excitement. My heart melted and I couldn't help the smile that had made its way onto my lips. I let him lead me to a hill in the middle of Shiganshin, in the middle of the night. A single tree grew at the top. He laid down on the grass and laughed as I looked at him in disgust. Laying in dirt was not something I was comfortable with. He shook his head and pulled his sweater off, laying it on the grass next to him. "Come on Levi." I knew I was fucked when his eyes got wider and his lips turned into a pout. Eren's puppy dog eyes were something no one on planet earth could deny. I sighed and laid down next to him, careful to keep my head on the sweater. He smiled again and grabbed my hand. I watched him and his gaze lifted up to the stars above. A content smile settled on his face. "They're absolutely beautiful." He murmured.
"Yeah they are." I wasn't speaking about the stars. His gaze turned to me and I knew he was blushing. I couldn't help it as I leaned over and kissed him. As I expected, he kissed back. It was full of love, and although we hadn't told each other those words yet, we both knew how the other felt. I pulled back and just drank in his features. I could stare at this boy all day. He was a work of art and I was so lucky he was mine."I love you"
"I love you too."
I close my eyes and see your face
Can feel the touch, can almost taste
Lie to myself that I'm okay
But the thought of you stops me
I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when divorce papers ended up on my doorstep. A month had passed and although I had become a functional member of society again, I still wasn't okay. This just reminded me that I wasn't okay. I thought I could do this, but I couldn't. The reality of never having Eren in my arms again hit me like a ton of bricks. There would be no making up. No fight that would lead to laughter as we came to the realization that we were being stupid. I would never be able to watch him sleep or hear him mutter I love you before sleep took him over. It was all crumbling down and i wasn't okay with that.
I still love you darling
With every inch of my heart
Even when I don't want to,
I still love you.
I still love you, darling
I live and die by your side
Even when you don't want to
I still love you
I still love you
I still love you.
I stared at the house I knew all too well. Memories full of love, laughter, and family ran through my head. I hadn't been here in a while and being here now, It felt like I didn't belong. With a shaky hand, I knocked on the wooden door. The door opened moments later and the surprise that crossed those brown eyes of my lover's mother had me almost breaking down. Carla Yeager gave me a warm smile. I wish she hated me. I didn't deserve her smile or welcoming hug. "He's in his old room." She said as she went back towards the kitchen. I got a glimpse of Mikasa. She didn't bother to hide the death glare.
The walk up to Eren's room was shorter than I remember. When we were dating, I could never get up here fast enough, now it was to short of a walk. Not enough time for me to process that I was about to see the love of my life again after a month of no communication. I stopped outside the door and took a deep breath. I could do this. I had to. I wasn't about to let him walk out of my life.