"Harder! Harder!"
Prince Gumball looked up from applying tiny drops of green liquid on to a thick slice of cake. "Fionna, I think I'd appreciate more if you didn't encourage them like that," he said, moving the plate further from the edge of the table.
"Sorry PG." Fionna grabbed the nearest Marshmallow Prince and sat him on her shoulders. "These guys are just way too much fun."
"Fun for some, perhaps." He twitched his lip and returned to his delicate work. "This is rather important work I want to get done. You know as well anyone else I'd love to be playing with the Marshmallow Royalty, but if this project doesn't see fruition-"
"Yeah, I know," Fionna interrupted, squishing the princess's cheeks with her fingers. "But come on, if I'm playing babysitter for you, at least let me have some fun with it."
The prince sighed and gave in. "You have a point there, no lie. Carry on, then. At least one of us should be having fun."
"We can both have fun, dude. Let's play What's Grosser?' or something! I'll start...".
"Fionna, your intentions are good, but I really can't focus on my work if I'm being asked to compare various levels of disgust between two things. Besides, I know how well you play that game. You'll win every round."
The children were rolling on their barrel-shaped bodies across the floor now. "Well fine. Then just talk about what you're doing."
Another sigh. "Alright, then. I'm applying a liquid-phase-state of Aciculabial Solution to this cake to see if it will produce numbed nerves."
"Yeah...I don't even know what that means." Fionna ducked a rogue swing of Marshmallow Prince's sugar dagger. "But it sounds important."
"In simpler terms, it makes your lips all tingly, like when your hand falls asleep."
"Tingly lips, huh..." A phantom sensation flashed across her lips. It was cold and sharp, like a strong mint.
"And if I've played my cards correctly, it should have a strong, minty taste!"
A bump on the head from Marshmallow Princess brought her back to focus. "Huh. That's...that's cool."
The prince looked up. "Something wrong, Fionna?"
"What?" She brushed the hair from her face. "Oh, it's nothing. Don't worry about it."
Pushing the dish to one side, the prince leaned forward with his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his steepled hands. "It's never nothing, Fionna. Not with you. Talk to me."
Nonchalantly blocking another blow from the Marshmallow Princess, she turned to look up at Gumball, who was staring back patiently. "Well...don't you have to do that thing you were doing?"
"I can make a little time."
She hesitated, feeling her ears turn red beneath her hat. "Oh...well...I...". Should I tell him? I haven't even told Cake, and it's been like...two weeks now. Oh Glob, he's waiting for me to answer.
She hung her head and blew a raspberry. "Okay...". Deep breath.
"So...you know how Ice Queen's been all over my butt lately?"
Oh Glob, I had to say it like that. That's the way I had to say that just now? Oh GLOB.
"I certainly do," the prince responded. "She's become quite the menace. Though I haven't seen her the past two weeks...".
Oh, he didn't catch it. Good.
"Well...that's the last time I saw her. Two weeks ago. I saw her out on Piggamee Island."
The prince raised an eyebrow. "That's quite a way out of her jurisdiction, isn't it?" He dodged a flying sugar dagger launched from the Marshmallow Prince's hand.
"Yeah..." Fionna responded, dutifully retrieving the dagger. "She said she was, uh...on vacation...and there was a dragon, and I killed it, and they threw a party, and there was all this food, and then I saw Ice Queen, and she started dancing with a root boy, and I got mad, and we got in a fight, and she...k-kiiii...kissed...me...".
For a moment only the puffy sound of Marshmallow Prince poking her sugary skin could be heard. Then Gumball adopted a confused, slightly suspicious expression. "...she what?"
"I'm serious, dude!" Fionna said, holding her arms apart. "I had her pinned against the wall, and she was talking all weird to me, saying stuff about being hot or whatever, I thought she was just jackin' with me, then she tripped me and I feel right into her! I fell, lips on lips! She made me kiss her!"
"Now, calm down," Gumball waved his hands gently. "It sounds like maybe it was more of an accident than an intention."
"No, dude. No way it was an accident." She pulled the two children away from each other, holding them at bay while explaining. "She had this look on her face...she had this weird...this trance look, like she was in a trance or something. Like a kind of happy trance. She looked like she was enjoying it."
Gumball furrowed a brow and looked down at the table in deep thought. "Well...if I know anything about the Ice Queen...and I'll be honest, I don't know all that much about her...I do know that she usually has some kind of ulterior motive for everything she does. There had to have been a reason."
