River sat on her bed, curled into herself. She wanted to chase after Simon, wanted to stop Mal before he told everyone what he'd seen, but she knew it was already too late. She could hear the deafening silence in their minds, could feel their confusion and anger and, in Kaylee's case, such deep hurt. River never knew there could be such hurt in the world, and she'd been exposed to more hurt than she'd ever know what to do with. It felt like Zoe's ache after she realized her husband wasn't going to be following them into the fray, that Wash would never again make her smile or laugh or bring her to orgasm. Kaylee was so open and honest and genuinely good, and hearing Simon's words had been like an icy cold slap to the face.

River closed her eyes and listened. She listened to the conversation going on just outside the thin walls of her sanctuary. She listened as the truth came out and all the safety Simon had gotten them over the past year was washed away. She was killing them both and she knew it. Why had she been so jealous? She knew Simon loved her, she knew he could never care for Kaylee the way he did for her. Why did it matter whose bed he stayed in at night? He was hers, she was his, and no good hearted mechanic who put out was going to change that.

In the common room, Simon was nervous. Well, nervous didn't come close. Scared outta his wits was more apt. Why had he let himself slip? He and River had been so careful, so cautious. Even when he knew no one was around, he never dropped character. Of course, he'd never planned on staying on Serenity this long. He'd never thought he'd have a place where he was welcomed, where he was wanted. He never thought he'd meet someone like Kaylee.

"I reckon you got a lot to explain here, Doc," Mal began, sensing Simon's timidness. "Or are you not a doctor, anyway?"

"Damn well better be!" Jayne interjected. "I let him patch me up an' inject me with who knows what!" He scowled deeply. "You messed with me, you gonna have more'n a spitfire mechanic to lay you out."

"Let him say his piece," Mal said seriously. "'Fore we toss him out the airlock."

Simon swallowed. He had no doubt that Mal would, in fact, shove him out into the black and watch him explode. He'd better choose what he said carefully. "River is not my sister," he began, because it was as good a place as any. "We did grow up together, yes, but as neighbors. Her family semi-adopted me, since my parents were never home. So in a way, we were like siblings. Only... not." He fidgeted uneasily. He hadn't spoken about this in so long it was tough to decide what they needed to hear and what they didn't. Best to keep it to a minimal, he decided.

"That don't fit," Zoe said. "We've seen your face on all the Alliance bulletins. They got your picture listed as Simon Tam. If you two ain't family, how's that work?"

"I'm getting there," he assured her. "When I turned eighteen, I stole Simon's identity and used it as my own."

"Why?"

"Because I needed to use the family's name to get into school. My parents were new money, no one respected them. Where we come from, you need to have three generations of wealth before anyone takes you seriously. I couldn't get scholarships or grants for med school."

"That still don't fit," Zoe argued. "If River has a brother, then he'd still be listed on Alliance records as Simon Tam. We'd be seeing his face, not yours."

He shook his head. "I erased him. All his files, his fingerprints, everything. Then stuck his name on all my information."

"But how? He'd still be using-"

"He's dead."

This time Mal spoke up. "He'd have a death certificate. You can't erase that, it'd be listed in his parents records. We've seen those, too. Says they got two alive children." He quirked an eyebrow, daring this Simon person to explain that.

And he did. "They don't know he's dead."

The captain scoffed. "How could they not know? He's their son."

"No one knows. Except me and River."

"How could no one-"

"Because... I'm the one who killed him."

The words were like lead in the air. It felt like a vacuum had sucked out all the noise, coating everything in heavy silence. "When we turned eighteen together," he explained, "Simon and I went off to school. Only I never got accepted. I said that I had and moved away. Only one of us showed up to college." He bit his lip, not knowing what else to say. Actually, he did. "River and I were lovers," he continued, unable to look Kaylee's way. "And Simon hated that. And he never let us be, never left us alone. He didn't understand. So when we left home, I wrote a letter to my parents, saying I was never coming back. And then I just sent letters to his parents, as if I were him. As the years went on, I wrote less and less, and eventually they stopped trying to contact him. I guess they think he's just grown up and moved on." It was actually a lot more complicated than that, but this wasn't the time to share his ingenuity. Right now they just needed facts, not details. "So that's it," he summarized. "I don't know what else to say."

Mal was staring at him sternly, his brow furrowed. "Why'd you lie to us?" he said simply. "I don't think you being her... well, whatever you are to River- would have made us any less inclined to help you."

"You weren't inclined to help me at all," Simon reminded him. "Kaylee almost died because of it."

Mal nodded. "Yes," he said curtly. "I remember." He looked over at Kaylee to see how she was holding up. She seemed to be on a whole new level of pissed.

"So you would've let me die," she said softly. "I always thought on that and told myself you wouldn't have really, cuz you were too decent a guy. You could never let someone die. You were a doctor, and doctor's 'supposed to help people." Getting to her feet, fists balled at her side, Kaylee was ready to let hellfire loose. "But you killed someone. You really could have let me just bleed out if the cap'n hadn't done what you said. You wang ba dan!" Angry intensity burned in her normally smiling eyes. "To think, I had you in my bed! I trusted you, I coulda... I coulda loved you." Her last words were broken by a weak sob. "What's your name?" she demanded quietly.

