A/N: Mary is part of the company. How unexpected! Thank you Borys, you're an angel sent from the Valar. Mary is also sent from the Valar.

Mary grumbled as her feet walked over leaves, without making a crunching sound. She liked the hobbit, though she really wished he could stay out of trouble.

As she walked slowly (she was unfortunately behind Bombur) in the darkness, the light of a fire glared at her. A large, hideous being held a shaking Bilbo, upside-down. Snot dripped off his entire body.

Everybody silently watched as he was shook, and called a nasty little rabbit, until Kíli, reckless fellow, ordered he (the troll, you know) to drop him. The dwarves all charged out. Mary almost followed them, until she realized this was a battle that could not be won. She needed to make a plan, a clever plan that only she was capable of carrying out.

Mary miraculously found a set of five throwing knives. Well, they weren't throwing knives, but she happened to be a natural at throwing knives. She was a natural at everything, though, right!

Mary's plan started off successful, that is, until she was grabbed by Bert's meaty fist. Her epic troll battle went like this-

She threw two daggers at William, almost nailing his eyes, had he not rubbed his eyes. Tom noticed the knives flying, and looked all around. Mary dove into a bush. They looked all around for several minutes, until they gave up. Mary tried throwing two more knives, at Bert, but, he then sadly bent down. Tom spotted her. As he reached out for her with his ridiculously long hands, she gracefully leaped out of his way, with cat-like precision. She somersaulted in between his legs, and stabbed his knee with her sword that she got from nowhere. William grabbed her. She was stuffed in a sack.

Present time

Mary was almost completely sure there was no hope. Until Bilbo hopped towards the ugly things. He began talking to them, stating they were cooking the dwarves wrong.

Mary decided to join Bilbo.

"You should put them in medium water, with sage and thyme!" She said, with much confidence.

"The burrahobbit said not to use sage," grunted William. "Which one of you is right?" He asked. Mary raised her chin higher, to look confident.

"That is a good question," she said, glowing with confidence.

Tom glared at Mary and grabbed her roughly. She did not moan in pain. What a splendid young lady!

"What about this thing?" Tom gruffly asked .

Bilbo laughed uneasily.

"Look how pretty she is. Would you want to eat her?"

Pulling down her saw her beauty; her stormy, grey-blue eyes, her softly pointed ears, her midnight black hair... She really was special, even to the eyes of a cave troll.

Fifteen minutes later, she was seated on Tom's lap, with Tom running his hands through her thick and silky could not help it: her hair was glowing silver, and trolls like silver, and her hair also had a black raspberry- vanilla scent about it. As for Mary, she was almost enjoying herself, despite their smell. All was silent, save for the crackling fire, and the angry dwarves. The silence, if you want to call it that, was broken when-

"The dawn will take you all!"

Mary tried to scramble out of the lap of the troll. She was mostly out, except for her cloak bottom, which had Tom's pointer finger and thumb pinching it. You see, the dwarves still did not see her face. Her disguise was ruined, though, when she leaped out of the trolls grasp. Her cloak popped off.

Thorin gasped. Kíli's expression was shocked, though Fíli could see what his brother was feeling. Kíli was happy she was here, and also had a little crush on her.

The dwarves gawked at her, not sure what to feel. They had respected her, because they thought she was a ranger, but now she was revealed to be an elf, Noldorin in looks, with shiny, glowy skin, and luscious black locks.

Thorin soon looked angry.

"What is the meaning of, elf?" Thorin coldly asked.

"I'm... I had to join you," began Mary, "For I am the most talented, most interesting, and most extraordinary person in the universe."

They spoke no more, and the only people who treated her with a shred of decency were Bofur, Ori, Bilbo, and Gandalf.

Gandalf pointed to the cave, and told her to go get a sword. Even though she already had one. After all, Bilbo can't get all the attention, can he? (He should, though, because this archive is called 'Hobbit').

Mary plugged her smooth, slender nose, and walked into the cave. She dug around, and eventually found a long, double edged sword. The hilt was beautiful, having a ruby encrusted top. Mary tested it, finding it light, kind of like a samurai sword. She returned to the wizard.

Gandalf cleared his throat to start speaking, but he was interrupted by a crazy looking old guy, pulled in a sleigh of the biggest rabbits Mary had ever seen.

The crazy old guy talked about a shadow rising. Mary listened carefully, wondering if her purpose was to stop the shadow. Gandalf seemed to read her mind, and shook his head.

The crazy looking old dude (whose name is Radaghast) took off his hat, and bowed to Mary. Birds flew out from under it. The conversation was interrupted when a howl rang out.

Mary gasped. She then unsheathed her sword.