"Well..." Fionna started. Her brain was grinding, like there was a thought she couldn't process that was going to escape from her mouth regardless. "She had that...that look, you know? That like...that like-like look."
Prince Gumball remained silent a moment, then responded. "It...couldn't have been that, could it? The Ice Queen's heart is a complete popsicle. Cold, hard, and artificially-flavored. Surely it must have been some kind of mind game she wanted to play with you."
Fionna smacked her lips, eyes unfocusing for a moment to think about it. Marshmallow Prince yanked on the ears of her hat, unsuccessful in removing it. She opened and shut her mouth once or twice before coming out with: "I...I don't know, dude. I just don't know. Alls I do know is that it wasn't an accident. My lips didn't get in a wreck with hers just by chance. If it's all part of her cold-calculator crazy brain games, then she's totally winning right now, cause I'm still a little freaked out and juiced off about it!"
"Fionna, calm down." She hadn't even seen him get up, but suddenly Gumball was there beside her, hands on her shoulders. "You're shaking."
She forced herself to breathe slower. She was angry again. Angry at the Ice Queen? Maybe. Angry because it didn't make sense? Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Angry because I can't understand it? Angry at myself? I don't know...I DON'T KNOW.
Once she had brought herself to an acceptable calm, Gumball released her, leaning against the table. Fionna picked up the Marshmallow Princess and looked into her glazed eyes for a moment. "She's all up in my head, PG. She's messin with me, and I don't like it." Marshmallow Princess squirmed her way to the floor.
"She makes me really mad," Fionna continued, heart slowing to a normal rate as she divulged more and more. "I really hurt her the night she broke into my bathroom. I don't know why I hit her so hard...I probably shouldn't have. But she just...she really burns my brownies, man. And I don't know why."
Gumball tilted his head skyward, looking out the window in thought. In that moment, he seemed to glow in the sunlight, like a romantic character in one of those cheesy books Fionna had read once. Emotions flashed and evolved across her face, moving from admiration to apprehension to embarrassment to indifference back to the irritation she felt about the queen. No, she didn't have time to be embarrassed about admiring Gumball when her mortal enemy might be admiring her.
"PG, I-"
A small and sudden explosion cut her off. Gumball snapped to life and ran over to the far shelf, where the unsupervised Marshmallow children were climbing and inevitably knocking various chemicals onto the floor.
With quick, sweeping motions, the prince scooped up the fragments of broken bottles as Fionna ushered the children back across the room and passed back a mop. Moments later, you wouldn't even have known anything was broken or stained.
"Efficiency." The prince enunciated in a precise, crystalline voice, then nodded with the satisfaction of a job well done. He turned to his efficient accomplice.
"Regarding Ice Queen, Fionna, I think perhaps you should do your best to push her out of your mind. Find something else to take her place in your brain. Perhaps drown yourself in a good book, or take up music. Just do what you can to keep her out of your mind."
Fionna frowned. "Just ignore her? That's all ya got, PG?"
The prince bowed his head slightly. "I'm afraid so. I can't predict or even guess at what her game is, but if you're not playing it, she can't win."
"Ignore her, huh...". The advice sounded hollow and useless to her. The queen hadn't been seen for two weeks now, but she'd been buzzing around in Fionna's mind the entire time. And she was just supposed to push those thoughts aside and forget about them? That's the answer?
"That idea is butts, PG," she said flatly. "It's dumber than a fart sandwich. I can't just stop thinking about her. That's probably just what she wants me to do. Let my guard down so she can stab me in the heart with an icicle. But on the other hand...you're smarter than I am, so maybe you know what you're talkin about here...".
Gumball shrugged. "It's honestly the best advice I can think to give. The choice to take it or not is yours."
Fionna stared at the gingerbread floor for a few moments. "Yeah..." was all she could respond with. Then she straightened up. "I think I should go back home. I need to think...and not about Ice Queen. Sorry I have to bail on you."
The prince sighed, but assented. "It's understandable. Mildly regrettable, but understandable. Come along, kids. Let's play a game of Hide The Knife."
Fionna smiled. "Thanks for understanding, dude."
With that, she shuffled out the door and walked the long way back to the treehouse in silence and solitude.