He paused a moment. "Adam Morrell."

"That the truth?"

"Yes, Kaylee..." he said desperately. "Everything we talked about, what we said... What I said... with you, I wasn't lying."

She scoffed. "How in the hell can I believe that? You're as phony as St. Elmo's Fire. Everything you are is based on nothing. You're a murder, for cryin' out loud. You killed someone."

"Kaylee-"

"And River! What about her? You love her, don't you? You just said you did. So why're you with me, why'd you bother?" A few select tears ran down her cheeks. "Tell me."

He looked around nervously. "I really don't want to talk about this here, not now. This is... personal."

"This ain't personal!" she snapped, startling everyone so much that Jayne actually reached out to grab her in case she started swinging. "You just broke my heart in front of the whole world! This is just business to you, right? I was just a part of the plan, just a way to keep your spot on board safe? Ain't that right??"

"Yes," he admitted sharply. Apparently Kaylee had not expected this answer, or at least not in such a frank tone, because she was rendered speechless. "I couldn't tell you River wasn't my sister because then I'd have to tell you about Simon and why my face is on his name. And when you showed an interest in me, I figured this was a safe way to win everyone over so we could stay. And it worked. And I like you, Kaylee, I really do. But that's not how it started, and you should know the truth."

Too hurt, angry and sad to speak, Kaylee reared her hand back and slapped Simon hard against the cheek. He turned his face, stung. But he knew he deserved it. He deserved a lot worse. But when she reared back again, his hand shot out and grabbed her wrist hard enough to bruise. "Don't," he warned her darkly, "do that."

As soon as Simon's hand touched Kaylee's, Jayne was on his feet. He shoved the doctor against the wall, pushing Kaylee behind him. Simon let his grip go on the mechanic so Jayne didn't inadvertantly tear her arm off. The oaf never seemed to realize when he was hurting people he cared about. "That'll be a mistake you don't make twice," Jayne warned.

"Who are you?" Kaylee gaped, backing slowly away from a man she thought she'd known. They'd spent so much time together, poured their hearts out to one another. Or so she'd thought. "I feel so cheap, so dirty. So... used. I thought you was a good person."

"You didn't care what I was like," Simon retorted, shoving Jayne away. "All you saw was a nice looking doctor who you thought was handsome. I could've been a prick, you wouldn't have cared."

Kaylee's jaw dropped. "That ain't true!" she yelled, starting to cry again. "You were decent and kind-"

"I got you shot!" he yelled back. "And I used you as a bargaining chip to ensure my stay here." He wiped the sweat from his brow. "I'm amazed you're so surprised that I've been playing you all along."

Kaylee bit her lip, trying to decide which hurt worse- the fact that Simon had used her, or the fact that she really should have seen it coming. No one like her deserved a doctor. "I cared about you," she whispered softly. "Not the doctor, you. Or who I thought you were. Because I thought you cared about me. B-but I guess..." Her sobs overtook her words.

He shook his head. "You didn't care about me," he said again. "You cared about what I represented. About the fancy life I had." He waved a hand toward Jayne. "He has cared about you since the first day I stepped on board here, and you never gave him a second glance. Why? Because he's just like you. Because he's simple, an outer Rim kind of man. Kaylee, this guy would probably take a bullet for you."

"I did," Jayne interjected.

"Exactly. And you never cared to notice. Because..." He licked his lips, thinking. "Because you used me too. To feel better about yourself."

Kaylee stared at him, stunned. "The Simon I knew would never hurt me like this," she said at last. "He'd never be so cold, so awful."

"Well I'm not that Simon Tam," he reminded her. "Dong ma?" She nodded, fully understanding. Her life, her budding romance... it was gone. Turning quickly, Kaylee pushed past Mal and Inara and sped up the stairs, not stopping until she reached her bedroom where she collapsed on her bunk and sobbed.

Inara touched Mal's arm gently. "I should follow her," she said quietly. The captain nodded, then took a few steps toward the doctor. "Nice job," he said coldly.

Simon nodded. "Whatever helps," he whispered.

"So... didn't mean a word of that, then?" The doctor shook his head. "Good," Mal continued. "It's what I thought, you putting her on. Make the break easier. Let her hate you, she gets over it quicker." This was reason number one why he hated romances on the ship. It gunked up the works. "And, y'know, if I'd thought for a moment you were bein' sincere, I'd have knocked you out long time ago."

"I've no doubt of that," Simon agreed.

"Wait, you wasn't serious?" Jayne demanded, confused.

Simon shook his head. The art of subtlty and deception was always lost on Jayne. "She's all yours," he told the merc. "I'm going to get my things ready. I imagine we'll be leaving sooner than not." He pushed past Jayne, keeping his eyes to the floor. He knew his time on this ship was short, but at least it would be the only time he was ever honest.

Almost.