Before long she began humming and singing:
Ice Queen...a monster without a heart Ice Queen...she's as friendly as a fart She sneaks and scowls And peeks and prowls Maybe I should have killed her from the start
She paused. Kill her? No. No, that wasn't okay. Heroes don't kill their enemies.
Why not? She asked herself. You kill dragons and demons. Why not Ice Queens too?
No, that's different, she replied. Ice Queen's alive. I mean...she's more intelligent than...she has a soul. She's a person. Yeah, that's it.
Beasts have souls too. Dragons have souls. Cake has a soul. Why don't you kill Cake?
Well duh, she's good. That dragon was evil.
Ice Queen's evil. Why not kill her?
I...no, I can't kill her! It's wrong!
Why is wrong, though?
"SHUT UP!"
She stopped, looking around at the frozen faces on the lesser creatures all around her, staring back in confusion and fear.
"I mean...not you guys. The other people. Voices. Whatever. Not you guys."
Flustered, she put her head down and skipped away quickly back to the treehouse. She aimlessly cast her backpack to the floor, threw herself face-first onto the couch and screamed into a pillow.
"You home already, lugnut?" Cake poked her head out from a hole in the ceiling.
Fionna sat up and swished the hair from her face. "Yeah, I'm back. I'm just gonna chill for a while okay? Maybe play some Beemo."
"Someone says Beemo, and here is Beemo!" The animate game console hummed to life and sat down on the small table in front of her. "Plug please!"
"Ooh, sign me up for some of that!" Cake stretched her way beside Fionna on the couch and picked up a rogue controller.
"Actually, I think I'd rather go solo for a bit." She started the game in one-player mode. "Nothing personal, I just...need to kill my brain for a bit. By myself."
Cake frowned, then crossed her arms, then relaxed. Her eyelids lowered as Beemo's low-glow screen warmed them into submission.
"So...it's been pretty quiet lately, huh Fi?"
"Yup."
Cake twitched her lip. "No sand demons attacking those pixies."
"Nope."
"No hopping spiders in the brownie bake-offs."
"None."
"No bazooka squids."
"Mm-mm."
"...no Ice Queen."
No response.
"Whoa, you didn't even react!" Cake grinned. "I thought you'd flip out again for sure if I mentioned HER."
Fionna ground her teeth and swallowed. "Eh...I think I'm over it now," she lied.
"Really? Well, that's good baby. Don't let that Ice Queen get all up in your clothes."
"What?" Fionna dropped the controller, hesitated, then quickly snatched it back up in time to avoid losing a life.
"Hm? Oh, it's just an expression, girl." She scooted closer. "It means don't worry about her so much. If you let her get to you, it's like she's crawling around in your clothes. She's touchin your stuff, getting her germs all over your skin. And the only thing you can do about it is take off all your clothes and run away naked til you find some new ones!"
Fionna mashed the buttons on the controller more intensely. "...that's...um, okay, sure."
Cake put her hands on her hips. "Fio, I'm surprised at you. That was a NAKED joke. You love naked jokes!"
"What?" Fionna turned to look over at her as she fell down a lava pit. "Oh...yeah. Yeah, I do. Sorry. I'm just...I'm kind of out of it today, I guess."
There was a paw on her arm now. "All right then girl, spill it."
"Spill what?"
There was a grinning cat face in front of hers now. "You went to see Gumball today. Now you're out of it'. I want you to tell me EVERYTHING."
"What?" Fionna leaned to one side, trying to continue her game. "Cake, you know I don't have a crush on the prince."
"Mhmmm," said Cake, stretching again to block her view. "You just keep telling yourself that."
"Cake, ugh. Geez." Fionna swung hard to the other side, determined to push Cake away a little longer. "Stop it with the crush talk!"
Blocked again. "What the matter, can't talk about it with your best friend?" Cake's voice was noticeably more aggressive now.
"Cake!" Fionna squirmed beneath the growing mass of cat. "I DO NOT have a crush on Gumball!"
"Then you should have no problem tellin me what you two talked about, right?"
"UGGGGGHHHH, fine." Fionna paused the game and fought her way out from under Cake's gut. "We were talking about-"
"Ooh, wait, lemme get some tea going. This is gonna be good."
"Cake!"
The cat returned to normal size and sat beside Fionna once again. "Alright fine. Just tell me about it, then."
Fionna closed her eyes, took a deep breath and prepared to spin a complex web of lies. "We were talking about the Ice Queen."
...dang it.
"Ice Queen?" That frown returned. "Baby, didn't I just tell you not to let her get in your clothes? Did you let Ice Queen get in your pants?"
"Whaat? No! Uhh, I mean...wait...no! What?"
Cake made a face. "Oh, not like THAT. That's gross."
Calming back down, Fionna brushed the hair from her face. "Yeah. Yeah."
"Sorry, go on."
"Right." Another deep breath. "Okay, so we were trying to figure out why she keeps attacking, and why it's always ME she's after these days."
"But she hasn't attacked you in like...what, two weeks now?"
"Yeah," Fionna held up a finger. "But why did she stop all of a sudden like that?"
Cake shrugged. "Beats me. Or no, wait, probably beats her! You beat her so hard with that faucet, she's probably still bleeding and stuff!"
"No, that can't be it, Cake. She looked fine when she was on vacation on the island."
Cake leaned back and crossed her arms. "Yeah, that's what you told me. You were real mad that night, girl. Crazy mad."
"Yeah, and it was totally her fault!" Fionna threw her hands into the air and began puncturing each sentence with hand motions. "She got all hands-on with people, and she started fighting me, and she ki-almost killed me!"
It was Cake's turn to throw her hands up. "Well why didn't you wake me up for it, then?"
"Well...I, I was..." she sputtered. "She was doing stuff, and I was right there, you were way over there, so I...I started fighting her. That's all!"
"You didn't even let your best friend help you!"
"I would have," Fionna offered, somewhat desperately. "But you were asleep, and there wasn't any time, and-"
"No, you just WANTED to fight Ice Queen!"
There was an uneasy stare between the two for a moment. "...I HAD to fight her," Fionna replied testily. "Not just because I wanted to."
"No Fio," Cake insisted. "You DID want to fight her! You WANTED to beat her up!"
"So what if I did anyway!" She didn't mean for it to come out that loudly. "She's...she's evil! Ugh...".
Cake lowered her eyelids and looked to the floor. "I knew it. You're gettin' too violent, girl."
Fionna shook her head. "But wait, how do you even know what happened that night? You were crashed out!"
The cat sighed deeply. "Listen, dimples. I know what's going on here."
"Y-you do?" Fionna's stomach knotted up and her fingers went stiff.
Cake nodded and closed her eyes. "Mhmm...same thing happened to me once."
"What? Really? Ew."
"Fi, I think it's time I told you a story about me, mmkay? A long one."
Beemo's face darkened and became a screen saver. "...should I go get that tea now?" Fionna asked, suddenly much calmer.
Cake turned to look out the window. Sunset was already bathing the lawn in apocalyptic orange hues, the day was dying out quickly, like an old bonfire. "Yeah, this would work better with some tea."
A few moments later, Cake took a sip of chamomile and reclined on the couch, gathering her thoughts. The light was already fading from the window when she began narrating:
"So...long, long ago, I was just a little kitten. A little pudgy ball of fur and fluff, living with mom and dad in a dinky cat village by a river. It was a pretty cheap and crummy village, I'll tell ya. But it was the good life. Splashin' in the river, nappin' in the sun, chasin' and clockin' boy kitties on their rocky little heads...it was great!
Well...maybe it wasn't all great. We lived near the Fire Kingdom, so it was nasty hot in the summer, and sometimes those flame dogs would sneak in and try and hunt us down like we were dinner. We'd always run up the river to this big lake, where they couldn't follow us. That lake was base. It was our safe home.
Anyway, there was this one night in the summer when a whole pack of em charged right through the town, gettin' their fire all over the place. Burned down the whole town. All of it, gone. Fire and smoke everywhere. We tried to run to the lake, but they were already ahead of us this time. They cut us off and scattered us. We were runnin' all over the place, separated and vulnerable. I stayed with mom and dad as close as I could. We picked a direction and just started runnin' as fast as our legs could carry us...when I looked back, all I saw was a smokin' crater and a pack of fire dogs chasin' up behind us."
Fionna was sitting curled up by the foot of the couch now, hugging her knees and sipping tea, eagerly awaiting each word.
"We kept on flyin', girl. We ran long and far, right out of the valley in up into the Ice Kingdom. Now, we'd never been up in those parts before. We'd never even seen snow. It never snowed in the Fire Kingdom...heck, we barely knew what being cold was like! So imagine this family of cats, trudgin' through the deep snow, bones rattling from the cold night air. We ran straight up through it, not even thinking. The only thing we could think about was losin' those fire dogs. And we did, after a good long chase. They finally got too cold and took off. But where did that leave us? We were lost, we were scared, and we were freezin' our toes off. And of course, that was just the start...cause that's when the blizzard showed up."
A shiver tiptoed down Fionna's spine. "...Ice Queen...," she whispered.
"No girl," Cake said, taking another warming sip of chamomile. "Not yet. Just a blizzard."
She smacked her lips in response and waited for Cake to continue.
"So anyway, the next thing I know, there's this loud rumblin' sound. There's an avalanche comin' down the mountain right on top of us. It hit like a war club. Knocked the wind right out of me and sat on me like a fat witch. That was the coldest, darkest, scariest thing I've ever seen, Fi. It was crushin' me. It squeezed up all my guts, and it burned my throat and my eyes and my ears. The cold kind of burn. You probably know what I'm talkin' about...".
Again the tingle flashed across Fionna's lips. She imagined that times a thousand, then quickly took another sip of tea to drive away the cold.
"I swam up and out through the sea of snow on top of me. When I finally reached the surface, I was just sittin' there, squirmin' around like a fish, tryin' to catch my breath. But it was so cold in that howlin' wind, and now I was all wet with snow, and my paws were frozen, and it was so dark. I couldn't see mom or dad anywhere. I couldn't see straight, everything was movin' shadows and giant snowflakes. I couldn't even get up to look, anyway. I was tiny and frozen and scared...thought I was gonna die. I closed my eyes, and when I opened them again, I wasn't in a blizzard anymore. I was in a cave. I was all wrapped up in blankets on the floor of a cave...an ice cave."
Fionna was on her stomach now, sitting up on her elbows. "Now Ice Queen?"
A nod in reply. "I didn't know it at the time, but yeah. It was Ice Queen who saved me from that blizzard. She brought me into her cave, wrapped me up in blankets and-"
"Tried to eat you?"
"NO, Fi...she actually took care of me."
The silence was thick like an autumn fog for a few moments. Sound simply ceased to be, as though the gods of time were watching life on their huge television screen and paused it to grab another bag of chips before continuing.
"...what?" Fionna finally found her voice.
"Yeah, girl. She took care of me. She brought me food, she made a fire for me, she nursed me right back to health!"
This was met with a squint and a suspicious tone. "You're...are you messing with me, Cake?"
"I swear, Fi! Hey, she even gave me that name!"
"Whaaa...your parents didn't name you?"
"Oh, they named me," Cake grumbled. "I always hated that name, though."
"What was it?"
"Nope, not important," Cake glossed. "Ice Queen named me Cake. That's my name."
Fionna collapsed on her side and stared, unable to decide whether or not to accept this.
"Ice Queen did a lot of things for me. She kept me safe. We used to talk long into the night, I remember. She was lookin' out for me. She was...well, she was like my new mom."
"Okay, that's gotta be a lie. You're just trying to mess me up now."
"Not lyin' girl," Cake said patiently. "She was my new mom. And let me tell you, she was good to me. She was real good to me. But...".
Fionna snapped back up. "I knew there was a but'! There's always a but' with Ice Queen!"
"Yeah, and it's a big but', too...".
There was an involuntary giggle in response.
"But...Ice Queen may have taken too much care of me. She was really protective. Like a mother to a kitten, you know. She didn't like me wanderin' off by myself. She fought off anything that got too close to me, like polar bears and snow golems. She was an overprotector.
Anyway, one day, we were out in her front yard, and she was...doin' something really silly, teachin' her penguins to sing or something, I dunno. And there I was, pokin' around these ice rocks, lookin' for flowers under the snow, and I heard something crunching its way up the side of the mountain. I turned around real fast and I saw these two scraggly monsters!"
"What kind of monsters?" Fionna asked, eyes wide with interest.
Cake scrunched her face as she tried to reimagine them. "They were like...well, zombies. But with four legs, walkin' on their hind ones. They looked wild and deranged, twisty and wrinkled. Like they'd been through a lawnmower. One of them had a hat on. They almost looked like cats, but they were so dingy-lookin' it was hard to tell...
So I tried to talk to them. I asked them if they were cats. They just meowed back at me. So I figured, okay fine, not from my village, whatever, right? They came closer and closer, and one of em tried to grab me. Now I was still just a kitten, but Ice Queen taught me how to be aggressive. So I decided I was gonna fight back. They kept tryin' to grab my wrist, meowin' and tuggin' on me...so I started meowin' and tuggin' back. And suddenly I heard a gasp, and Ice Queen came FLYING over, her face just in a rage. Before I even know it, she stabbed both of em right through the chest with her huge icicles. She killed em. Right in front of me. She killed em to save me.
"I went up to look more closely at them, and I thought I recognized something. I picked up the hat that one was wearing. Something was familiar about it. I turned it over, and I looked in the brim, and there it was. I had a horrible suspicion there would be a photo in there. It was smudgy and brown, but I knew exactly what it was. It was a photo of me and my parents. The hat was my mom's. These two zombie cats...they...". She began to sob a bit.
"Oh, dude..." Fionna hopped up beside her friend and put an arm around her. "Ice Queen killed your parents? No wonder you hate her...".
Cake was quick to recompose herself. "Well...yes, but...well, there's more to it than that."
Fionna recoiled a bit and watched expectantly.
"See, when I realized they were my parents, I got really freaked out. I shouted at Ice Queen, we had a really nasty fight. She didn't hit me, but I sure hit her. I conked on the head, told her I hated her for what she did, and ran away. I ran straight down the mountain without a clue where I was going. I could hear her chasin' after me too, callin' my name. She didn't sound angry though...she sounded kind of...well, anyway, she didn't chase me for long once I made it out of the Ice Kingdom. I gave her the slip and started hidin' out on these plains here, then I made the treehouse and found you, started takin' care of you, and you know all the rest of that.
My point though...Ice Queen gets very attached to people if you let her. You need to be careful that she doesn't get all in your clothes. She won't get out until you take off all your clothes and run away naked...and if you do that, it's gonna hurt."
"What do you mean it's gonna hurt'?" Fionna pulled her legs up onto the couch, sitting on her knees now.
"I told you, Fi...Ice Queen was like my mom for a long time. I can't forgive her for what she did, but...she still kinda feels like my mom. And it still hurts me a little every time I conk her...".
She leaned into Fionna's belly, wrapping her up in a hug. "Cake...".
After a moment's cuddle, she unwound and sat up. "Alright. Alright, that's enough cryin' already. No more mushy wimpy stuff. Let's get some sleep, girl."
"But..." Fionna held on to her wrist insistently.
"Nope, no more. We're done talkin' about her. We're done bein' sad and all that. We're done for tonight."
Cake pulled out of Fionna's loosened grip and gathered up the teacups, headed for the kitchen. "I totally can't believe you used to be her pet, Cake...".
"Fio. No mo'."
Fionna stood up and stretched her spine. "But I wanna ask you more stuff!" she protested. "I wanna know more about what happened. That doesn't even sound like the Ice Queen I know...".
There was a snort from the kitchen. "Fio, you don't know the Ice Queen at all." She stretched her head out to the kitchen doorway. "...or do you?"
"Uh..." Fionna scratched the back of her head. "I know...she's, uh...my enemy. I know my enemy."
After a moment, the cat's head slowly retracted back to the kitchen. "And that's ALL I want you to know her as...don't get hung up on her, baby. She'll mess you up."
There was an uncomfortable silence as Fionna undressed and redressed herself for bed. Cake came up moments later, candle in hand, headed for her dresser drawer. "Cake-"
"No, baby," Cake said, holding up a hand and pulling open the drawer. "Let's just get some sleep. Maybe some dreams will take the glum and the gloom away."
She opened her mouth to respond, then shut it and flopped down on the bed. She turned to her window to stare into the moonlit halos of the distant hills. Her thoughts drifted for a while, aimlessly at first, then inevitably circled back to the Ice Queen.
Where is she, anyway? She's long overdue for another attack. She must be away, plotting or something. That plotty plotter.
Maybe she isn't even plotting anything at all. Maybe she's just being a mom to her penguins something. No. No way. Ice Queen can't be nice, not like Cake said. Well, maybe she was, back then. That was a long time ago. But Ice Queen isn't nice anymore. She's evil. She's a butt. A blizzard butt. She farts blizzards.
Yeah.
Yeah...